There was only Ralph, Maurice, Simon, Piggy and the twins at camp from the Bigums and all the Littleums were running about on the sand. Louise walked straight past the boys in just her skirt and bra, holding her shirt and shoes.
Not noticing how they were all staring, she walked into the forest, a fair bit from the beach so they wouldn't see her. Squatting down she pulled her pants to the side and peed, the only sound she could hear was the occasional bug or a boy shouting or the pee on the forest floor.
Walking back to the camp Louise sat on a rock and lay her shirt and shoes on the sand and plaited her hair on one side of her shoulders. Her hair was too long for this heat and she just wanted to cut it. She remembered Jack had a knife.
"Jack." She called over to him as he prepared to go find his hunters. He came over and stood above her.
"Give me your knife." Her tone was pretty relaxed but she was kind of demanding.
"Say the magic word." Raising an eyebrow she rolled her eyes and complied.
"Please, may I have the bloody knife?" He handed it to her and she began to slice through her hair so it would fall about three inches below her shoulders. As the hair came off in her hands she held it by the top and gave Jack back the knife. Louise tossed the plait into the fire. Jack turned around and headed into the forest with a spear.
He had been gone for a while when the other boys started on the huts. Louise looked up at them and stood, as she walked over to Ralph he wiped his brow and looked up at her.
"What can I do? I feel useless sitting over there." She wined.
"Because you are useless," Maurice muttered. Louise turned to him and smiled sarcastically.
"Well, at least I can protect myself, Maurice. Your as close to being able to do that as Germany winning the war. So shut your face." He seemed about to protest but shut up anyway.
"Right, Roger can get some more wood with Simon I suppose. Simon?" He nodded and the stare between Simon and Roger lasted a little longer than usual. Before Simon turned toward the forest, with a slightly red face, the others boys hadn't noticed but Louise had and she was sure she knew why.
Roger had hoped that Louise didn't take much notice over the way he looked at Simon. It had just been one kiss the night before, but Roger felt dirty for liking a boy so he slept nearer Louise but, it just made him want Simon more and more. Today he didn't want to hold it back, he wanted to tell him and he wanted to be able to be open with it. Not have it be a crime. But even at home, if they ever got home, it would be illegal for them to be together so why was he so intent on kissing him again.
All the feelings in his head confused him and he didn't want to build shelters. He wanted to take Simon in his arms and run his hands through his dark hair and smell his scent. He didn't want to have resentment or worry as he kissed him. Why was that so impossible? When it was dark today, he and Simon would take watch. Then they could talk.
As Jack ran through the undergrowth he was sure he heard a shout that sounded like Robert. Running in that direction he soon found the boys. It was just William, Bill and Robert. But they didn't seem to be having any luck, plus they had no knives.
"You don't seem to be having any luck. Found any tracks?" Robert nodded and pointed to in front of Jack.
"We've been following these ones that we think might be a male, but it could also be an adult sow." Jack crouched down to them and pulled back some leaves, he leads the hunt and walked to the side of the tracks, around trees and small little bushes of candle buds.
"Shsh." He told the hunters as he crouched and they followed his lead. Jack turned and signalled there was a pig up ahead.
"We need to circle it, spread out, crawl under the bushes to get to a good position." His voice was deathly quiet but they all nodded and crawled around to certain parts of the bushes around the eating boar. Jack looked at the three and nodded his head holding up both hands he counted down to one before they all quickly ran into the middle and surrounded the pig. It was frantic but Bill got a hold of its tusks. Robert held down its hind and William sat on top of it while Jack drew his knife and plunged it deep into the animal's neck and ran it along its throat till it stopped moving and went limp. They all yelled in triumph and Jack high fived William
"Now boys. We become more than what a blood brother can be because we, have made a kill and we, are going to take this back to camp and be hailed at saviours we, must become at one with the kill." Jack dropped his fingers into the gaping slit the knife had left of the boar's neck, dipping his fingers in the blood he coated his face with it and turned to the others. He was excited and happy and the others quickly complied then they stood in a circle.
"We should dance, like a tribe. Tribes would dance after a kill, and we're a tribe now. The hunters." They all nodded and looked to Jack for leadership.
"Kill the pig, slit her throat, spill her blood." Jack started, then the other three gradually joined in, smiling wildly.
"KILL THE PIG, SLIT HER THROAT, SPILL HER BLOOD!" The repeated in unison over and over. They were a union, a band of blood brothers, and they were the hunters.
Louise wasn't sure what she was hearing when the boys returned, something about killing a pig, but she didn't care, they had brought back meat and she wanted some so badly. They had finished the shelters a while ago and the fire had kept ablaze, but the faces of Louise and the other boys lit up when the pig on those two sticks turned up at the head of four dancing boys.
"You caught a pig!" She exclaimed. Jack smirked at her.
Jack began to carve out pieces of the pig and sometimes blood would soak his hands and spray up at him, but he didn't seem to care as he tossed to chunks onto the fire. After about an hour there was a prominent smell of bacon in the air, well that was all they could compare it too. Not all the pieces were cooked, but they didn't care. Snatching at the meat and gnawing at it like wolves on their kill. Louise sat next to Simon and picked up a big piece, all the boys seemed to have taken smaller bits but she wanted food and she never had a small meal.
Finishing before the others, she groaned and threw the skin back into the fire. Her stomach felt like she was pregnant and it was so heavy. Walking over to the wet sand she lay down and looked up to the sky, she really wanted it to rain. It was slowly getting darker but the humidity made it impossible to relax fully.
Covering her face with her hands she breathed in and out slowly wishing for... Louise wasn't sure what she wished for, maybe home, no she didn't want to go back home, she did want to go back to the academy, or was it just safety. Perhaps Louise just wanted someone to hold her, she wanted someone to hold her if she ever cried.
She didn't cry, but occasionally she would have a breakdown and not be able to hold the emotions. You were taught to shut up, stand up straight, listen, do accordingly and never ever cry. Academy life wasn't easy and it was hardly what you expected girls to be like, but men yelling at you and hitting you wasn't too unheard of. Taking her hands from her face, she propped herself up on her elbows and watched the sea flow in and out.
"What do you suppose she's thinking about?" Ralph wondered aloud. The boys looked at him and he shrugged.
"I don't fucking know do I," Jack muttered as he sharpened his spear and nibbled on a piece of the boar. The day's hunt had been a success, but Jack and his hunters needed to deliver every day so there was no room for error. He had to be the one they relied on, not anyone else, he needed to have the power and the responsibility of the camp.
As night drew in, the Littleums slowly crawled into the shelters and took up two. One filled with boys who slept like logs, and the other who cried for hours and hours. The older ones would groan, but Louise was staying up, she sat at the opening of one of the shelters as the moon shone a light on the beach. Jack, Roger, Maurice and Bill were sharing the shelter she was sitting in and they were complaining about the Littleums so Louise stood up and walked into the shelter of crying, little boys.
She sat in front of them and could barely see them.
"How many of you are there?" She asked in the loudest voice she could muster. A little boy shuffled forward and he seemed to be about 3 from what she could see from the moon.
"Four, Miss. I'm P-Percival Wemys- Wemys Mad-Madison, of the Vicarage, Harcourt St. Anthony." Louise put an arm around the boy and beckoned the other snivelling boys near her.
"What did your mother's do to make you go to sleep when you were home?" Her tone was soft and forgiving as the boys leant on her and some took hold of her hands.
"Sing to us." One of them said out of the darkness. Louise used to sing in the choir and take part in the music concerts with solos. But she wasn't eager to do it, it was just for an extra few grades really. But thinking of home, she remembered a song she loved when she was at home and began to sing.
"There'll be bluebirds over, the white cliffs of Dover. Tomorrow, just you wait and see. They'll be love and laughter and peace ever after, tomorrow when the world is free." Pausing, Louise closed her eyes and breathed out slowly, trying to remember the words. She blinked a few times for fear of the tears that would fall.
"The shepherd will tend his sheep, the valley will bloom again and Jimmy will go to sleep. In his own little room again. There'll be bluebirds over, the white cliffs of Dover, tomorrow, just you wait and see. Just you wait and see when the world is free. Just you wait and see when the world is free when the world is free. Come on and wait and see, when the world is free. You got to wait and see." On the last note, she made it last a little longer before slowly slipping out of the shelter and walking away from it, letting the sand sink into her feet.
Running her fingers through her hair she held it at ponytail height and then let it drop as she hugged herself. She didn't want to be here, she didn't care about anyone here. Louise turned around to walk back to the shelters and Jack was staring at her, silently she jumped out of her skin but didn't show it.
"You, you sing?" He asked softly.
"Yeah, I guess." She wiped her eyes and breathed out slowly again.
"You're good, I liked that song when I was at home. I used to go to Dover as a child and... I suppose it takes me back."
"No, I'm fine. I just miss everything normal. All of this," She gestured around her "All of this is so foreign and strange to me."
"Come on. It's an island all to ourselves. Look, I've lost people because of the war as well, sure I miss them. But I don't let it beat me down. We are independent for the first time. Away from parents and teachers and rules. We can do whatever the hell we want to do." He had a point and Louise knew in some ways he was right.
"Thanks, Jack." She said, surprised at herself.
The next morning Roger and Simon had told the others they were going to find some more fruit in the jungle. But they just wanted to be alone. As soon as the camp was out of sight Roger took Simon's hand and clutched it tightly, they didn't even talk just went to find a private place. Going up a little hill, they saw a cave. It was small and wouldn't echo, that was all they wanted. Looking around before they ran to it, Roger pulled Simon to the cave and ran to the back of it.
Simon turned to Roger and smiled slightly. He put a hand on Roger's face and one of Roger's hands found its way onto Simon's bareback. When their lips touched it was almost a relief and the two just wanted it to last forever. Their touches were gentle and nervous. They were both inexperienced which made it a little better.
"I don't want to leave this cave," Simon whispered as his forehead leant against Roger's. Pushing him back, Simon pressed Roger to the back of the cave and wrapped his arms around his neck.
It was only a case of time until they were hurriedly kissing each other with a need that neither of the boys wanted to be true because it felt wrong. It felt wrong to be who they were, they were ashamed to be what they were doing but they cared for each other like they never would anyone else. No one else understood and they couldn't tell anyone either. After a few minutes, they stopped and watchdog could feel how the others member was pressing against their legs and the pulled closer together. Wrapping their arms around each other's backs and necks they tried to console what shouldn't need consoling.
"Why does this feel so wrong?" Simon asked quietly.
"Because we both know it is. But I never want to stop, do you?" Roger clutched Simon closer to him and leant his head on his shoulder.
"Never, I never want to leave if I can't have this at home, I know God will be disappointed in me. My father's a vicar and he would hate me if I ever told him about... this. So I never want to go home." Simon began to cry silently and the tears rolled down Roger's back, he put a hand on Simon's head and stroked his hair.
"I don't want to go back, but they'll get suspicious," Roger said in a husky voice. Simon a ran a hand down Roger's chest and he closed his eyes as he brushed over his ripped trousers.
"We can't and you know it." Simon looked distraught and Roger tried to be okay with it. But he knew he never would be.
"Jack said he was going hunting," Louise told Piggy as she returned to camp. Tying her hair up in ponytail looked at her armpits and her legs that were beginning to get a little hairy. She'd just ask Jack for his knife when he got back.
"Where are you from, Louise?" Piggy asked her. "I mean you have an English accent, but your not. you know."
"I'm not white, yes I know. It's okay, you can say it. I was born in the Caribbean. My mother is from the Caribbean and my father is-was from England, my siblings look the same as me, except one of my brothers was a little darker than me." Looking down at the sand and poking at it with her fingers she knew this was what Trinidad would be like. Her mother had told her about Chaguaramas, where she grew up and then how she and her family were pushed out by the Americans to make way for a naval base.
But that was when Louise's mother met her father. They had her three brothers, Machel, Dewain and Jaden then Louise all one year apart, in Trinidad. When Louise was 6 in 1927, she and her family moved to England and she joined a private primary school, that she left when she was 11. Then she joined the military academy for girls at 13. Her three brothers and her father were all called up to fight for England.
Within two months, Machel was kidnapped and put in a POW camp, predicted dead but unconfirmed. Her father only lasted 8 months, bringing the month around to May in 1940. That was when Louise was in her last year of the academy, and when she was going to get flown out to America to help the war in the US. Now here she was, missing all her family more an ever.
"Louise. Your crying." She heard Piggy's shrill voice out of her daydreaming and she realised she was. Wiping her face she shook her head and looked down. Simon and Ralph each took a different log to sit on and there was a silence between the four only filled with the screaming Littleums.
"Where were you before all this Louise?" Simon asked. He was sitting next to her, and the other two boys looked intently at her.
"Look. I'm only telling if I can trust you three and if you won't tell anyone. Ever. Also that you won't discuss it." They nodded and Louise told them all her story up until now.
"So, you were at a military academy, like us?" Ralph asked
"Yes. All the girls there were stuck up. They all got in from paying for it, I always got made fun of for being the poor kid." You looked at the boys and they nodded.
"Who's on fire duty on the mountain?" Piggy asked.
"The twins, Samaneric." Ralph looked up at the mountain and sat still, his jaw dropped.
"But the fire it's gone out its-"
"A SHIP. LOOK RALPH A SHIP A SHIP!" One of the Littleums called. The four bigums stood bolt upright and looked to the horizon, there was a ship! Their rescue! Looking up at the mountain Louise's smile dropped.
"Where's the... Where's the fire?" But Ralph was already running and then Simon and then Louise. They ran as fast as they could. Not caring about the branches that cut their skin and left marks on their skin. It took maybe 3 minutes for Louise, Simon and Ralph to get to the top. They sprinted as if their lives depended on it, but the fire was just burnt embers.
Piggy was still walking up the hill and Ralph had a choice. If he ran to Piggy and got his glasses, he might be too late, but if he left it too late he would see Piggy clambering up the hill at 1mph as the ship rolled away over the waves.
"Oh God, oh God!" Ralph cried out. Then there was a chorus of sound behind them. Coming up the other side of the mountain was the hunting party with shamanic with them. They held a boar on two sticks of wood and if they weren't holding the boar, they were dancing around like madmen with blood and clay on their faces. Louise put a hand to her mouth and Simon lay a hand on her shoulder.
"KILL THE PIG SLIT HER THROAT SPILL HER BLOOD!" They chanted. It scared some of the Littleums and they held onto Louise's skirts. She let them, standing completely still she was trying to process what was happening.
"We caught another pig!" Jack yelled at the top of his lungs. Turning back to the sunset, Ralph closed his eyes, the ship was gone. The group got closer and Jack ran up to Ralph.
"Whats up Ralph?"
"You let the bloody fire out." He said in almost a whisper.
"Well yes, we needed everyone and the twins came with us." Louise glared at the floor and couldn't bring herself to look up at Jack.
"You let the fire out." Ralph clenched his fists and seemed like he would punch Jack soon so Louise shooed the Littleums from holding her skirts. They just stayed by her side.
"Why does it matter? We can just light it again." Jack retorted in a smug manner.
"There was a ship. There was a bloody ship." There was silence now. Then Ralph leapt forward and punched Jack straight in the face. It took longer for Jack to respond. But he hit Ralph in the stomach and then they went at each other, it was like the Littleums fighting each other, pathetic. Louise was waiting for a warning sign. When Jack pulled out his knife, the bell was wrung. Springing into action, she jumped above Ralph and easily caught Jack off guard, taking his knife from his hand.
"Give it back!" He said, pushing Ralph out the way.
"Come and get it then!" Louise dangled the knife in front of his face. Before walking backwards. He ran at her and waiting until the last moment she stepped out the way, as he went for her legs she did a massive jump over him landing on her face in the dirt. But she was quickly up again. He walked toward her, ready to punch, but she stopped his fist and punched him in the nose with her free one before kicking him backwards in the stomach. The other boys were getting more interested and watched more intently. As Jack came toward her once more, she threw the knife over his head the clatter on the stone behind him. Kicking him in the balls, hard, he fell to the floor. Kicking him in the stomach twice, she crouched down next to him.
Standing up, Louise walked down through the forest and didn't even look back as she heading back to the camp.
When she was first back at the camp, Louise sat on one of the logs and buttoned up her shirt that had come undone again. She wanted to drink but knew she shouldn't. The Littleums were next back. Running down the hill and then playing on the beach like nothing had changed. Ralph and Simon and the twins were next. Sam and Eric sat away from the others, ashamed.
"That was... amazing. Did you learn that from, the academy." Ralph said almost too loudly. But the twins didn't seem to care. Louise nodded but put a finger to her lips, she didn't want everyone knowing what she was, especially not Jack.
"Simon, can I talk to you, in private..." Louise gestured to walk down the beach. Simon looked Ralph, then nodded at Louise. They got away from camp until Louise thought it was a good distance.
"I'm just, I'm just wondering about things. With you, and Roger..." Simon looked at her and then to the floor.
"We're friends okay just friends nothing is happening. I'm normal he's normal we just go out for walks together and-"
"Simon, it's okay it's okay. I get it, my brother, he was like you. He liked boys instead of girls. He only told me and my family, we couldn't trust anyone else you see. But for years before that, he was tormented and kept awake at night by what he felt until he told me. I was the first person he had ever told and he cried for a long time but once he opened up, he found it so much easier to be happy. My brother hadn't been happy for years, but now he could be. I loved him for who he was, he was still my brother no matter who he wanted to spend his life with. I just want you and Roger to know that I'm always here. I know you won't want to talk about it with him or any of the other boys, but I won't tell anyone and I don't care what they think of me." His eyes looked less scared now and he leant against a rock.
"What was your brother's name?" Simon asked slowly.
"Dewain." She choked out. Louise missed her brothers desperately, she missed her sister and her mother too of course. But they were alive, her father was dead and some of her brothers might be dead.
"He's gone to war with my other two brothers. All three of them are gone." As Louise said it, she felt a hand on her shoulder and she looked up at the sympathetic smile on Simon's face.
"I'll be your brother, and you my sister." He smiled shyly again and then hugged Louise. Simon was taller than her and the embrace felt like Dewain himself. Once they withdrew from each other, Louise dried her tears and they walked back to camp. The rest of the boys had returned now aside Piggy. Louise couldn't find him among the boys. Louise sat on a branch, next to Jack. Just to rub some salt into the wound, he glared at her with a bloody nose.
"Where did you say you were before all this?" Roger asked, a sly smile on his lips.
"I didn't." She said bluntly, by the boys weren't finished yet.
"Well, where did you go to school?" He added.
"Why do you want to know?" Louise questioned raising an eyebrow.
"Because you just took on and bested Jack Merridew. No one beats him, and you're a girl." Roger didn't seem the one to care about sexism.
"She did not beat me, I'll take her-"
"Want to take me on again, hey Jack? I was going easy on you, got tired of your bullshit but not enough to really hurt you that will be next time." Jack rolled his eyes but shut up.
"So where were you, which school." Roger persisted.
"I was at a... specialist academy, you could call it. If you're really that interested, I went to a military academy, just like yours but for girls, there, it's been said." Louise didn't see the almost shocked faces of the other boys, but she noticed Jack's face. He didn't look so angry anymore, he was fuming.
"Why aren't you a hunter then, your probably faster than the rest of us and pretty strong." She laughed at Jack's stretched compliments.
"Oh, so now I'm the bearer of the mighty Jack's compliments, I should feel blessed by the God's." She imitated a praying position and looked up to the sky.
"Shut up. You know what I mean."
"I mean yes, I've hunted before. Felt that adrenaline that runs through you and when you don't want to stop and you lose all care in the world, it's just about the hunt. But, the killing isn't as satisfactory as you'd think, then you understand what you've done and it's- it's not as nice." Louise looked into the fire and made no movement.
"Shouldn't some of us be with the fire?" Simon said.
"We'll go. This whole thing was our fault." The twins said in unison. They stood up.
"But you need Piggy's glasses, where is Piggy?" Jack asked. The boys shrugged and the twins sat down.
"Couldn't we take fire from the cooking fire and take it up?" Bill wondered aloud.
"Don't be stupid, you'd set the whole forest on fire." Jack retorted and Bill looked down.
"So what do we do now?" Maurice piped up.
"We wait I suppose."