"and then I realised that Booth was using his remote to locate the position of the car."
Booth huffed and held up his hand in front of Hodgins "I knew where I was going. I just was making sure we were not too far away from the car" he said, as confidently as he could.
"Of course, I found him before he found the car" Hodgins continued to relate his version of the story merrily.
"No. We walked into you!" Booth countered.
Hodgins shook his head "No. Nope. Definitely not. You were walking in a south westerly direction which was taking you past where the car was. I definitely found you." he said confidently.
"And I told you we were just fine. We would have been at the car park in less than five minutes" Booth's voice began to raise in volume.
"Oh shut up you two. Booth, we were lost for a while. Jack, we would have gotten there eventually. But had we just left the tree behind we would have been at the car a half an hour before you found"
Booth's head flicked around and glared at Max, who stuttered "before we came across you. Right before we walked into the carpark." he finished nervously.
"There was no way I was leaving that tree behind. It's perfect!" Booth said, frowning.
"Oh poppycock Booth. We could have left it there, located the car and then come back for it tomorrow. But no" Max used his whiney voice to imitate Booth "someone might steal my tree"
Booth crossed his arms over his chest and stuck his chin out. "Damn straight! Anyone could have gone early and found it, already chopped down. I didn't do all that work for someone else!" he said.
"and you would never have gotten that thing up onto your car if I wasn't there" Hodgins interjected.
Booth and Max glared at Hodgins "Shut up Jack!" they both said.
Hodgins pulled a face and turned to Brennan "They wouldn't have" he said under his breath.
"Well Sweetie, I'm just glad you all arrived back safe and sound" Angela said, trying to diffuse the tension between the three men. "So Booth. Let's see this perfect tree!" she said, using air quotes when she said the word perfect.
Brennan sniggered, making Booth flash her a look "What?" he said.
Brennan covered her mouth and feigned a cough "What? Something caught in my throat" she coughed again, shaking her head.
"You wait and see. You'll all eat your words" Booth said walking towards the door. "Come on Christine! Come and see the Christmas tree Daddy got for you! He chopped it down with his bare hands!" he called.
Christine skipped up to her father and looked up at him with wonder "How did you chop it with your hands?" she asked frowning.
"What? No. No, Christine, I chopped it down using my. I had an axe. I chopped it. Oh never mind, let's go get it off the car." Booth said, flustered.
"Need a hand?" Hodgins asked.
"No." Booth said firmly. "Well, maybe. I'll call you if I need help" and walked through the door, his daughter close at his heels.
Max smirked and looked at his imaginary watch "He'll be calling in 5… 4… 3… "
"Dad. Stop it. You know how excited Booth has been about this tree thing. Don't start anything with him. And if"
"when" Max said.
"IF, he calls out for help. We'll all go and help him. But I'm sure he won't need us. He promised he would chop down a nice, manageable seven or eight foot tree"
Max stifled a laugh and shook his head "manageable. Right. Who's for a drink? Jack? Ang? Tempe? Is there any of my egg nog left, or shall I make a fresh batch?" he asked, heading for the kitchen.
"I'd like to try it" Jack said, following him "Of course nothing compares to my world famous egg nog"
Max stopped walking and turned around, the palm of his hand held up in Hodgins' face "Nobody. Repeat. Nobody makes a better egg nog than I do Jack. No. Body." he said firmly.
"Well I have to disagree there Max. Honey? Tell Max how good my egg nog is!" Hodgins turned and called out to Angela.
"Tempe. Tell this nincompoop that nobody makes better egg nog than your old man" Max called out.
Angela stepped in between the two men. "Now, now honey" she addressed Hodgins. "I'm sure you both make spectacularly good egg nog, but we're guests, so we'd love to try yours Max!" she turned and smiled at Max, who wiggled his head from side to side and grinned
"You will never want to drink another eggnog after you try it" Max said, holding up his index finger "Creamy, sweet, and full of holiday cheer, with cinnamon, nutmeg, and vanilla beans. And of course a good slosh of bourbon. And then" Max hesitated and squinted directly at Hodgins "and then I add my secret ingredient. Which of course takes it from ordinary eggnog to the most spectacular eggnog you'll ever try" he said. "You" he pointed at Hodgins "stay in here". Then he smiled at Angela, "you understand honey. Gotta keep the secret ingredient a secret!" he touched his nose with his finger.
"Of course Max. You go ahead. I can't wait to taste it." Angela said, turning and pushing Hodgins away from the kitchen.
"It can't be that good" Jack said.
"You just wait boy!" Max yelled from the kitchen "It'll knock your squinty socks off!"
Hodgins walked back into the living room and sat down, looking smug "It won't be that good. You can't just make it, like that!" and snapped his fingers.
Brennan sat opposite him "Oh no. He has batches of his mixture ready in jugs in the refrigerator, just waiting for him to add his secret ingredient. They're all at different stages of manufacture. I just know I'm not allowed to touch any of the jugs with numbers on them" she laughed.
Angela sat next to Brennan and leaned into her shoulder "So, um. What exactly is his secret ingredient?" she whispered.
Brennan shrugged "I actually don't know. I'm never allowed in the kitchen when he's preparing it" she said. "Honestly" she added when Hodgins snorted.
The front door opened suddenly "Daddy is in a bit of a pickle and he may or may not need some help" Christine said.
"Told ya!" Hodgins jumped up out of his seat and headed for the door.
"Jack. Do not poke the bear" Angela said firmly.
Hodgins nodded "I know. I'll be nice. Until we get the tree down, then? Well who knows what might happen" he laughed.
"A pickle?" Angela turned and laughed at Brennan, who shrugged.
Fifteen minutes later, the door opened again and Christine came in "Where do you want the tree mommy? She asked.
Brennan frowned "Where it always goes. Why are you asking" she said, then her face blanched. "Oh no. Not again. BOOTH!"
Brennan ran out the front to be confronted by Jack holding the trunk, and her husband, buried in the branches of a magnificent fir, which by her estimation was several feet taller than the seven foot tree they agreed upon.
"Booth! You promised you wouldn't do this again. That tree isn't going to fit!" she cried.
"Of course it will fit. It just looks taller because it's lying down. It'll be perfect" he said confidently.
"I'm not so sure Booth" Hodgins said "this thing has to be"
"Just carry the tree Jack" Booth said. "Honestly Bones. It's going to look amazing" he said, heading towards the door.
"It looks too wide for the doorway" Brennan said, frowning.
"The branches will just bend a little as Jack pulls it through. Don't worry" Booth said as he directed Hodgins to line up with the door. "Ok Hodgins. You go. I'll just support the mid section and Max" he stopped and looked around "we need Max"
Brennan turned to go inside to get Max, but couldn't fit past the tree, so she had to call out to her father from outside the front door "Dad! Can you come around the front? Booth needs your help to get the tree inside!"
Max's head appeared around the corner from the kitchen. "What? I'm right in the middle of adding the. Oh fine. Just wait a minute" he grumbled.
Booth was supporting the tree, his face was going red.
"Booth I'm going to have to put this down. This thing weighs a tonne!" Hodgins said letting go of the trunk.
"NO!" Booth felt the weight of the tree pull and he had to let go. He heard the cracking of wood "Dammit, I think a branch just broke!"
Brennan sighed "Its fine. We'll just put it at the back. IF the tree even fits. I still think it's way too big. How tall is it?" she asked, convinced that it was at least twelve or thirteen feet.
"It's fine. It will come close, but it's going to fit" Booth insisted.
Max came round the corner of the house "Now what?" he grumbled.
"I need you to support the tip so it doesn't break" Booth said.
"Aren't you going to cut it to the right height before you take it inside?" Max said.
"It'll only need a little trimmed off, if any. Look at it. It's great!" Booth said. "Come on, Jack. Let's go."
Hodgins shook his head and heaved the trunk of the tree up off the ground. "this is never going to work" he muttered.
"OK. All together. Heave!" Booth yelled as he pushed the tree forcing it into the doorway. "Heave!" he yelled again.
"Booth! This isn't working!" Hodgins called out from the doorway. The bottom branches were jammed inside the door frame.
"Just pull. Now we have the bottom through, the rest will just follow!" Booth insisted.
"It's too big" both Brennan and Max said together.
"What is with you people?" Booth said, looking at them both. "Look at it. It's going to"
He suddenly saw the tree for what it was. A fourteen foot fir tree, with an eight inch trunk.
"Oh shit"
"Daddy! You said a bad word!" Christine piped up having been fascinated,watching her father, grandfather and uncle Jack trying to push a gigantic Christmas tree through the front door.
"Told ya" Max muttered under his breath, letting the top of the tree go. "I'm going to go finish my eggnog while you ninny's work out how to get the tree back out of the doorway" he said, knowing full well that the bottom branches were inside the house and that tree wasn't going anywhere.
Booth stood amongst the branches of the tree staring at it properly for the first time. He felt his throat close up.
"Hoo Wee! What have we got here!"
Booth covered his face with his hand "Great. Just what I need right now"
James Aubrey sauntered up the pathway, a gigantic toothy grin across his face. "Uh, Mrs B. Did you know you have a forest stuck in your front door?" he laughed, tears threatening to fall from the corners of his eyes.
"Thank you James. I'm aware of the situation." Brennan said, shaking her head at Booth, who tried not to look her in the eye.
Finally he uncovered his face "Fine. Fine! I'm sorry. I got a little carried away looking for the perfect tree. And apart from the size, it is perfect." Booth said. He pointed at Aubrey "Why are you even here? Why is he here?" Booth asked Brennan.
"I invited Aubrey to join us for the tree decorating and eggnog. Christine wanted him to come."
Booth rolled his eyes "Great. Aubrey, don't say a word. Go around the back to the shed and find the chainsaw and bring it back here."
Aubrey stood rocking backwards and forwards on his heels staring at Booth.
"Please" Booth said, reluctantly.
"Of course! I'd love to be of assistance!" Aubrey laughed as he headed around the house.
Booth stepped away from the tree and walked to the car. He retrieved a tape measure from the floor of the car and handed the end to Brennan. "Can you please stand by the door?" he asked sheepishly.
He pulled the tape until he extended it to it's maximum. Which was ten feet. He turned to see the tip of the tree approximately four feet away.
Booth sighed heavily and rolled his eyes, not wanting to look at Brennan.
Hodgins came around the side of the house with Aubrey who was carrying the chainsaw.
"So how tall is this baby. Exactly?" Hodgins asked.
"fifteen feet" Booth mumbled softly.
"Sorry. I didn't catch that" Hodgins asked, grinning widely at Brennan.
"It's about fifteen feet. Give or take." Booth said.
"Booth! That's double what we agreed upon. How on earth did you even tie it to the car?" she asked, shocked.
"Oh it wasn't easy. Or legal" Hodgins laughed out loud.
"Outta my way" Booth grunted, grabbing the chainsaw from Aubrey. He walked up to the house and picked a spot about two feet away from the door, fired up the saw and sighed. The saw bit into the wood and he cut through the trunk in ten seconds flat. "I wish I had this with me today" he mumbled under his breath.
"You need to cut it about here" Brennan was standing half way along the length of the tree.
"But that's so small!" Booth whined.
"No. It's eight feet. Which still leaves room for the Christmas star not to scratch the ceiling." Brennan said. "Eight feet Booth" she repeated.
Booth dragged his feet to where Brennan was standing and placed the blade two feet away from the point she was holding the tape measure to.
"No Booth. Here" she tapped the trunk with the tape measure.
Booth huffed loudly. He moved to the spot she had pointed to and looked at her, then started the chainsaw and cut through the trunk. He then trimmed the branches from the trunk so they had a good foot and a half of clean trunk.
"Perfect!" Brennan said, linking arms with Angela who had been standing laughing at the proceedings the whole time.
"Daddy? How are you going to get the tree out of the door?" Christine asked.
Booth stared at the thick trunk, heavy branches jammed either side of the doorway.
"Booth! The paint is all scratched!" Brennan said taking a closer look at the damage done by the tree.
"Never fear Mrs B. I'm a dab hand with a paint brush. I can fix that for you in no time." Aubrey offered.
Brennan smiled "Thank you James. I appreciate it. But I think Booth needs to fix his mess himself."
"Okey dokie. But if you change your mind?" Aubrey said.
Booth walked towards the doorway and began cutting the tree into small pieces. He cleared the tree from the doorway, leaving a mess of pine needles, sawdust and twigs both inside and outside.
"I'm not cleaning that up" Brennan said, her hands pressed against her hips.
Max appeared at the door with Hank in his arms. "All that noise, poor little Hank woke up!" he said bouncing the toddler on his hip.
Brennan looked at Hank, eyes red, face red, nose running from crying. "Oh dear. Come on baby. Let's clean you up" she said as she took Hank from Max and stepped over all the mess Booth had made. "Now he's going to be all cranky because you woke him up." Brennan said to Booth.
"Someone's in trou-ble" Aubrey sang, making Booth growl.
"What a waste" Booth said, staring at all the timber lying in the front yard.
"Tried to tell you" Max started.
"Don't Max. Just don't. I admit it. OK? I was"
"Wrong?" Max said quickly.
"I was overly focussed on finding the perfect tree and apparently, I forgot that size matters" Booth said.
Hodgins was laughing as he cleared some of the larger branches and threw them into the front yard to clear the doorway. "Let's get this thing inside and then I want to try that secret recipe eggnog" he said.
Booth's head popped up "The one with the whipped eggwhites stirred in at the end?" he said.
"Booth!" Max yelled.
Hodgins laughed "AhHa!"