I have realised why Beth is as she is and wanted to share it with you. How will this affect Naomi and will Emily be drawn into it?

Just as their lips were going to meet Beth turned her head sideways and looked away from Naomi. She could see a slight shudder in Beth's shoulders and realised she must be crying.

"Beth," said Naomi in a soft voice, "what's the matter? I'm so sorry I didn't mean to get you wound up in all this…"

"No, it's not that at all it's….." Her voice was so quiet and strained that Naomi could only just make out her words.

Beth fell back onto the bed face down and started to shake. Lightly Naomi placed her hand on her back and stroked her friend's shoulders. Gradually her sobbing subsided and she twisted round to face her friend. Tears had streaked down her cheeks and her eyes were puffy. Naomi felt a rush of love and protectiveness wanting to enfold her and make everything all right. Just when Naomi had felt the growing support of Beth in her anguish over Emily, the roles seemed to be reversing.

" Can you tell me Beth, are you sure I haven't put pressure on you in any way…?"

"No it's just that….." Her voice faltered. "Naomi I've lied to you because I couldn't tell you, anybody, the truth." Beth's eyes were looking down afraid that Naomi's loving gaze might make it impossible to speak, to let Naomi know that she was not the cause - but the one person who had enabled her to carry on for the last year.

"I've never told anybody this, I've been on the point of doing it several times but always pulled back."

Beth leaned forward and hugged her friend, chin resting on her shoulder and began.

"When I came to Goldsmiths I thought I had left my past behind, new place, new people, but it never happened. I met you and you became my rock and reason for carrying on – as a really wonderful friend. I wanted to fit in and be normal for once. I met Dave, to others we were the perfect pair. I wanted that. Dave was hardly ever around and that was good – I lied to you about our constant shagging it was agony for me mentally and physically so he just went off more – I don't know how we're still together – one of his mates said that they were all jealous that he had pulled 'such a fit girl' – that gave him kudos in the changing room."

Naomi gently squeezed Beth, their chests pressing close, their breathing synchronised. Something was coming next thought Naomi and she was half dreading that it would affect their relationship at a time when she was already in turmoil.

"When I was 5 my father left – my mother never spoke about it and never has. I never felt able to talk to her, she went through some very bad times and if it wasn't for Steve I don't know what would have happened to the two of us. My brother Sam – he's two years older – just shut himself off from everything and hardly spoke, burying himself in drawing and making endless Lego models. Steve was a family friend and had always seemed to be around us. He became a surrogate father to me, when my mother's dark times came he took over with everything. Looking back we would probably have gone into care if he hadn't been there for us. We did all normal family things with him – he even went to parents' evening at school because my mother had given permission. He was kind and indulgent with me and everyone thought he was wonderful to support my mother. But, I can't remember when it started…"

Naomi felt a cold rush through her body and her chest tightened. Had she half guessed what was coming? She gripped Beth and they were both silent, both with tears running down their cheeks. In a faltering voice Beth carried on, often pausing to blow her nose but always returning to Naomi's warm embrace.

"He said I was very special and we were very special friends to each other. He told me that what we did was just between the two of us and it must be secret, special friends have special secrets don't they? He said if mummy knew she might go away forever – I didn't understand that bit but it frightened me. I knew what was happening was bad and I felt ashamed and guity as I got older. It was my fault and I couldn't tell anyone."

"Oh Beth….." Tears were streaming down Naomi's face and she was squeezing Beth to her making them as one in this terrible moment.

"So you see," sobbed Beth, "that's it, and you're the one who's got me through by being so good to me. I'm sorry I lied…."

"God Beth it's me who should be sorry, how didn't I see past your outer life? I was too busy thinking about my life, my pathetic worries when you…."

Sometimes physical closeness can say more than words and the two girls lay back curled together and just in their own ways wondered what would happen next.

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