There is no Hope, a harry potter fanfic

There is no Hope

A/N: Another kinda sad one, Dramione, don't read it if you don't like the pairing.

Disclaimer:

Harry Potter is J.K Rowling's and J.K Rowling's alone. Any publicly recognisable situations, characters etc. belong to her. No profit is being made of this story.

There is no Hope

She is gone. Gone. And I never even got the chance to say sorry. No matter how many times I say it in my head she never heard it, and I will always, forever, just be the boy who tormented her endlessly. Nothing more.

I would've liked to have been at least someone she could remember with one fond memory. But I was always too cowardly, too scared, to ever create one. It pains me so much to know that if it hadn't been for my stupidity we could've had something, and more importantly, she could still be alive.

Blaise told me not to blame myself. That it wasn't my fault. That the memory was forced from me, not given willingly. Funnily enough many members of the Order agree too. But I don't. Its my fault. All my fault, I was the reason she died, and I was the reason she didn't even get to say goodbye to her friends.

They hate me for it. Harry and Ron, when I see them I see the mirrored anguish in our eyes and the mirrored accusations.

They will never forgive me and I will never forgive myself. I do not deserve to be forgiven. She had so much to live for and I took it all from her. Me. I may as well have been the one to say the curse. It is and always will be my fault.

I loved her more than anyone knew, maybe even more than I know myself. I will never stop loving her, I know that much. My future is uncertain. But my one certainty is that she will always have my love, for eternity and whatever lays beyond.

She was always so bright, like a star. There to give love and light to everyone. Even me. We talked, once. She was sitting on that ugly, red, worn out couch reading Hogwarts a History for the billionth time. I found comfort in seeing her. She was a piece of normalcy in my ever changing life. I knew I could always count on her to be responsible, a know-it-all, and a bookworm, even when people in the Order warmed up to me and I played chess with Harry Potter and other impossibly ludicrous events happened.

So, she was sitting there reading with that ugly monstrosity she calls a cat sitting next to her. Her fingers were softly stroking the top of the cats head, and I suddenly found myself jealous of the creature, despite its ugliness. I wanted to be the one sitting next to her as we read together and she stroked my hair and we held hands and did all that mushy stuff I make fun of but actually want for myself. I wanted to wake up to her face every morning, kiss the small freckles on her nose, make breakfast with her, look after our children with her, I wanted a life with her.

I'd been standing in that doorway staring at her like a bloody idiot for a while when she finally noticed me.

"Can I help you, Malfoy?" she said startling me out of my day dreams.

Almost immediately I schooled my face into a mask of indifference as I answered her, "No."

"OK." was her simple answer as she gazed back at her book, hand stroking that damn cat again.

"Actually," I said hesitating, "There is something you can help me with."

"What is it?" she said curiously.

Not expecting her to agree to help, my brain scrambled for an answer and settled for, "I need you to help me look over there reports." Internally cursing myself at my cowardliness I watched as she placed her book down and reached over to take the papers I had thrust out at her. As she reached out to grab them, out hands touched, for one miniscule moment, and in that moment my heart soared and I felt a spark, like the stupid ones I heard about in my mothers romance novels. I stared into her eyes and she looked just as surprised as me. Flushing, she pulled away and said, "Okay Malfoy, I'll get these back to you by tonight, OK?"

"Of course."

And that my friends was the only conversation I had ever had with her that consisted of more than a sentence. Pathetic I know. But it was all I had. I treasure that one moment our eyes met, because in that moment I saw a future with her flash through my eyes. A future now impossible.

I have yet to break down yet. I know it will happen eventually. Most likely at her funeral, in front of everyone embarrassing myself. But I won't care by then. I will be too far gone, she kept me here and now that she's left I don't have a whole lot to stay for.

Unrequited love is such a stupid and horrible thing. Its like saying "Here darling, here is your soul mate, but she'll never notice you and she'll never love you and you'll just have to suffer as you watch her with others and you'll just have to suffer as you watch her marry someone else and you'll just have to suffer as you realize the only person who was holding you back was yourself. And of course, you'll just have to deal with it because it's your own fault isn't it? Because you were too much of a bloody coward to chase after what would be a once in a million lifetimes chance. Because you were too much of a bloody coward to chase after your own happiness." But despite it all I know even though I have been through so much pain and anguish because of her I will still always adore and love her. She will always be cherished, she need nought worry about that.

There are a few more days to her funeral. I am mentally preparing myself for the sight I will see, her beautiful face, cold, so cold, and so dead. And all because of me.

But for now, I am sane, I am being kept stable with the shock but when the dam breaks I'm not sure if I'll be able to control myself. Because Hermione Granger is gone, and the only light in my life has been extinguished.

There is no hope.

A/N: If anyone has any kinda one shot/two shot/small trilogy ideas but don't feel like writing them yourself please let me know and I'll try and write them out for you to the best of my ability.