Chapter 5

Gasps. They were the only things ringing through James' ears at the moment. Sweat was dripping down his forehead as he opened his eyes. There on top of him was Olivia, in her amazingly toned birthday suit, riding back and forth on top of him. She smiled down at him but he was unable to return the false gesture. Her moans were all he could hear… and it surprisingly irritated him.

How had this happened? He didn't want this. He wanted Lily more than anything and the thought of her made him groan. But while his mind was firmly against his current activities, his lower half seemed to have a completely different opinion. Because, despite the nagging feeling inside of him, telling him this wasn't right, he found himself flipping Olivia onto her back and pumping hard inside of her. He didn't care if he was hurting her because it was no longer sexual to him; he just needed to let out some steam. He wasn't getting the same sort of pleasure as Olivia was; with each fast and hard stroke he felt the thought of Lily and the unwanted kiss fade away into the back of his mind. His hips seemed to have a mind of their own as he moved back and forth, forming a consistent rhythm. She giggled at the sudden change of position and pulled him down hard, tangling her tongue in his. He closed his eyes, trying to imagine he was somewhere else with someone completely different. And when he opened his eyes again he did see someone else.

There underneath him was Lily, a goddess smiling up at him. He suddenly stopped his rough gyrations and whispered her name.

"Lily."

"Whatever you want to call me baby."

This puzzled him; it seemed like a very unusual response. Why would she say that? But he quickly swatted the thought away as he gazed over her immaculate body. Creamy skin from head to toe marked occasionally with a freckle or two. A slim waist, which gradually curved into her beautiful, round breasts. And her enormous, green eyes looking up at him, contrasted by her red hair, which was masterfully splayed across his pillow. He had never seen anything so gorgeous in his entire life; her breasts were just as he imagined them. He voiced this thought as he took her right nipple into his mouth.

"You're just as beautiful as I imagined you to be Lily."

"Stop talking James and finish me."

Nothing would please him more. He had forgotten he was still inside her and the idea of bringing her pleasure made him only harder. But he couldn't possibly be rough with her; she was so delicate that he must be careful. He gently caressed her breast as his mouth left her nipple, trailing sweet kisses down her stomach.

"Potter, please…"

"Be patient love."

He lowered himself between her legs and began nipping and kissing her nub. He licked it, twirling his tongue in a circular fashion until she was gasping for air. His fingers found her entrance and he slowly inserted two, then three. The moans that escaped her lips were like harps and violins to his ears, and he was in heaven indeed. Her head rose off the bed as she yanked him up towards her.

"Enough of that… please… just…"

"Alright, Lily, alright."

He smiled down at her as he slid into her, watching her moan as she stared him straight in the eye. He pushed all the way in to the hilt, waiting for only a moment before slowly withdrawing. Slowly his pace quickened as he nipped at her neck. She whimpered with pleasure as he moved to the valley between her breasts.

"James, I'm coming."

He quickened his pace as he intertwined her fingers in his. He let out a moan as he realized how close he was to explosion.

"I, I love you Lily." He moaned as the words fell from his lips and they both came in unison. He fell on top of her, nestling his head in the crook of her neck, breathing in the aromatic scent of her luscious hair.

"Oh goodness!"

He snapped up as he heard the voice coming from behind them at the door. He turned to see Lily standing at the door, in utter shock at his current state. He whipped back to look at the body he was laying atop and once again saw Olivia. He gasped in shock, wondering how he had sunken so much into his own fantasies. He scrambled off of her, shaking his head at her smirking face.

He pulled the sheet around him and turned to the flabbergasted Lily. At his sudden movement, she finally seemed to regain her senses and turned around quickly, fumbling with the door.

"I, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. I ju… just wanted to talk to you about earlier. But you seem very, very busy so, so I'll leave. Sorry!"

And with that she was rushing down the spiral staircase to the Gryffindor common room.

"Lily! Wait! Please!"

Before he knew what he was doing, he was rushing down to the common room, his white sheet wrapped haphazardly around his waist. He came to the bottom of the stairs to see almost all of Gryffindor staring at him. Sirius rushed up to him, eyes wide with surprise.

"Mate, I'm so sorry. I didn't even see her going towards the staircase. I would have stopped her but…"

"Forget it, where'd she go?"

'I'm not sure. She rushed out of the common room. But I don't think you find her. She could be anywhere."

Sirius hadn't even finished talking before James was rushing towards the portrait. He climbed out of it and looked down the long corridor. He paused and realized how foolish he must look. It was late but there were still a few people walking down the hallway, on the way to their own dormitory. Sirius was right; he had no idea where she could be. He wish he knew her well enough to know where she would go in a time like this, but unfortunately he didn't. He had been too busy trying to get in her pants to actually get to know her. He was overwhelmed by the sadness and helplessness that seemed to rise up inside of him. He turned around, heading slowly back into the dormitory. He began walking back to his room, ignoring the many people offering him condolences. Apparently, everyone knew about his thing for Lily; apparently he hadn't hidden it as well as he had hoped. But as everyone patted him on the back, muttering fruitless pep talks, he found himself wishing he wasn't quite so popular. These people didn't know anything about him.

"Oh just bugger off all of you! Leave me bloody alone!" He reached the bottom of the stairs, climbing them slowly, as the common room went silent. He threw open his door to see Olivia gathering up her clothes. She looked at him for only a moment before blushing, picking up her things even faster, and rushing to the door. Upon reaching the door, she stopped and turned back to James, who remained standing gravely in the middle of the room.

"James, I'm, I'm sorry. About all of it. I didn't want this to happen."

"Yeah, I know." He didn't even turn around as she opened the door and exited silently. He remained standing there for what seemed like hours, his mind playing over and over again what Lily must have seen.

She had walked in on James visibly naked, on top of a girl also visibly naked, engaged in an unmistakable act. God knew what was running through her mind!

He finally broke from the trance that seemed to have cemented him to the wooden planks beneath him for over an hour. He slowly walked forward and fell face forward onto his bed, planning on simply drifting off into a slumber where he could forget the events of the day. To think that only a few hours before he had kissed Lily and even received a kiss in return! And since then he had shagged another and had to deal with pretty heavy consequences. He closed his eyes, attempting to force the thoughts out of his mind. But instead of his mind clearing with the arrival of sleep, a heady scent clouded his head. It was the scent of that girl and the scent of sex. A smell he so usually enjoyed relishing in now almost made him vomit. He had to breath through his mouth as he rose off of the bed and strip the sheets off. He was left with a ratty Hogwarts mattress, stained with God knew what. But this did not inhibit him as he fell into bed and lay on his back, after drawing the curtains around him. He stared up at the red velvet cover canopy above him; the color reminded him of certain someone's hair. It was even remotely similar in shade or hue but the mere sight of red made him think of Lily.

He rubbed his hands along his face, pulling them through his hair, making it even more chaotic. He rubbed his eyes as he heard the other three Marauders enter the room, their attempts at being quiet completely in vain. They whispered loudly as they gathered themselves for bed.

"Is he asleep?"

"I don't know mate, but I don't think it's such a good idea to be messing with him right now."

"Think he's okay?"

"Uh, my guess is no."

He turned to his side, choosing to ignore their fervent words and once again attempt sleep. He reached out and ran his finger along the red velvet curtains.

'What the hell have I done?'

He awoke in the morning from a sliver of light shining in through his curtains, shining directly into his eyes. He opened them suddenly and rolled over with a groan. His hand dragged along the mattress, feeling something that certainly weren't his cotton sheets. He had forgotten, but only for a moment, the events of the evening before. Or maybe he had just successfully blocked it out for a moment. But the memories rushed back to him as he threw open the curtains angrily and stared down the sheets that had been underneath him and that girl last night. He didn't even touch them as he set his wand upon them, cleaning them thoroughly. Why had he not just done that last night? Maybe there are had been something symbolic about the stripping of his bed, like the stripping of himself. Maybe it showed how vulnerable and naked he was left in the wake of his encounter with Lily. Or maybe he had just been too tired. Yeah, that was probably it. He slumped toward the bathroom, seeing all of his roommates still deep in slumber. He sent each one a glare as a wave of anger passed over him. How come they got to sleep so well? How come he was the only one with issues? He already knew today was going to be an awful and extremely long day, and knew he would deal with everything by being unnecessarily irritated with everyone he knew.

'Oh well, they'll just have to deal with it. If I'm miserable why shouldn't everyone else be too?'

That seemed like reasonable thinking and he continued to mutter under his breath. Jumping into the shower, he remembered he had had no lusty dreams of Lily last night. All he could remember from his awful night of sleep was Lily crying. That was a cheerful thought, he remarked to himself, instead of dreaming about her touching herself he dreamed of her crying. As he got out, the steam billowed around him and he wiped away the mirror to take a look at himself. He had teeth marks on his shoulder. How dare she leave her mark on him. He gripped the sink tightly as he looked himself in the eye. What the hell was going on?

How was he this torn up? Seriously, what had come over him? A stupid fucking girl was doing this? He almost laughed out loud at how ridiculous it sounded. He needed perspective. This was just a girl, one measly girl who he really wasn't even that into. He barely knew her. The attraction was completely physical and the only reason she had remained his attraction for so long was the sheer challenge she presented. Geez, what was the big deal anyways about her? Nothing. Nothing! She was just another girl.

But why had he reacted the way he did last night? If another girl had entered he wouldn't have been surprised if he had found the balls to give her a sexy smirk and ask her if she wished to join them. And why had he gotten so caught up in the act of it to think that the girl had been Lily? He had made love to Lily, not fucked some girl. It had been different when he thought it was the beautiful redhead with him.

He pushed these thoughts away though, into the deep recesses of his mind as he put a dime size amount of gel through his hair. He threw on his uniform quickly, leaving his dormitory and the common room in a huff.

He was still adjusting his tie as he entered the Great Hall, moving toward the Gryffindor table. Deep in his own morbid thoughts, he failed to notice anyone including the Gryffindors at the table already that surely had been in the common room last night during the scene he made. He was stopped however by a soft hand settling upon his forearm.

He turned to see Lily holding his arm. He looked down at her hand and she quickly pulled it back.

"James? I was wondering if I could talk with you for a moment."

James was completely stunned. She was talking to him after what she had walked in on last night? His heart was his throat as he tried to make words form. The best he could do was a simple nod.

She turned and he followed her outside the doors of the Great Hall. Once again he failed to notice the stares of the Gryffindor table following them out of the room, this time from shock. She pulled him to a small classroom down the corridor and they entered the room without speaking a word. She still didn't speak to him as he closed the door and fell against it softly.

He looked at her and she seemed nervous. Why was she nervous? And why did she look so beautiful even when she was staring at her feet and squirming so much? If anyone should be uncomfortable it should be him. He was just about to speak; what exactly he was going to say he didn't know. Maybe an apology or a joke to break the ice, just something to stop this incredible silence that seemed to be carrying on forever. He was just about to say a few words when she looked him suddenly in the eye and spoke instead, beating him to it.

"James, I have a proposition for you."