Hell is a Martial Artist
Chapter 7
By Ozzallos
Malcanthet studied the black haired, blue eyed boy sitting across from her. He was very handsome, though she had seen better. He was also well built for his age and that was fine. She took young ones routinely as a diversion and his body spoke of endurance. This one was different from her usual... sustenance in many ways, however, the first and foremost being in the fact that he was off limits per Hild-sama's word. That alone was more than enough to pique her interest in the boy she had come to know as Ranma Saotome. There was also the fact that he was not yet in her bed yet... Or anybody else's bed for that matter. In fact, he was doing his very best not to look at her, and when he did, it was always in the eyes. So far she had endured fifteen minutes of small talk and very rarely had his eyes drifted below her neck. When they did, those blue eyes always snapped back up or away from her person. It was almost insulting. Even now he was sitting on her private chamber's cushioned lounge across from her, twiddling his thumbs and trying desperately to look relaxed.
When she had originally asked what she was to do with the boy if not seduce him, Hild's cryptic response was "you'll see," and now she did. He was a tightly wound coil; unhealthily so unless she missed her guess. She, on the other hand was the succubus queen, pleasing to the senses in every way, shape and form. Any teen his age would have been putty in her hands, just not this teen. Hild's Ranma was in control. Complete control. Obsessive compulsive, high stress control. The child needs to relax, the demoness frown mentally, then smiled. Hild said not to seduce the boy, but never anything about loosening him up...
The Succubus flexed the magical field around her, allowing lust to snakes across the space on lines of power toward her quarry. The arcs were completely invisible to the naked eye and she was powering them at less than a fraction of their true potential, but once they made contact... Malcanthet chuckled as the the first one touched the fuzzy outline of his aura. That ought to--
Ranma's head snapped up and the blue eyes suddenly focused on the woman across from him with a frown. The Succubi queen blinked at the boy as she watched his aura reject the string of power and contract into a cohesive barrier. A second and third line of lust attempted to make their own connections, but skittered harmlessly off the shell of life force like the first. Malcanthet stared with the rejection and Ranma watched neutrally, as if to comprehend the event himself.
"What was that?"
It was easily the first direct question he had asked of her, confirming to the Queen beyond a shadow of a doubt that the reaction was far more than unconscious reflex. Malcanthet considered the matter further, briefly toying with applying more power and forcing entry into the boy's aura, but decided against it as quickly as the idea had surfaced. One, there was Hild's mandate to consider. A trip to The Crimson Spires would not be a welcome one. Second... Second the boy was interesting. She was beginning to see why there was talk floating around concerning Hild's fascination with the child... And girl, she appended mentally, having yet to see his transformation.
"An aura technique," The demoness stated matter-of-factly, hoping the admission would in turn lead to a viable avenue of conversation. "In all honestly, I was just trying to get you to loosen up."
"Using lust chi?" Ranma arched an eyebrow, eyeing the barely clothed woman lounging across from him doubtfully. What portion of her curves that were covered were done so by the thinnest of purple silk and strips of leather, leading the Saotome to wonder if she and Hild shared styling advice. Hild wearing such clothing was fine. She was great to hang around and didn't look at him like a piece of meat. This one all but radiated 'fiancée', however, and he had more than enough of those. The meter and a half curvature of the horns arcing from her forehead hadn't gone unnoticed either, nor had the leathery wings that occasionally stretched from her back, but this was hell and they were all but the norm for everybody he had met so far.
Behind her smile, Malcanthet notched another point of respect for the boy staring at her in open curiosity now. Not only had the consciously manipulated his own aura, but now correctly identified what she had set against it. "Correct. Lust is the primary magical catalyst of a Succubus, after all."
Magical lust? The only parallel Ranma could draw off the top of his head was Happosai, but whatever she was doing with hers felt far purer than anything the old letch put out. It lacked the utter sense of violation he exuded through his very presence, especially when trying to attach himself to his female body. Ranma shivered with the memory and shook his head. "Not that I mind the thought, but I'd appreciate ya not doing that again."
"Of course," She smiled gracefully while noting the cold shiver that almost imperceptibly wracked his body. The clues she had followed like breadcrumbs through their interactions hadn't been positive ones so far, and she was beginning to understand the full portent of why the ruler of hell was asking her to spend time with the boy. The why behind that, however, was still a mystery.
"Then what else do you like to do to unwind?" She asked with a suggestive lilt. Ranma opened his mouth and Malcanthet immediately stopped him with a playful tisk. "Besides martial arts?"
"Um... Eh..." Ranma's thumbs began to twiddle again and the Succubi Queen arched an eyebrow.
"Oh come now," She prodded. "There must be something. Either that, or you have a lot of free time on your hands."
"Free time... heh." It was a chuckle, but not a happy one by the demoness' estimate. "I wish."
"Hmmm, then how about as a girl?" She continued, attempting to map away around the boy's defensiveness. Ranma began to squirm, and she sighed. "Really, there must be something."
The boy hesitated further and Malcanthet shook her head, sensing Ranma's unease. The child was tightly guarded, as if letting the details of his life slip would spell certain doom. "Nothing you say leaves this room, Ranma-kun. Not only do you have my word as Queen of the Succubi, I can assure you Hild-sama has already would be most displeased if our chat fell to gossip."
Ranma cocked his head and she watched as his posture loosened slightly at the mention of the Daimakaichō. That in itself was a wonder, since the mention of her Eminence usually inspired the exact opposite in people and demons alike. What are you to Hild-sama, child? Malcanthet asked herself, now very curious as to their interaction. Hild clearly favored the boy, favor that bordered on protectiveness unless she missed her guess. He, on the other hand, appeared completely at ease with the Grand Demoness. It could all just be a game, she acknowledged silently. Hild was fond of them, and it wouldn't be the first time she strung along a mortal for her amusement. Or strung a demon along, for that matter, the Succubi Queen thought with a sudden stab of dread.
"I guess ice cream," Ranma volunteered hesitantly, still wary around the shapely demoness. "Like ta spend time with Hild-san."
"Indeed," Malcanthet arched an eyebrow. Spending time with the Daimakaichō as tops on his recreational activities. How quaint. Still, Hild had requested she get to know the boy on something other than an intimate level, so get to know him she would. "I know Hild-sama to be quite a busy woman and one can only eat so much ice cream, so what, pray-tell, is occupying the rest of your time?" A weighty silence met her inquiry, so she pressed the question further. "Let me guess... martial arts?"
"One way or the other..." Ranma grumbled, giving the succubus her first real clue to leverage. Even so, it's like pulling teeth, she acknowledged, reading his body language like an open book. You can talk to the Grand Demoness of Hell, but not succubus such as myself? You are a martial arts obsessive, but that last response...
The Queen mulled over the facts that had presented themselves so far and decided on a different tack. "May I indulge in a bit of curiosity, Saotome-kun?"
"Uh, I guess," He shrugged, unsure what to expect of the demoness at this point.
"May I see your female form?"
Malcanthet was instantly rewarded by a brief flash of uncertainty that rippled across Ranma's face, and knew at that point she was on the right track. The uncertainty was gone almost as quickly as it had appeared, and the black haired teen affected indifference. "Sure, why not."
She watched as Ranma's eyes unfocused with slight concentration and the boy melted away, adding curves and subtracting height. A redheaded teenage girl in red and black silks sat before the Succubus less than a second later. Malcanthet couldn't help but to smile, causing Ranma to frown. "What?"
"Gorgeous!" The Succubi Queen rose up to her full height of nearly two meters, her barbed tail swishing excitedly as she circled the sitting girl. "Absolutely gorgeous. And quite exotic. The red is natural, is it not? Stand up! let me have a full look at you." Ranma blinked under the torrent of compliments, but stood up regardless. "My, you would make an absolutely fabulous succubus if Hild-sama were willing!"
"Uh, thanks," A somewhat stunned Ranma watch as the woman circled her, studying her body and its detail. "Is that a good thing?"
"Of course it is, girl," Malcanthet nodded amiably. "Once your growth spurt hits and you add a few more inches... Quite a devastating form. How did you come across it?"
The Succubi queen watched as pure annoyance found its way to the redhead's face. "Old man's fault. Took me to Jusenkyo and got me kicked into one of the springs."
"And whatever falls in assumes the form of that which last drowned there," Malcanthet nodded, retaking her seat and motioning for Ranma to take hers. She did and the queen continued. "Though I am quite surprised that it is still in use... I thought humanity had taken an aversion to the site."
"Old man couldn't read Chinese," Ranma snorted with equal parts humor and irritation. "Thought it was a martial arts training ground."
"Ah, the language barrier," Malcanthet nodded sympathetically. "Things just haven't been the same since Babel, you know?" Ranma didn't, but the woman was continuing before she had time to think on it further. "So how have you been adjusting to your other self?"
"Ain't so bad these days," Ranma shrugged, and this time true nonchalance shown through in the gesture, not the manufactured front. "Used to be a real pain in the ass, especially around my old man. 'Girls are weak' this. 'Cry like a woman' that. Was kicking his ass just to get him to shut up, y'know?"
Malcanthet smiled and listened. Most of all, she watched as Ranma expounded on the short comings of her father and the reactions of strangers to the curse upon seeing it for the first time. The first and foremost thing that came to her attention was that the girl was actually talking. The wariness was all but gone. Second, she was more relaxed, leaning back into the cushions as if the entire sectional belonged to her. The transformation... The Succubi Queen thought on the matter, inserting herself into the conversation every now and then to keep the girl talking while she herself gathered more information on just what made Ranma tick. The change itself is not the cause... But it is the catalyst... Why, child?
"Moron engaged me to more women than I can count," Ranma continued her vent while the Queen listened. "I think Nabiki counted ten at one point, but only four of those really hang around--"
Malcanthet's thought process latched onto the piece of information greedily. "Ten, you say?"
"Ten," Ranma confirmed. "And half of them have guys all pissed off that their girls like me."
"Just desserts if they cannot maintain the attentions of their females, I say," The woman shrugged in simplistic succubi logic. Ranma nodded vigorously, slapping a fist into her open hand while missing the thrust of thought ever so slightly
"Exactly!" The martial artist agreed heartily. "Ain't my fault they can't do their job, but damned if they don't take it out on me."
And now we're getting somewhere, the horned woman noted with anticipation. "Would it be safe to assume that your father, being a martial arts obsessive, was engaging you into martial arts families?"
"Yep," Ranma confirmed with a roll of her blue eyes. "Half the chicks are violent tomboys and the other half are just crazy."
"I think I'm beginning to see where this is going," Malcanthet nodded, stroking the curved length of her left horn in thought. She mulled over it for a split second before acting on the theory that was beginning to take shape. "Oh, you can shift back now if you wish."
Ranma did so without a second thought, the girl washing away into a taller black haired boy, who continued with his tale. "That was part of the problem I guess. Never used to have this weird shit happen to me before the curse, then after? It was like the entire goddamned world wanted to cave in on me. I mean, never had to deal with megalomaniacal kidnappers before Jusenkyo, y'know? Kinda blamed it all on the curse."
"I'd imagine it'd be a rude surprise," The temptress nodded agreeably and subtly began to shift the focus of their chat. "So, do any of these fiancées interest you? Or perhaps their suitors?"
"Well, they're all good looking, if that's what you mean," Ranma replied without a thought. "Violent, but there's nothing wrong with any of them except for the fact that I'll screw myself over for even hintin' I like one over the other." The paused, adding a curious blink. "Suitors?"
"Of course," Malcanthet smiled. "The men pursuing your females."
"I..." Ranma's mouth suddenly went dry as he comprehended her words in full. "That's not... I'm not..."
"Were it I, I would certainly be using both forms to their best advantage," The demoness added evenly, doing her best to insert the thought as merely an observation and nothing more.
Ranma fought the twitch off his cheek and stared at the woman. It was an all but outlandish suggestion, save the fact that he had heard it before and from somebody he trusted implicitly. That realization in turn chained into the incident with the clones and the kiss with Ryoga. It ended in a throughly unexpected conclusion... Not everybody thought that her body was a freak of nature, and if it wasn't a freak of nature... Hild had showed her it was something to have fun with, which taken to its logical extent...
Ranma shook himself out the deep mental contemplation as the succubus continued. "But that is neither here or there. Back to the original question, do you have a preference among the females?"
"Well, yeah, about that..."
"How is it going in here?" Hild strode into the Succubi Queen's lair half an hour later, pleased to find a male Ranma pleasantly chatting with Malcanthet over tea and cakes. "Has Malcanthet-chan invited you to her bed, yet, Ranma-kun?"
"Eh," Ranma's face pinkened as he stood up, giving the Daimakaichō all the confirmation she needed. He faltered, but recovered with a a reasonably nonchalant shrug. "She was nice about it though. Better than Shampoo."
Malcanthet giggled, having heard all about Shampoo's antics over the last hour. Granted, she could do things that would make the Amazon's tactics look absolutely mundane, but a girl needed more in her arsenal than the fiancées singular "smash and grab" tactics. Besides, Ranma was nice company as he.. and she was. The bed could wait.
For a little bit, at least.
"Very good," Hild approved with a smile, walking up to the sitting demoness and patting her on her black mane of hair. "That means we can skip the trip to the spires!"
"Eh heh heh heh!" The queen's smile suddenly weakened with the reminder.
"Don't worry, Malcanthet-chan," The grand demoness consoled her. "Should Ranma-chan decide to bed you, I'm sure you'll be the first to know."
Ranma suddenly choked on the ultimatum and Malcanthet's cheek began to twitch as she realized just how well she had decided in not seducing the boy further. She was Queen of the Succubi. Had been for the last one thousand five hundred years and change. She had seduced the greatest men in mortal history... Bent women of every race to her sexual whim. And in all that, Hild had just informed her she was to be this child's plaything. It wasn't a horrible fate by any stretch of the imagination considering where she called home, just... sobering. Irritating to be sure, but sobering none the less.
"Get enough of that as it is," Ranma sniffed with a faint edge of amusement, surprising Malcanthet with the feminine lilt of her voice. She looked up to indeed find Ranma-chan had shifted during her introspection, leaving the Succubus to wonder as to why. A wider smile found its way to the redhead's face. "Speaking of which, should probably be getting back. Thanks for the food, Hild-san! Good to meet you Malecanthet-chan."
"And you," Malcanthet nodded, still somewhat wary of the entire setup.
"My pleasure," Hild smiled back, holding a poised hand up. "Ready?"
"Yep!"
"Off you go, then." Hild snapped her fingers and the girl disappeared in a plume of fire and smoke.
Malcanthet watched the Daimakaichō look upon the now vacant spot fondly for another moment before subtly gaining her attention. "Hild-sama... If I may ask..."
"Walk with me," Hild ordered, her tone pleasant, but unyielding. The Succubi Queen was not about to refuse, nor would she have had there been a choice. The entire situation was intriguing to say the least and she wanted to know what in the world was so special about that mortal. She followed the Grand Demoness from her lair and into a long arched hallway tiled in blood red with black marble supports. "Ranma-chan has a great many issues in her life as I'm sure you have noted, issues which I would like to play some small part in their resolution."
Their combined heels clicked down the hallway in time as Hild continued along. Where Malcanthet's heels were laced up her legs by shining black leather straps, Hild's were actually part of the black and pink body suit she wore. "Of course, her gender dysphasia is almost central to all of those issues. I have my own theories, but I would like your observations."
Suddenly her role became quite clear and Malcanthet nodded, falling into it. "As a male, he is quite guarded, no doubt due to his uniqueness among others of his kind... though I wasn't aware Jusenkyo allowed one to opt out of its curse."
"Oh, I did that," The Grand Demoness waved the observation away as inconsequential. "Please, continue."
The admission caused Malcanthet to mentally stumble, but she continued as requested. "Pressure on his male aspect is all but crushing him unless I missed my guess, though part of that is self induced. He could undoubtedly solve most of his problems by a loosening his moral code... And screwing those silly girls that follow him around senseless, of course."
"As I have mentioned myself, if I recall," Hild's smirk matched the succubus' own mischievous smile. It held for a second before lapsing into neutral concern. "I doubt, however, his moral code will be open to revision until something breaks."
"And it will break." Malcanthet add her confirmation. "Too many conflicting obligations pulling in to many divergent directions. The only reason he hasn't snapped yet, I would surmise, is because of you."
The clicking of heels stopped and it took another step for the succubus to realize it was Hild that had actually stopped. "Indeed?"
"While I would hesitate to pry into your relationship," The Succubi Queen hedged, unsure of the conversational ground she walked with the woman that could quite literally sentance her to eternal torture. "It is obvious Ranma-kun thinks highly of you. He... She specifically singled out your time together as an outlet beyond her passion for martial arts. I would further say that Saotome-kun is using his female aspect as an outlet toward the pressure inflicted on his male aspect, facilitated by your activities."
Hild held a thoughtful countenance for a moment before slight smile found her face and continued her walk. "And your observations toward that end?"
Malcanthet hasted to follow, continuing her report. "Once it became obvious that his female aspect would not be under threat of attack from myself, Saotome-kun opened up to me readily, a trait that transmitted back over to his male aspect. If I had to guess, he was using his female aspect as a litmus test, that if passed, would allow him to let down his guard as a male."
"Which would follow with some of the basic interactions in Ranma-chan's life to date," Hild agreed. The Daimakaichō thought on the matter a bit more before continuing. "I will make a request of you Malcanthet-chan; a request because an order- even under threat of punishment -will not work for what I have in mind."
"Um, of course, Hild-sama..." The Succubi Queen all but boggled, unsure where her leader was going with the topic. Granted, she would be stupid to refuse her even given the out, but the fact that she was even being given a choice counted for something. It's as if she were treating Saotome like...
"I would like Ranma-chan to have some semblance of family," Hild outlined with a warm smile... A warm smile Malcanthet stared at. "An unofficial older sister as it were. Somebody besides myself he can turn to for advice and trust." The smile widened somewhat. "A side benefit will be his continued interaction with you and the other succubi; at her discretion, of course. Inform the girls that she is not to be fed upon."
"As... as you say, Hild-sama." The temptress agreed, still somewhat stunned by the turn of events.
"But back to the topic at hand, I agree Ranma-chan needs to loosen up," Hild switched conversational tracks once more as they continued their walk. "While I have no doubt as to your abilities to do so in the most pleasant manner possible, it is not something I believe him to be mentally ready for at the moment."
"Agreed," The demoness affirmed. "I get the impression that Saotome-kun would require a subtle hand to bring to that point."
"Exactly," The Daimakaichô nodded with a rare pang of guilt, failing to add that she had once been ready to use that point to her selfish advantage. "That doesn't change the fact that she will need respite from the stress of her life. Ranma needs options until she can express her needs in a more direct fashion."
"Options," Malcanthet hummed, thinking on the matter. A grin slowly spread across the Succubi's face, coinciding with the playful lashing of her tail. "I think I may have a couple in mind."
"And I told you, it ain't my fault they're talking!" Ranma protested as he kept pace with a fuming Akane Tendo. "One of the others must have let it slip."
"Slip. As if," Akane shook her head grumpily, studiously avoiding eye contact with her part time fiancée. "We might as well be married according to the gossip at school."
"Look, if you're gonna blame somebody, blame the other girls," The martial artist rolled his eyes as the pair made steady time away from Furikan and the twittering speculation behind them. "Hell, blame your sister. She probably sold the information to half the campus."
"Don't go trying to blame my sister for this," The youngest Tendo sniffed contemptuously. "Don't forget whose mother gave it to me to begin with. And it wasn't even a real ring!"
"Man, if you're this difficult now, I can only imagine what a real ring would do to ya," Ranma shook his head, expecting a barbed reply in kind. Instead, silence met the swipe and he glanced over at the sulking girl. "Now what?"
"Baka," She returned simply, staring at the sidewalk. "I would have like a real ring better."
Ranma nearly stumbled. "You... you would?"
"Of course I would, dummy!" Akane whipped around in protest. "What girl wouldn't?!"
What girl wouldn't...? Ranma Saotome paused with the sudden outburst, analyzing the statement and coming to the wrong conclusion. "Well, shoot, if you want one that bad, I'll just--"
"Not from you," Akane rebuffed the offer, sticking out her tongue. "So nyah!"
"Like I wanted to get you one anyway," Ranma shook his head, barely understanding what had just occurred. He thought they were okay, in spite of the storm of gossip they had walked into at school. He was laying odds on Nabiki, since she had already seen fit to inform Kuno and the other fiancées, but the means ultimately didn't matter. Once the student body got hold of information, Akane was right... They were all but married in their eyes and embarrassing wasn't the word. The teen shook his head in exasperation. Morons. Even though they had left that particular fiasco behind at school, he still had the fiancées to deal with and that wasn't going to be fun.
"Look, I'll catch up later," Ranma advised, causing Akane to pause in her own homeward trek. "Gotta talk to Ucchan."
"About what?" The sister asked suspiciously.
"'Bout Mom's house."
Akane blinked. That was not what she had been expecting. Free food? Yes. Fiancee shenanigans? Definitely. Reconciliation of property damages over the not so legitimate engagement ring? Decidedly not. Either way, she was very interested as to the outcome between Ranma and his best friend turned fiancée. A tad eager, even. "I'll come along, if you want?"
"Sure, why not," Ranma shrugged and made the left where they would usually continue straight on to the dojo. Five minutes brought them within sighting distance of the store front, but even from several blocks away the martial artist could tell something was amiss. School was out and given its proximity to the campus, the okanomiyaki establishment was almost always packed. Today, it was dead.
As if picking up on his thoughts, even Akane had to admit her concern. "Ukyo has missed school for the past few days... I hope she's alright."
Ranma likewise couldn't help but to wonder. "Guess it's not that bad, though. Ucchan's is still open..."
"AGH! YOU MORON!"
Ranma blinked as half the store front imploded violently, ejecting a teenage girl clad in full kimono from the establishment and sending her bouncing twice before settling to a stop. The pair stared as the girl shuffled out from beneath the paper dividers, her black head of hair sporting Ukyo's trademark shiruken spatulas.
"Konatsu?" The name caused the inattentive girl to 'eep!' as Ranma approached. Had it been anybody else, Ranma might not have remembered, but one in a hundred generation genius ninja didn't slip easily from his mind. "Aren't you that male kunoichi? What are you doing here?"
"Er, welcome to Ucchan's!" The suprised neo-girl dipped into bow from her sprawl, greeting the pair hastily. She dusted herself off and led them both into the restaurant itself. It wasn't what either was expecting. The inside was just as barren as the outside, sporting a fine layer of dust on every horizontal surface save the grill itself, which was equally barren. Ukyo stood behind the grill, looking nearly as lifeless as her restaurant.
"Gee," Akane started with a bland tone, looking around. "Have you changed the decor recently?"
Ranma was a bit more to the point with his question. "Yeah, what's with the lack with the lack of customers?"
"It's all because of this moron!" Ukyo turned from lifeless to glowering in an instant, laying the kunoichi low with a solid smack to the head. Ranma knew the boy dressed girl could take more than that, but Konatsu winced and groveled pathetically at his best friend's feet regardless. "This jackass swears to keep the restaurant open while I'm sick and what happens? He drives everybody off, instead!"
"I'm so sorry, Mistress Ukyo!" The kunoichi whined, causing the mistress in question to relent slightly.
"Maybe your customers are just used to the best," Ranma shrugged, causing the okanomiyaki master a faint smile before fading back into irritation.
"Or maybe this idiot can't make okanomiyaki worth a damn," Ukyo grumped irritably. "Made the dough and sauce... All he had to do was slap it together on the grill."
Akane turned back to the kunoichi. "What kind of Okanomiyaki did you try to make?"
"Well," Konatsu began, desperate to redeem himself. "I started with the dough Miss Ukyo prepared, added thirty parts water..." The cross dressing ninja hurried to show by example, spreading the dough out across the grill, then proceeded to add a single shrimp to the mass and a minuscule streak of sauce. "...Then sprinkled some toppings and doused it all with Miss Ukyo's special sauce!"
"Um..." Ranma stared doubtfully, poking at the mixture that was neither doused or sprinkled. It was, in fact, little more than a swamp of saturated dough and almost as bad as Akane's cooking, save the fact that this creation probably wouldn't kill anybody. Meanwhile, Ukyo was voicing her own opinion on Konatsu's self proclaimed masterpiece with another smack upside the head.
"I think I understand it," Akane shared her sudden revelation. "Konatsu is probably cooking the way he did back when he was just a poor kunoichi..."
"Ah, well then," Ranma scritched his chin, thinking. "Akane's probably right... Bein' the expert on bad cooking and--OW!"
The Tendo's fist immediately rebounded off of Ranma's skull before he could finish the sentence. "Nobody asked you!"
"Uncute..." Ranma grumbled, but revised his statement. "What I was really sayin' is that we can help out, it if that's okay."
"Better," Akane folded her arms with satisfaction.
"You..." Ukyo forced down a cough that threatened to interrupt her moment of surprise. "You would help us?"
"Ucchan, you definitely need some rest," Ranma stated with certainty, his original purpose for being there forgotten. "But don't worry about us. I'll make sure Akane doesn't cook."
Another smack across the head ended any meaningful dialogue for the next five minutes, but once the youngest Tendo's violent urges were sated, the three ushered Ukyo back up to her upstairs apartment and decided upon a strategy. The strategy consisted of cute females guaranteed to draw a male populace, even if they conveniently overlooked the fact that only one of them had actually been born a female.
"Ready?" Ranma glanced left and right, seeing two determined nods as the crowd gathered to watch the preparation of extreme okanomiyaki by hot babes. Each babe bore her ingredients. Konatsu held the toppings while Akane had the dough, ready for distribution. Ranma held a head of cabbage and two knives, ready for the assault. She tossed the cabbage into the air, signalling the commencement of hostilities. "Do it! Ucchan's new Okanomiyaki specialty! The 'Three Cook as One' platter!"
It was art. Toppings flew. Knives spun. Batter arced. And when it was all done, three perfectly constructed pies settled to the grill. Sadly, three more missed completely and the patrons took errant topping on the chin.
Literally.
"Let's get the hell out of here," One of the egg coated diners suggested and the diner began to empty in spite of the protests of the cute redheaded cook. Konatsu's hand slid behind her back, pulling out a finger length cylinder of silver. Akane's eyes widened as the cap came off, revealing a sharp point of red.
"Kunoichi delaying tactic: Crimson Storm!" The next moments were a blur as the genius kunoichi plied each customer with gentle kiss, all but compelling the hormonally driven male patrons to return to their seats.
"Is that really all right?" Akane Tendo stared. Konatsu just kissed...Ewww... "You're... a guy after all..."
"The crimson storm is just a quick peck on the cheek," The kunoichi elaborated smugly. She may not have been the best cook, but she knew what she had and how to use it. "Men are so weak when it comes to that stuff."
"Konatsu, way to go!" Ranma cheered, completely on familiar ground with the ninja's antics and lacking his fiancées hardwired gender bias. It was a tactic the redhead had practiced many times on the road and in Nerima; a tactic refined by Hild into a truly devastating weapon. Egged on by opportunity and the presence of a somewhat kindred soul, Ranma disappeared around the corner for a moment, reappearing in something with a high hemline and leaving nothing to the imagination in terms of the redhead's curves.
"Now it's my turn."
Akane Tendo's eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets as she caught sight of Ranma in what could only have been described as male diners wet dream incarnate. It was a pink and white stripped waitress's' uniform featuring an impossibly high skirt that hugged in all the right places. If the hemline didn't attract enough attention to her absolutely perfect legs, the high heels were guaranteed to in their stead. The youngest sister's cheek began to twitch as heels clicked out onto the restaurant floor. "Wha... What are you wearing?!"
"Wow, Miss Ranma!" Konatsu's face lit up cheerfully in presence of her sister in arms. "That's a cute outfit!"
Akane was about to protest the redhead's smug countenance when a flood a male customers burst through the doorway, fueling the martial artist's confidence further. Ranma put on her best smile and took to the spatulas, ensuring every move the customers could see was an eye full. "Hohohoho! I'll give you the best service you've ever seen!"
She was speechless. Absolutely speechless. Akane Tendo watched as their male customers threw money at Ranma all too willingly while she bounced to and fro, forcing the youngest Tendo to wonder if the redhead's statement concerning service held more than just a singular meaning. She knew that her fiancée harbored an ego the size of Japan, but this... Akane finally found her voice as Ranma served up another order. "This is wrong!"
So very wrong, the statement echoed in her mind, and on so many levels. Anger took hold of her psyche as resentment boiled over. Two men are attracting more male customers than I am! With that thought, she finally burst. "I for one refuse to dress up in some skimpy outfit just to sell okanomiyaki!"
"Who says we want you to?" Ranma turned away from her patrons with an indifferent expression. Finally around somebody who understood, she was tired of her fiancée's constant whining. They were here to help Ukyo. By any means necessary. And so what if they were having fun in the process? Konatsu was. So was she, and that was a damn rarity in her life. If Akane wanted to take her ball and go home, that was fine. They were doing a damn fine job without her anyway. Ranma nodded to Konatsu, and both neo-girls gently shepherded the sister to the back where a stack of dishes awaited. "Konatsu and I will strut our stuff out there and you stay back here."
Konatsu nodded happily with the sentiment. "Miss Akane, you can wash the dishes! Won't that be fun?"
"A transvestite and a homosexual..." Akane's temper went critical as her femininity took one bruise too many. She whirled around with a container of hot dishwater, lining up with her targets. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?"
Water splashed home and the result- A now male Ranma Saotome in a tight mini -was more than enough to clear the restaurant of customers. It had happened so suddenly that he didn't a chance to override the curse.
If that wasn't enough to banish every last diner from the restaurant, finding out Konatsu was a guy finished off the rest.
That same Akane Tendo winced as another metallic crunch was heard, one of many several hours later. She shook her head as another customer bit into their Okanomiyaki, only to find a five hundred yen piece embedded there in. She also watched the customer's friends congratulate his good fortune while Ukyo all but cried from her position by the register.
"I've had enough of this."
Ranma arched an eyebrow with the statement. While it was something he could certainly sympathize with, there was still a few hours until close, they were bankrupt and Ukyo was still sick. A cheer erupted from the patrons as one found a thousand yen bill in his dish. The martial artist sighed. "Konatsu and I'll help Ukyo close up. You go on home."
Akane eyed her supremely irritating fiancé before simply nodding. Normally she would accuse the pervert of... Something. God knew she had enough material from just this afternoon to last her days, but after this particular day, all she had left in her was a simple nod, leaving the homosexual martial artist and transvestite kunoichi to their own devices. Ranma watched her go, frowning as the front slider closed. There were days when she was too cute for her own good... Today hadn't been one of those days and Ranma tilted his neck, cracking it to relieve the pent up tension while revising their strategy now they were down one player.
I can cook. Not as well as Ucchan, but well enough to keep Ucchan's afloat, he decided, looking over to the Kunoichi and his attempts to comfort Ukyo after she had learned they were literally giving away their profits. Konatsu can service just fine. Just keep him away from the money... Ranma nodded mentally with what seemed like a sound strategy, which actually looked better now that Akane had decided to finally give up and go home. He was certain they could hold their own in the final few hours and without the tomboy constantly throwing a wrench into the works...
Which leaves one final problem. Cash. Ranma's jaw clenched. While he wasn't a financial genius, he did know that without money to change, they were going to be hard pressed to make more money. Sure, they would take in some profits, but... Just have to do what we can, I guess.
"Konatsu," Ranma motioned for his attention and the Kunoichi bounced over to his side. "We gotta make something back for Ucchan before we close, got it?"
"Definitely!" Konatsu stated, determination setting in the kunoichi's eyes. "I won't fail Miss Ukyo again!"
Ranma nodded. "You got service. Don't touch the money, got it? I'll handle the okanomiyaki."
"Got it, Mister Ranma!" The nin nodded.
"Pour on the charm like you were doing earlier today," The martial artist directed, looking out at the patrons who where finally exhausting their supply of free money. "With any luck, we can earn some of that money--"
The door slid open once more and where Ranma was expecting another diner, a white haired woman strode in, instantly captivating the attention of the entire restaurant. Even Ukyo blinked as the purple eyed beauty glided in, wearing high cutoff shorts and a midriff white tank top advertising the fact that a bra was clearly optional. Men cleared a space for her at the counter and it took a moment for the owners brain to catch up with who she was seeing. That... That fiancé thief from the dojo! Her mouth opened to cuss the witch out, only to be preempted by another feminine voice.
"Hild-san!" Ukyo blinked, instantly recognizing Ranma's female pitch, and even Konatsu stared as the redhead bounded over to her position along the grill. Ranma sure looked... happy? And when did he get splashed? "Guess it's my turn to treat you, huh?"
"Hmmm, perhaps," The woman put a tanned finger to her lips, as if deciding. "It has been ages since I have had Okanomiyaki, after all."
Ranma smiled- Actually grinned -at the woman. Ukyo stared incredulously wondering when the last time she had actually seen her fiancée emote something beyond a confident smirk. "I ain't as good cook as Ucchan back there, but I can hold my own. On the house, of course."
"My ass!" Ukyo Kuonji had finally had enough, lurching up and fighting off a round of coughs in the process. Ranma twisted around to find her angry visage closing in on her. "You won't be stealing my Ran-chan, hussy! Don't think I've forgotten what happened at the dojo!"
"Dojo?" Ranma repeated, trying to remember just what had happened to piss off his oldest, best friend so badly. Hild supplied it for him.
"Urd, child."
"Urd?" Ranma wondered, then it hit her and Ranma's tone took on hint of disdain. "Oh, Urd. Hey Ucchan, this ain't Urd. See the star tattoo on her--?"
"She can't see the star 'tattoo'," Hild remarked casually, causing the redhead to puzzle.
Ukyo hefted the combat spatula from behind the counter, bring it upright shakily. "And why should I give a damn if it isn't?"
Ranma held up his hands, warding the girl away while interposing herself between the angry fiancee and an unflappably calm Hild. "Urd is the violent chick from the dojo. Say 'hi' to her mom, Hild."
That stopped the okanomiyaki mistress. The woman behind Ranma was a dead wringer for the one in the dojo, but... "Her mother? But she's only-- there's no way that--!"
"I'll take that as a compliment," The tanned woman smiled easily, turning back to the specials on the wall and ignoring her entirely. "What do you suggest, Ranma-chan?"
"Ucchan normal cooks up a mean special for me that ain't up there," Ranma jabbed a thumb back to Ukyo, who was still in a state of semi-shock. "I'll do my best, though!"
"I'm sure you will child," Hild nodded and Ranma already had the batter ladle in hand, pouring the viscous white base onto the hot stove. Ukyo moved into the vacated space, eyeing the purple eyed woman carefully.
"So you're...that woman's mother?"
"Some days more than others, but yes," she replied pleasantly. Ranma ducked back over, sliding a mug of steaming tea to her with a happy grin, to which Hild inclined her head gratefully before turning back to Ukyo. "She can be a tad impetuous at times, as I'm sure you've noticed."
Yeah, something like that, Ukyo thought to herself before driving straight to the point. "Well she can't have my Ranma-chan."
"Oh, ho ho," Hild chuckled. Behind Ukyo the redhead flipped the pie without hearing their conversation. A mischievous glint found its way to her purple eyes. "And what makes you think she's yours?" Ukyo opened her mouth to answer, but Hild shook her head, overriding the response she already knew the answer to. "Rhetorical question, actually. Suffice to say, my child and Ranma-chan disagree with one another on certain matters. Those matters do not involve any sort of marriage arrangement."
"Damn right!" Ranma called out from over Ukyo's shoulder. "Though I can see why ya think so... She's nearly as violent as the rest of em!"
Instead of being insulted by the critique of her child, the chef was surprise by the tanned woman's giggle. "Not all the time, of course, though that wasn't one of her better days."
Ranma walked up, placing a steaming Okanomiyaki before Hild. "Doubt it's as good as that Italian place, but hope you'll like it."
"Your skills in cooking are the least of my concerns, Ranma," She smiled back and Ukyo continued to wallow in their interaction. The Hild woman was certainly beautiful enough to be a fiancée, but their banter didn't carry a fiancée vibe... But there was still that immutable law of Ranma Saotome that she had grown accustomed too: If there was a female in his life, she was either trying to marry him or kill him; sometimes both at the same time and often including herself. The woman sectioned off a piece of the okanomiyaki and savored it, making a damn near obscene show of rolling it around along her tongue before swallowing. The activity was wholly erotic and had captivated the attention of the counter's male patronage. Ukyo took a panicked glance over to Ranma to find...
...a wide smile. Nothing close to the entranced expressions of the other males, or even anything close to coveting. Instead, the grin widened. "Now who wants some of that?"
The sudden clamor of orders nearly knocked Ukyo off her already unsteady feet. What the hell?! Her brain raced even as Hild acknowledged Ranma's dish. "Delicious, Ranma-chan."
"And Ucchan's better than me," Ranma nodded confidentially. "Speakin' of which, promised Ukyo I'd help her out since she's sick. Is it okay if I'm back and forth?"
"Of course, child," Hild smiled lazily, glancing left and right to the company of teens around her. "I'm sure these gentlemen would be happy to keep me company."
The gentleman in question were all but drooling and all Ranma could do was laugh. Suckers, she labelled, knowing that the woman could more than handle herself and the bozos around her. She turned to get down to business. "Konatsu! Let's get to work!"
Ukyo watched. It's all she could do. It was like she was in the twilight zone as Ranma interacted with this overtly sexual woman without batting an eye, where in other situations her fiancee simply froze up concerning anything approaching intimate. Any eyes that left her ultimately fell on Konatsu, who sucked up the attention like the sexy-cute transvestite kunoichi he was. Money flowed as a result. The restaurateur watched for another few minutes and finally gave into the curiosity eating her alive. Ukyo turned back to the woman, who was already staring at her, as if expecting the question.
"Who are you?"
"Somebody who cares," That lazy grin found it's way to her face once more, but this time it held a slightly more sinister edge. "Somebody who will go to great lengths to see Ranma-chan happy."
That snapped Ukyo out of her haze of disbelief and she set back to offense. "Don't get any ideas, lady. He's my Ranchan."
"Hmmm," Hild tilted her head, her face reflecting amusement. It held for a moment before the woman rose up to her fully impressive height. A needling terror suddenly boiled in the chef's gut and she fought not to grovel for forgiveness at the woman's feet. "You would do well to forget this silly quest of yours, Ukyo Kuonji. I abide by you only because she holds you in favor, though there may come a day when she cannot... or rather will not. If that day should come, I will be waiting."
The smile had remained on her lips the entire time, but it was the eyes Ukyo couldn't tear herself away from. She heard the words and her own thoughts race behind the scenes, fueled by panicked terror. Somehow she knew in that moment this woman wasn't a fiancée... And yet she was also somehow a more dire threat to her relationship with Ranma than any fiancée could ever be. The terror faded and the sinister gleam faded from Hild's eyes. "I'm glad we had this talk, dear. Ranma-chan?"
Ranma's eyes suddenly snapped up from the grill she had been tending. "What's up Hild-san?"
"May I ask a favor?" Hild pulled a letter from behind her back. The envelope was jet black, save a red wax seal melted across the seam. She place the envelope on the counter in front of Ukyo, continuing. "I have correspondence I would like delivered to a friend in upper Tokyo. If you would be so kind...?"
"Not a problem!" Ranma chirped without even asking the how or why Ukyo would have in just staring at the ominous black envelope.
"Very well," She nodded, "Then I'm afraid I must take my leave. I'll leave it in Miss Kuonji's care since your hands are rather...doughy at the moment. Any time next week is fine."
Ranma stared at her hands with a chuckle, easily discerning the chunks of malleable dough and conceding Hild's point. "I'll get it there! Night Hild-san!"
"Good night to you, Ranma-chan," She smiled gently, then turned to her companions. "Good night, boys. I'm sure Ranma-chan and Konatsu-chan will take proper care of you."
The teens nodded eagerly; malleable as the dough in Ranma's hand as Hild sauntered out the door.
"Well, damn," Ranma Saotome, currently male heir to the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts eyed the address printed in flowing gold script on the front of the envelope, matching it up to the luxury apartment building he now stood before. Why he was delivering the black envelope to such a ritzy place was beyond him, but Hild had asked and she was perhaps the one person besides his own mother he didn't mind running errands for. Probably busy runnin' hell or something, he rationalized and took the steps up to the front entrance. A quick, meager tug on the door told him what he already had guessed: Locked. Of course he could force the door with no effort whatsoever, but breaking and entering was more in line with his old man and this was a friend of Hild's after all.
Blue eyes scanned the entrance, finding a series of intercom buttons along the side frame. Ranma reviewed the address once more, picked a button and stabbed it a couple of times, then waited. His patience was rewarded after a few moments as a soft female voice came over the line. "Yes?"
"Erm," Ranma hesitated, having not scripted for this particular encounter. "Got a letter for Miss Meiou?"
Silence, then the intercom clicked back on. "Please leave it in the mail box with the rest of the correspondence."
The martial artist frowned. Given who the letter was from, he was thinking it to be important in some way. And damned if i'm just gonna leave it in a box. He keyed the the speaker again. "Yeah, Hild-san asked me to--"
Click.
"Please come up," the voice advised as the lock disabled, immediately reversing the previously standoff-ish tone with a hint of... anticipation? Ranma smiled. Hild had that sort of effect on people and he opened up the door, easily ascending to the top floor where an intricately carved solid oak door awaited. His hand was poised to knock when the muffled female voice stopped him short. "It's unlocked. Come."
The pigtailed boy shrugged, opening the door and stepping into what was by all accounts a luxury suite. A huge, plush sofa dominated the room while the furniture surrounding it spoke of money. Large amounts of money. It was real wood, brass and crystal; none of it looking like it was bought at the discount warehouse on the corner. And this is just one room, Ranma whistled mentally, thoroughly impressed. He turned his attention to the sole occupant, a green haired woman who was pouring two cups of tea from a porcelain container on one of the end tables.
The emerald haired woman turned, regarding her visitor with red eyes and skeptical disposition. "You're not exactly who I would have expected Hild-san to send."
"Yeah, well, I think she's a bit busy at the moment," Ranma shrugged, moving around the sofa to accept the cup of tea the woman was offering. He took a polite sip. Not bad. "Heck, she only had a moment to stop by Ucchan's to say 'hi'."
The woman raised an eyebrow, but otherwise said nothing in favor of sipping her own tea before continuing. "Of course. I imagine she is a busy woman. Would that to be the correspondence in question?"
"Oh yeah, sorry about that," Ranma blinked, all but forgetting the black letter in his hand. He handed the letter over and watched her set the tea aside, breaching the red wax seal with a long fingernail. The martial artist took it as his que that his duties had been successfully discharged. "Hey, thanks for the tea, Meiou-san. Gotta go."
"Of course," She replied absently, not even looking up as she read the pale white parchment within. Ranma had reached the door and was nearly about to exit her suite when he heard her voice again. "On second thought..."
Ranma watched the woman cock her head, then look up at him, then back to the letter as if to re-read it. "If I may impose on you once more?"
"Uh, sure?" Ranma glanced back, idly curious as to what would cause the woman to request her stay.
"It says her you are adept at martial arts, is that correct?"
That took Ranma back. The letter is about me? "Yeah...?"
"I have a student that requires a certain familiarization with martial arts. Your references," The green haired motioned to the letter from Hild. "speak for themselves."
"I, uh..." Ranma dissembled, having been caught completely off guard. Why would Hild san recommend me to teach somebody? Gotta be pretty damn important and I am the best, but... "Look, I gotta be honest... I ain't licensed to teach my art yet. Not sure if I can--"
"A technicality," Miss Meiou brushed past his objection. "If Hild-san is recommending you, that's all the only assurance I need. You will be well compensated, of course."
The martial artist brooded over the terms for a moment, considering just how much of a technicality his licensing was. In the end, he had to conclude she was right. Can't see the old pervert declaring me ready to teach anytime soon and I can already kick Pop's ass...
"She won't require anything advanced at this juncture," The emerald haired woman continued to outline as Ranma rolled the idea around in his head. "Just a solid foundation to get her started. Once that is accomplished, you can decide on whether you want to continue to more advanced instruction."
A foundation. Maybe... it was a tightrope of technicalities, but basic instruction hardly Anything Goes. And it was evidentially important to Hild-san, which was no small thing in his eyes. "I'd like ta meet her first. Can't make any guarantees until then."
"Of course," The woman acquiesced gracefully. "School and extraciricular activities most of her weekdays, but it is Saturday. If you have time, I can arrange meeting so that we may both acertain whether this will be a viable partnership."
"Don't see why not," Ranma shrugged, letting a dead chuckle slip through his consciousness. Not like I got anything better to do... hang around the dojo, get malleted by the tomboy, chased by the girls...
By the time he had decided, the green haired woman had already finished scribbling the name address of the person he was supposed to meet on a piece of paper. "I'll phone ahead to make sure you're expected."
"Ah, sure," Ranma nodded at the reasonable concession, taking the slip he had been offered. A quick look at the address indicates it was less than fifteen minutes away by normal walking, he estimated. "Give me about an hour. Gonna drop by somewhere for lunch first."
"Of course," She set the tea cup aside, securing it and the tray. "By the way, I never got your--"
Her protégé's trainer was already gone. Setsuna Meiou gazed at the closed door a moment before turning back to the letter she had received. She took it in hand once more, reading it silently to herself.
"What are you up to, Hild-sama?"
The Crown Arcade.
Ranma looked the establishment over from the outside, idly noting the place appeared to be a cross between a gaming arcade and ice cream shop. An ice cream shop. Ranma smiled just a tad at the fortuitous omen and walked through the sliding glass doors and into a wave of air conditioned atmosphere. Decent place, he noted, mentally adding it as somewhere he'd like to return in his female form to ply the clerk for a free scoop or two. That was for later, however. At the moment, he was a guy and had business to conduct, so he stepped up the glass ice cream counter with a nod to the associate.
"Don't suppose you'd know an Tsukino-san, by any chance?" He asked, vainly trying to pick the woman out of the shop's patrons. "Was supposed to meet her--"
"Would you be Saotome-san?"
Ranma turned around fully to find a blonde with crystal blue eyes smiling at him. She was flanked by two friends, another blonde and a girl with jet black hair. Even while a portion of his brain acknowledge that all three were easy on the eyes, another recognized the simple fact that all the women in his life were lookers. The thought may have sounded egotistical as hell, but it was the truth, and he certainly wasn't looking to add three more.
The first blonde didn't quite have the curves that made her a bombshell when compared to somebody like Shampoo or even his own girl type, but her blonde hair and blue eyes were all but radiant, if not a tad peculiar even though she was plainly Japanese. Then again, I ain't exactly one to talk, Ranma reminded himself as pictures of his mother and own female form flashed through his brain. The next blonde could have easily been her sister. Unlike the first's twin streamers of blonde hair and odangos, the second held hers in a near waist length mane. Her curves were more pronounce and facial features sharper; enough to where there was no way to mistake the pair for identical twins. The final girl embodied the classic definition of Japanese beauty with her jet black hair and slate gray eyes. Even so, there was a sparkle dancing in them that demanded attention regardless of the more exotic genetics around her. Once his fleeting observations had completed and potential threats tagged, there was really only one question to ask.
"Um, hi... One of you Tsukino-san?"
The foremost blond bowed cheerfully. "That would be me! These are my friends Minako-chan and Rei-chan. Call me Usagi."
With the introduction, Usagi's blonde counterpart stepped forward with a sway in her step and a smile that bordered on predatory. While it was nowhere close to what he was used to dealing with on a regular basis, Ranma knew the signs as she introduced herself personally, causing him to shift his weight ever so slightly to avoid the potential glomp. "You can call me Mina. You're who Setsuna sent to train bunny?"
Ranma nodded, ignoring the girl's showy body language for the moment. "Just some basic martial arts. Maybe something more in depth if everything works out."
"Can I have lessons, too?" Minako swooned with a syrupy smile, prompting Rei to roll her eyes.
"Oh for God's sakes, Minako," The black haired girl huffed. Part of her annoyance was in that her friend was far too obvious, the other part... "I must apologize for my friend... she can be a bit too... Eager at times."
"Ah-ah!" The blonde fired back teasingly. "Jealousy is a dish best served cold!"
Jealousy is a dish best...? Ranma echoed the words in his mind, certain there was something wrong with the sentence, but unable to determine what. Instead, he decided to address the issue directly. 'I, um, don't think my fiancée would approve of... um.. further training."
It was the God's honest truth, too.
Bother girls ceased their arguments, their attention immediately snapping back to the boy.
"Rats!"
"Why are all the good looking ones always taken?!"
Ranma breathed silent relief as two more potential fiancées were successfully diverted from their cause. That just left--
"Oh, you too? I'll have to introduce you to my Mamoru!" His potential student replied cheerfully. "We can all go out sometime!"
Ranma blinked at the happy blonde he had come to see, barely believing his good fortune. Two girls down and the other safely occupied with her own fiancée. This might just work, he rationalized and decided to get down to business. He had thought about the dilemma on the way over, and the hour he had requested hadn't simply been for lunch. It was to buy time while he considered the daunting task of taking on his very first student. "Uh, yeah. Sounds great. As far as the martial art goes, the first couple of lessons are to just get a feel of where you're at. Nothing hard or anything. Do you have any background in the art whatsoever?"
Minako snickered with the question. "The only art she knows is sleeping in class and inhaling food."
Even Rei chuckled at Usagi's pinkening face. "And she's a klutz."
"So mean!" The focus of their jibes balked, though even Ranma could tell they were playful in nature and the girl had taken them in kind.
"Well, we got two thing in common then," Ranma ventured with a smirk. "Hopefully, by the time we're done we'll have a third."
The girl blinked, but giggled, easing his worries that the joke hadn't gone over well. "Meiou-san says you're busy most of the week, so we can either start today or tommorow, but either way, I wouldn't advise it in somethin' as nice as that."
His gesture was for the t-shirt/skirt combination she had been wearing. It accentuated her petite figure nicely and would stand up to the initial practice he had in mind, but was also likely to be a sweaty mess by the time they were done.
It would have also been easy for Usagi to take it the wrong way. It was innocuous comments such as that one that had all but cemented fiancée for life status for women in Ranma's past, but in this particular moment, the stars were seemingly aligned for the martial artist. This particular girl was safe to make those sorts of comments around. After all, she already had a fiancée. Hell, she wanted them to meet. Usagi took the compliment as a fact of life in turn. Sure, it could have been the in-roads to a cheesy pickup line from anybody else, but he had just shut down her friends entirelyby announcing his fiancée. If that wasn't love, then she didn't know what love was. And he was ultimately right. Aerobics in these clothes would be a bad idea.
"Maybe this afternoon then?" She suggested, looking to either of her friends for support. Both shrugged. It meant putting off their shopping trip, but if Setsuna thought it was important enough to send this guy to train Usagi...
"Sounds good. Is that park I passed east of her a good place?" Ranma wondered aloud, trying to determine a good place where they could set up shop. "Looked like it had enough open space, but not bein' from this part of town..."
"It should be fine," Usagi glowed with a friendly smile. "Three o'clock then!"
"Three o'clock," Ranma returned the grin. This might just work out okay...
"I mean, what's the idea, anyway?" Ranma asked as she casually flipped an okanomiyaki, one of three she was tending to simultaneously over the hot grill. "Not that I mind... A klutz like her needs all the help she can get."
"She is one of the contracts I personally maintain," Hild explained with a bemused smile. One of the okanomiyakis came of the grill and Konatsu was already on it, whisking it away to its table. The kunoichi put enough sway into her movements to ensure every male eye appreciated the effort.
Ranma paused at the second okanomiyaki, knowing something of her good friend and the contracts my now. It was a bit disconcerting that the blonde she had been tasked to train was part of one. "Uh, did she do something bad too?"
"Oh, goodness no," The white haired woman assured. "In fact, she's rather important in a number of circles, which is one of the reasons I requested your personal involvement."
"Ah, well that's good," The red head returned to the half finished okanomiyaki with a measure of relief while the woman maintained her amused smile. Normally she would have told Ranma why she was having her personally see to the girl's training in the interests of their mutual openness, but Malcanthet's idea was a a stroke of genius. And if it bears fruit on other fronts beyond those concerning you, child, all the better, the Daimakaichō chortled internally as Ranma topped another doughy disk and flipped it onto the counter.
"Oh, Miss Ukyo!" The kunoichi paused in his table runs as the okanomiyaki mistress descended the stairs from her upstairs apartment already dress for work. Ranma likewise turned around with a smile.
"Feelin' better, Ucchan?" She spied the girl, who actually did look one hundred times better than she had in the last few nights.
Ukyo cleared the final step with a nod, taking a breath of fresh air... Or sauce and oil laced air, as was the case here. Ranchan's using too much oil, part of her brain identified as she soaked up the peripheral information. Decent turnout tonight, so he can't be doing that bad. Of course, that's why he's my-- Her thought process stopped cold as her eyes fell upon the white haired woman with purple eyes.
"Ranma..." Her tone dropped a few degrees. "What's she doing here?"
"Um, just talkin'?" The redhead blinked, looking from her one time best friend turned fiancée to the demoness sitting across the grill then back. Even though she didn't have a clue as to what had triggered the mood, Ukyo's tone did all the explaining there needed.
"Hello, Miss Kuonji," Hild smiled innocently, waving a bangled hand. "Care to join us?"
"Yeah, we were just talkin'--"
"You can stay," Ukyo stated in no uncertain terms. "She can't."
Ranma just stared at her, wondering just what the hell had transpired between the two, and came to the only logical conclusion present with the facts available. "Look Ucchan, I told ya, she's not Urd. I mean, yeah--"
"It's okay, Ranma," Hild put a comforting hand on his arm to forestall any further explanations. "I was just about to leave... Though I did want to impart a warning before I did so."
She now had the red head's complete and undivided attention.
"There are factions stirring in China," She elaborated, sliding from her bar stool as she prepared to make good on her exit. "Factions with a direct interest in Jusenkyo. If they should happen upon your doorstep, I would suggest you do not take them as lightly as you have your previous opponents."
"I don't take--" A single raised eyebrow from the Daimakaichō was all it took to squash that particular objection and honesty reigned the Saotome in. "Okay, so maybe I do sometimes. That bad, huh?"
Hild smiled at the 'sometimes', but let it slide before returning to a more serious demeanor. "While certain restrictions prevent me from being as forthcoming as I would like concerning them, the winged ones respect the universal constant of brute force. I would not be gentle were I you."
"Ahem."
"And with that, I must go," Hild smirked at Ukyo's not so subtle reminder that the Grand Demoness was not welcome. Ranma cast a troubled look back at Ukyo before returning to Hild. "Ja-ne, Ranma-chan. Stop by my office. I do so need a suitable distraction from my work, you know?"
"Happy to," The redhead smiled brightly at having been deemed a suitable distraction and Hild turned, exiting the establishment. Ranma watched fondly for a moment until another presence sidled up next her position at the grill. Ukyo was tying her apron on with an unpleasant look on her face.
"Seriously, Ranchan. I'd watch her if I were you," she frowned, tying the knot, then grabbing on of her own cooking spatulas. "I wouldn't be surprised if that hussy was trying to--"
"Hild-san ain't a hussy." It was Ukyos turn to blink at what was otherwise her normally laid back fiancée, whose expression had faded into stony resolve. "She ain't a fiancée either. She's a friend. Just like you."
A... a friend...? but your mother said.. I'm...
Ranma's tone soften a measure and she pasted a weak smile, untying her own apron. "Look, you're feelin' better so... Probably should let you get back to work."
"But... Ranchan..." Ukyo murmured softly as the pigtailed girl set the apron aside and stepped out from behind the grill. "You don't have to--"
Ranma was gone as well.
Morons. Goddamn morons. Ranma Saotome thought as he stared out into the upside down neighborhood from the roof that was the Tendo dojo. Of course, it wasn't the neighborhood that was upside down, but the martial artist himself, having been punched through the roof by one pissed off Akane Tendo. Granted, he'd be pissed off too. Who the hell knocks their own daughter unconscious to marry her off ta somebody else?
But that's exactly what he had found out happened upon arriving to the place he had called home for the last year and a half. Apparently Soun had signed off on knocking his own daughter senseless in order to make her more pliable to the shotgun wedding Tendo and his old man had cooked up while he had been at the Uucchan's. Of course, they get yelled at. I get punched, Ranma observed bitterly from his upside down position, the hole he had been punched through no less than a meter behind him. It was something he had seen time and time again, and it was getting old... Her family could do no wrong. Nabiki took pictures? Blame invariably found its way to his person. Idiot parents botch their master plan for marriage? His fault.
Ranma crossed his legs while maintaining a stable center of gravity on his head. Even Ryoga of all people was blameless in her eyes, which was really screwed up. Hild was right on that one, he snorted to himself derisively. And damned if I can--
"Saotome."
A heavy blanket of ambient pressure suddenly flooded his senses and his vision was obscured by a shapely tan calve which reached all the way up into the long slit of a ivory-blue trimmed robe. That was the extent of his vision from the current angle, but it was all he needed since the vocal inflection told him the rest. "Seniors Mahjong get out early today, Urd?"
The leg shifted and a growl was heard. A face bobbed into view as the woman bent down, incidentally affording him an excellent view down the canyon of her ample clevage. "Has it ever occurred to you that Hild is much older than I am?!"
"Yeah, but she carries it better," Ranma affected an upside down shrug. He paused with a smirk. "And she's better built to boot."
"GRRRRR..." The Goddess of the past bore her teeth with a snarl, yet failed to remove or otherwise cover her cleavage from his viewpoint. "You couldn't have possibly have been this annoying before you met my mother!"
"I got people that say otherwise," he stated matter-of-factly before extending his legs and pivoting out, effectively flipping to his feet like an expert gymnast.
Urd's cheek twitched at the unabashed display of ego, but pushed her annoyance down to a low simmer as she looked over the boy, who looked none the worse for the wear considering the hole he had obviously exited the Tendo household through. Either way, it was besides the point and she got down to business. "We need to talk about her."
"Jeez, not this again," Ranma all but collapsed back to the roof and lounged into its tiled surface. He rolled his eyes at the goddess now standing over him. "Gettin' punched through the roof again would be more fun, I'm tellin' ya."
Well, not really, but he persisted in smirking at the woman regardless.
"How can you ignore what she did to those people in the pit?" Urd pressed accusingly. "That could very easily be you!"
"They deserved it from what I saw," Ranma remarked indifferently and the white haired goddess shook her head. "You guys ain't gonna take em'. Not that I blame you either, because I'd be kickin their asses out too; but Hild-san's doin' you all a favor the way I see it."
"Not everybody deserves her version of 'justice'," She explained urgently, attempting to relay the very concepts of damnation and salvation. "She lures people into temptation and obscures the path to righteousness. With your proximity to her, you have to know what she's doing with those contracts!"
"So let me get this straight," Ranma relayed with an air of boredom. "You gotta problem with Hild-san offering freaks a contract that will ultimately take them outta circulation?"
"She's enabling them! She all but encourages them to go forth and do greater evils while forfeiting their chance at forgiveness," Urd was practically shouting now, her robes fluttering even though no breeze was present. "Take the Tendo girl, for example..."
"Nabiki?" Ranma arched an eyebrow. Now things were getting interesting. It was only a guess, but it was an easy one none the less.
"Yes, the middle sister," Urd confirmed. "What if I were to tell you that Hild already has a contract for her?"
Ranma thought about it a moment before replying. "Wouldn't surprise me, I guess. Been screwin' with people long before I got here."
"Hell, Ranma. She's slated for a one way trip if mother ever decides to collect on that contract. How does that make you feel?" The eldest of the Norns pressed, hoping to crack Ranma's shell of indifference towards her mother's activities. "Does she deserve a trip to Ogdru?"
She was rewarded in that moment as a frown bore across his face as a result. The frown didn't get too far before he countered with his own question. "What'd she get for it?"
Urd's fledgling sense of victory stalled with the question, knowing it wouldn't go over well. Not at all. "Twenty seven thousand yen."
"For?"
Urd broke eye contact, looking out into across the neighborhood herself. "For a promise to keep everybody away from the dojo while Hild took your virginity."
The silence between them held for a moment before she heard the last thing she expected to hear... A chuckle. Urd turned back to him and his amused countenance. "Yeah, she mentioned that, come to think of it. I mean seriously? How stupid can ya be, selling your soul for a few bucks?"
Urd stared. And stared. "You can't seriously condone that sort of pact!"
"You wouldn't be sayin' that if you knew Nabiki," Ranma shook his head, his expression still holding an edge of mirth. "Even if she had known, Nab's would have caved. Only question is how how much money it woulda taken to do it. You know she almost drove her own family broke in some stupid challenge a few weeks ago? Woulda killed herself and Akane too in a goddamn coin operated helicopter if I hadn't been there."
"But is that worth a few millennia in the pit?" Urd drove the point home, causing Ranma pause.
"Maybe not, but she don't exactly have my best interests at heart either," The martial artist shrugged. Nabiki wasn't innocent by any means, but the pit... "Maybe I'll talk to Hild-san about her. Then again, maybe yankin' open that big ass gate for a few years would do her some good, too."
Urd continued to cast a brooding glare at the uncaring boy, her brain churning to figure out some way to engage him... Some way to pry her mother's hooks from--
CAW! CAWCAWCAW CAW! CAW!
"Huh?" Ranma's head swung around toward the avian noise and found a black mass floating on the horizon, steadily approaching them. Urd watched the jumbled black cloud as well, frowning. The crowing continued as the blot approached and Ranma could see that it was indeed comprised crows. Hundreds. A huge, unnatural flock of them circling... A girl. She couldn't have been more than seven, dressed in Chinese silks and--
The crows dove on her.
Oh, hell, Ranma's eyes widened as the flocked dipped into the alley adjacent a nearby construction site. "Look out!"
Ranma Saotome was off the roof in a leap, stepped lightly across the top of a phone pole to bridge the gap and dove into the girl himself, scooping her up as he rolled across the ground and sliding up next to a pile of gravel. The flocking bird's pursuit was instantly routed as his hands dug into the pile and improvised point defense pellet fire, killing the leading elements outright with the stones and dispersing the rest of the crowd. The flock disintegrated, revealing its core. A man. With wings.
"Kakakkakaka!" It chattered from aloft while the surviving crows circled around him. He looked every bit human until one noted his hands and feet had been supplanted by what appeared to be completely natural raptor's talons. Two meter wings held the hybrid aloft as it glowered down upon them. "Give me the girl!"
"Hell no!" Ranma retorted, and slid into a protective stance in front of the child.
"Kakakaka! Then you die now!"
Even as it committed to it's attacking dive, Ranma knew that Hild had been right. The winged ones had arrived.
Author's notes--
Well, we're finally here… book 37! Thanks for sticking with the fic as I take liberties with behind the scenes canon. Chapter 8 will mark the transition of HiaMA into a continuation fic with the telling of Saffron.
Malcanthet - AD&D Succubus Queen, Malcanthet is described as an incredibly beautiful human-like female with bat-wings, horns, and a long prehensile tail tipped with a spike-like stinger.
ZOMGSenshi - Believe it or not, they've been a part of the plot since it's foundation from day one, even back before my recent attempts to do non Senshi fics. See how well that's worked out?
Book 36 - Think I'm joking? Follow Ranma and Konatsu along on his okanomiyaki adventures in Book 36, "Trying to Proper (forcefully)". Aside from Ranma actually attempting to beat the living daylights out of Akane in the Koi Rod arc, this is one of my favorite chapters in the series. I'll post the link in the fiction index on my ffnet page.
GoogleDocs - Second chapter constructed nearly from the ground up using Google Docs, and I'm still working through a coherent writing process concerning it. It's great for collaboration, not so great for final editing and I find myself transporting everything to Word for the stronger editing features.
Special Tanks - And yes, that's armor. Yas, Tri, DT, MB, DCG and Slade13. This is where google docs shines. Additional thanks to the suggestions from those on the F3 forum, also posted on my ffnet page.