"Booth! Can you slow down?" Max called. He was puffing badly and having trouble keeping up with Booth who was tromping ahead of him.
"No Max. I can't. Can you hurry up? We're never going to find this tree at this rate." Booth grumbled back at his father in law.
"Hang on boy. You asked me to come along. I could have been home sitting in your leather recliner, drinking egg nog and playing with my grandchildren" Max countered, trying to catch up to Booth.
Booth stopped walking and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He exhaled and watched his steamy warm breath float away from him.
He turned around "You're right. I did ask you" he said, lying through his teeth. It was actually Bones' idea for them to go together. "See, Bones doesn't trust me to pick the right sized tree. We kind of had a Christmas tree incident last year" Booth said, looking down at the ground, the toe of his shoe digging into the grass.
"Christmas tree incident?" Max asked, smirking. "What exactly is a Christmas tree incident?"
Booth placed the head of the axe he was carrying onto the ground and leant on the handle with one hand. "Oh you know. I decided that I could guestimate the height of the tree that would fit in our living room. Only, I sort of appear to have a deficiency where special awareness is concerned." he said.
Max didn't speak. He just stood smirking at Booth.
"OK! I chopped down a fifteen foot tree" Booth said.
"Fifteen foot?" Max asked, his eyebrows raised.
"Fine! It was probably closer to twenty feet. But it really didn't look that big until I tied it to the car." Booth said, his face growing hot.
Max burst out laughing. His hand pressed against his stomach "Oh Booth, stop. You're killing me. Twenty feet? That's about double the height that you needed!" he laughed.
"I know. You don't need to rub it in. I got enough of that from Bones. I'm on track this year. I have a measuring tape with me" Booth said, pulling a metal, retractable tape measure from his coat pocket. "Ten feet. That's the absolute limit." he added. "Bones' orders"
Max nodded and walked past Booth "Well we better find one soon. We've already been walking for an hour and a half. What exactly are we looking for? The Holy Grail of Christmas Trees?" he said.
"Exactly! That's exactly what we're looking for. And that's why we're walking deeper into the forest. I want to find a tree that hasn't been even looked at by human eyes. No damage. Clean air, no exhaust fumes from vehicles driving past. No broken branches from people climbing or hanging from them. " Booth said excitedly.
"So we're looking for a virgin tree?" Max said, sarcastically.
Booth looked at Max, then shrugged "I guess we are!"
The walked on for another ten minutes, when Booth suddenly yelped and started running.
"Dammit Booth!" Max yelled, trying to follow him as quickly as he could.
He stepped between a row of trees and saw Booth, kneeling at the foot of a tree.
Booth turned around and grinned "This is it! This is our tree!" he said, then turned back and stared up at the richly coloured evergreen in front of him. "She's perfect"
"She?" Max muttered, shaking his head.
Max walked up behind Booth and looked up at the tree. "Are you sure this isn't too tall? Looks kinda big if you ask me" he said, frowning.
"It'll be fine. I just have a gut feeling. And you know me and my gut. It's perfect" Booth said, determinedly getting to his feet and shouldering the axe.
"Stand back Max" Booth said, planting his feet. He raised the axe and took a deep breath. He swung the axe and connected with the tree trunk.
"I think it's too big Booth" Max said.
Booth pulled the axe from the wood and raised it over his shoulder again. "It's not. It's perfect." He grunted as he swung the axe again, the steel slicing into the timber.
"Did you measure it?" Max asked.
"Nope." Booth grunted as he swung the axe again. "I can tell. It's perfect."
"But you brought the tape measure so you didn't have another tree incident." Max said quickly.
Booth hesitated mid swing and turned and frowned at Max "Max. I'm not an idiot. There will be no repeat of the tree incident. Now step back before you get hurt old man." he said, swinging the axe which bit deeply into the wood. He repeated this action over and over, until he had to just lean on the handle of the axe, which was embedded deep into the timber. He was sweating, puffing and generally starting to think he was never going to get this done. He swallowed hard, trying to ignore Max's chuckling.
Booth heaved, and wrenched the axe from the trunk. "One more ought to do it" he grunted as he swung the axe one more time.
There was a crack as he pulled the axe head from the tree. "There she goes!" he yelled excitedly, and set his foot against the trunk of the tree and leaned into it. The tree resisted for a moment, then smoothly tipped away from him, landing on the ground with a dull thud.
Booth dropped the axe and rubbed his hands together "All we have to do is get it back to the car and we'll be on our way in no time!" he said eagerly.
Max turned and looked around. "OK. Uh, which way is the car?" he asked.
Booth scoffed and pointed "That way of course". Then he pursed his lips and scrunched up his nose, "No, that way" he pointed in another direction. "Yep, that's the way" he added, not so certain.
Max stood nodding, his mouth downturned. "My son in law, the genius" he said. "You didn't think to take note of where the car was?"
Booth frowned "Yes. No. I don't know. Look, it's roughly in that direction" he pointed past Max again. "Let's just get the tree and start off in that direction."
Max stared at Booth, his mouth tightly pursed and twisted to one side "Rope?" he asked and pointed at the tree "To tie around the branches so we can carry it?"
Booth felt his face blanch "I have rope" he said, his voice cracking. "In the back of the car"
"Excellent" Max said looking up at the sky. "And it's starting to get dark. Wonderful" he added.
Booth stood, his hands on his hips, fingers splayed and hooked into his belt. He thought for a moment "OK. We grab the bottom branches and haul the tree between us. It should be OK. We head in that direction, I'll press the remote on the car every so often. When we're in range we'll hear it beep. If we don't find the car within twenty minutes. Or so. I'll make a call"
Max shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat and pulled out a pair of gloves. "Good thing I brought these with me then" he said, handing one to Booth. "Come on. The quicker we start, the quicker we hopefully find the car. I have to say, I don't want to be sleeping out in the forest" he said. "Not even for the perfect tree"
"Fair enough" Booth said, pulling on the glove.
"No. I don't know where they are! They were going to buy a Christmas Tree. I called the farm. They don't recall seeing them. Oh no. No. Angela. I tried calling. It kept going to his messages. They wouldn't have?" Brennan said suddenly, her voice trailing off. She held the phone tightly, her knuckles growing white.
"Sweetie. I'm sure they're fine. He's a smart, capable man. And your Dad. Well. They'll be fine." Angela tried to sound convincing.
"I know where they've gone." Brennan said suddenly. "Booth had it in his head to go and chop down the perfect tree. I told him to just go and buy one from the Christmas Tree Farm. I thought I had convinced him. Angela, what if they're out there, in the forest somewhere. What if something has happened. What if"
"Brennan. Stop it right now. Nothing has happened. Look. Give me twenty minutes. I'm coming over." Angela said. Brennan nodded pressing the phone to her ear.
She could hear Angela calling out to Jack Honey, I have to go to Brennan's. She thinks Booth and Max have gone off on a wild tree chopping expedition and are lost
Aww Damn! They went out tree chopping and didn't invite me? Why wouldn't they invite me?
Jack, not everything has to include you Sweetie.
"OK, you still there Bren? I'll be right over. Don't leave to go running off to look for them. Just stay put until I get there. Then we'll decide what we're doing." Angela said, then hung up the phone.
Brennan stood, dropping her hand to her side, the phone clasped tightly. She looked down at the phone and lifted it up and dialled Booth's number again.
The person you are calling isn't available right now
She hung up the phone and set it down on the dining table, frowning. She wasn't sure if she was worried or angry, so settled on being a combination of both.
"Dammit Booth, where are you and Max?" Brennan said out loud, unconsciously stamping her foot.
"Booth! Wait. I need to stop for a minute" Max huffed.
Booth stopped walking and dropped the tree, leaning back, pressing his hands into the small of his back.
Max stood bent over, his hands gripping his knees. "I don't know how much further I can go Booth. Can you try the phone again?" he asked, breathing heavily.
Booth shook his head. "We're still out of range" he said, his phone held up in front of his face. He held it higher, waving his arm left then right, up and down. He pulled his keys out of his pocket and pressed the button.
"Wait!" he said excitedly, pressing the button again. "Did you hear that?"
"Hear what? All I can hear is the wind blowing through these damned trees! And the sound of my own heart about to burst through the walls of my chest!" Max yelled at him.
"Shut up Max. Listen" Booth pressed the button again. "See? Hear it?"
Max shook his head and frowned at him. "You're delusional Booth. We're lost in the woods and you're starting to hear things. Do we even have any water? " he growled.
"No. Shut up and actually listen" Booth said pressing the remote again.
Beep beep faintly on the breeze
"See?" Booth said excitedly.
Max scrunched his nose up, furrowing his brow low over his eyes "Do that again" he said.
Beep beep "you hear that?" Booth asked.
"I think I did! From that direction!" Max said. "Let's leave the tree and just go find the car"
"What? No! I didn't go all that way to find the perfect tree, and then haul this thing for miles, just to dump it half a mile from the car!" Booth said, frustrated.
"OK, OK! Don't get your panties in a twist" Max said, thinking. "So we leave the tree, find the car, then come back and get the tree in the morning"
"No. We're taking it with us." Booth said firmly, then held up his hand "And that's final. Come on." He added pulling on his single glove and grabbed the bottom branch, waiting for Max.
Max stared at him for a minute, then pulled on his glove, muttering intelligibly under his breath, and grabbed the branch. "How did I let you talk me into this" was the only thing Booth understood.
"Jack! I wasn't expecting you to come over too!" Brennan said, opening the door to see Angela, Jack and Michael Vincent standing there.
"Don't be ridiculous. I'm going to go look for them. You girls stay here with the kids, and keep the phone by you." Hodgins said.
"Jack said he and Booth once talked about where the best trees were" Angela said confidently.
"Really? So you think that's where they might be?" Brennan asked, hopeful that he might be right. "I hope you're right. I told him not to get lost, but he just laughed and said We're not going to get lost. I bet they're lost.
"Look. I might be wrong. But my gut is telling me to start looking there first. And it's getting late. I need to leave now." Jack said heading for the door. He stopped to drop a kiss on Angela's cheek and whisper in her ear "Just stay by the phone and keep her calm. And maybe, have something hot to eat ready for when we get back. If they've been stranded out there, they'll be cold and hungry"
"Jack?" Brennan said softly.
"Doctor B. They'll be fine. We'll be back before you know it" he said pulling the door closed behind him.
Boy, I hope I'm right he thought to himself, his cheeks puffing out as he blew out a deep breath as he walked towards his car.
beep beep
"It's getting louder!" Booth cried, pulling the tree along quicker.
"Slow down Booth. Are you trying to kill me?" Max yelled at him. "We'd do this a lot faster if we weren't dragging this goddamned log with us!"
"This isn't a log and you know it. Just keep moving!" Booth yelled back.
"Like I said, if you hadn't just marched aimlessly into the woods" Max countered
"And like I said, KEEP MOVING!" Booth growled back.
Jack pulled onto a side dirt road and drove towards the tree line. He turned a bend and smiled. Booth's car was parked there. He pulled in beside it and got out of his car. All of a sudden, the lights on the car flashed and the security locking beeped.
What do you know? Booth's using his remote to locate the car! He thought, then frowned. "Shit! That means they were lost!" he added out loud.
Hodgins looked around and noticed footprints in the dirt and began to follow them.
"Booth! Max!" he yelled out.
He pulled a can of silly string out of his pocket and sprayed some bright pink string onto the branch of a tree, before continuing on.
"There's no way I'm getting lost too" he said out loud, then called out again "Booth! Can you hear me?"
Booth was perspiring heavily as he hauled the tree along. By now, Max was literally being pulled along with the tree.
"Booth. I can't keep going" Max said, his voice weak.
"Come on Max" Booth stopped and dropped the tree, worrying now that he was looking at Max. His face was pale and his skin looked clammy. "I'm sure it's not far now." He pressed the remote again.
beep beep
"See? Hear that? We're so close now. It can't be that far. It's getting louder. So we're going in the right direction. Tell you what. I'll drag the tree. You just walk alongside. You can manage that?" Booth asked Max, hoping that the answer was going to be yes.
God, Bones is gonna kill me! he suddenly thought about how his wife was going to react to him almost losing her father in the woods, and not coming home with the perfect tree.
Faintly in the distance, Booth suddenly heard someone calling his name.
"Come on Max! We're definitely almost there!" he said, clapping Max on the shoulder, making the old man groan.
"Hi! Hello! Yes! We're here! Over here!" he bellowed.