I wish I could die for a noble cause, and I wish I had infinite hope. But I don't want to be like Jay Gatsby, and I'm not Holden Caulfield. I'm a whore, and I've more in common with Lolita than anyone else.

Usagi-san is sleeping. I've started to call him that, the old man, and he always makes a huff about it and crosses his arms. He's a huge child, and it's obvious in his manner, his apartment, his attitude. He thinks the entire world should bow at his feet, and he becomes angry if they don't. He treats everyone with contempt and arrogance if they don't act like he is the saving grace to boys' love books everywhere. He's so rude to everyone.

Except to me. Never to me.

He's different than the others. I love him, for one thing. But his attitude when it comes to me; it's unlike any other relationship that I've ever experienced. He treats me like a doll, as if I'm china that might break if he squeezes too hard. He treats others as though I am a precious jewel that someone might steal away from him, even though I constantly remind him of my love for him, and only him. His eyes, oh God, his beautiful eyes. When he looks at me, something softens inside of me, and him, and our embraces are full of love, and also longing. I don't think he knows what for yet. I know what I want.

Usagi makes me feel good, so, so good. When we're together, I feel like I could do anything with him by my side. I want to kiss his face all day and I want to hold his hand and I want to make love to him whenever he gives me that smile. The one that he only gives me, the one that turns me into a pile of mush. I would do anything he asked, right then and there, but I won't ever let him know.

I wish he was awake. I'll make a promise to you, to myself too, right now. If he wakes up before I finish writing this, I'll come clean. I'll tell him about why I messaged him first, about the other men, about Hiro-chan. He's different, he has to understand that. I love him. I love him.

Usagi-san is still sleeping. I'm so happy now, yet so terrified. To want someone else to love you is one thing, but to truly be the person they think you are, to be worthy of being loved? It's something else entirely. He loves me with his whole being, he thinks I'm some angel. If he only knew that I'm the opposite, he'd kick me out, no doubt. He'd never speak to me again, and he would treat me like he treats everyone else. Or like the others treated me.

I couldn't let that happen. I've never loved anyone so much before.

Usagi-san is waking up now. I can hear him turning, like he always does around this time. He'll probably come down and fuck me on the table, like yesterday and Tuesday. He's insatiable, at times.

I'm burning this paper. It's so early that he won't notice the smell anyway, so this is perfect. The truth is not an option.

I love him, and I'm not letting him go.

Surprise half-update! This has been turning in my head since Thursday, so it's sort of just a filler chapter until Tuesday, when we'll go back to Akihiko's point of view. Misaki does have secrets, and if you have any predictions let me know in a review or a PM. I like to hear guesses, plus it lets me know what people might like to happen. Anyway...

Until Tuesday! And review and let me know what I could do better!

~Stella