Chapter Six

Hogan's first reaction was, why does Marya have to do things the hard way? Klink was tied up in his chair, gagged, and blindfolded.

Marya and Hilda—in dry black pants and shirts, Hitler masks, and hoods to hide their hair—were just finishing ransacking Klink's office. His safe was opened—apparently Marya had held the gun that now lay on Klink's desk to Klink's head and forced him to open it. Of all the bird brained…

At least Marya wasn't letting on she knew him. She dashed toward the gun and grabbed it. "You," she scowled in a thick German voice, "against that wall." Hogan held up his hands and walked toward Klink. "Do we have everything Hochstetter sent us for?"

"Jawohl," Hilda said in a low rough voice nobody could make out..

"In Hilda's office, too? Good; do not come after us," Marya snapped. She and Hilda quickly picked up sacks of papers and dashed out.

Hogan lost no time in taking the handkerchief out of Klink's mouth. The Kommandant spoke as Hogan removed the blindfold and untied him. "Hogan, it was awful. They said they were from Gestapo headquarters and Hochstetter ordered them here; I thought they were going to shoot me."

"Was it just me, or did they look like women?" Hogan asked absently, wondering if Klink was in his right mind enough to notice that.

"You may be right, but the one pulled a gun so fast…" Klink's head was still spinning. Once he was finally untied, he mourned, "Oh, Hogan, I can't believe that Hochstetter would do such a thing." When asked where Schultz was, Klink explained, "They said they tied him up in my bedroom."

"Well, Kommandant, looks like they robbed you blind," Hogan said with a sigh.

Klink nodded. All his drawers were pulled out of his desk and cabinet, papers were strewn about, and any important documents which he had were gone. He shuddered upon looking into the outer office—the door was still open—so Hogan went first.

"Hilda's desk has probably been cleaned out, too," Hogan said sadly as he tried to imagine what Marya was thinking and how she hoped he'd react. First, he needed to know, "Were their voices familiar?"

"I don't believe so…I was just so frightened I couldn't tell. Actually…I believe only the one spoke until the end when you came in." That would be Marya, Hogan perceived; he'd recognized her walk, and even more her wacky plans. "Did it seem familiar to you? Something almost did, but… no, I don't think so. Was it?"

Hogan recalled the same look on Klink's face when he'd thought Newkirk's sneeze reminded him of a guard he'd recruited, a fact Hogan had quickly convinced him was nonsense despite the fact Newkirk had in fact been that recruit. "I'm sure it wasn't, Kommandant; probably a guy pretending to be a lady," Hogan said.

"True, true. Hogan…will you come with me to get Schultz? After that I'm going to lie down."

Hogan understood; it would be the perfect time for him to see Nimrod then. "Sure, let's go."

Hogan smiled, satisfied, as they entered the Kommandant's quarters. Maybe Marya's plan hadn't been so bad. One grab of everything they had, a mad dash into the tunnel, and voilà. And perhaps Hilda was Nimrod—she could have worked for Burkhalter, too, and spent lots of time there and elsewhere.

Yes, Hogan pondered with a smile. This was therefore one of Marya's saner plans. Hilda as Nimrod; he'd sleep better with that, and Newkirk would certainly eat better.

They heard someone struggling. Klink backed off just as Carter ran over to the living quarters. The Sergeant reached Hogan just as Hogan began to open the door. "Sir!'

"Not now, Carter!" Hogan whispered tensely.

"But, sir, there's someone trying to…well, they're not somewhere they shouldn't be, but they're not not somewhere they shouldn't be."

Hogan rolled his eyes and gave Carter a look that said whatever it was, it could wait. Then he opened the door to see what the noise was.

It was General Burkhalter, now in a dry coat. Or, more appropriately, the top half of General Burkhalter. Klink's stove had been moved, and Burkhalter was wedged into the entrance, unable to move one way or the other.

Quickly slamming the door shut before Klink could see, Hogan searched for words to explain what was rapidly becoming inexplainable. "Sir, I don't think you want to go in there."

Klink was indignant. "I have been attacked, my office has been ransacked and I will not be denied access to my own quarters!"

"If you say so, sir. It's just Marya. She's ..." Hogan paused to let Klink imagination fill in the gaps.

Klink went white as he changed his mind. "Perhaps I will go lie down in the VIP hut. It will hard to rest surrounded by this mess."

Hogan nodded. "Of course. We'll take care of Schultz."

Once Klink scurried safely away, the American officer grabbed Carter's arm. "Get some men and make sure no one comes in or out of this building until I give the all clear. Tell Kinch to lock down the tunnels. I don't want any more surprises."

"Yes, sir."

Turning back to the door, Hogan took a deep breath and opened it again. The scene looked like it came straight from the pages of a Greek Tragedy. Burkhalter was still stuck, cursing as Hilda—back in her regular clothes—attempted to free the General. Marya had found some dry furs and was watching the whole incident with a bemused look on her face and a cigarette in her mouth.

But as absurd as the scene was, it that instance everything finally became clear.

The only reason Burkhalter was in the tunnels was because Marya wanted him to be there. The only reason Hilda was helping him was because Marya arranged for her to in the position to do. She was the puppeteer and they were all puppets dancing to her tune. Everyone. Including him.

Marya looked at him standing there. "Hogan, darling. Say something. Don't tell me you're speechless."

"I think Newkirk is going to have to eat his hat."

It was nice to see Marya confused for once as she said, "What?"

Ignoring the General, he was just a pawn, Hogan focused his attention on the most important person in the room. "Newkirk promised to eat his hat if you were Nimrod."

Marya looked hurt. "Hogan, since when have I ever lied to you?"

Striding into the room with confidence, the man known as Papa Bear said, "Never. But you have never told me the whole truth either. And your tale about Nimrod was another in a long line of half truths." Then, turning his attention to the second most important person in the room, and the most beautiful, he continued, "Hilda's Nimrod. Or more specifically a Nimrod. I imagine you have several. I should have known. No one man could have had access to the amount of information Nimrod had without it being obvious who he was. So you created an organization. Each little Nimrod, playing spy, sending you the bits of information that you send on to London. I bet they all think they are the only one."

Marya grinned before throwing herself at him. "I knew you would figure it out!"

Once he disentangled himself from Marya, Hilda wandered over, leaving the still stuck General staring after her in shock. "The wonderful thing about secretaries, Colonel Hogan, is we are everywhere. Important people tell us everything. We take all the notes, make all the calls. But no one ever suspects us. After all, we are just women."

Hogan grimaced. He couldn't deny the truth in her words. But if Marya was using secretaries as her spies then... "Helga's a Nimrod too."

Marya shrugged. "There was an opening on Goering's staff. I couldn't resist, darling."

If Hogan was going to have any hope of maintaining some control in this relationship, he was going to have to take charge now. So walking over to the General, Hogan said, "Nice of you to drop by. I'm pleased that you decided to accept our famous Stalag 13 hospitality. No worries, our Traveler's Aid Society will get you to London in no time."

While Burkhalter attempted to sputter a reply, Hogan called out, "Kinch, you down there?"

"Yes, sir."

"I'm pushing him down."

"Ready," Kinch replied.

"What? I forbid..." Burkhalter began.

Hogan pushed hard and grimaced as he heard a loud thump. Closing up the tunnel entrance, he turned his attention back to the two lovely, dangerous and intelligent ladies. "Now let's free Schultz, and then you are going to tell me just what Hilda discovered that made this whole circus necessary."

Marya's eyes flashed with glee as she turned and led Hogan and Hilda into Klink's bedroom. Meanwhile, Schultz's eyes showed great relief upon seeing them—he'd been laid sideways on Klink's bed. "Okay, don't worry," Hogan said as they helped him. "Everything's fine now."

"B-b-but Hochstetter…"

"Don't worry," Marya said, "Hochstetter is out of commission. Burkhalter had time to make calls before we came back here."

"How do you know?" Schultz asked, shocked.

"You wanna know?" Hogan asked.

The fat sergeant pursed his lips. "On second thought… no." As he prepared to leave, he said, "Wait a minute. If Burkhalter made the calls first, why was Hochstetter allowed to send those masked people to rob us?"

"You have never seen messages cross? Now, out, we have important things to discuss," Marya ordered.

"Don't wake Klink, he's in the VIP quarters. Go to our barracks; if you promise not to ask why certain people aren't there, LeBeau will make you some strudel,' Hogan said to get Schultz out of the way.

"Oh, right now I would pretend to be Nimrod if it means getting away from…" Schultz paused a moment as they walked toward the main entrance. "Wait a minute. Who was he?"

"Go get some strudel, Schultz, LeBeau will tell you a story." Hogan knew they'd come up with something.

As Schultz left, Hogan turned to the ladies, expecting the absolute truth. They began to reveal the information, and Hogan began have an idea for how to get Hilda and Marya out.

"This is preposterous," Burkhalter complained in the tunnel, tied up and awaiting escort. "You will not get away with this!' He sighed and grumbled. "You have probably gotten away with much more, though," he spoke resignedly.

"Sure; and who's gonna miss you? They probably figure you're on your way to Argentina," Carter said.

"My wife will." Burkhalter seethed inside, but a lot of his anger had been expelled as he exerted energy trying to get unstuck and then trying to fight the prisoners who were holding him. "I wonder who Nimrod was. It had to be someone with access to many secrets." His eyes grew wide, but then he shook his head. "No, it would not have been. It couldn't have been!'

Kinch was curious. "You mean your wife? Or your sister's husband? Maybe he didn't die after all."

"I had thousand to one odds on that, but I got a few people to make that wager," Newkirk said. "Don't worry, we only used good, hard, counterfeit German currency to bet on that. But, tell you what, General, if you want Argentina, I hope Sarge and Tina's okay. You'll just have to look around jolly old England for a sergeant whose wife is named Tina."

"Are you cracking these jokes to try to antagonize me?' Burkhalter asked angrily. "I almost yearn for Klink bragging about his 'no escape' record. Although it would appear he had everything but escapes here," the General fumed.

A short time later, once Hogan and the others had gotten Schultz to return to his post, Baker came up from the tunnel. "We just got word from the Underground—Olsen went out to see and came back. They'd got a couple of their men on the plane that was taking Burkhalter to Argentina. Except they confirmed the pilot was already one of theirs."

"You'll thank me someday, Hogan Darling," Marya cooed as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Well...I guess it worked out okay. Although there is that problem of why Hochstetter's goons were robbing the place when Burkhalter had called to have him locked up for insanity," Hogan complained.

"I slid a letter onto Colonel Klink's desk—Helga got me an advance copy. He'll know Hitler's a madman," Hilda said.

Hogan was much kinder but still a bit miffed. "You sound as bad as her. How will that help?"

"It's an order by Hitler to shoot all Allied POWs," Hilda said somberly.

Marya gazed upon the shocked Colonel. "Don't worry, Hogan; none of the camp commandants believe him anymore," she said, giving him a reassuring kiss.

"All right, get down there, Olsen and a couple other guys will get you where you have to go."

Hogan was glad for the heads-up, but wondered if a distraction—even one that big—would really help, unless he could convince Klink to surrender. After all, there had been the soaking and so much else, too.