Okie dokie. So maybe I lied about getting on a regular schedule...But here's another chapter? I hope you guys like it. It took me forever to get it out because part of it I just had a hard time focusing on. But anyway, hope you like it. Please review and tell me what you think. Thanks!
Thanks go to the following for their reviews on the previous chapter.
Stilldoll13 - Told you I've have it out, but just barely in time! It took forever. No scorpions for me!
lilnightmare17 - I'm so glad you found it cute! Hope you like this one too.
storygirl99210 - Aw, thank you! Hope you think this one is just as awesome!
Pigmy Pandazilla - Eh, it may happen sooner than you think...But that's all I'll say. ;) Hope you like it.
RiddleQuinn - OMG, YES! I'll most definitely read it. I mean, who doesn't love Conner? Right?
ForgeandGred4Ever - It may happen soooooner than you think. ;) But I'm glad you liked it. Hope you like this one too.
tiffy- I know I'm sorry for the long wait. I planned on having this done a long time ago, but you know how life gets. Anyway, I hope you like it.
SinistrousDelirious - I Know! So many feels, right? Anyway, I'm glad you liked it. Hope you like this one too.
Nameless - You're review was one of the best I have ever gotten. EVER. Thank you so much for your review. I hope to hear from you again. And to answer your questions. You will find out sooner than you think... ;) And I would expect a lot of emotion. And possibly fist of fury. Who know?...Well, I guess I do, but you know! Spoilers!
Chapter 11
Discovered
Cody was extremely uncomfortable with the fact that Kaldur had ordered her to be fitted with one of the suits all of his soldiers wore. It meant only one thing; Cody was going to have to spend a lengthy amount of time underwater.
The twenty-two year old loved water. She loved to go swimming and take long showers, but being in deep water for an extended amount of time amount of time where if something went wrong, she might not be able to get to the surface in time to get oxygen made her extremely nervous and uncomfortable. Would wouldn't be able to move as quickly as she could on land. She wouldn't really be able to fight. She wouldn't be able to use her abilities. She was, ironically, a fish out of water.
The last time she had gotten struck underwater Kaldur had to kiss her to give her oxygen to prevent her from drowning. That had been her "first kiss" though Cody hardly counted that as her first kiss. No, her first kiss was when she and Kaldur kissed on the Watch Tower.
But Cody couldn't think about that right now, no matter how fond of the memory she was.
"Beta, prepare for departure," Kaldur said over the headset.
Cody moved, having been assigned to the land team in case of any problems with their mission of destroying the satellite. She got into position and once they were ready, the chamber filled with water, getting the soldiers used to the pressure before finally opening and allowing them to move into place.
Cody had a harder time keeping up with the other soldiers as they swam towards the surface. She pushed herself as quickly as she could though, keeping her eyes on the soldiers as she kept her distance. She was just there in case any heroes showed up, Kaldur told her. So that was what she was doing. She was keeping her eyes open for any heroes.
Upon arriving at the surface, Cody could see a laser shooting out of nowhere at the men on the beach. She blinked, walking up onto the beach, keeping low. Okay, so it's the bio-ship, Cody thought. That means my people are here. Great, just great. I have to play with my old friends. Which ones is the question.
Ember knelt to the ground, retracting her helmet. She felt so much better doing so. She felt less claustrophobic. She could breathe the fresh hair and she was cooler. She could see so much better without it on as well, seeing as they were meant for darker underwater areas.
Cody could just make out two people pop their heads over the side of the
"Ember to Manta," Ember said, touching the comm. link in her ear. "We have Nightwing and Artemis against the ground team, as well as at least one person in their organic invisible ship. I'm going to take a good guess and say they've got people in the water."
There was a loud boom, and Ember glanced up, seeing a flash arrow ignite in the sky, blinding the troopers. She rolled her eyes, thankful she had removed her helmet. She spotted the duo hop over the wall and rush over to engage the troopers. Ember narrowed her eyes, feeling as if she should just stand there and let them take care of the Troopers, but sighed and ran to engage.
"Ember," Kaldur said in her ear. "I'm taking charge of the ground assault."
"Copy that," Cody said.
The young woman stepped forward, catching the attention of the archer. The blonde stared at the brunette for a moment, giving Cody the chance to set her hand on fire (luckily the suit had been altered specifically for Cody and her abilities) and sent a blast towards her. Artemis dodged to the left, rolling in the sand. And arrow was in her quiver a moment later.
Cody narrowed her eyes and as the arrow was shot at her, caught it between her hands. She quickly turned, throwing the arrow in the direction of Nightwing. It stuck in the sand at his feet, exploding. He was knocked back, but no damage was done.
"Cody!" Nightwing yelled. "Look at me! Come on, Cody. This isn't you!"
"I told you!" Cody yelled, moving into a defensive position, intentionally lowering her voice to throw them off. She ignited her hands once more and threw several fireballs at him, missing him each time. "My name is Ember!"
Nightwing wasn't convinced. He ran at the girl, throwing a punch towards her head. Cody ducked down, sweeping her leg out to knock Nightwing off his feet. On his way down, he grabbed the hard collar of Ember's suit. She tumbled down, over top of Nightwing before being rolled onto the ground, him over her.
"Look at me, Cody!" he demanded. "Look at me! Remember! You've gotta remember. This isn't you. You're a good guy. One of us!"
Shut up, Dick! Don't make this harder for me than it already is! She rolled them over so she was on top and punched him in the face. He quickly flipped them over again, pinning her arms to the side. Don't do this to me, Little Bird.
"Come on, Cody. You have to remember. Remember the good you used to do. Remember how you used to beat me at air hockey and cook dinner with Miss M. A-And how you used to play darts with Artemis," Dick pressed, his voice sounding desperate. "You just, you have to remember Cody. Please."
Cody's breathe had gotten caught in her throat. No, she told herself. Don't. Don't let it get to you. She brought her knee up and kicked him in the groin. She rolled them over and hit him on the face. Once. Twice. Three times before she was tackled off by Artemis, who quickly punched the girl in the jaw before she got up and away from Cody, pointing an arrow at her.
"She's not Cody," Artemis told Nightwing. "You saw what she did to Conley. Cody would never do that. This isn't Cody, no matter how much we want her to be.
"She's right," Embersaid. "Listen to the bimbo archer. She actually knows what she's talking about."
Her eyes were locked on Cody's masked one for a moment before catching sight of something behind her.
Ember glanced back, seeing Manta walking out of the water. She smirked, happy to finally have some reinforcements that she didn't have to worry about getting knocked out. And despite knowing that he was strong and could kick their butts, she was thankful because she doubted he could do anything that would really hurt their old friends. She had gotten that impression from when she had managed to get him to open up a little bit about his days as a hero.
Kaldur missed being good. And though she knew he was upset about whatever happened to Tula and the secret of his true father being kept, these people were still objects of care in his heart.
"Kaldur! You don't want to do this!" Artemis yelled.
"I believe I do!" Kaldur answered, using his water barriers to create a large water dragon. The dragon moved quickly, taking Nightwing first, then Artemis.
Ember walked over to where Kaldur was, rubbing her jaw in the spot where Artemis had hit her. Well, she can still punch, Cody thought. That hasn't changed.
"Are you injured, Ember?" Kaldur asked her.
"No sir," she told him. She had to keep herself from smiling softly at his concern. "Would you like assistance with this," she glanced back at the two heroes, "problem?" Before she got an answer, however, the rocket went off. She watched it start to rise before glancing at her boss. Oh, he's not going to be happy about that. "Sir? What do we do now?" she asked.
"The mission may yet succeed," he said cooly. One of the missile launchers of his suit opened and shot a small missile in the air, heading directly towards the craft.
Artemis, however, would see to it that missile did not make it to its intended target by shooting an arrow at it, exploding it before it had the chance to do so on the space satellite. "No rust on me," she muttered.
Kaldur looked to the brunette next to him and nodded, indicating that she follow his lead. She nodded back and ran after him, at the ready. "Artemis, behind you!" Nightwing yelled as Kaldur attacked. Cody went after Nightwing after Kaldur knocked him away to make sure he stayed down. She pinned Nightwing to the ground, much like she had done before. Her held onto him tightly to make sure he couldn't get out of her grasp.
Upon hearing a strangled gasp, Cody glanced up and saw Kaldur's water barrier sword pierce through Artemis's stomach. Cody's hold slipped, starting up with wide eyes and open mouth. She blinked, tears welling up in her eyes.
She slipped to the side, sitting on the ground as Nightwing pushed her off. "Artemis!" he yelled, running to catch the blonde as she fell. "I got you. Hang on."
No, she thought. No, no, no, no. Kaldur didn't...He couldn't...Artemis...W-What the hell? No! This can't be happening. Cody was having a hard time breathing, her stomach churning, making her feel as if she was going to be sick. No, Kaldur didn't just...He couldn't have... There was a pool of blood forming on her stomach where the stab wound was. Oh God. Artemis?
"Move out!" Kaldur ordered.
Cody turned her eyes to Kaldur and didn't move. How could he stab Artemis? They might not have been friends, but that had been at one point! They had trusted one another and fought together! How could he do something so dangerous? Artemis could have died. She could die!
Oh God, Artemis could die!
"Ember," Kaldur said. "Move out. The mission is a failure." Cody didn't even notice when the rocket exploded. "We are done here."
Cody wanted nothing more than to stay right there. She wanted to help Artemis. She wanted to make sure she was okay. She had to help Dick. She had to make sure everything was okay. She couldn't go back with Kaldur. She couldn't look him in the eye knowing that he was willing to kill one of their friends. This wasn't Kaldur. This wasn't her Kaldur.
Then again, despite how much she had hoped during her time there with him, he didn't show all that many signs of him being her Kaldur. Cody was disgusted. How could she have been so stupid? How could she think after all of the bad things that he had been doing that he could still be the same shy and sweet teenage Atlantean that she had started to fall in love with? How could she love someone capable of that?
Maybe it was because of her situation. She had been doing bad things for bad people for good reasons and perhaps she had hoped Kaldur was doing it for the same reasons. But what were the chances of two double agents ending up working together? Cody had hoped, but she knew she was stupid to have done so. She was so stupid to have hope. Hope had been slipping farther and farther away from her the past five years. It was something she wanted to believe in, but as time went on and her situation didn't get any better, what else was she supposed to believe other than that hope was useless?
And now? Seeing how Kaldur was nothing that she had begun to hope he still was, Cody couldn't seem to find anymore hope left in her.
"Ember!" Kaldur yelled. "Move out!" he demanded, making his way back to the water.
Don't get up. Don't go. You don't know what'll happen if you do. What if they find out? What if Kaldur finds out? Will he do the same thing to you that he did to Artemis? You were friends with him too. But didn't he love me? He said that? What if he finds out who I am? Would he change? No, he wouldn't. I mean, he stabbed Artemis!
But I have to go! I have five years invested into this. It can't be for nothing. I couldn't have done that to Conley for nothing. Cody got up and put the helmet back on, glancing over to see Nightwing giving Artemis CPR. Come on, Dick. Don't let her die. Please don't let her die.
Kaldur and the rest of the troopers dove into the water. Cody stood there, looking back at the beach longer. She saw Conner drop out of the Bioship, and Miss M fly out of the water. They stood over Dick and Artemis, looking over them with scared eyes. A moment later, Dick stopped CPR and looked at Artemis completely dejected. She could see his lips move, mouthing, "She's dead."
Oh God. No, Cody thought, tears rolling down her cheeks inside the helmet. Oh please no. Please, oh God. Oh God. Oh God. What have we done?
Nothing was right. At least, not in Cody's mind. Upon arrival back at the main ship, Black Manta greeted the group, confirming that Artemis was, in fact, dead, as well as informing her that they had captured one of the Team, an Atlantean going by Lagoon Boy. After which, Cody went back to her room, removed her uniform and put back on normal uniform on. She sat on her bed for the longest time, just sitting there, staring at the floor.
Artemis is gone. She's dead. Those thought kept repeating in her mind. Over and over and over again. The girl stood up, going to the sink and leaning against it, her unmasked eyes staring at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red from lack of sleep and stress. The color complimented the large bags under her eyes, as well as just how pale her skin had seemed to get during her stay with the assassins. Cody didn't look healthy whatsoever. She looked dead, much like how most of her friends believed her to be.
I should have stopped him, she thought. I should have done something. I should have helped. But I didn't and Artemis is dead because of it. She's dead and I'll never get to see her again. I'll never be able to tell her how sorry I am for hurting her, or to hear her tell me about her life and what she's doing. Because she's not. She'd not living. She's dead! She shook her head violently, turning and punching the metal wall, bruising her already bruised knuckles even more. I shouldn't have believed he was still the same person. Cody turned to the mirror, glaring at herself. She hated what she saw there. She hated the person she was and what she was doing. She punched the mirror, cracking it, before she took it off the wall and throwing it across the room, sending the shards all over the floor. I shouldn't trusted that he wouldn't hurt any of them. hurt anybody. I know he can. He blew up an island full of Kroloteans! Cody sobbed, dropping onto the mattress. She buried her face in her hands as uncontrollable tears spilled out of her eyes. He's not my Kaldur. He's not good. He's evil and dishonorable and a murderer!
"Ember, report to the Manta Flyer immediately," Kaldur told her through the com link in her ear.
Cody used to love hearing his voice in her ear, or head, depending on what they were using. She loved talking to him and listening to him. But now? All she wanted was to never look at him again. She was disappointed and she missed the man he used to be. She missed her Kaldur.
"Yes sir," she responded, putting her mask back on.
Kaldur had given her no excuse as to why they left the main ship. All she knew was that inside, decides the pilot, it was only Cody and Kaldur. Cody remained by the exit the whole ride, wanting to just get out of there and away from Kaldur.
Her boss tried to make some small time with her, but she just nodded and shook her head for responses. And when she did have to speak, her replies were short and to the point, not wanting to converse with him more than she had to.
"Ember, are you alright?" Kaldur asked her.
"Yes Sir," she answered quickly.
"You're not as talkative as you normally are," he pointed out. "At least, while we're alone, that is."
"I don't feel like talking, Sir," she told him. Just leave me alone, she wanted to beg.
The Manta Flyer surfaced, and Kaldur led the young woman out of the ship and onto the dock. "I have business to attend to," he told her. "Your Master has requested a meeting with you. Be back here in two hours, or we leave without you. Is that understood?"
"Yes Sir," she answered with a bow.
Kaldur nodded and turned to leave. Cody remained there, watching him go. She knew she shouldn't leave Master waiting, but what business did Kaldur have? Since what happened with Artemis, Cody didn't trust anything he needed to take care of. Was he going to hurt someone? Was he going to kill another person? Was he going to meet with some bad people? Was it information worth going to get? Was it worth risking her cover to go figure it out?
Yes, yes it was.
Cody followed Kaldur to a warehouse, where she snuck into from one of the windows on the roof. She crept through the beams above, looking around for anything that was out of the ordinary. She followed Kaldur, making sure to keep as silent as she could. She spotted Nightwing leaning against several crates, staring down at his wrist where a holo-photo was of him and Artemis.
Oh, Little Bird, she thought. It's not your fault. There wasn't anything you could have done. Not when I was there trying to stop you. I'm so sorry. I didn't know what he would do! Her green eyes moved back to Kaldur. Why was Kaldur there to see Dick? Maybe he doesn't know. I have to do something. I can't let him hurt anybody else.
"Wally?" Nightwing asked.
"No," Kaldur answered.
Before Cody had the chance to drop down, however, Wally stepped out on the other side of Kaldur, trapping him in. Another person stepped out behind Wally, and from their figure Cody could tell it was a girl, but her face was covered for Cody couldn't tell who it was.
Well, Dick has backup, Cody thought. I shouldn't be needed, right? But she was at the ready in case they needed her. After all, Dick and Artemis couldn't stop him. She had to be prepared for anything. She expected anything.
Or so she thought, as she watched the woman with them remove her hood, showing herself to be Artemis herself.
No, that's impossible, Cody thought, clasping a hand over her mouth in order to prevent herself from making any noises of shock, confusion and relief. S-She's dead. I saw her die! I watched Kaldur stab her!
"I take it our ruse was successful?" Kaldur asked.
Ruse? I-It was all faked? Cody thought, eyes focused on Artemis. Oh my God, it was all fake. They didn't kill her. She's not dead. Artemis isn't dead. Kaldur didn't kill her. H-He didn't do it? Oh my God. He didn't do it!
"Almost too successful," Dick told him. "The Team and the League are in mourning. They may never forgive us."
Maybe, but Artemis is alive. That's all that matters, right?
"And still, only we four know the secret?" Kaldur asked.
Make that five.
"This secret, and the other," Did said. "That you've been under deep cover within Black Manta's organization since leaving the Team. How'd it go on that end?"
"Successful as well," Kaldur said. "I've proven my loyalty to my biological father. He is moving me up the later, bring me closer to the Light. And their unknown partner."
"Not without cost, Kaldur," Dick sighed. "The Comm. Sat. wasn't supposed to be destroyed and La'gaan definitely wasn't supposed to be captured."
"It was the only way to save his life and maintain my cover," Kaldur pressed.
Dick stepped forward, placing his hand on his shoulder comfortingly. "I'm not blaming you," Dick told him. "I know you've been forced to make impossible decisions. Like choosing between saving the Kroloteans on Malina Island and-"
"Or saving my friends," he interrupted. "And I will find a way to help La'gaan. You have my word."
"And speaking of friends," Wally said, "Is there any progress on the Cody front?"
Me? What about me? I'm supposed to be dead, Cody thought. Then again, Dick doesn't believe it. Why would he hide that fact?
"Do you really think it's her?" Artemis asked, taking Wally's hand as she addressed Kaldur.
"I do," he told them. "Everything about her makes me believe she is our Cody."
"It makes sense," Dick said. "Ember's sudden appearance, the leaked intel, Conley's joining the team. I mean, who else would know how to override the Zeta-Tube's to allow her access?"
"But what about what she did to Conley?" Wally asked. "Cody would never do that." "Ember's incisions were percies, in areas where nothing vital would be hit," Dick stated. "And Carson came to use immediately and we interrupted the process. He didn't tell me how he knew about it. He's gotta be covering for Cody. Why else would he be doing all of this?"
"Perhaps it is much like my situation," Kaldur thought. "She had to decide, her cover or Conley."
"Cody wouldn't choose herself over Conley," Wally said.
"Unless she has something extremely valuable," Dick thought. "Ember has it in with Master. And Master is responsible for causing deaths all over the world. Cody would do anything to stop him. You know that. We all know that. Ember has to be Cody."
"What are we going to do about this, then?" Kaldur asked. "She saw me kill Artemis. Any trust she has been starting to place in me would be gone, which explains her coldness towards me on our way here."
"She was with you?" Dick asked.
"Yes," Kaldur answered. "Her Master requested a meeting with her. I do not know in regards to what."
"How was she?" Artemis asked.
Oh God, her voice never sounded so good, Cody thought.
"She would not even look at me," Kaldur said, his voice low and sad, making Cody's heart hurt. "I was beginning to get her to open up to me. Now I believe all progress has halted."
What should I do? Should I drop in and tell them? Cody wanted to, but she couldn't move from her place in the shadows. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know if she even wanted them to know. If she did tell them, would they think any less of her for all that's she's done. She'd been gone for five years. There had been opportunities to run away, back home to them, but she never did. How would they take that?
"Keep working on it, Kaldur," Dick told him. "We can't give up on her. Not now. Not ever."
None of this is your fault, Dick, she thought.
"I assure you, my friend," he said. "I will never give up on her. I couldn't."
"You still love her, don't you?" Artemis asked. "Even after you tried to move on with Tula."
"How could I not?" Kaldur said. "I care for her. And she, I believe, cared, still cares for me."
Kaldur. Oh sweet, Kaldur. Cody bit her lip, tears spilling over the rims of her eyes down her cheeks. Please, don't give up on me. I'm so sorry I doubted you.
"So what now?" Artemis asked.
Dick pulled out a necklace from his pocket and put it around Artemis's neck.
"Ah, dude, why are you giving bling to my dead girlfriend?" Wally asked.
"Glamour charm," Dick answered. "Courtesy of Zatanna. Physiomorphic spell, I think. She said it backwards."
"Wow," Wally said. "You look exactly the same."
Sarcastic Wally. I've missed those comments.
"To the four of us," Dick said. "And only us, but to anyone else you're an entirely different person."
Well, you're wrong there, Birdy.
"The more impressive trick is how you got something so specific from Zatanna without revealing who, or what it was for," Artemis said.
"We have a history," Dick said.
"Dog," Wally teased.
"It is time," Kaldur said. "We only have an hour before Ember gets back."
Shit, the girl thought. She forced herself to move, leaving the warehouse. I have to go meet Master after that good news? Wonderful…
Cody was kneeling before Master, head bowed as the man paced in front of her. Master wasn't happy, and Cody couldn't only assume it was because of her failed attempt to kill Conley. Why she hadn't been pulled out until now for punishment, she didn't know. Perhaps it was because she was kept busy with Kaldur and their missions and this was the first chance they had gotten to really let her go.
"I am greatly disappointed in you, Cody," he told her.
And I honestly don't give a shit what you think, she thought.
"After how willing and quick you were in volunteering for Lucas, I believe you would not fail me in removing Conley from our troubles," he went on. "You do know what I must do now, don't you?"
Cody gulped. Of course she did. She didn't want it. Not at all. But she knew what was coming. "Yes, Master," she said.
Before Cody knew what was going on, she was stabbed in the neck with a needle. She felt the cool liquid enter her body before her neck burned. It was the very same poison they always gave for punishment. In thirty minutes, Cody would be screaming out in pain, hallucinating things from her past and things that never happened. She be begging for the pain and hallucinations to stop. She'd be like that for several hours until she sweat it all out of her system. There was no antidote for it, after all. They weren't meant to be put out of the torture the drug caused. It was punishment.
"I strongly hope this teaches you your lesson, child," he told her. "You are dismissed."
Cody barely made it back to the ship in time, though she now believed Kalur wouldn't have left without her, as he had threatened now that she knew what was truly going on with him and a select few individuals.
Cody fell going down the later of the Manta Flyer, landing on her back. Once down, she remained on the ground, unwilling to move. The intense pain had already begun, and she had been seeing her parents every so often as she ran across rooftops to get back to the ship. She tried to blink them away, before moving on to try and ignore them, but then she'd hear them whispering in her ear.
"This is your fault, Cody."
"We're dead because of you."
"We raised you right. Good. How did you become this?"
"Please," Cody begged, covering her ears as she cried. "Please stop. I'm sorry."
"I'm so disappointed in you."
"I'm sorry," she muttered, rolling over so that she was in a face down fetal position. "I tried. I tried to make you proud. I'm sorry."
"Carson is a far better person then you will ever be."
"I know. I know." There was a massive pain spreading through her skull, burning behind her eyes and making her want to scratch them out. Cody pulled at her hair, trying to redirect the pain. Nothing was working. The girl cried out, desperate sobs escaped her lips as she gasped through tight lungs and constricting muscles.
"How could we love a monster like you?"
"Nobody can," she cried. "I don't deserve it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Ember?" a familiar, real voice asked. She glanced up, seeing Kaldur looked down at her in concern. "What's going on? What's wrong?"
"Pu-punishment," she managed to get out through gasped. "Conely."
"This is all your fault."
Cody turned her head. Conley, the version of her she used to dream of when she was a teenager was standing there, glaring at her with a look of hatred she had never seen in her eyes before.
"You destroyed my life. I'm going to die because of you. Why didn't you stop this?"
"I tried," Cody tried to explain. "I tried. I didn't want this for you. I didn't. Honestly. I thought it would help."
"You thought by torturing me you were helping me? Wow, you really are a monster."
"I know. I'm a monster. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Ember, nobody's there," Kaldur told her.
Carson bent down beside Kaldur, looking at him. "You don't deserve his loyalty. His devotion."
"Hallucinations," she said through the delusion. "Poison. Wears off. Punishment. Failure. I'm a failure. Everything. Monster. I'm a monster."
"Yes, you are. You don't deserve love. From me. From him. From anybody."
"I know. I know. No love. No happiness. Not after this. Not after everything. No love."
"Ember, listen to me. You'll be okay. You're not a monster. I assure you. There are far worse people out there than you," Kaldur said.
"Lies," her mother said. "All lies. Just like what you always told us."
"Lies. Always lies. Everywhere."
"I don't think you're going to get through to her," Artemis said, kneeling down next to him. "Not when she's like this."
Cody screamed out, the shooting, burning pain spreading to her chest. "Stop, please! M-Make it stop. I don't, don't wanna do it anymore. H-Hurts. I wanna stop. I wanna go home. Please? I wanna go h-home."
Several minutes later, the girl blacked up from the pain. Her nightmares filled with screams and more hateful words. It wouldn't be until several hours later where they stopped, but the words wouldn't leave her. They'd never leave her.