LEGEND OF THE BONEKNAPPER
Stoick groaned, "Not this again..."
"It exists!" Gobber defended.
"Gobber please, we don't need to-"
"Shh!" a young child hushed.
The two friends chuckled and turned towards the screen.
Hoark: Fire!
Vikings: Get the Buckets! To the ocean! What happened?
Stoick: The wind is shifting! Fire Brigade, move in! Bring the Nadders in from the south!
Astrid: I'm on it!
Stoick: Gronckles, aim for the roof!
Fishlegs: Yeah!
Stoick: Good work, just a few hot spots left.
"Wait a minute...aren't we at peace with the dragons now?" Snotlout asked.
Gobber turned red, "It found me again? ...This is an outrage!"
Stoick sighed, "I don't think it was one of your dragons, son."
Hiccup: Where's Gobber? Is he still inside?
Stoick: No, we can't find him.
(Gobber V.O.): I'm right here.
Gobber: That beast will pay for this!
All the adult Vikings rolled their eyes.
Stoick: Gobber, what happened?
Gobber: What's it look like? A dragon set my home on fire!
Ruffnut, "What?! Awesome!" she exclaimed.
Ruffnut: What?
Gobber: You pushed me too far this time, you ugly bag of bones!
Stoick face palmed.
Hiccup: Dad, what's he talking about? Our dragons don't do that anymore.
Stoick: He doesn't mean one of yours. Gobber, for the last time, there is no such thing as a-
Gobber: Boneknapper!?
Fishlegs, "I've heard about this dragon before! Legend says that-"
The twins covered his mouth, "-It's time for you to shut up and stop ruining everything," they chanted.
Fishlegs' eyes drooped.
Tuffnut: Whoa-ho-ho, a WHAT-knapper?
Gobber: A disgusting, foul beast. Wearing a coat of stolen bones like a giant, flying skeleton.
Fishlegs: The dragon manual says that the Boneknapper will stop at nothing to find the perfect bone to build it's coat of armor. It's awesome!
Astrid chuckled, but immediately covered her mouth.
"Looks like you're on fire, 'Legs," Hiccup said.
Fishlegs yelped and began running in circles.
Hiccup face palmed, "Not. Literally."
Stoick: Come on, it's just a myth. It doesn't even exist.
Gobber: I'm telling you, it's real! I've been running from him my whole life. He's the one who started this fire.
Viking: Stoick, we found Gobber's underpants hanging by the stove. They must've started the fire.
Fishlegs gagged, "I think I'm going to have nightmares..."
Stoick: Still think it's the Boneknapper, or just your underpants?
Gobber: I don't think! I know! Somehow he found me again. That dragon is pure evil.
Stoick: Gobber, it's late, and we're too tired for your stories. Now, get some rest.
Gobber: You rest, I'm putting an end to this. Come on, Phil. Let's go. We don't need their help anyways.
Phil bleated in annoyance.
Hiccup: We can't let him go by himself...all right Vikings, grab your shields.
Teens: Yeah!
Snotlout: There's no way I'm getting on a boat to go after a fake dragon.
[Cut scene to the teens and Gobber on a boat]
Snotlout scowled as the entire village burst out in laughter.
Gobber: Come on! Put your backs into it you lazy dogs! Stroke! You're not even trying! Stroke!
Hiccup: How fun is this, right? We got the team back together, another adventure. This is pretty cool, huh?
Snotlout: Yeah, nothing cooler than rowing until your hands bleed.
"Such enthusiasm, young man! Why, I should hire you in the forge! You would be an excellent blacksmith!" Gobber said gleefully.
Snotlout swallowed, "I think I'll pass..."
Gobber: I just want you kids to know that it touches my heart, you helping me slay the Boneknapper. True Vikings, you are.
Ruffnut: Gobber, are we there yet?
Fishlegs: Oh you'll know we're close when your ears explode from the piercing screams. Legend says this dragon's roar is so fierce, it can melt the flesh right off your bones!
Gobber: Not so, Fishlegs. The Boneknapper has no roar at all. That's why he's terrifying. He's a silent killer.
Fishlegs raised a eyebrow, "What?! I'm pretty sure the Boneknapper has a roar..."
Everyone glared at him.
"...And shutting up..." Fishlegs said.
Ruffnut: Wait, so if we don't hear anything... we're dead?
[The teens freeze]
Tuffnut: I don't hear anything...
Phil suddenly bleats, scaring the teens
Gobber: Good one, Phil. Did I ever tell you about the first time I met the dreaded Boneknapper?
Stoick sighed, "Here we go again...brace yourselves, everyone," he warned.
(Gobber V.O.): I was a young lad, about your age, on summer vacation with my family, when I heard the call of nature...
(Teen) Gobber: Dad, pull the boat over!
Gobber's Father: Didn't I tell ya to go before we left?
(Gobber V.O.): I saw an army of Vikings, frozen in battle. Clutched in the fingers of one of the Vikings was a small treasure chest...I had to have it. I reached in a pulled out the chest... was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. But the frozen Viking was still alive! He started punching me in the face!
(Teen) Gobber: Oh, my tooth!
(Gobber V.O.): And there it was...I never even heard it coming...The Boneknapper! It crashed into the glacier, causing an avalanche of frozen Vikings!
(Teen) Gobber: The treasure! I reached into the water...only to find the frozen Viking punching me in the face again!
(Gobber V.O.): The Boneknapper wanted that treasure...but I wanted it more!
Gobber's Father: What took you so long?
Snotlout: You expect us to believe that a frozen Viking punched you in the face?
Gobber: Yeah, twice!
Ruffnut reared back and punched her brother in the face
"Did you feel that?!" she asked.
Tuffnut scowled, "Duh, because you're not a frozen Viking...yet," he grinned mischievously.
Stoick marched over, "Don't think about doing anything stupid you two..understand?!" he warned.
The twins innocently nodded their heads.
Hiccup: Hey, it could happen.
Gobber: What do you mean "It could happen"? It did! But, I outsmarted the silent beast.
Fishlegs: Um, Gobber, I hate to be a stickler for details, but...Boneknapper's are not silent.
Gobber: Fishlegs, I know what I didn't hear. But, I could feel it...
[Fishlegs notices the oncoming rocks]
Fishlegs: Uh, guys? Are there supposed to be-
Gobber: I had a sixth sense for danger. I can smell anything...
Fishlegs: -I really think we're gonna hit these...
Gobber: ...I could taste the oncoming doom!
[They crash into the rocks]
Tuffnut: Whoa...
Astrid: Um, I'm tasting rocks.
Fishlegs sighed, "No one ever listens to me..."
No one replied.
"...Just proving my point here..." he added.
Stoick looked down, "Did you say something, son?" he asked.
"Who? Oh, me? Nah..." Fishlegs said.
Stoick turned back to the screen.
Fishlegs glanced up and sighed.
Gobber: Ah, we're here.
[Cut scene to the deserted island]
Ruffnut: Ugh. Now we're stuck in the middle of nowhere, and no one even knows where we are!
"Except the Boneknapper," Snotlout added.
Fishlegs: Except the Boneknapper. Legend says...
Snotlout: Hey, you know what legend also says? Stop talking!
Snotlout grimaced, "Oh great, now I'm turning into Fishlegs..."
Astrid and Hiccup shared a knowing glance.
Fishlegs: Okay, just hold on one darn second...
Gobber: No need to panic, kids. I've been shipwrecked many times!
"Don't tell them that, Gobber!" Stoick laughed.
Hiccup: Oh, well that's...comforting.
Gobber: You never forget your first shipwreck...
(Gobber V.O.) I was stranded on an island, with only my broom. It was a very small island. It's no wonder the Boneknapper found me again. He never forgave me for taking that treasure. There was another island. My only escape. But I was surrounded by blood-thirsty Hammerhead Sharks! I only had one chance. So I ran across the shark infested waters.
Gobber: Take that! Watch it! Nighty night, fatty! Someone forgot to brush!
(Gobber V.O.): I didn't think I was going to make it. But then, from the depths of the ocean leapt forth...a giant Hammerhead Whale!
Fishlegs: Whoa! So the Hammerhead Whale ate the Boneknapper?
Gobber: Almost, but he got away. Years later, the dragon hunted me down again and chased me into the jungle.
(Gobber V.O.): All I had was my trusty egg beater. I carved through that thick brush as fast as a jungle cat. Still, the Boneknapper was right behind!
Gobber Ah, Azaleas!
(V.O.): I ran up the side of a volcano and courageously leapt across the fiery crater. Then, deep within the burning volcano burst forth a giant Hammerhead Yak!
Tuffnut: Okay, wait a minute...now you're saying a giant Hammerhead Yak leapt out of the fiery volcano and ate the Boneknapper?
"That's impossible," Tuffnut concluded, "Am I right, guys?"
He received multiple nods.
Gobber: You would've thought so, wouldn't you? But the dragon got away again! I knew the boney scoundrel would keep coming after me...
(Gobber V.O.): So, I set up a gauntlet of traps, and waited for the beast. And when he was ready...he charged! And then I ran like the wind! But the traps failed! Then, captured, I did what any brave Viking would do...
Gobber: Help!
(Gobber V.O.): The Gods must've heard my prayers. It was Thor! He tossed a mighty thunderbolt!
Gobber: Aw, you missed!
Thor: Wait for it...
(V.O.): Then, from the center of the earth blasted forth...the Hammerhead Yak riding the Hammerhead Whale!
Hamerhead Yak: Deploy the Yak.
[They 'defeat' the Boneknapper]
Gobber: Yes! ...Oh, my back!
Fishlegs: Whoa...the whale saluted you?
Gobber: Can you believe it? But the Boneknapper got away again! He found me on Berk...
"This is getting ridiculous..." Astrid noted.
"...Getting?" Ruffnut said.
Snotlout: Are you kidding? I don't believe any of this.
Tuffnut: Yeah, you totally made everything up!
Ruffnut: Come on, Gobber, it time to get out of here!
Snotlout: We need to get home!
Tuffnut: You don't even have any proof that that thing exists!
Gobber: Of course I have proof. I still have the treasure. This stunning belt buckle. ...It was in the Viking's treasure chest. It's kept my pants up for years.
"Pull down your shirt, Gobber!" Hiccup chuckled.
Gobber grinned and grabbed for his shirt...
Fishlegs: It is stunning...
...and lifted it up.
"My eyes!" Tuffnut gagged.
Ruffnut grabbed onto her brother's shoulders and pretended to faint.
Snotlout and the remaining teens covered their mouths and turned away.
"What?!" Gobber asked playfully.
"Do you ever bathe?" Ruffnut wheezed.
"Of course I do!" he exclaimed.
Ruffnut rolled her eyes, "Not you, Gobber...I meant him!" she said, jabbing a finger at her brother.
"If you don't like it, why don't you use someone else as your shield?!" Tuffnut huffed.
Ruffnut blushed, "...That's not what I was doing!" she tried.
Hiccup: Um...listen, Gobber. Instead of chasing down an imaginary dragon, maybe we should figure out how to get home?
Gobber: Say no more, I hear ya loud and clear. I've got a plan.
...All right, who'd like to be dragon bait?
[Points to Fishlegs]
"...Why is it always me?" Fishlegs asked himself.
"Because you're the most vulnerable," Snotlout said.
"...Thanks," Fishlegs sighed.
Fishlegs: Um, Gobber. Are you sure this is safe?
Gobber: Safety's overrated.
[Fishlegs tensed]
Gobber: Okay, here's the plan. The Boneknapper wants me, right? He comes down that trail, sees Fishlegs, thinks it's me, rushes Fishlegs,"
Fishlegs' knees gave out.
[Fishlegs squealed]
"-Causing Phil to trip that rope, dropping that rib cage...and then we rush in a finish him off, once and for all!
Snotlout: It's sad when they get old.
Snotlout nodded his head in agreement.
Hiccup: Gobber, you're taking this way too far, okay? You need to face it. There is no such thing as the Boneknapper!
Gobber: Wormsquat! Now, get into position. Way to go Fishlegs, you're doing fine!
[Fishlegs looks up and notices the oncoming Boneknapper]
Hiccup: No wonder they entire village think you're crazy.
Snotlout: Hello? He sees dead Vikings!
Tuffnut: Yeah, especially that thing about the Hammerhead Yak...
Fishlegs: Um, guys...?
Astrid: This is a complete waste of time...
Fishlegs: Guys, hello!? Turn around! Guys...GUYS!
Everyone: What!?
[Bones Rattle]
Hiccup: It's right behind us isn't it?
[They turn around and spot the dragon, who squeaks]
Fishlegs: Well, what do you know? No roar...
"Snotlout, Snotlout, Oi! Oi! Oi!"
"What was that for?" Hiccup asked.
Snotlout shrugged, "Because I'm awesome!" he grinned, puffing out his chest, "...And Fishlegs was wrong,"
Astrid pretended to gag as Fishlegs scowled.
Hiccup grinned and lightly tapped her on the shoulder, "Be nice..." he chuckled.
Astrid looked up at him and smirked.
[The dragon charges]
Gobber: Run!
Astrid: Okay Gobber, we believe you!
"Ha! Now look who's runn-" Snotlout started.
Astrid grabbed him by the collar, "Don't you dare finish that sentence," she warned.
Snotlout held up his hands in surrender.
[Only obeying orders, Phil drops the ribcage on the intruders]
Gobber: Phil!
Snotlout: Find a happy place, find a happy place...
Fishlegs: No, no, no, please...please. He wants my head. I swear he wants my head!
Gobber: Bring it on! You wait till I get out there and I'll show you!
[Hiccup notices a familiar-shaped gap in the Bonknapper's frame]
Hiccup: Wait. It searches for the perfect bone to build it's coat of armor. The treasure! Gobber, take off your pants!
Gobber: Huh?
Teens: No!
"Ok," Gobber threatened.
"NO!" the teens yelled.
Gobber smirked, "I was only joking," his grinned, "...Or was I?"
Hiccup: Wait, listen to me. I think Fishlegs was right. The Boneknapper is supposed to have a roar. But maybe he can't because the bone he needs is your belt buckle.
Astrid: Gobber, please, you have to give it back.
Gobber: No way, it's mine.
[The Boneknapper grabs Gobber by the peg and starts swinging him in the air]
"Well...that's one way of doing it..." Stoick said.
Hiccup: Give him back his bone!
Gobber: No!
Hiccup: GIVE HIM BACK HIS BONE!
Gobber: No!
Gobber: Noooo... oh, all right.
[He throws it, then gets dropped onto the ground]
Hiccup: Gobber!
[The Boneknapper gets into Gobber's face]
Gobber: All right, you've got me. Make it fast.
[The Boneknapper coos, and begins nudging Gobber; unintentionally causing his pants to fall down]
The teens groan and cover their eyes.
Hiccup: That's gonna give me nightmares.
Astrid: Well, at least we have a ride home.
Gobber: Aren't you cute? Yes you are, yes you are!
[Scene changes: The flight with the Boneknapper]
Snotlout: You know, I never doubted him. I was always like: "He's right."
"...Sure, Snotlout," Astrid said.
Hiccup bit his lip and held back a laugh.
The twins, however, weren't so generous...
"Yeah right! You never believed him for a second!" they chorused.
Snotlout scowled.
Tuffnut: This tailbone is hurting my tailbone!
Tuffnut blushed.
"Yeah...but at least I'm more comfortable," Snotlout smirked.
Hiccup: He sure seems happy to have that bone back.
Fishlegs: Well, legend says that Boneknapper's roar is its mating call.
The teens exchanged glances.
Gobber: Oh, that's just a myth.
[Female Boneknapper's roar in the distance]
The teens and Stoick paled.
Gobber: Uh oh...I think Stoick will believe me now, eh?
[Scene fades with the female dragons entering the screen]
I am no longer going to set a schedule for updating...for now, updates will be at random. (Hopefully at least one per weekend)
As for Quit Pressuring Me!...I'm still working on it...
Thanks to all who read/reviewed!
night fury kid65- (Sorry for messing up your username) I'm planning on writing the episodes in order...so Free Scauldy will have a to wait a while...
Episodes Added (I'll probably end up going back and making the first two full episodes, just letting you knw in advance):
-Cast Out (Part 1 & 2)
-Dragon Flower
-The Eel Effect
Next Episode: In Dragons We Trust