The next day dawned. For captured Home Office agents, held in crowded cells at the Sheriff's office under a still furious Emma Swan, this was not a happy morning.
For Henry, his other Mom was into full-on "mothering mode." She was busy making his favourite foods and embracing him warmly every time she saw him.
At one point, Henry had the pleasure of looking out of his window and seeing Sharon Macready sunbathing in a skimpy bikini and Modesty Blaise doing the same, only with her bikini top on the ground beside her. As she was lying on her back at the time, he got quite the eyeful.
"Those friends of yours are hot!" he announced to Joe. Joe looked out the window in the direction Henry was pointing.
"One of Aunt Modesty's regular combat strategies she calls 'The Nailer,'" he recalled, pointing at the topless woman. "She bares her breasts to distract her foes. Guaranteed to work on any straight male, lesbian or bisexual! Unless she's working with Mr Solo or Commander Bond, who tend to be equally distracted, or Alex Rider, who keeps comparing her favourably to Ms Pleasure, it's a personal favourite of hers."
"What about you?"
"Oh, I was barely ten when she first used it in my presence. It distracted our opponents, but I blushed a deep crimson and avoided her for about six weeks. I'm used to it now."
Joe paused. "Did you know she and Uncle Willie began as small-time thieves, rose to become the head and deputy head of one of the largest crime fraternities in the world, retired before they were thirty and were 'recruited' by Sir Giles Tarrant, head of an obscure MI6 department? That was nearly fifty years ago."
"No, I didn't. That's cool! Wait, she's eighty?"
"About seventy-five or seventy-six I think, she was raised an orphan in a Greek refugee camp during the Second World War." He indicated the other sunbather. "Aunt Sharon's about seventy herself!"
"Wow! What beauty treatment do they use? I must get some for my Moms and Grandma."
"Aunt Sharon has barely aged since she, Uncle Richard and Uncle Craig crashed landed in Tibet in the late 1960s. At least half-dead, they were revived by an ancient civilisation and given special powers, some of which you saw last night. Aunt Modesty and Uncle Willie were given access to Sherlock Holmes' Royal Jelly treatment. The Great Detective derived this from exposing bees to both a certain plant and dust from a meteorite that crashed near an English village. The jelly can both restore and prolong youth. Natasha Romanoff, the red-head in the tight cat-suit, was genetically engineered by her former Soviet paymasters, one of the effects slows her ageing. Diana, Wonder Woman, the lady in the swimsuit, is a member of the borderline immortal all-female Amazon Tribe from Greco-Roman mythology. Somehow, a race of humanoids arrived near Mount Olympus about four millennia ago, from a realm similar to your Mom's. Apparently, it is connected to the US Air Force's StarGate programme, although I'm not sure how. These became the gods and goddesses of Ancient Greece. Their demi-god descendant Heracles raped another one, named Hippolyta. She fled with her tribe and was led by the goddesses to an island in the Bermuda Triangle. That was three and a half millennia ago and Hippolyta is still their queen. Her daughter Diana has been "visiting the World of Men," as she puts it, in times of great need, first in the 1940s, then the 1970s and again in the last few years. Witches and wizards age slowly too – Wednesday and Harry are in their late fifties and mid-thirties respectively. Jack, the bloke who took that machine gun burst for you, is comfortably over two thousand!"
"Are you really…?"
"Yes, Henry," Joe said through laughter. "I really did celebrate my eleventh birthday last month!
"Being trained by all these legendary figures is an honour. When I'm old enough, maybe they'll give me, Dad and Uncle Sam the Royal Jelly treatment? Just think, a few centuries of service to the world!"
The two boys popped into the Sheriff's office. Emma was busy interrogating one of the Home Office agents. "What was your plan?" she asked.
"To scour this place for the secret of ridding this world of magic!" the man (a Scrubb per Owen Flynn's memories – as far as Joe was aware, no relation to Susan Pevensie's late cousin) shouted. "Then we would have exterminated you like the vermin you are!"
"May I remind you," Joe interrupted, "what happened to the Daleks? Do you really want him coming after you? The Torchwood head your late leader gunned down is a personal friend of the Doctor's. He is way out of your league!"
The man grinned and stood up. He then threw his shackled hands over Joe's neck and pressed the chain against his throat. "You won't say that, now you are my ticket out of here."
Joe grabbed Scrubb's arms, ducked down and, in a Judo move Emma Peel had taught him, twisted his wrists and torso, then let go. His opponent was sent head-first into a filing cabinet and knocked out cold.
"You have got to teach me that, Joe!" Henry begged him.
"Seriously…?" Emma sighed. "You must be a parent's worst nightmare, Joe."
"Actually, knowing the scrapes you chaps get into, teaching Henry, Grace, Nicholas and Ava a few martial arts moves might not be a bad idea," Joe noted. "I'll speak to Kono Kato and see if he can arrange something for you."
"Thanks, Joe!" Henry beamed.
"No problem. A working knowledge of at least one from karate, judo, aikido, ju-jitsu, krav maga or kung-fu may give you an advantage in a fight. Better to fight with fists or feet than a weapon you can't operate. From what I saw, Ava should be a natural. No wonder all the witches were scared of Gretel!
"Perhaps your mothers could teach you some magic?"
"No!" Henry stated forcefully. "Magic keeps turning people dark, like my grandad and my other Mom."
"Maybe I should speak to Wednesday Addams?" Joe mused. "She would be happy to introduce you to Tabitha Stephens or at least one of the Charmed Ones, if she is unable to give you lessons herself. Use any advantage in a fight, Henry. Not all types of magic are corrupting.
"Trust me, I've got to know Harry and Wednesday well over the last year. Like your other Mom is now, they will only attack you if you give them cause."
Henry considered the matter. He nodded his agreement to Joe's suggestion.
Maybe I should ask for a crash course in sorcery? Emma mused. It would be cool to be able to conjure up a sword from nowhere, not to mention very useful in this town.
That night, there was a grand celebration at Granny's Diner. Modesty, Willie and Killian were exchanging tales of their misspent youths. Jack was throwing in the odd exploit from his time as a con artist and Paul and Kono relating some of their own "gamekeepers pretending to be poachers" capers.
"If you ever want to take up honest thievery, love," Modesty told Killian, "we have a few contacts in the business. If you wish to join us in the cloak and dagger world, I'm sure we can speak to Sir Giles' old department and put in a good word for you."
"Right, Princess!" Willie agreed. "By the way, matey, how do you cope in the coops o' your realms? There aren't any Bibles to learn the Psalms by 'art."
"We had various forms of religion back home," Killian admitted. "No Bibles in the jailhouses, though!"
Harry and Wednesday were showing off their magic to the young of Storybrooke.
"Young man," Wednesday called to Nicholas, "would you like to become a bunny rabbit for the next few minutes? Don't worry, I'll turn you back."
"You had better, Goth Lady," Ava told her, "otherwise you will learn what Gretel does to witches the hard way!"
"It really is a relatively simple spell to reverse," Harry assured her hurriedly. He did want to get back to Ginny and the kids in one piece!
Dr Whale, having enjoyed the Stowford Press bottles Mac had brought from England perhaps a touch too heartily, approached the smartly-dressed, bespectacled form of Diana Prince. "Hello, I don't recall you present last night."
Diana grinned, then spun round rapidly enough to create a vortex, there was a blinding light accompanied by a thunderclap and the swimsuit-clad figure of Wonder Woman was present.
"Wow!" the medic exclaimed. "How about coming back to my digs for a nightcap? With that figure, you can warm my bed anytime."
Diana turned to the others. "Is this gentleman usually like this?"
"Yes," Ruby confirmed. "He is."
Wonder Woman approached Whale. "I always like a proper man," she purred. She then grabbed him one-handed by the shirt, lifted him up above her head and threw him hard into a wall on the other side of the room. "Superman and Batman are both proper men. Neither of them would even dream of propositioning a good woman in such a manner. As it so happens, I am currently in a relationship anyway." Given that my relationship is a ménage a trois with Clark and Lois, I am intimately aware of his seduction technique. Hers too, for that matter! He wouldn't dream of addressing either or both of us like that, not that he would ever need to. From what Selina tells me, Bruce is also perfectly capable of getting her into his bed without a sleazy pick-up line. She then crossed the room in a handful of strides to kick the unfortunate doctor in a very sensitive spot as he lay semi-conscious on the floor. "Now remember to treat ladies nicely in future!"
Ruby laughed. "Most of us Storybrooke girls have been waiting for that moment for years! Thank you."
The demi-goddess smiled at her warmly. "My pleasure!"
Dancing a sprightly waltz with Natasha made Joe glad Modesty had taught him to dance properly. The SHIELD agent was not a regular trainer, being too busy working for Nick Fury. Whilst SHIELD did supply support to the W.I.N. and vice versa on a regular basis, the taciturn commander was not given to sharing his agents on non-operational matters. Joe was taking the opportunity to spend some time with one of the greats in both armed and unarmed combat.
"Modesty told me you were a fine dancer, Joe," the slender but powerful spy commented in her still Russian inflected American. "I see she was speaking the truth." She had to stoop, almost duck, to allow her shorter partner to keep her hand raised as she twirled. So graceful even then, Joe mused. This must be what watching Michael Holding bowl in his prime, or David Gower bat in his, was like.
"Do you know how Colonel Fury is taking the idea of a sovereign state recognised in US territory, Natasha?" Joe asked.
"Yes, as you may imagine, badly."
Joe chuckled. "I can believe that. He can make Diana's old friend in Gotham City resemble a summer sunrise in comparison."
Natasha grinned back. "My fellow redhead Barbara Gordon – well, Grayson now – tells me her old partner in crime-fighting is still in denial at being an adoptive grandparent to little Mary. Oh, he's pleased Dick and Barbara are happy, but he's not exactly the best at domesticity.
"I tend to work more with Peter and Jessica. Not only is the latter a top SHIELD agent herself, but we all have that whole spider thing in common as well, you know. Having said that, the IADC often works alongside us, when American security or world peace are threatened. Diana and I are friends and, when we are in the same city, we do meet up for coffee or something stronger."
Richard was different to most men Regina, Emma and Mary Margaret had met. It wasn't just the special powers he shared with his two colleagues from Nemesis, but his wry, affable charm and polite, although often blunt, manner. Discussing the process by which Storybrooke would be brought into the diplomatic fold with him, Craig and Sharon was a pleasure.
"We shall arrange for the three of you, plus David and young Henry to address the Council first and then discuss how to have you recognised by the United Nations," Richard told them.
"Richard, that sounds perfectly reasonable." Regina responded. "Are there other such countries?"
"Themyscira, the home of our friend in the star-spangled swimming costume, is an island in the midst of the Bermuda Triangle. It was recognised by the Council first and has UN recognition. There's also Pellucidar, Zanthodon, Shangri-La, Atlantis, Maple White Land and a few others.
"All of these places can send representatives to the council and, at least in private, contact the UN. That is our proposal for Storybrooke."
"We would be honoured to accept," Regina finished. Her friends both nodded.
"In that case," Richard extended his hand, "Welcome aboard."
Regina took his hand and shook it warmly.
"By the way, Regina," Richard continued, "Wednesday has had to contact the American magical authorities. Using magic to kill non-magical people without good cause is a serious crime. Whilst the death of that ringleader was in battle, what we presume happened to Kurt Flynn was simply murder. Since, however, you have never been registered as an American witch, they are happy to not press any charges for any past actions outside of Storybrooke, which is under whatever legal system you have internally. They are going to send you, Emma, Mr Gold and any other witches or wizards a copy of the International Statute of Secrecy to follow in non-magical areas. Also any disputes involving non-Storybrooke natives should be referred to the White Council (the wizard UN) or to the Council."
"We will read the Statute and follow it," Regina assured him. "Unless we are in a situation similar to that with the ex-Home Office, external relations shall be dealt with via the correct channels." Emma nodded in agreement.
The deal was done.
The following day, Emma escorted Wonder Woman into the Sheriff's Office. Richard had told her that Diana had non-torture methods of interrogation that were 100% effective.
Once again, a manacled Scrubb was brought forward. Wonder Woman lassoed him and tightened the magical lariat.
"As you know," the superheroine told the struggling captive, "You must answer any question and do so truthfully whilst bound in my lasso. Now, what were your plans?"
"As I said before," Scrubb scoffed, "To search the records of this place to find a way to banish all magic from the earth. Then we would kill all mages, fairy tale characters and other freaks who hadn't cleared off back where they belong.
"Then we can start on the mutants, the meta-humans, the resident extra-terrestrials and God only knows what else they have on our world."
Emma stared at him incredulously. "Even the children?"
"Children grow up," Scrubb retorted.
"Not always," Wonder Woman noted.
"Whatever," Emma replied firmly, "You will not be a threat to us in Storybrooke ever again."
"Are you going to kill us?" Scrubb exalted. "Martyrdom! Our deaths will live on in song and story!"
"No, Captain Harkness has given me samples of a wonderful drug." Wonder Woman smiled thinly. "He calls it 'Retcon.' Apparently, it does just what it says on the label!"
A couple of days later, the former prisoners were found wandering the Maine forests. They seemed to have no memory of the last fortnight. After seeing that their clothes were marked by tags with a distinctive dotted "T" pattern, the revived Home Office's surviving leadership decided not to push things further. Getting involved in a contest of wills with the very dangerous Captain Jack Harkness was not high on their agenda, particularly when those who had fled before they could be captured and drugged or worse reported who else was involved. Taking on both the mages, Wonder Woman and the Black Widow as well was considered suicidal.