Hell is a Martial Artist

by Ozzallos

When the Grand Demoness of Hell finds a new play toy, she gets more than she bargained for with Ranma Saotome, gender cursed heir of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts.

9. Chapter 9, Part 1

Hell is a Martial Artist
Chapter 9, Part 1
By Ozzallos

"But this isn't fair!"
"Gonna have to do better than that!"

Motivation.

For some people, it comes naturally. Ranma Saotome was one such individual when it came to anything that was deemed worth the effort, and those efforts were usually focused on martial arts. His father was largely to thank for that mindset, instilling within his offspring a slavish work ethic from the age of four using methods and techniques that would be considered war crimes in various countries. While some would likely consider such single minded devotion to be a self limiting waste of potential in an age where martial artists were by and large unappreciated outside of certain social strata, Ranma's pursuits had ironically led the otherwise socially inept teen down some of the more obscure back of the art in spite of his father's attempt to live vicariously through- and off -his son.

Motivation was therefore easy to come by, if only because the Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu heir existed in a self perpetuating cycle to be the best, which invariably led him from one improbable situation to another. These, in turn, were mastered, ensuring that Ranma could converse on the most eclectic and seemingly divergent topics; including anything from fine dining etiquette to sewing ryu...

...Something Ranma would enthusiastically deny if ever asked.

Usagi Tsukino, on the other hand, had exactly the opposite problem. Though fated as the reincarnated princess of an empire long forgotten, the blond had little ambition of her own beyond those of any other normal teen her age. She was, in essence the quintessential teenager burdened with a role she had not asked for and suffered from the apathy of being carried along by the currents of destiny- as opposed to forcefully paddling her way to the nebulous goal known as Crystal Tokyo. Motivation was involuntarily heaped upon the blond with every step she took, and were she a more bitter soul, might have resented her lot and life.

That motivation usually consisted of life force devouring youma, demon possessed thralls and high powered magical fire fights which were otherwise the bane of her social life. Usagi's true mettle was usually held in reserve for only the most dire of situations, which in turned posed a problem for those looking to motivate her in other areas. Such areas included school... Exercise...

"You said I could have that one!"
"Nuh-uh, too slow!"

...and, of course, Martial Arts.

Usagi lunged forward with a speed that impressed her audience, thrusting her hand toward the prize. For a girl generally considered to be clumsy and mired in sloth, the effort she put forth was respectable, but nowhere near fast enough to claim her prize. Ranma's hand snatched back at the very last moment to deny the girl her pink, sugary objective. A scowl replaced the brief flash of hope the blonde's face had emoted and the cupcake reappeared within the martial artist's grasp once more, up slightly and half a meter to the right. Usagi's crystal blue eyes focused once more on the treat and she committed to her attack.

It was an absolute stroke of genius in Ranma's less than humble opinion.

Another grab yielded the same result as the last, and the martial artist took a quick step back while the girl redoubled her efforts; grasping at the newly positioned cupcake that by pure coincidence just happened to be positioned in front of her instructor's carotid artery before the pastry disappeared, leaving Usagi grabbing at empty space. Ranma repositioned Usagi's sugary target mid body, and she snatched greedily for the cupcake once again. It was, by pure happen-stance, positioned just in front of the twelfth floating rib on the right side of his body. Like the previous dozen or so grabs, this one failed by millimeters, and the toll of exertion was beginning to creep down the girl's forehead in the form of a sweaty sheen. The future queen of Crystal Tokyo made one final attempt at the repositioned cupcake before her wrist was caught mid strike, jarring Usagi's focus.

She blinked, refocusing on Ranma and the easy smile he wore. The girl blinked once more as she realize their practice had just ended, then looked at the cupcake in her sensei's hands longingly even as he released hers. The longing quickly turned into a pout. "It's not fair."

"Probably not," Ranma commented easily, tossing the cupcake into the air and catching it. Usagi's gaze tracked it through its entire arc with almost zombie like focus. "But if you want it, you're gonna have to build your speed and endurance."

"But you're too fast!" The blond balked, wiping the sweat from her brow using the left sleeve of her pastel blue sweat suit she had worn for these specific practice sessions. Of course it was functional, but she wanted to look good for her audience. Makoto and Rei off to the side, she could have cared less about. Mamoru-Kun, on the other hand... She glanced at him as he lounged on the park bench and he noticed her attentions, flashing her a quick smile. She smiled back warmly, but returned her focus to her current source of irritation and torture. "Besides, I can't get as good as you!"

"Ah, too bad," The Saotome shrugged, completely indifferent to the girl's apathy. Hild-San had asked this girl to be his special project, and the girl would have to do better than puppy-dog eyes to elicit any sympathy from him what-so-ever. Besides, he chortled silently, used 'em too many times myself. Ranma produced an exaggerated sigh for his student. "Guess I won't be needing this then."

Ranma casually tossed the cupcake off to the side, where gravity quickly exerted itself on the meager frosting covered mass. Time instantly slowed for Usagi, who watched in horror as the dessert fell to the ground at an excruciating pace. Four weeks of muscle memory and kata ad nauseum chained together like lightning in that moment, and her hand shot out. When time had resumed a moment later, the cupcake was in hand less than twenty centimeters from the park's well manicured lawn. Once confirmed safe, Crystal Tokyo's heir apparent relaxed.

"Whew."

She looked up from the pink frosting and sprinkles to find Ranma grinning down at her, causing her to wonder self consciously. "Um... uh, something wrong?"

"Only that's the fastest we've ever seen you move, meatball head," A black haired girl commented, walking up to the pair now that the hostilities seemed to have ended. The comment lacked most of teasing she normally employed, and Rei cocked her head in afterthought. "...Even if it's still just for food."

"Don't be mean, Rei!" Usagi balked, only to have the black haired girl stick her tongue out back at her.

Makoto stared as well, though not for quite the same reason. Unlike her sister in arms, the Senshi of Jupiter had her own foundation in martial arts and she saw quite clearly what Usagi's new sensei was doing through their games of cupcake keep away. Of course, there were the speed drills, and it was obvious that Usagi had gotten marginally faster over the last few weeks when pitted against losing her a favorite treat. The brunette's critical eye, however, saw where the cupcake had been held... Weak points, she noted, still unsure on whether to applaud Usagi's teacher on ingenuity or shiver at what kind of thought process it took to use a sugary treat in order to train their fearless leader to unwittingly strike vital organs and fragile bone structure.

"Say, you like ice cream, right?"

The out of the blue question derailed Makoto's analysis and all three pairs of eyes turned on the martial artist. Usagi answered all too quickly. "Oh yes, definitely."

A pit began to develop in the brunette's stomach, and she found Rei glancing over to her with similar wariness writ across her face. Both turned back to Ranma as he continued the seemingly innocent line of questioning. "What flavor?"

"Pistachio nut," A masculine voice answered for the girl idly, and Usagi's head bobbed in agreement with her fiancé's assessment. Mamoru sidled alongside the blond, wrapping an arm around her hip. "She'll run through glass barefoot for a scoop."

Off to the side, Rei and Makoto were violently shaking their heads 'NO'. Usagi stared back at them without comprehension before a chuckle drew her attention back to the martial artist while her friends looked at him as if were some dark general. "That aside, you're doing so well I'll be sure to bring some next time."

The blonde's eyes lit up with the promise, while Rei and Makoto simply slumped in defeat. Usagi stared at her best friends again, completely missing their consternation. "Seriously, what?"

Makoto opened her mouth, then closed it as Ranma smirked back at them. In the end, she could only shake her head and sigh while Rei rolled her eyes. "If you don't know what by now, odango brains, I'm not sure telling you will help any."

"Whatever," The princess huffed, then stuck her tongue back out at Rei without a clue as to what she could possibly be upset about. Sure the training was a pain and the teasing with the treats was just borderline mean, but she knew Ranma was a nice guy and rewarding her with ice cream all but proved it.

"Speakin' of which," Ranma continued, this time addressing Mamoru directly in a slightly more serious tone. The teen looked at him curiously as Ranma motioned back to Usagi. "Sooner or later we're gonna be startin' hand to hand training. It's gonna be physical. Think you'll have a problem with that?"

"Me?" Usagi's fiancé looked at the black haired teen with confusion. "I'm sure you'll find Usagi surprisingly... durable, but why ask me?"

"That's one way to put it," Rei mumbled softly.

"I heard that!" Usagi squawked, turning back to the source of the missive. The part time shrine priestess was busy looking up into the sky as if she had no idea what her friend was talk about.

"Just so there ain't any.. misunderstandings," Ranma picked his words carefully, ignoring the squabbling girls while explaining his position to Mamoru. "Ya seem like a decent guy and you might say I've had some experience in the matter. Just lettin' you know it won't all be dodging and katas."

"Ah," The taller boy nodded, receiving the message as intended. "I'm sure everything will be just fine. On that note, when will we be seeing you and your fiancée?"

The bickering from the other two girls stopped abruptly and the martial artist once more found himself at the center of attention. "Ah... She's been, ah... busy. School and stuff."

Stuff like jumpin' to the wrong conclusion about all sorts of crap, Ranma grumbled mentally, now in no way eager to have something this important screwed by another bout of misunderstanding. His minds eye cringed at just such a meeting, prompting one of his first memories of Akane Tendo, her 'little match' and the wall she had destroyed less than a minute later upon losing her temper. And to expose his new student to that? Not a goddamn chance, the pigtailed boy firmed his resolve and forced a smile for the group that was intently awaiting more detail.

"I'll, uh... Try and pry her away from her studies," He finished lamely. When hell freezes over, the back of his mind echoed as his audience nodded their understanding.

"Sounds like Ami-Chan," Rei tisked. "All work and no play."

If only, Ranma winced as the guilt from sandbagging Akane reared its head. Sure, she was cute and held a special place in his heart, but... but there was past experience to consider. The chances of things going horribly wrong were exponentially greater than them actually going right; chances he couldn't afford to take until-

"Maybe we can come by your place then!" Usagi piped and Ranma desperately fought to keep the cringe from wracking his face.

"Uh, yeah, maybe!" The martial artist improvised hastily. "I'll run it by her. Oh, look at the time!"

It didn't matter that Ranma owned neither a watch, nor was there any sort of timepiece within his line of sight at the center of the park. Practice was over and the only time he was certain about was that it was time for a strategic withdrawal from the conversation. Usagi's fiancée idly looked at his watch, even as Ranma began to wrap their meeting up. "Same time Saturday. Gotta get going!"

With that final wave, Ranma was gone down the park's central path back onto the city streets, leaving the three girls and one guy watching after him with slight curiosity before dismissing his behavior as haste. Three hundred meters away and out of sight, Ranma slowed down his pace while breathing a sigh of relief. Too damn close, he decided, reviewing the last ten minutes mentally while guilt continued to needle at him.

"Ah, whatever," He mumbled, shoving the dilemma to the back of his mind like he had done so many times in the past. Too many times in the past, if he was to be honest with himself, but today wasn't the day to confront that particular issue. Things had been relatively quiet since returning from China and he wasn't about to rock the boat by introducing yet more girls to the crew back in Nerima. Another shit storm waiting to happen, he decided and deemed his current course to be the right one, at least for now.

At least until I can get Miss Pistachio Nut up to par, Ranma smirked, wondering if the girl had any idea what next week's training was going to entail. Fence walking 101, he chortled, amused at the idea of leading the girl along the top of fence with a melting cone of ice cream in hand. The martial artist paused with the thought. In fact, that sounds pretty damn good right now...

The salivating of his mind's eye also processed the barely conscious shift into his female aspect; also coincidentally the aspect that the ice-cream would be all the more appreciated by. Ranma's male body became a trick of the light, causing a passing pedestrian to scrub his eyes out as the martial artist's body melted in upon itself and filled out in other areas, producing a shapely redheaded female whose gait automatically adjusted to her new feminine body. Inclusive to that gait was a subtle sway of the hips that had been drilled into her movements, that in turn began to draw the eye of those that hadn't seen her transform in the first place. She dodged left at the next intersection while a delicate hand floated up to the first clasp of her red silk shirt, releasing it to afford her assets a better view of the world.

The world, in turn, appreciated her consideration as she smiled pleasantly back at it. Ranma crossed the street at the next cross-walk and angled for the only ice cream shop she knew in the area... The Crown Arcade, whose automatic doors slid open to reveal the din of arcade games and vocal chatter within. It was a situation the girl was quite used to and she waited until the attendant behind the layered glass display of multi-colored ice creams happened to make eye contact with the new arrival.

The part time redhead smiled back, inserting a fractional amount of flirtatious heat into her gaze before commencing her attack run.

Before Ranma had even closed within a meter of the counter, the outcome was already a foregone conclusion. The teen- undoubtedly some part time help of some sort -found himself wallowing under her crystal blue gaze as she smiled at him, then turned her attention to the cartons of flavored cream beyond the glass, as if to mull over her decision. She tilted her head up at the attendant and aligned her body in a manner that afforded him a clear line of sight down her silk shirt while making it abundantly clear this particular customer felt that a bra was quite optional.

"What would you recommend?"

For the teen in question, the open ended inquiry left far too many suggestive responses to reply with, and even if he were able to decide on simply one, his mouth had gone dry since his eyes were currently cemented to the inky void of her unbutton collar and the generous amount of cleavage that disappeared within. The girl bobbed up to something closer to his height, causing her charms to wobble in a delightful manner.

"I... I... uh..." Ranma struggled not to produce the feral grin cast across her psyche as the teen stumbled for words. Her control over him was absolute, which had been the intended goal from the moment she had considered treating herself to ice cream on the street. Sure, it had been painfully easy, but it induced nearly the same effect on her ego that the mastery of her martial arts produced. It was nearly intoxicating. "I... maybe we should... I mean you..."

"Can I have a sample of that one?" She let his stumbling continue for another few moments before retaking control of the encounter. The flavor in question strawberry and it took several moments for the attendant to recover his wits enough to flash an eager smile. The display box was thrown open and a 'sample' was acquired: A full cone with a generous two scoops of creamy pink goodness, speckled with bits of strawberry interspersed therein. He all too happily handed her the cone, as if it were a sacred relic. Ranma's eyes widened with avarice, but she didn't neglect her benefactor and favored him with a clueless look. "Oh my... How much will this cost me?"

"On the house," The teen smiled proudly and the girl across the counter readied her final salvo.

"In that case, thank you." She then put the cone to her lips and took a long, gentle lick with her tongue. By the time it had transverse from the side of the bottom scoop to the top of the second, a thin crimson line of blood had seeped from his nose. Ranma smirked from within her thoughts and began a mental countdown. Three, two, one...

THUNK.

All eyes turned to the counter with the sound, only to find just the redhead; the counter attendant having mysteriously vacated his post. The clueless blinking returned and she shrugged, turning for the exit. Of course, the last part had been completely unnecessary, but it also probably represented her last bit of fun before she returned to Nerima, so- The exit swished open moments before she came into its proximity, admitting three chattering girls: Blond, brunette and black haired respectively. Ranma was caught flat footed upon seeing the three girls she had just left, and their conversation drifted to ear even as they walked by her completely bereft of recognition.

"...hope he remembers to go back for them."
"Think it will cause him too much trouble?"
"...wouldn't worry. Mamoru will wait for a few more minutes to see..."

Ranma almost asked them outright what they were talking about when realization suddenly hit her... Dammit, Ranma fumed and stepped out onto the sidewalk at a brisk pace before cutting into the nearest alley and taking to the roof. It was a simple equation, the martial artist realized as she leaped across the roof, then over to the next building to shave time off her route back to the park. She had come here directly from school, books in hand. Even now, said books were probably resting under a tree nearby the patch of real estate they had practiced on. And with any luck, 'Sagi-chan's boyfriend is waitin' for me to pick 'em up...

The redhead cleared the final building, landing on the soft green grass, The large tree her books were propped against in turn was twenty meters down range with no boyfriend in sight. Ranma filed the anomaly as inconsequential and made a direct line for them, arriving within the tree's proximity less than thirty seconds later. Its shade blotted out the waning afternoon sun and she was about to cover the final steps to her books when Usagi's fiancée stepped out from behind the opposite side of the thick tree, spotting the redhead instantly. He cocked his head with a curious, if somewhat amused smile upon sighting her.

"Oh, hello miss," He greeted Ranma cordially while the martial artist suddenly realized that she had failed to shift forms for the encounter. "Anything I can do for you?"

"Ah... um, just..." Ranma hedged, unprepared for the situation while simultaneously unwilling to reveal her condition quite yet. She eyed the books, then considered them sacrificial toward that end goal. Besides, it wasn't as if she couldn't just walk off and return as a guy in a few minutes. "I was... just looking for some shade."

"Of course," Mamoru returned agreeable and assumed a cheery smile. "I'm waiting for a friend as well. You can join me if you want?"

"I wouldn't want to-"

"It's alright," Usagi's fiancée insisted, stepping into her personal space while taking her hand gently. Ranma's eyes widened with the physical contact and he began to gently pull her further into the shade. "There's plenty to go around."

"I... that's..." Her brain was now racing as to the implications of Mamoru Chiba's smooth manner, which bore all too much resemblance to another smooth talker she had the unfortunate privilege of meeting. That particular meeting had ended in her first kiss, and if that was how this one was going to go, Ranma had already decided that Usagi's boyfriend was going to die.

And maybe I shouldn't be jumpin' to Akane conclusions, she reconsidered as he stopped next to the tree itself. Maybe he's just bein' friendly. Maybe he's just the touchy-feely type. Maybe- Ranma caught his eyes openly trace the contours of her body out of the corner of her eye. Her cheek twitched with the revelation even has he began to lean subtly closer.

. . . Maybe he's gonna die.

Ranma snatched her hand out of the boy's grasp before that possibility would even have a remote chance of coming to pass, while the rest of her intellect fought to maintain her cover through a healthy dose of righteous indignation. "I, um... I really need to get going. Nice to... um, meet you!"

Mamoru frowned as the girl backed away, then outright fled the scene. Still, even that particular action allowed a lazy grin to cross his face as he admired her curves from the back while deciding that she was far better built than Usagi could ever hope to be. The redheaded beauty disappeared from sight and the teenager sighed, deciding that he had wasted enough time waiting for Saotome. With that final thought, he collected the books at his feet and abandoned the tree as well.

Neither could have known that their every move had been watched by a certain lavender kitten perched in a neighboring tree branch fifty meters away.

---

Belldandy, Goddess of the Present first class, category two hummed a simple tune as she tended to a hot stove top and the eggs frying on a pan she had set upon it. Realistically speaking, it was well within her divine providence to simply whip up a breakfast from ether- mana from heaven, if you will; though she gained more satisfaction from the act of creating a meal by hand... That, and it usually helped to center her thoughts after some of the more stressful encounters that were visited upon Keiichi and herself on a regular basis. The brunette-blond goddess considered the last few days and the tune she had been humming faltered slightly.

POP!

Belldandy blinked and turned to the source. One of the eggs in a carton of five spontaneously immolated itself, raining clear yellow goo around its immediate vicinity. The goddess frowned and removed the pan from its heat, then moved to the portion of the counter that had been spattered by the egg's payload with a cloth in hand.

The kitchen door at her back opened with the slightest squeak, and the Goddess of the Present turned to find the platinum tresses of her sister peering into the kitchen. Her eyes flicked from her sibling to the egg splatter along the counter-top, prompting a curious arch of her eyebrow. They stood staring at one another for another moment before Urd admitted herself fully into the kitchen, closing the door behind her.

"Anything I can help with, Bell-Chan?"

Belldandy looked from her sibling to the counter top and sighed. "It's... I don't know... She..."

"Keiichi is in the living room wondering why the TV began to smoke." Urd stated in a nonchalant tone, as if the fact were an everyday occurrence. The observation, however, caused the brunette to flinch slightly as the full realization of how much her last meeting with the Daimakaichō had affected her. Urd continued her silent observation before walking over to the opposite counter, leaning against it with a slight look of concern. "Wanna talk about it?"

Belldandy didn't want to, that much was certain, but it was either that or let her consternation leak out in destructive and not so subtle ways. "It's... what Hild-Sama said before she left."

"Seriously, Bell," Urd rolled her eyes with the mention of hell's mistress and her mother. "You should know better than anybody that she's a self centered, ego-maniacal-"

"It was about Keiichi," Belldandy cut her off softly, silencing the sister and earning her undivided attention. "About our future together."

"Oh," Urd replied tepidly, suddenly having a good idea of what the woman had said to Belldandy. In the end, she tried to dismiss it with a nonchalant shrug. "Head games. She's fond of them."

Belldandy held her silence for another moment, then turned back to the stove to return the unfinished eggs to their burner. "But I love him, Urd. He's not ready, but..."

"In time," The goddess of the past added, placing her hand gently on her sister's shoulder. "For the record, I agree with you. Keiichi's not ready, but in time, he will be. Until then, she's simply yanking your chain." Urd's face scrunched up with irritation. "She's good at that."

"It was the way she put it," The brunette insisted solemnly, adjusting the sunny side up eggs to a new position on the pan with the spatula in hand. "She said I was I was toying with him the same way she toyed with the young Saotome."

"Whatever," The tanned goddess snorted and turned to the refrigerator to her left. She opened it up easily enough and began to scan for an easily acquired snack. "Even she knows what the kid means to you. Heck, that's the reason she brought it up in the... in..."

Belldandy watched as her sister stilled in the refrigerator doorway, then slowly straightened to her full height with a befuddled look on her face. Belldandy cocked her head, wondering what the woman was thinking. "Urd-Chan?"

"I..." The goddess's thought process stalled once more before her attention finally snapped back to Belldandy seconds later with new found intensity. "How exactly did that conversation go?"

The goddess of the present still wondered at her sister's abrupt turnabout in attitude, but complied regardless. "I had advised her to stop the fight and informed her that heaven's consensus was that she was toying with Saotome. She responded by insinuating that I was likewise toying with Keiichi."

Belldandy watched the intensity on her sister's face fade into a puzzled expression. "But that's... She's..."

"What is it?"

"She plays games," Urd shook her head, still working the potential angles for herself. "They may seem like sadistic, petty games created solely for amusement, but I know her. Mother always plays them with a purpose."

"But what does that have to with Keiichi?" The brunette goddess wondered with a certain amount of foreboding, dreading any further possibility of the Daimakaicho's plans for her fiancée while Urd paced the kitchen.

Urd opened her mouth as a thought found its way to her tongue, only to close it as another thought occurred. She cocked her head as the new revelation rolled around her intellect before coming to a conclusion that even surprised herself. "I... I don't think it does."

Belldandy simply remained silent as her sister worked through the supposition. "She knows you and Keiichi, and she knows you wouldn't play games with him like that. Of course, there's the distinct possibility that she's just indulging in her version of fun, but..."

Urd waved her hand, and the light woven template of an Yggdrasil holographic interface appeared. "Ranma Saotome."

The screen blinked with compliance as a picture of the martial artist appeared, his male aspect overlapped upon the female and thus indicating exactly which form he was in at the moment. Urd blinked as the portrait shifted to the female, causing her to shake her head as she reviewed the record; scrolling down with a single finger tracing down the display. Most of it she had already reviewed, and paid the majority of its content only cursory attention before reaching the end.

"Nothing exciting there," The tanned goddess commented, before continuing. "Chronology."

The record cleared and was replaced by a technicolor timeline detailing the life and times of Ranma Saotome, with major events marked off in discrete intervals. Urd scanned through the heavenly script and drew her finger across the screen, pulling more of the timeline into view until her eyes happened across a red square.

"Sealed," Belldandy noted, now quite interested in what her sister was searching for, then watched as she attempted to manipulate the block that obscured Ranma's future. "Sister, are you sure we should-?"

"Mother dearest is up to something," The platinum haired woman returned bitterly as she continued to access the Yggdrasil command line, hammering code into the holographic keyboard. "Something more than using the kid as her own personal ball of yarn like we first thought." She tapped the 'return' key and nodded with satisfaction. "Access up-time records, Saotome Ranma."

"Up-time record: Saotome, Ranma; restricted access," A vaguely female voice droned from the interface, one that Urd ignored outright.

"Override."

The terminal floated silently for a moment before a response came back. "Access denied, insufficient privilege."

Urd blinked at the terminal, unable to comprehend what had gone wrong. She was a systems administrator. Time was the Norn domain. There weren't many people with more authority than that. She turned to Belldandy and shrugged.

The Goddess of the Present decided to try her own hand, if only to ensure the threat to Keiichi was minimal. While she wasn't technically an Yggdrasil admin, she was still a Norn and held a marginally higher rating. "Please access up-time records, Saotome Ranma; override."

"Access denied, insufficient privilege."

It was Belldandy's turn to cock her head curiously, but Urd was already leaning out the kitchen door. "Hey squirt! Get your butt in here!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SQUIRT?" The black haired goddess of the future burst into the kitchen less than a minute later, her gaze flashing with irritation as it locked onto a smiling Urd. The youngest Norn began to stomp forward when her sister simply pointed to the Yggdrasil interface off to the side. Skuld looked from her sister to the terminal, and back to her sister, her irritation stymied for the moment. "What?"

"Access up-time records, Saotome Ranma," Urd began anew, causing the young goddess to scrutinize the record on display more closely. "Norn Command override, Urd Goddess of the Past two, one."

"Norn Command key acknowledged," The voice from the terminal replied. "Awaiting remaining command keys to proceed."

"Norn command override, Belldandy, Goddess of the present one, two." Belldandy continued with her portion of the command key trifecta.

Skuld looked from sister to sister with dawning understanding. Of course, she could refuse to offer her consent to this particular endeavor and stop their high level override into the Yggdrasil temporal database cold, but the timeline being display belonged to somebody now quite well known to her, and she wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to take a peek. "Norn command override, Skuld, Goddess of the Future, two, one."

"Standby." The terminal stated with ineffable calm and the trio waited while it processed the request. A minute later the screen abruptly blanked out with a petulant 'beep!' and was replaced by a red window inlaid with divine script. All three moved closer to read the message it held.

Sorry, girls. Access Denied.
-Kami-Sama

---

Dammit, dammit, dammit...

The thought flowed through Ranma's head even as she took to the ledge of another roof, flexing her legs and gaining a formidable amount of height while the forward momentum she retained did the rest. The street flashed below , but the red head hardly noticed as the encounter with Mamoru was review with equal amounts of anger and disgust. Figures, she scoffed with a measure of bitterness as she thought on the matter. My first real student and her boyfriend's a playboy jackass. Wonderful.

Ranma hit the ground of the next roof and proceeded to traverse it at high speed, hopping over the occasional maze of ducting or dodging an air conditioning unit on her way to the opposite edge, where she leaped out into open space once more. Gonna cause all sorts of problems too, she decided while simultaneously wondering how long it would be before she would have to confront his inevitable demise by her very hand. It was the principle of the matter, Ranma decided as she continued her roof hopping back to Nerima. The sun's setting light tracing through Tokyo's skyline, highlighting her through its dying rays and setting her already red hair afire for anybody lucky enough to catch the martial artist in mid-flight.

Sooner or later, she acknowledged, knowing that her own tolerance for that sort of behavior was on a short fuse thanks to some of the overly amorous morons she had met over the last two years. Playboy will do something stupid, I'll deck him for screwin' with my student, she'll misunderstand things and I'm out of a job, Ranma summarized the situation, mentally scowling with the assessment. Can't catch a goddamn-

"ONEE-CHAN!"

Ranma's eyes widened as a young girl's voice pitched against her ears even as she passed through the apex of her jump. The redhead's attention immediately focused on the direction and found a young girl now standing directly in her landing zone on the next building- a landing zone she had ensured was clear of obstacles only seconds before. Panic, recognition and adrenaline collided simultaneously as Ranma fought the Newtonian physics that guided her fall, shifting weight and altering her trajectory just enough to avoid the lavender haired girl. Her landing was harder than necessary, and she touched down next to the seemingly prepubescent girl; avoiding her, but retaining the full momentum of the jump itself. A hard skid across the roof did its part in arresting her movement. The air conditioning unit in her immediate path did the rest. Metal shrieked as a martial artist magnitudes more durable than the unit itself slid headlong into its frame, shearing pieces of it away and all but ripping metal contraption out of its bolted foundation as Ranma continued on, tumbling a few more meters before coming to rest near the building's ledge.

The redhead lay dazed in a trench of shingles and assorted parts for a moment before shaking the impact off and attempting to regain her balance. Ranma lurched upright, twisted her neck right to squeeze a kink out and took a step out of the path of ruin she had created.

"Well, that wasn't any WAHHHH!"

THuNK.

When the stars in her vision finally cleared, Ranma was looking at sky and the building she had just fallen eight stories from into an alleyway. No sooner than she had begin to assemble her wits to move did a pair of red eyes framed by a lavender crop of hair bob into view. "You okay, Onee-Chan?"

Was doing great until some loli-succubus decided to appear, why'd ya ask? Ranma groused, shaking the cobwebs out of her brains as she attempted to stand once again. The Saotome turned to the pre-teen girl of her own approximate height clad in a strappy crimson red leotard and light blue bat print stockings. It took the redhead a moment to recall the relevant details concerning her, though the smallish wings protruding from the back and head were hard to forget. "Uh...wait, don't tell me... Lilith, right?"

"You remember!" The girl effused, offering her hand to the still sitting martial artist. Ranma took it and was pulled up briskly by the deceptively fragile looking demoness. She looked Ranma up and down, noting the disheveled state of her silks. "I didn't catch you at a bad time, did I?"

Ranma arched a skeptical eyebrow at the oblivious question, but let it slide regardless. "Just headin' home before everybody starts to wonder why I ain't there."

"Oh, well in that case..." Lilith decided and made a motion as if she were going to retrieve something, when her voice trailed off. Her face took on a distracted countenance and she cocked her head, sniffing the air. "Is that lust I smell?"

Ranma's eyes widened, unsure of how actually to explain the aforementioned lust and was even taken back that the girl before her could smell lust. "Uh, that's... uh.."

"Guy lust," The succubus elaborated, her sniffs probing into the redhead's personal space before eyeing Ranma with a mischievous glint. "Somebody likes you, Onee-Chan!"

Ranma blinked. Her face scrunched with irritation a moment later. "That pompous asshole..."

"Well he smells absolutely delicious," Lilith took another sniff before ceasing her lust detecting activities with a childish smile. "If you don't want him, maybe I can take him off your hands?"

Ranma opened her mouth, but the action failed to produce any sort of speech at first while her brain caught up to the improbable question. Actually might not be a bad- "No, no... Not yet. Maybe... No."

Saying no, however, didn't make the prospect any less attractive to certain pernicious aspects of her personality seeking viable options to eliminate this newest dilemma she faced in Usagi's fiancé. On one hand, she wasn't the type to seek revenge and her student would probably find out the guy's idiocy sooner or later without her help. On the other, siccing a loli-succubus on Mamoru certainly tickled her sense of ironic justice, and said succubus was certainly eager. Ranma eyed the pleasantly smiling demoness once more as the possibility opened up again for a moment before she managed to shut it down. No, no, no--

A shadow crossed overhead and Ranma only had a split second's worth of warning before a new battle cry echoed within the confines of the ally.

"PREPARE TO DIE, SAOTOME!"

The martial artist had only a moment to spin and grab Lilith, pirouetting her out of the strike zone before meeting dense red umbrella on its downward stroke with a cross arm block. Its spine slammed into her bracers, and beyond it, Ryoga Hibiki's furious expression as he landed behind the strike. The alleyway asphalt crumpled with the impact and Ranma winced with the force being transmitted through her frame, but retaliated in kind; scissoring upward on a single leg to send a hard kick straight into the lost boy's gut as he came down. Ryoga's eyes bulged as his stomach took the kick's full force and the gravity's fall to boot, allowing the redhead to redirect his momentum with that same leg into the wall to her left.

The brick structure failed with hit, producing a circular indentation that Ryoga wallowed in for a moment before recovering his senses enough to re-engage the martial artist in direct hand to hand combat while berate his rival for her moral indiscretions.

"ANOTHER FIANCÉE?" Ryoga growled, pummeling Ranma's guard with several combinations as he pressed the dodging redhead back. "AND A LITTLE GIRL AT THAT! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D STOOP SO LOW!"

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Ranma balked, deflecting another hard fist aimed for her head and leaning out of the roundhouse kick that followed. "She ain't a fiancée, dumbass!"

"LIAR!" The lost boy's finger stabbed into the street, instantly causing it to spontaneously explode even though Ranma was already rolling out the strike zone. The pigtailed girl was peppered with asphalt fragmentation but shrugged it off, pulverizing Ryoga's ribcage with her chestnut technique in reprisal. He staggered, gasping for wind and she followed up with another mid kick to the gut, gagging him further. Her roundhouse blazed in for the side of his face, but the fanged martial artist snapped up with a glare, catching the punch in his left hand in order to exchange it for his right fist.

"They're always your fiancées!" The Hibiki boy ranted as he set up for the right cross. "Every single last one of-"

WHAaaM!

"Just SHUT UP, dammit!" The redhead brought her head back and viciously head butted Ryoga with enough force to send both reeling. Ranma staggered back as stars danced on the edge of her vision. Ryoga stumbled around drunkenly for a few feet before a pair of arms caught him, stabilizing his balance. The other girl. He was just about to mumble an apology and get back to the fight when the lavender haired teen gathered him up in her arms, smiling down on him.

Ryoga blinked, but couldn't tear himself away from her all encompassing red eyes. "I... um... I have to..."

"You have to come with me," She smiled eagerly and took his lips for her own. Ranma's eyes widened to the size of five hundred yen pieces as the lost boy spasmed in her embrace. A trickle of blood ran down his left cheek from his nose, undoubtedly, but the succubus maintained the kiss. She pulled the unwilling, nearly senseless boy further into her embrace, stroking his black hair as the frenching continued. The redhead's cheek twitched. The kissing became less and less unwilling as the seconds passed; lust building in the air around the demoness like a cloak that enveloped her prey until all struggling ceased.

You've gotta be kidding me, Ranma stared in equal parts voyeuristic fascination and disbelief as the kiss continued for a full minute before Ryoga simply went limp in Lilith's arms. Once the boy was inert, she dropped him from the embrace like a sack of rice.

"Hm, that was yummy," The succubus mused introspectively, staring down at Ryoga, who's eyes were open in an unseeing glaze while a syrupy grin inhabited his face. Lilith licked her lips as if she had sampled a tasty snack, then turned her attention turned back to Ranma. "Can I keep him, Daimakaichoko?"

Ranma assumed the question was for her, but it had to be parsed no less than three times as she gawked at the scene that had just played out, then opened her mouth to object. She couldn't let her chief rival become demon bait, right?

Somehow, that's not what came out.

"Sure, why the hell not?" Ranma shrugged, already full up on drama for the day. She waved in his direction nonchalantly. "He's all yours."

"Yay!" Lilith gushed, bouncing over to Ranma and planting a friendly kiss on her cheek. The redhead jerked suddenly as the girl's aura came into contact with hers, prompting the red head to suddenly inhale as a ripple of lust was sent skittering across it. Female anatomy tightened pleasantly in response, and Ranma found herself biting her own lip with the surge. "Oh, I almost forgot!"

That... that just ain't right, her brain insisted headily, as if trying to convince the rest of her body that the sparkles dancing across certain parts of her skin were inconsequential. The feeling hadn't been overpowering and she couldn't blame the girl for what seemed like little more than an equalization of auras, but it was... distracting. Very, Ranma elaborated, failing to notice the girl as she pulled a thin scroll from empty air.

"Malcanthet-Sama told me to give you the technique for whatever body I found you in at the time," The lavender haired girl explained, proffering a well aged scroll to the martial artist who was only beginning to return to the here and now. "Here you go."

"A technique?" Ranma greedily latched onto the word and took the offered scroll, looking at the wax seal and ancient parchment. Even as she considered what it might contain, something the girl had said was picked up on. "Wait, 'bodies'? That means there's another technique?" Lilith simply nodded. "Can't I have both?"

"Nope! just one," Lilith tisked, prompting a disappointed look from the martial artist. "She said you can visit her for the other once you mastered the first."

"Oh," The martial artist's response lacked enthusiasm, but her mood quickly picked up. It wasn't as if Malcanthet was bad company, and those snack cakes she served were right up there with strawberry ice cream. A roguish grin replaced the pout immediately. "Well then tell her to be expecting me soon, because when it comes to martial arts, I'm the best there is."

"Okay!" Lilith confirmed, then turned back to her new toy now that her duty had been discharged. She looked down at his glazed expression with a puzzled look. "I hope he's not like that when I get him back to Nifelheim. I'm hungry!"

Incredulity reasserted itself on Ranma as she watched the succubus grab Ryoga's arm and commenced to dragging it toward the nearest shadow, both promptly disappearing as if sucked within. Much as she wanted to feel sorry for the lost boy, she just couldn't bring herself to that level of acting and turned back for home, scroll in hand.

---

Dreams.

Ranma Saotome usually didn't dream, and there was a very good reason he didn't. Between, fiancées, rivals, his old man and other completely random encounters and events, the martial artist was quite a sound sleeper when it came time to apply head to pillow. Even then, a good night sleep was never guaranteed since the aforementioned spontaneous outbreaks of circumstance weren't limited to the waking hours of the day. As a result, Ranma Saotome, heir to the anything goes school of martial arts was a sound sleeper when the opportunity arose.

The last week, however, had been a different matter entirely.

Part of it was due to the fact there had been actually very little random chaos after his return from China. As amazing as it seemed, there was actually peace in pigtailed boy's life for once, if only because the major players in his life were looking for a well deserved rest as well. It wasn't a peace that extended to Ranma's dream-state however. Whether it was due to the lack of action or the events themselves, Ranma's dreams were filled with fire and an immortal bird-king center stage. He was always bathed in fire, holding a rag doll in hand as he proclaimed his superiority to the heavens. Some nights, the doll would burst into flames. Some nights he would set entire mountain ranges afire as the doll smoldered in his clawed hand. Some nights they would fight, and Ranma himself would burn in agony.

Every dream ended the same, however. It ended with a tornado of ice eviscerating the mythical being to free Akane from his clutches; though it never ended as well as it had in real life. She fell to the flaming earth and shattered. She was consumed in the fires that held her. She was restored but died in his arms with burns to most of her body. She-

"Ranma?"

The martial artist froze mid punch, halting his Kata to tend to the voice of his nightmare. "Sup, Akane?"

The fiancée stepped through the doorway of the dojo that was hers by hereditary right, smiling uncertainly even as Ranma relaxed his form from the practice he had been engaged in. "You've been in here an hour. I was thinking that... maybe you would like to... maybe do something?"

"Do something?" Ranma mimed, unsure of what Akane meant while simultaneously unwilling to risk her temper if he was wrong.

"Um, together?" She added timidly, her eyes cast down at the tatami floor, as she traced it with her sock clad foot. Ranma stared at the girl as if she had grown a third head while her demure manner reminded him about everything he found attractive in the girl. She really was cute. When she wanted to be.

"I... I guess," The pigtailed boy found his voice, still unsure of where all this was headed. Maybe I ain't the only one dealin' with the fallout from China, he theorized silently. In fact, she had been fairly mellow all week, now that he thought about it. With that thought in mind, he decided to take her lead. "Ah, got anything in mind?"

"I have a couple of bento," Akane's timid mood picked up with the acceptance, then watched mild alarm flash across Ranma's face and she quickly revised her statement. "Kasumi made them. Maybe we could go to the park and..."

Akane's voice trailed off and Ranma breathed silent relief that it wasn't her food they would be eating in the park. "I guess so. Been working up an appetite here."

The cobalt blue haired girl smiled gently and slipped her shoes back on, with her fiancé joining her moments later. Ranma slid the dojo's door closed and both walked the slate stone path back to the house. A companionable silence held for half the walk until Akane broke it tepidly.

"Um, Ranma...?" Ranma glanced over to the girl walking with him as they closed on the Tendo household. He opened the door for her and she took the invitation to continue even as they slipped out of their shoes once more. "Have you...thought about us?" The martial artist blinked cluelessly at the girl until she elaborated. "I mean the engagement?"

"Kinda," He admitted, completely misinterpreting Akane's demeanor as he outlined his take on their mutual situation. "I mean, what were the old guys thinkin' anyway?"

"Ranma-?"

"You were about as prepared for it as I was," Ranma shook his head as they moved deeper into the house, leaving the hallway for the kitchen. He cast a glance at Genma and Soun out on the porch they as passed, shaking his head in disappointment as the parental figures played their eternal game of shogi. Genma pointed to something across the yard and Soun glanced back, only to return his attention to a board that was now missing a vital piece. Ranma simply rolled his eyes, returning to the topic at hand. "And the other fiancées? Don't even get me started."

"Ranma-" Akane interjected again, but her fiancé was on a roll now.

"Seriously, I'm tryin' to find a way to get us all outta this," The martial artist shook his head; frustration evident in his voice. "I know you ain't-"

"Ranma!" Akane inserted herself forcefully into his monologue this time, bringing Ranma up short. He stared at her and she smiled gently. "I... I don't mind."

The pigtailed boy's eyes widened as he processed the statement, then made another pass in an attempt to dissect it further. "You... you don't mind?"

"It's okay," The youngest Tendo continued in that weird, passive-happy demeanor she had worn since breaking him from his Kata. He gave the girl a quick once over for any reversal jewels or otherwise out of the ordinary magical devices on her person as she continued. "It's okay... The marriage, I mean. If you're willing."

Ranma opened his mouth, only to find it suddenly dry. What the hell? was the only thing that came to mind as his brain raced over what was under any other circumstance, the worst case scenario come to life. And she's okay with it? He found the girl watching him expectantly and he closed his mouth until something intelligent would come out. Unfortunately, the aforementioned intelligence had been caught completely blindsided and he had to make due with what was on the tip of his tongue in that moment.

"You... you are?"

"I've been thinking about it over the last week," She explained, either purposely ignoring or completely missing the incredulous note residing in his response. "And I'm ready... Whenever you are."

Ranma stopped short of the kitchen door, staring at the girl slated to be his wife since before they had even been born. Akane wasn't the joking type and certainly not one to pull pranks. Not to say she couldn't have fun from time to time; just that this was so far outside the realm of what she would even make fun of. A slow, horrible realization came to mind. She's... she's serious! As impossible as it was, the martial artist was certain of it as he studied her eyes, and his thought process became little more than a tangle of neurons, all asking who, what, where, and why; not to mention a myriad of other important questions, most of which could have been summed up in three words that he dared not speak aloud...

...what the fuck?

"I..." The pigtailed boy stalled, taking a deep breath as he fought to compose the words. "I ain't sure what to say... It's pretty sudden..."

"Sudden, as in doing this for the last two years?" Akane teased with a light smile, and it literally took Ranma's thoughts several moments to catch up with the fact that now he was being teased.

"Heh, okay, you got me there," He scratched the back of his head, cracking his own smile; a smile that faded slightly with the portent of what she was suggesting. "But... Look, give me a bit on this, okay? I ain't sayin' no, but... Just have a lot on my mind, okay?"

Akane's smile lost a bit of strength as well, and for a moment, the martial artist couldn't help but to wonder if she would lose it right then and there. It wouldn't have been the first time and for a lot less, but she forced the smile back regardless. "Anything I can help with?"

Unless you got an instant cure to all the crap the old man's saddled me with, Ranma thought with an edge of sarcasm, but simply shook his head. "Nah, just need some time alone to think about it and all... If that's okay?"

He half expected it wouldn't be okay, but she surprised him again with another willing nod. With that, he made good on his promise to think it over while leaving Akane Tendo to her own thoughts... Thoughts that were interrupted minutes later by two inquisitive fathers who swooped in on her like vultures.

"We couldn't help but to overhear you and the boy..."

"So, how certain are you of this, Akane-chan?"

Genma and Soun scrutinized the girl as she considered her father's question, as well as the meaning implicit behind it. If she said yes now, there was no going back and she knew from past experience that the two would move heaven and earth to make their marriage happen. The youngest daughter considered the stakes, which invariably included her competition. He saved my life and said he loved me! The proclamation echoed through her psyche like a brand, firming her resolve. Ranma was probably out there now trying to think of a way to resolve the fiancee mess, but she knew in her heart of hearts there was only one way... With that, she returned her attention back to the two expectant parental figures with a determined countenance.

"Absolutely certain."

---

Ten minutes away, Ranma walked. It wasn't the walk of somebody who knew where they were going or even cared ; and were more in possession of his wits , would have found his life comparable to his direction of travel. As it was, however, the heir to the Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu was wallowing through the impossibility of what his Iinazuke had proposed. In fact, she had all but done just that- proposed. Akane Tendo was probably the one sure thing in his last two years in Nerima; the only pillar Ranma could rely on not to marry him at the drop of the hat. Sure, it was tedious friendship at times and the girl was certainly cute when she wanted to be, but...

But she's a real fiancée now, the martial artist shook his head with the slightest of remorse. It was the single biggest irony of their parents entire arrangement. Akane was the chosen one, favored by their parents from day one with unwavering resolve. It was the culmination of over a decade's worth of planning, but that status was something she had never cashed in on much to his relief. In fact, she didn't even want it, which was fine in Ranma's eyes since he wasn't exactly looking to get hitched either.

And now she did, which made him the last man standing in this whole screwed up tangle of arranged marriages and fiancées.

Freakin' great, the pig tailed teen sighed as he continued his aimless trek through the suburb, contemplating the likely fall out. Akane's status was actually the least of his concerns.

My old man and Tendo are another story, he decided. They find out, it all goes south. Fiancees find out, ain't nowhere gonna be safe. Ranma sighed, noting that the only glimmer of hope to be seen through the entire disaster waiting to happen was that Akane knew the situation as well as he did. No chance she's gonna trust the old men or the other girls with this, which means I got some time to plan...

...Something.

What that something was, however, was a complete mystery to him at the moment. His last, safe harbor to stave off holy matrimony had just closed down and now he was surrounded on all sides. Think I'd know better than to not take Hild-San's advice by now, he snorted and finally turned his attention to actually paying attention to where he was actually going. All the good choices had run out, which only left-

"What a haul, what a haul!"

A slow smile crawled across Ranma's face as he localized the familiar cry, quickly finding it bounding across the rooftops further on down the street while various angry females gave chase on foot. There weren't many things he would consider the old pervert good for, the martial artist mused as he took to the rooftops himself, vectoring his jumps for an intercept. One of those things, however, was a good fight; which in turn made for stress relief.

"Moko Takabisha!"

Ranma had a lot of stress to relieve at the moment, and Happosai had to abandon his bag of ill gotten lingerie e as the Ki shot streaked in from his flank at close range. The technique's high pressure environment ruptured on contact, missing the old grand master entirely but hitting his cargo. Its detonation ensured the cloth bag's contents exploded in a silky cataclysm that showered the street for a good hundred meters with women's undergarments. Happosai's stunned look mirrored that of the pedestrians below as he watched his silky darling float down around him like so many snowflakes. Unlike the pedestrians, however, his gaze instantly fix the boy landing next to him with a hate filled glare.

"You."

"Yeah, me," Ranma replied in a flippant manner, though it took some effort to shrug of the aura of menace that the ol d man was throwing his way without his body betraying a shiver. "So whatcha gonna do about it?"

"I'm gonna kick you ass, you ungrateful little whelp!" The perverted gnome growled back, suddenly exploding in an angry red bonfire of Ki. "And then I'll kick Genma's for not teaching his boy a modicum of respect!"

"Oh, now that's just a bonus ," Ranma smirked, rocking on the balls of his heels with the expectation of the aforementioned ass kicking. There was no doubt in his eyes that this was going to hurt one way or the other, but Happosai was the most convenient and possibly most effective stress relief available at the moment. With that thought in mind, Ranma pulled his hand out of his pockets, flexing them. "Let's do this."

"Damn right we'll do this," Happosai bit back, pulling the long stem of his pipe from the folds of his breast tunic, spinning it menacingly in preparation to attack. "And after I'm done scrapping you off the pavement, you'll model... model... eh... um..."

Ranma warily watched as all expression drained from the old master's face; his red battle aura guttering while his eyes widened in what the martial artist could only interpret as genuine unadulterated fear. The master took a tepid step back, then collapsed abruptly , prostrating himself fully before Ranma, who was in turn boggling at the sudden turn of events. If it was a trick, it was quite possibly the most unorthodox and humiliating one he'd ever seen the old man employ. "Look, old man, I ain't sure what you're-"

"Ranma!" Happosai snapped, raising his eyes just enough to glare at the his self proclaimed student. "Show your respect in the presence of the Daimakaichō!" Ranma blinked, then turned to find to find the Grand Demoness walking up behind him with a bemused expression even as Happosai continued, pressing his nose back to the rooftop shingling. "Please forgive this unworthy excuse for an heir, Hild-dono. I have been too lax in my efforts to steer him onto the true path and he knows not the disrespect he displays."

The surprise on Ranma's face was priceless in Hild's opinion, and she couldn't suppress the chuckle as she watched his head whip back and forth between herself and Happosai, then back to her, shaking his head meaningfully. "Y'know... I'm pretty sure this shouldn't come as a surprise."

"RANMA!" The pervert snapped ineffectually as the boy turned his back on him.

"What's he on the hook for, anyway?" Ranma continued, prompting Hild to simply chuckle as both ignored the frustrated gnome.

"A demonic apprenticeship, actually," The woman glanced at Happosai, then turned back to Ranma's curious expression with further details. "Not all of our staffing comes from the damned. Quite a bit comes from those who literally volunteer their souls to our service."

"Somehow, that just about figures as well," The black haired teen turned back to Happosai, who's own anger over Ranma's impertinence had morphed into complete and utter disbelief. "I guess your job is just bein' an all around pain in the ass?"

"Something like that," The grand demoness confirmed with a smile, standing side by side with the boy now. Happosai returned to his feet cautiously. Much as Ranma's attitude demanded an adjustment, to say that there was something off about the situation was the understatement of the last decade. The pair interacted far to easily to simply be passed off as coincidence. "Call them odd jobs here and there."

"Daimakaicho-Sama," The grand master inquired with nervous curiously as the inexplicable stacked up around him. "If I may ask-"

"No. You may not ask." Hild's leadened purple gaze lanced through the old pervert, who suddenly went deathly still with the attention. "And should you inquire further, I will ensure your apprenticeship is forfeit and simply devour your soul right here and now."

Happosai immediately fell to his knees once more, prostrating himself before his benefactor while Ranma watched with an arched eyebrow. "Well, now I know where my old man gets it from."

His attitude grated across the old master like glass across his skin, but that portion of his irritation was balanced by the fact that it was becoming quite obvious that not only did Ranma know the Daimakaicho, he was apparently favored by her as well. That made his particular position in her good graces quite perilous given his history with the boy; a position he was reluctant to antagonize further without more knowledge.

"I trust he wasn't causing you undue trouble?"

Happosai's gut turned to ice with Hild's question, and he pressed his nose to the shingling with the slightest whimper while revising his estimation of the situation. Perilous didn't even begin to describe the implications of her inquiry, and now he was all but certain his fate hung by the thread named Ranma Saotome. Unless he missed his guess, Ranma's answer here and now would determine whether his apprenticeship continued or if he was dropped unceremoniously into a lake of-

"Nah, just being the perverted old goat he usually is," The sudden change in timbre of Ranma's voice combined with the response caused the old master's head to pop up, suddenly finding a redhead conversing easily with the Mistress of Hell instead of the black haired martial artist from mere seconds ago. Without the benefit of water? The urge to jump up and grope his unwilling heir didn't even come into play, however, as he hung on every word. "Besides, I was the one pickin' the fight... Stress relief, ya might say."

Reprieve! Happosai breathed silent relief with Ranma's response even as the rest of his brain was still dealing with the dynamic surrounding the pair. The fact that Ranma had just changed without water was almost unimportant when faced with the potential of eternal damnation at the Daimakaicho's hand.

"Another fiancée?" Hild simply cast matter of fact look with her guess while Happosai in turn was more than happy to be forgotten for this particular exchange

"Kinda," Ranma's expression dimmed slightly. "Akane now, if you can believe it."

Now that was news to Happosai, though Hild didn't appear surprised in any way shape or form, which gave him some yardstick as to their interaction to date. " There are ancient words of wisdom for exactly this sort of situation, Ranma-Chan."

"Oh yeah? What are they ?" Ranma hung on her motherly tone, wondering just what sort of advice would help her out of the shit storm brewing in her future. The mistress of hell happily supplied them.

"I told you so."

The martial artist's face hit the shingling at her feet with the reply, while Happosai's cheek ticked with unease. Hild- dono... The grand demoness herself... joking with his Ranma-chan? When the hell did all this happen! His psyche screamed as he watched Ranma pick herself back up off the rooftop.

The redhead shook the stumble off, throwing an exaggerated glare back at Hild, who merely smirked back. "Yeah, yeah. Had the last twenty minutes to kick my own ass over it, too."

"For what is wedlock forced but a hell; an age of discord and continual strife," The white haired woman quoted grandly before posing her next question. "And what do you intend to do about this particular debacle?"

"I think Akane's smart enough not to involve our parents," Ranma explained, working the angles out loud. "That gives me a few weeks. Sooner or later the panda and Tendo are gonna catch on. That'll be a pain in the ass when they do." Hild simply patiently as she watched the martial artist's mental gears churn. "Heck, short of a training mission, I... I..."

Happosai watched Ranma turn toward him, and an unquantifiable dread settled in his stomach as her face took on a look of wonder, then was slowly replaced by a mischievous smile. "I think if they pester us, we might have to put Happosai's apprenticeship to good use. A good trainin' mission might do 'em a world a good, y'know? "

You're learning quickly, child, Hild smiled inwardly at Ranma's impromptu punishment, while allowing herself an externally satisfied expression. "Quite fitting, if I do say so. If anything Happosai, is quite the task master. That said, I am bored and you are far too preoccupied with this development for your own good. I'm certain a happy medium can be found."

Ranma's face blossomed into a full blown smile of anticipation. "I'm certain you're right."

"Then let's," Hild held out her hand, which Ranma happily took.

A gout of fire consumed the pair less than a moment later, leaving Happosai forgotten on the roof; surrounded by lingerie and questions. Realistically, the questions didn't matter. Somehow, he was still unscathed in spite of the monumental miscalculation he had made in his designs concerning the Saotome child. Her answer had undoubtedly saved his eternal ass from being bathed in hellfire whether she knew it or not; a mistake he dared not repeat lest the redhead not feel so charitable the next time her opinion was solicited by the Daimakaicho. Moreover, there was also Hild-dono's complete lack of any objection concerning the redhead's requisition of his apprenticeship status- even approval, unless he completely misread her reaction.

Guess it could be worse, he grumbled and began a circuit about the rooftop to collect his silky darlings. He had endured tasks far worse in his apprenticeship than being ordered about by a curvy Jusenkyo cursed martial artist, and while the idea of taking orders from the kid wasn't the most appealing, Ranma certainly had a fine grasp of ironic justice. Maybe not a lost cause after all...

Besides, Happosai hummed to himself, bending over to pick up a pastel blue thong. It's not like I wouldn't enjoy putting the ol' boys through hell again, anyway.

---

The anemic pillar of flame exited in downtown Tokyo, three hundred and eight meters south of Harajuku's metro station, in front of a very exclusive high-end clothing store. It was one that Ranma would have recognized immediately if not glancing around, wondering why the crowd of people they had just exploded within hadn't so much as batted an eye. The tuxedo-clad doorman at the storefront however, did register their presence upon closing on the establishment, opening the door widely for Hild and her redheaded associate. Only by catching the gold stenciling of the word 'Mikasa' on the glass door was Ranma able to pin down her location as she stepped across it's threshold, even as Hild glanced back at her.

"What do you know of contracts, dear?"

"Aside from ol' Urd goin on about them and my old man using 'em to make my life miserable?" Ranma snorted, but shrugged; realizing Hild's meaning likely went deeper than the question itself. Personally, she had been involved in exactly one contract herself and couldn't help but to shiver as the memory recalled a vision of her mother and the gleaming edge of a katana; A threat that was still on the table unless Ranma missed her guess. Instead of probing further, she simply waited for the forthcoming explanation.

"There is that, of course," Hild nodded as they continued further into the store, passing the racks of causal wear while moving toward the back. "In my line of work, they are universally binding agreements, broken at the peril of all parties involved."

The martial artist trailing behind her thought on the matter for a moment before forwarding her first observations. "Peril... As in dangerous. I'm takin' it somethin's enforcing these contracts besides a random fiancée?"

"The Universal Force," The grand demoness chuckled, pausing at a higher end dress rack to pick through some of its specimens while continuing. "It is part of the wheel upon which the cosmos turns. Attempting to violate any contract using it as a foundation will result in disaster for the offending party in some way, shape or form."

"Well, damn." Ranma simply commented. While she didn't know where her friend was heading with all of this, she was more than happy to play along. How many times would the old man have gotten bent over? she wondered in passing before confirming the notion aloud. "Okay, somebody tries to bail on a deal and gets their asses kicked by this force thingy?"

"In essence," Hild nodded, then pulled a dress from the rack. She took a silent moment to judge the red cocktail dress whose straps would wrap around the back of the neck before putting up to Ranma herself. The girl looked at the dress, then Hild with a blinking question before the dress was pulled away and returned to the rack. "Contracts are also a necessary instrument for my subordinates to carry out their work here on the mortal plane."

"Screwing bad guys over."

Hild smiled at the coarse twist. "Exactly. Properly written contracts are a form a control; an avenue by which the damned are sentenced. A properly constructed pact will not only damn the signer in the end, but allow for multiple possibilities to forfeit his soul along the way much sooner."

"Okay, I guess I can see that," Ranma nodded, though found her attention increasingly divided between just why they were talking about contracts, and why Hild-San occasionally plied a fancy dress to her body. Her expression lost a bit of the humor as she chewed on the rational, however, and she voiced her concerns. "But ain't that encouraging them to be bigger bad guys? I mean, given 'em what they want can't be any better."

"Which is why the contract's author must be quick in wit and skilled with prose," Hild added, then sized the girl up with a draping silver dress she had found. she looked at it for a moment before shaking her head. "If your opponent is intelligent enough, you may face a protracted battle and may even surrender unfavorable terms to him or her... Though depending on the circumstance, these could very well align with your goals in other arenas and contracts."

"Jeez, you're making it sound like a game of Shogi," The girl commented, watching the silver dress retreat. "And what's with all the fancy dresses, anyway?"

"Normally I don't involve myself in serving contracts," The Daimakaicho paused in her dress hunting to turn back her protégée, hesitating slightly before continuing. "You were very nearly an exception back... before, but it is- on average -grunt work. Tonight, I mean to show you what it means to take a soul via one of these pacts."

Any flippant that were forming in Ranma's brain died suddenly as her thought process crystallized around that central concept... To take a soul. Her own knee jerk reaction was to write the act off as cruel and undeserving, at least until she remembered her own trip to hell and the pit. Those people had deserved it just fine, in her opinion, though how one of these pacts entered into that process was still a large unknown. There was something else about the explanation, and Hild's hesitation hadn't gone unnoticed. Ranma shrugged, playing a hunch.

"Look, Hild-San, If you're looking for somebody to convince, they ain't here."

The slightest smile edged it's way onto the grand demoness' lips. "Indeed child, though I still feel it is... necessary given our association." A playful look sparkled in her eyes. "That, and I suspect you might find it somewhat... therapeutic."

"Heh," Ranma chuckled. "Kickin' ass and takin' names is always therapeutic, but I ain't so good with contract stuff."

"All in due time," Hild patted the girl gently on the head and played to the redhead's strengths. "A martial arts prodigy would undoubtedly find the creation of such pacts a trivial task."

Ranma glowed with the praise and Hild continued her dress hunting, retrieving a black skirt, studying it, then Ranma with a judgmental eye. "Yes. Black, I think. Not this one, but..."

"You're killin' me with all the dress huntin', you know?" Ranma watched the article of clothing disappear back into the hanger from where it came, though Hild didn't even bother to turn her smirk back on the redhead as she kept her search.

"As if you don't enjoy reducing men to an absolute stupor for your own petty amusement," The white haired woman commented, bringing an impish grin to the teen's face. "Tonight you shall merely observe... participate if you want, though I shall not require it of you."

"And this place we're going requires us to go as hotties or something?" Ranma smirked, idly picking her way through the rack herself now that her own curiosity had been aroused.

"Not necessarily," Hild countered absently. "Though you of all people should know how much sex and violence complement one another."

The redhead opened her mouth to balk at the comment, but found it instantly preempted by a single word. Fiancées. The grand demoness watched the girl's mouth snap back closed with a small measure of amusement and turned to a nearby attendant that had been hovering just out of earshot, beckoning him over. "I require Reiko-Chan's assistance."

Under any other circumstances, the young twenty something black haired male in his trendy untucked white dress shirt and black slacks might have politely advised his customer that the owner of the store was out and that he would be happy to assist them in any way possible; likewise happily collect any commission generated by their sales. That part would remain unspoken, of course. As with many events surrounding the Daimakaichō and her redheaded charge, however, circumstance tended to deviate from normal, and the associate in question was more than happy to fetch the establishment's owner since everybody working therein had been advised to assist any woman by a description of having tanned skin, white hair and purple eyes in any capacity she requested. It was also made clear by the owner that not doing so would mean their immediate dismissal.

Tanned? Check.
White hair? Check.
Purple eyes?

Well, maybe. He would have called them lavender, but they were close enough to where his immediate termination hinged on this VIP's satisfaction. The attendant scurried off even as he had already had been forgotten about by the mistress of hell, who turned back to Ranma. "Our particular client tonight is Yakuza. He is the head of a clan and has ascended through the ranks with the help of one of our contracts. He has also broken the terms, according to the demon that normally handles his case, which makes him a perfect case study for our outing."

"And the dresses?" Ranma paused in her own browsing with the explanation, briefly studying a shimmering white gown before pushing it back.

"He is throwing a party tonight," Hild smirked. "Celebrating some territorial acquisition of some sort I'm told. I intend for us to mix business and pleasure."

Before Ranma could question the business or the pleasure, a black haired woman in black business suit and calf length pencil skirt strode up to them, smiling pleasantly as she adjusted her glasses. Her study flicked from Hild to the Ranma and back discreetly. "A pleasure as always, Hild-Sama... And your lovely redheaded acquaintance from the prior visit as well. Fascinating."

The redhead in question arched a skeptical eyebrow with the 'fascinating' tag, but opted to remain silent as her friend got down to business.

"I rather think so as well," The demoness quipped with an enigmatic smile, but continued regardless. "Ranma-Chan and I are going out for a night on the town. She will need to be divorced of her martial arts raiment for a more appropriate setting."

"Hey!" The girl squawked with the playful slight, causing Hild to turn an amused look on her. "I can dress myself up for this just fine, thanks!"

"My budget says otherwise," The Daimakaicho teased. "Now hush, child."

The redhead's face scrunched with exaggerated irritation, but she complied nonetheless as the white haired demoness continued. "Black suits her quite well, I think. Something that leaves nothing to the imagination."

"No bra." Ranma inserted quickly, causing Reiko to eye the girl curiously.

"Of course not," Hild assuaged, turning back to the store owner. "That would be counterproductive with her physique."

Reiko nodded her agreement, then began to circle the redhead with a studious countenance. "The black of the void to mix with her crimson mane would be quite captivating," She glanced at Hild. "The full treatment, yes?"

Hild loosed a slight chuckle. "As much as you can convince her of."

Ranma looked upon both women with slight suspicion as she wondered exactly what the details 'treatment' was, suspicion that promptly ended with the sharp clap of the store owner's hands.

"Misha! Seko! Kokura!" Three female attendants instantly materialized from the jungle of racks and clothing to stand at attention before Reiko herself. "I will tend to the Miss Saotome's evening wear and fitting personally. Your other appointments are cancelled. Ensure she is relaxed and refreshed before then."

"Yes, Reiko-Sama!" All three chorused simultaneously, dropping into deep bows while waiting for their charge to move. Ranma eyed them with foreboding, then turned back to Hild with a worried expression.

"This ain't what I think it is, is it?"

"Now where did you get that idea?" Hild's reply was nonchalant enough to cause Ranma's guard to drop slightly... At least until she caught the gleam in her eyes. "It's much more than than you think it is."

Ranma's eyes flicked back to the still bowing girls, Reiko and her business like demeanor and finally back to the less than business like demeanor of the grand demoness. The redhead gulped. "Do I haveta?"

The playful smile was maintained for a moment before lapsing into one that spoke of concern even without the words. "You have had a stressful week. Suffice to say, yes."

Her tone was gentle, but unyielding, causing Ranma to slump in defeat. Of course, she could have pressed the issue, but in spite of being in this exact same situation only weeks before, she could no more resist Hild than she had her own mother at the time. That, and there was something in her words that Ranma simply couldn't- nor wouldn't -ignore. The woman before her cared. That was a very, very short list to begin with, and the pigtailed teen wasn't about to shorten it further by standing on worthless principle. Tonight she would submit herself to getting primped and pampered and never, ever tell another living soul about it.

Ever.

"I... alright, I guess," Ranma sighed with all the finality of a prisoner facing her imminent execution. The attendants in waiting snapped up with her consent; all smiles and all too ready to lead her to a very feminine doom.

---

Author's Notes: Won't put too much here since this chapter was originally a single work already exceeding 23k words unfinished, and this was probably the best place I could cut it off at for coherency sake. Ch9 Pt2 is still building and should follow along shortly.

Fiancee!Akane; Looking back at the series, the turnabout in Akane's character is a drastic one: from open ridicule and violence for nearly 37 books to near subservient acceptance within the space of the final arc with Saffron. With that in mind, I hope I'm portraying this steep character gradient as realistically as possible in terms of her reactions and implications for the future.

Loli!Succubus; Yes, that's Lilith from Vampire Savior aka Dark Stalkers.