Hell is a Martial Artist
By Ozzallos

Chapter 4

Mara, Demoness First class unlimited stepped tentatively into her boss's office, ensuring that she mad no sudden movements in order to attract attention to herself. Despite her care, her mistress's purple eyes snapped up, looking up from her desk and on to her with what could only be the promise of pain should her actions displease the woman.

"What?"

Mara unfurled the scroll in her hands carefully. The last week had literally been hell for her since her boss's last encounter with her daughter, and everybody was walking around on eggshells in fear of irritating her further. The last demon who had done so had ended up in a cast iron cage suspended above the lava pits of lower Nephirum. It didn't seem like much of a punishment until one remembered that those cages would literally glow orange, as the superheated updrafts caressed the bars. Suffice to say, it was a barbeque in the worst sense. That in mind, Mara gingerly handed Hell's mistress the parchment.

"The Onixya contract."

Purple eyes held hers for another moment, as if judging whether the disruption were worthy of punishment before they flicked down to the scroll, scanning it. "Standard powers to take over the world stuff. You interrupted me for this?"

Mara's eyes widened. The threat was clear. "Special case, Mistress. She's a dragon."

The white haired woman arched an eyebrow and took a closer look at the paper. "Azeroth too. Hmm…" Hild pursed her lips in contemplation. "Okay then, standard contract. Increased influence, special powers, immortality, etc, etc… But let's really stick it to her in the fine print."

Mara blinked. "How so?"

"The immortality is always a good place to start." Hild commented, fingering the contract. "Let her be able to resurrect herself, only to be killed again and again by hapless adventurers until the term of the contract expires. Something like that."

The demoness' mouth dried. That was a particularly cold way to go about it. Not only did they benefit from the carnage the silly little dragon caused, but they got to torture her for nearly five hundred years, after which her soul was theirs. Not that she wasn't known to have done it before, just this entire week had shown Hild's vicious nature quite clearly.

Thanks, Urd, she scowled mentally. Nothing like the scorn of a daughter to send her boss into a foul mood.

"Are you still here?"

Mara's cheek twitched as the question snapped her back to the reality before her… And the potential molten iron cage in her future. Think of something, think of something…

Beep!

The menacing purple eyes darted away from her to focus on the two dimensional image of a pink haired woman floating before her. "Hild-sama?"

"Hmm?" The Great Demoness responded somewhat despondently. If the secretary was nervous, she managed not to convey it across the video link.

"A Mister Saotome here to see you."

The purple eyes blinked, and Mara watched as they lost a good measure of their hostility. "Send her in, of course."

The door clicked open only seconds later and a head popped through the doorway, looked around, then smiled, finding the familiar visages of Hild and Mara occupying the space. The black haired boy admitted himself fully into the office. "Eh, hope you don't mind if I take ya up on your offer to hang out."

"Of course not." Hild returned brightly, rising from her chair and stepping out from around her desk. The action, of course, revealed the pink and black one piece sling whose 'V' disappeared into the confines of a tight miniskirt that hugged at the woman's hips. She noted that the action hardly produce the stares she was expecting. While the Daimakaichō was sure she could break the boy if she truly desired, his stated resistance to feminine charms apparently wasn't exaggeration and she hardly had the inclination to test it at the moment, anyway.

"And what brings you here today? Legal services?"

The purple eyes twinkled and Ranma took notice of the joke with a chuckle. "Nah, just lookin' to take a break is all; see how you and Mara are doin' and all that."

"A break?" Mara leaned on the desk, noting the wording with idle curiosity. Not that she was truly interested in what the kid had to say, but as long if it kept her boss' train of through off cages dangling above lava pits, she was willing to listen to the boy read War and Peace… in Latin.

Backwards.

"Yeah, rough week." The pigtail boy admitted. "Mom came by and almost chopped my head off."

"Ouch." Hild winced. "If it's any consolation, my week hasn't been so spectacular either."

Ranma nodded. "Yeah, I kinda figured that last fight you and Urd had probably didn't sit well."

The Grand Demoness blinked. "You… saw that?"

"Well, yeah." Ranma shrugged. "At least what I could between dodging mallets and Kawaii-kun's food." Hild giggled with the memory of the blob of noodles racing around the Tendo compound. Even Mara spared a slight chuckle. "But yeah. Didn't look, eh, pleasant."

"It… wasn't." Hild replied hesitantly, but managed to keep her smile. "Old issues between daughter and I."

"Yeah, can't say me and my old man get along the best either." Ranma commented. "But I don't see you wrappin' your kid in fish sausage and throwin' her into a pit of starving cats, either. Maybe we can work out a trade?"

"Ha!" Hild guffawed at the decidedly round-about compliment. "I don't think your father would last a week around my daughter's temper."

"You'd be surprised how much trouble my old man can get into… and out of." Ranma snorted with shared amusement. "God knows how much of it he's passed off on me."

"God indeed." Hild chuckled, propping herself up on the edge of the desk. "And then your mom comes by…"

"And finds out 'Ranko' is a… growing girl." He finished, rolling his eyes. "Took me shopping."

"Growing girl?" Mara cocked her head, missing the focus of the pigtailed boy's words entirely.

"Water?"

Hild reached around her desk, proffering her guest a crystal glass, which he promptly upturned upon himself. The pitch of her voice instantly changed, and she jabbed a thumb at her chest. "Mom took me out bra shopping."

"That doesn't sound so bad." Hild commented innocently, yet fully aware of the implications such shopping held for the boy.

"I guess not." Ranma admitted, setting the glass aside on the end table next to the leather sofa she sat upon. "Got to be with mom, even if I had to play it as Ranko. Even found a couple —eh... never mind that. Needless to say, the water found me and it got ugly."

"I could imagine." Hild nodded, trying to suppress the mischievous grin that threatened to break out across her face. Thankfully, a millennia of self control helped her keep the concerned mask in place. "Bra shopping and a water curse would tend to make things problematic."

Ranma stared, speechless. Not only had the white haired woman correctly perceived the problem, there was no condemnation accompanying the perception. In Hild's eyes, she wasn't a pervert, nor was she a cross dresser. She was a victim of circumstance and acknowledge as thus, nothing more, nothing less.

It was… nice.

For once.

"So I assume water found you at the worst possible moment." Hild continued, feigning obliviousness to the girl's reaction. Now what can I do to have the most fun of this? The Daimakaichō grinned deviously from the window of her own thoughts. Your mother is a manliness freak. Your father a martial arts obsessive idiot. Your fiancée accuses you of perverseness, and you are all alone in it…

"That's about it." Ranma recovered from her stunned moment, sighing. "Mom saw me and spent most of the day runnin' after me with that damn katana of hers. Thought her manly son was a cross dresser."

"I hardly see how." Hild nodded sympathetically. What sort of chaos could we wrap around you if we got you to accept your female, aspect, little one? Oh, that would be such grand entertainment! "You're a boy with a girl curse, not a boy with a fetish for female clothing."

"Try tellin' her that." Ranma frowned, but couldn't help but to be pleased with the fact that there was somebody who finally understood the crap she had to deal with. "Almost got me more than once, too."

Mara, in the meantime, stood well off to the side and very, very still. She had been the Daimakaichō's right hand demon for the last couple of millennia and knew the signs. She was scheming, working some invisible angle with the boy-girl in order to take her games to the next level. The demoness knew that after a week of anger and frustration, being in the Ruler of hell's grasp was absolutely the last place anybody with a clue wanted to be, and poor Saotome was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But then, better her than me, Mara decided easily. Whatever her boss was planning for her toy, it was probably for the best that the child was sacrificed to Hild's interests; for the greater good and all that.

"Well then," Hild hopped off the desk, holding the martial artist's gaze. Gently now… "It would seem as if we're both in the same boat; daughter and I, mother and you. What ever shall we do about it?"

"Feh, hide." The redhead chuckled, eliciting a smile from the white haired magical girl lawyer in turn.

"I've been doing that all week." Hild shook her head. "Hiding in ones work gets old. I say we have some fun."

Ranma cocked her head, clearly interested. There was a distinct lack of fun in her life, on average. "Watcha got in mind?"

The Daimakaichō's smile turned downright impish. "Let's make people explode."

Ranma Saotome, currently heiress of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, peered around nervously. Around her were all things feminine in nature. Bra, panties, dresses… It wasn't the same store her mother had taken her to, but in Ranma's mind, there was no functional difference. She glanced at Hild, attempting to keep the consternation clear of her face.

"Look, Hild. I ain't so sure…" The redhead glanced over to the older magical girl, who had changed from her ultra revealing attire to a more publicly appropriate, yet still revealing. It consisted of tight pink and black snake-skin pants, a mid drift tee and a pair of pink stilettos. Between the hip hugging pants and the midriff shown copious amounts of tan skin, while a dangling jeweled piercing dangled from her belly button. It swayed in time with her hips, all but hypnotizing nearly every male she had passed on the way through the department store.

"Nonsense." The woman waved her doubts away as she led Ranma down an aisle while Mara followed close behind. "Proper attire is a necessity if one is to make heads explode effectively."

"Right, I got that." Ranma nodded, still apprehensive. "It's the water. I've seen it roll uphill ta get me and the last thing I need is another incident like the one on Saturday. Knowing my luck, Mom's probably standing outside the store with that katana of hers right now."

So much material to work with in this child's life, Hild mused as she subtly observed her charge. Taking her shopping for women's clothing in and of itself would be counter productive. Teaching her the art of making men hemorrhage for comedic value, however… And we'll definitely stay away from the topic of being seen as a sex symbol in the process…

"I wouldn't worry too much." Hild replied, breaking from her introspective scheming. "I'm using my meager abilities to dampen that particular aspect of the curse."

"I guess." Ranma returned with outward skepticism. Internally, the fact that she could just remain in any one form for the space of five minutes pleased her to no end. "Still not thrilled about bras."

Hild chuckled. "Who said anything about bras, little one?"

Ranma blinked. She wasn't going to be forced into a bra? No water? This shopping trip was actually looking better with every passing second! Yeah, okay, it's for chick clothes, the redhead churned mentally, but what she was going to do with it… Priceless!

The aisles passed and the clothing began to change as Hild led the redhead through the store, starting first with mainstream fashion, dresses and formal wear before melting into the styles Ranma's guide wore. The martial artist glanced around with a puzzled look, prompting Hild to occupy the girl's thoughts before she could even think of becoming nervous. "Producing nosebleeds is a good place to start. Very admirable for one self taught, but to produce bloodbath, you'll need to take your technique to the next level."

Ranma nodded, her full attention being focused by the word 'technique' and the lavish praise accompanying it.

"In this case, bras are counter productive to our purpose," The white haired woman continued instructionally. "And as a martial artist, you're not here to win a fashion contest. You're here to explode heads." Hild could practically see the girl's mental process churning, taking notes with every word. And in the process, become every man's wet dream, she cackled mentally. "Clothing is a tool toward this end. While your current styling is definitely becoming of you, it does little to display your full potential."

Mara watched Ranma soak up her Mistress' words, noting how easily Hild bypassed the martial artist's normal aversions femininity by layering her lesson with martial arts buzzwords and complimentary praise. Mara simply shook her head as the Grand Demoness continued her explanations. Give her a few weeks and she'll have the kid teasing men in a sheer micro bikini, or worse. The blonde's thoughts were interrupted as a black haired woman in a smart grey and black business suit stepped onto their aisle, adjusted her glasses with a smile.

"Ah, Hild-sama, it's a pleasure to service you once again." The stranger bowed low, giving Ranma a decent idea of just how much respect she was a affording them.

Hild merely nodded back with an easy smile. "And how is business, Reiko-chan?"

"Outstanding." Reiko replied, her eyes darting over to the redhead at the woman's side. "I would thank you once again for upholding your end of our… negotiations. It has proven extremely… fruitful." She turned fully to Ranma now, who was picking up the subtle layers the conversation held, but had little clue as to what they contained. "I am familiar with Hild-sama and her assistant, but I'm afraid I missed your name?"

"Saotome. Ranma." The martial artist offered, and was mildly surprised as Reiko dipped into another low bow.

"A pleasure to be of service, Saotome-sama." She replied, then turned her undivided attention back to Hild. "If there is anything you need, want or require, our entire store and its staff are her to serve you in any way, shape or form."

Ranma was left blinking, looking back at her tutor. Just how much pull did Hild have as a magical girl lawyer, anyway?

"Of course it is." Hild nodded, as if the woman's statement were a given. "Perhaps later. For now, Ran-chan and I have some shopping to do."

"Then by your leave?" the black haired woman asked, to which Hild simply waved her away. She was gone moments later, turning on a heel and walking back into the depths of the store.

Ranma stared, then returned to Hild. "Just who was that, anyway?"

"That was the manager of Asakusa." Hild replied, turning to a rack of clothing at her back. I merely helped her become the number one high class boutique in Japan." She pulled a tiny tee from the stand, inspecting it. "Now, do you happen to know your sizes?"

"Got to know those a loooong time ago." Ranma rolled her eyes, prompting a chuckle from the woman.

The tanned woman held the thin silk top she had picked out to her chest, as if to size it herself. "Good. Then let's start right here."

"Hips, child. Remember your hips."

It was a sight that threatened to stop traffic both pedestrian and automotive as three females made their way through downtown Tokyo on foot. One of the women was blonde, but loaded down with numerous shopping bags and thus largely irrelevant to the gawking bystanders. The other two leading her, however, were absolute goddesses.

Well, not quite.

While Hild was a supernatural being, she was definitely not a goddess. The woman was wearing the same thing she had started their shopping trip with and she seemed to glide sensually down the sidewalk, her lithe frame swaying in a manner that was guaranteed to attract the attention of ever male who happened to be turning her way. Walking next to her was a shorter, though no less spectacularly endowed redhead sporting nearly the same fashion; that being a pastel blue star midriff with skin tight leather jeans and jeweled belt that hung off her hips, shifting enticingly as the girl walked. Black heels accompanied the outfit, ensuring that any attention that left her prominent braless assets wandered all the way up her well-toned legs. Ranma shifted her movement slightly in compliance with Hild's direction and the demoness smiled down at her charge.

"Much better."

The martial artist feigned obliviousness to the attention they were receiving and instead looked over to her mentor with an unholy eagerness twinkling in her blue eyes. "Now?"

Hild smiled in kind. "Not yet. Wait until the traffic light turns green."

The trio only had to wait another minute before cross traffic began to flow through the intersection. Ranma cast another glance at the woman. "How about now?"

"Now."

Ranma 'accidentally' dropped the bag in her hand, feigning surprise and proceeded to bend down and pick it up the way Hild had showed her in the store. The pigtailed martial artist had always been a quick study and by the time her hand reached the bag, her profile was perfect to incite mass destruction. A horn blared and moments later while the screech of tires was accompanied by the crunch of metal. Several nearby pedestrians instantly hemorrhaged through the nose, sending them either stumbling into the ground or a nearby wall. More horns and the inside of a car exploded in crimson, though its occupant had hit nothing. Hild grinned evilly, bending down.

"Let me help you with that, child."

It took paramedics the good part of a half an hour to arrive on scene of what could only be described as a blood bath. Cars were piled up, people unconscious and blood was splattered everywhere across the intersection. The police reports helped little in piecing together the carnage that occurred, as those still conscious were found to be mumbling incoherently. Occasionally, something was muttered about 'goddesses', but that was largely chalked up to blood loss and trauma.

Meanwhile, half a mile away…

"BWAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!" A red head cackled manically. "That was the best thing I've seen all week! Oh, now I see why chicks do it all the time! It's HILARIOUS!"

Hild grinned beside her, but for an entirely different reason. Not quite, little one… Not quite… "You catch on quickly. Keep practicing and we may be able to begin advanced training."

The burbling laughter ceased immediately and the girl's head swiveled on target. "There's more?"

"Of course!" Hild replied. "Posing is fine and all, but when you can achieve the same effect by merely walking by, that takes a master in supreme control of ones self."

Images of Ryoga exploding before her very eyes danced before around her and the demoness couldn't help but to admire her handiwork. Despite her strong inclinations toward masculinity, there was no doubt that the girl harbored a certain pride when it came to her appearance, and pride was one of the tools that Hild was well familiar with. Ranma knew she looked good and took pains to do so when there was sufficient reason.

The Daimakaichō smiled mentally. All I'm doing is providing that sufficient reason through comic relief. Of course, she had to be subtle about it. One misstep would bring those strong willed defenses up and she would be hell to work with afterward, but that was what made the game so exciting. So far, Ranma seemed all but oblivious to connection between their fun and the seductive nature of the game, and Hild was inclined to keep it that way in favor of allowing it to sneak up on the boy-girl over time. One day, she would realize just how far she was taking her newest hobby and it would all catch up to her…

Would she accept herself? Indulge in the chase? Survive the frenzy of fiancées and family once they found out about her new pastime? Maybe he/she would meltdown under the pressure. The Grand Demoness twiddled with delight. The possible outcomes were endless!

Still, the steps forward would have to be careful and measured…

"But that is a lesson for another day." Hild dissuaded the eager blue eyes that held her. "Give the steps you've learned some practice and we'll pick up where we left off some other time."

Ranma nodded eagerly, all but oblivious to the attention they were receiving at their new location. The rapid bob of her head did indescribable things to her braless bosom… And the people around them, whose noses were already beginning to trickle with a slight crimson. Hild nodded to herself in a self satisfied manner. If the girl within didn't snap under the pressure, there was no doubt that the redhead could be honed into absolutely lethal weapon of femininity. Ranma would take a master to forge without being destroyed, but then, she was such a master. And even if she was destroyed, the ride to that point- as well as the outcome itself -would be highly amusing.

The Daimakaichō chortled. Either way it was a win-win scenario.

"Mara, time to depart." The blonde nodded with her master's words and began to unload the bags she had been carrying at Ranma's feet. "Places to go, people to see and all that."

"I still ain't so sure about all this." The redhead frowned, staring at them. "I can't just let you give me all that for free, ya know?"

"And, exactly how dear child, are you going to stop me?" Hild smiled, patting the shorter girl on the head. "Be seeing you!"

The white haired woman snapped her fingers and was gone in a poof of fire than nobody around them seemed to notice. Mara was gone seconds later in a similar matter leaving the girl alone on the sidewalk surround by bags of clothing and plenty of admirers.

Author's Notes:
As this story continues, there will undoubtedly be concerns on just how far it will journey into the depths of Ranma-chandom… I swear that's a word. First, I label this fic in the category of 'balance'. it will contain a lot of Ranma-chan because that is Hild's vehicle of amusement at the moment. That said, and without giving away plot, I will attempt to maintain some form of balance here. Not guaranteeing 50/50 here, but it won't be 100 percent '–chan' either.

yeah, it's a little short, but that's how it was divided out before hand. Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you.

Nothing really of mention here. Special thanks to Metroanime as always and those other people in part one ;)

It's late. No more notes. Thanks for reading! You all rock :D