Chapter 4 – Addicted to Pain
"Tell me how it feels to live a lie
Tell me do you know that it won't ever be the same
You can't deny, the house of cards just hit the floor
Don't tell me you can save it in the end
There's nothing you can do
'Cause when it's gone, you know it won't come back again
But you don't listen anymore"
[Addicted to Pain by Alter Bridge]
Coming early to the bar was a bad idea, Maura's stomach jumped with nervousness and filled with butterflies that were going to make her sick. She thought if she came fifteen minutes earlier then she would have time to mentally prepare herself with what she was going to expect with Charlie. She busied herself with her phone and her purse, taking the time to send a couple of emails in that time, until she felt a presence near her.
She looked up from the phone and recognised who it was straight away, though certain aspects about him were different and unexpected.
He looked… better.
His usual stubbly beard was now clean shaven and his buzz cut hair was grown out so his brunette locks brushed his face when he moved. He had a different vibe about him, something definitely changed, but was it for the better or the worst?
Maura gestured to the empty seat opposite her, as if to ask him to sit down, he slid down into the seat and took in the person before him. Maura's picked at her freshly manicured nails and tangled her fingers within each other; the tension between them was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Thankfully for Maura, Charlie broke the ice first.
"Should I get drinks for us?" he asked, taking a peek at the drinks side of the menu before him. The calm tone of his voice was so foreign to her ears.
"I'll just have some still water, thank you" she said, handing him her menu and watching as he got up to order at the bar.
A buzz came from Maura's phone and she turned it on to see a text from Jane that read:
- Drinking a whole bottle of wine on my own. You don't know what you're missing out –
She smiled a little bit, Jane always loved to see her smile
Charlie came back quickly with Maura's glass of water in one hand and what looked to be a club soda in his other hand
"A water for the lady" he joked and placed it in front of her
"Thanks" she smiled at him, an awkward silence fell upon them very soon after and all that was heard from them was the slight sipping between them two.
"So… Charlie, how have you been?" she asked, feeling quite unsure to what she might hear.
"I've been doing… ok" he said truthfully "I'm not going to lie to you, I had been having a hard time at rehab but I just got out a few days ago and I just want to mend bridges"
"When did you go to rehab?" this was the first time Maura had heard about this.
"I went back to my parents after you left and I knew I had a problem. It was like…" he paused for a moment "It was like I had no control over what I was doing and I was just watching it all happen right in front of me but I couldn't do anything about it. What I had done to you was horrible and unforgiveable and honestly, I wouldn't blame you if you punched me in the balls and handed me to the cops"
"I feel like if this wasn't such a serious topic I would laugh at that last sentence" Maura commented, earning a small smile from Charlie who then turned back into seriousness "Isn't being in a bar hard for you, isn't it a bad place for you to be right now?"
"Yes, it is hard to be here but I need the challenge, I know there's still a part of me that will cave back into alcoholism but I need to overcome this" he sighed "I sound like a mantra written by my sponsor"
"You have a sponsor?" Maura enquired, her hands wrapping around her glass of water and loosening again, a habit of nervousness she recently acquired, yet a useful habit as it because something that stopped her panic attacks, or at least calmed it down.
"He's some really pretentious jerk who quotes famous authors in every other sentence but he does a good job with me – always there when I need the help"
"Why did you want to meet me tonight, what was the point of this?" Maura asked abruptly, catching Charlie off guard as his drink nearly slipped from his fingertips.
"Well, I did want to say sorry because that's the least you deserve and so much more that I can't give you. But selfishly, I guess there was a part of me that wanted to talk about us" he admitted sheepishly, looking down at the table instead of Maura's eyes.
"What about us?" she said with a tinge of coldness in her voice, Charlie flinched ever so slightly but forced himself to say what he wanted to say.
"I want us again" his words were barely audible, filled with admission and guilt and if you could hear it carefully, you could detect the sense of longing.
"…Charlie" she removed her hand out of his reach and placed it awkwardly on her lap, her eyes diverting away from his.
"Is it asking for too much?"
"What happened between us was mainly… well… you and I don't think it's something we would want to recreate again" she said hesitantly.
"I know, and I am truly sorry, I don't expect you to forgive me, but I just want another chance at this relationship, I know we can make it work"
"I just need to know that you changed" she stated simple
"I can prove it to you"
"I don't know Charlie, it's too sudden, you know, it's only been four months"
"Four months was long enough to keep us apart"
"I'm going to have to think about it" was the last thing Maura said before placing her money on the table and half running out the door, leaving a shameful Charlie with his head on the table in agony.
A/N: oooooo, what do you think is going to happen next? Tell me what you think, I like to hear from you guys.
This is only going to be like 7 chapters, just to let you guys know in advance.
Read and review x