For old readers (if there are any left): please note that I upped the rating to the story, and changed quite a lot plotwise in the first two chapters.
Disclaimer: I do not own.
Sakura woke to her alarm clock beeping loudly. She slowly sat up in bed, wondering why her head felt so heavy.
She wanted to go back to sleep, but she had to meet her team. The bad feeling in her head remained, and she squeezed her eyes shut trying to expel it, but instead memories of the previous night blossomed. She blanched.
Sakura wrestled her growing panic under control. She couldn't lie to herself, she was in trouble, but in the warm morning sunlight she could allow herself to be optimistic. At least she was alive, right? She just had to forget what she had seen, and to make sure she would never see Gaara again. The latter shouldn't be hard, as he was from Suna and wouldn't stay in Konoha for long. It was the former that made her pause. How could she forget, how could she ignore all that she had seen the previous night? Now that she wasn't overwhelmed with information, she had to admit to herself that she didn't regard Gaara as a monster anymore.
She shook her head. That didn't matter, at all. Previous night felt almost like dream. She remembered it through a haze of horror, details lost, and she wanted to forget it. A few hours of sleep hadn't changed that. She didn't want that kind of knowledge about a stranger, a stranger that could kill in a heartbeat. Sakura wasn't an evil person by any means, but she wasn't Naruto. She remembered their encounter with Zabuza, how Naruto talked to him, how he saved him in a way. She wasn't like that, and she told herself that she couldn't go on helping every person that needed it. She strengthened her resolve and squashed that small urge that wanted to help him. She wasn't even sure she could.
Absently realising she still had on her crumpled clothes from the day before, Sakura made her way to the shower, yawning, lost in thought. She knew she had to concentrate on herself, Gaara wasn't her responsibility and besides, she wanted to live.
Letting out another huge yawn, Sakura entered the shower, and turned the knob as high as it could go. Steaming hot water scalded her body and helped her clear her mind. Her thoughts drifted aimlessly and she sighed in contentment.
Too soon she had to leave the shower. Glancing at the time, she realised she would be late, so she quickened her dressing process, forgoing blow drying her hair.
Not feeling hungry, Sakura left without breakfast shouting a quick goodbye into the empty house. On the way to the bridge, her thoughts returned to Gaara almost of their own volition. How hard it must be for him, she thought, to live like that. She couldn't imagine that kind of life. She had had a short glimpse into his head, and it was already too much for her. It made her be grateful for her calm life, but also a bit ashamed. For she had had it so easy, but she hadn't used it as an advantage. She was weak.
Sakura again almost didn't notice that she had reached the bridge, but she shook off her thoughts in time. She was the last one there, as she had expected. But then she saw Sasuke, and she stopped short, disbelieving. She hadn't thought about Sasuke-kun even once. She had always thought of him while she got ready, thinking of the best way to look pretty for him. But he hadn't crossed her thoughts, even once. He was the love of her life!
She had to stop thinking about last night's encounter. It wasn't important, Sasuke-kun was what was important, and he was her future. And Sakura would make sure that her thoughts about Gaara would stay forgotten in her past, where they belonged.
Taking a deep breath, and hoping the boys hadn't noticed her pause, she smiled at Sasuke.
"Hello Sasuke-kun! How are you?" she said, proud that her voice sounded chipper.
Sasuke looked at her, unimpressed. Then he turned around and slouched, hands in his pockets, his refusal obvious. Sakura's shoulders slumped. Sasuke's usual rejection stung less than usual, but she didn't think much of it. She was just still too preoccupied, that was all. She would snap out of it soon.
Naruto grinned at her, but it seemed she had arrived in the middle of another argument, because he immediately turned to Sasuke and shouted something Sakura didn't really care to listen to.
She sighed and sat down, leaning against the bridge railing. Even if she had been a bit late, she still had more than an hour and a half to wait for their sensei, if she could count on his usual time to be late. And if nothing else, Kakashi-sensei was at least on point with his lateness – he never arrived less than two hours after the appointed time.
The sun warmed her skin, and peacefulness filled her. Sakura was reminded of the fact that she had slept only a few hours the previous night as she slowly dozed into sleep.
Suddenly, Sakura felt the harsh, but oh-so-familiar feeling of sand on her skin. She wanted to open her eyes, but her eyelids felt heavy, and she was just so tired. She could hear whispers, laced with scorn and fear: "Monster-child… Get away from him… He's not safe… Demon… Abomination…"
And underneath it all, one word, a quiet mantra. At first, she couldn't figure out what it said. But it was gradually gaining in volume. She could hear it. She felt scared, horrified, but she could also feel a longing, an animalistic need. The cold, hard whisper of a thousand voices, filled with sweet promises of retribution and suffering for others, calling, begging, ordering to be followed.
"Kill", it whispered, promising rapture. "Kill", it ordered, threatening pain. "Kill", it said, and Sakura wanted to listen. She wanted to give in, to feel the promised bliss, to bring pain and death, to feel alive.
"Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, ki-"
"Sakura-chan! Are you ok?"
Sakura opened her eyes with a start. She jerked upright, wildly looking around, breathing harsh and uneven. The remnants of the dream almost made her teeth chatter, but the warm morning sunlight helped her calm her beating heart.
Looking around up, she saw both of her teammates staring at her. First her eyes met Sasuke's, but something in his eyes, that were filled with such harshness when regarding her, reminded her of her dream, and she almost flinched. She quickly averted her eyes, and met Naruto's gaze, who was looking at her worriedly. Then she remembered he had asked her something, and carefully clenching her hands to hide the tremors, she said,
"Uh, so-sorry Naruto. I didn't hear you… What did you say?"
"You were acting kinda weird. You feel asleep and then you started muttering something over and over again and you looked like you were having a nightmare so I decided to wake you up," Naruto said in one breath, still looking worried.
Sakura felt a cold shiver gliding down her spine.
"What… What was I saying?" she asked, dreading the answer.
"I really couldn't hear you, but-"
"You were saying 'kill'. Why, Sakura?" Sasuke interrupted, his voice impassive, but with eyes probing.
"O-oh. It was, it was nothing. Just had a bad dream is all. I didn't sleep well last night".
They didn't look convinced, and Sakura was starting to get uncomfortable. She didn't know what else to tell them. Telling the truth didn't even cross her mind, it wasn't an option. Almost panicking, she didn't know what came over her when she blurted:
"Sasuke-kun, why don't we go to lunch after this?"
Remembering herself, she stretched her lips into a smile, hoping it looked sincere, "I'll tell you everything about my dream then!"
"Hn. No, Sakura, I will not go to lunch with you," with those words Sasuke turned around, interest lost.
Worry also disappeared from Naruto's eyes, and Sakura almost sighed in relief, but caught herself in time. She couldn't believe what she had just done. It had helped but... She had never used her crush on Sasuke-kun like that. It was manipulative in a way and she almost felt disgusted with herself.
"Good morning, my favourite students! Sorry I'm late; today I got lost on the road of life."
Kakashi's arrival snapped Sakura out of her thoughts, and she was almost glad for the interruption. Thanks to it, she didn't have to think anymore about what she had just done; she was afraid of what she would find if she looked for motivations for her actions.
"Liar!" Naruto shouted, but Kakashi paid him no heed.
"Anyway, I know this is sudden, but… I nominated you for the chūnin exams! Here are your applications," he said, handing them three slips of paper.
"Chūnin exams?" Sakura blurted out, shocked.
"Kakashi-sensei, I love you!" Naruto said, jumping up and down. Then he ran up to, and promptly hugged Kakashi.
Even Sasuke looked pleased, staring at his application thoughtfully.
Kakashi finally managed to shake off Naruto.
"Don't get too excited. This is just a nomination. Whether you take the exam or not is up to each of you. Those who wish to participate should sign those papers and turn them in at room 301 by 4 o'clock tomorrow. That is all."
His last words rang in the air as he did the transportation jutsu, not waiting for an answer.
Sakura was dumbstruck. She stood staring at the spot Kakashi stood a few moments before, her thoughts spinning in circles. There was no way they could participate in the chūnin exam, they had just graduated from the Academy, they weren't ready! Only, if the thought honestly, she was just projecting. She was the only one who wasn't ready.
When Kakashi had said that participation was optional, her first reaction had been to forget it ever happened, and stay in bed the whole day tomorrow. But some reckless part of her wanted to compete. She wanted to prove to Naruto and Sasuke, and even to herself that she was good enough. Strong enough.
But was she? She wasn't sure.
And there was another thing that she was avoiding thinking about. Gaara and his team were participating in the chūnin exams. This was making all her plans crumble. She wanted to avoid Gaara at all costs, but if she participated, she would have to face him. She might even have to fight him, in which case she could die, easily. She knew she hadn't a fighting chance, and she had no doubts that he had no qualms about killing. She shuddered. She didn't want to die.
Looking up, Sakura realised that Naruto and Sasuke were leaving. Naruto was giggling to himself and giddily saying "chūnin exams" repeatedly. Sasuke looked lost in thought, his eyes calculating. She stared at their backs, as each step took then farther away from her. Like always, she thought bitterly.
She didn't want to be the team weakling. She didn't want to be a coward. But if that meant facing Gaara, could she do it?
The day was passing quickly for Sakura. Too quickly. It was late afternoon, and she still hadn't decided whether she would participate in the chūnin exams. Her pride wouldn't let her give up, but self preservation told her that she would get hurt. Or worse.
She had decided to train, as she thought it might clear her head and help her make a decision. But after a while she just kneeled panting in front of the targets, spent. Her meagre chakra reserves were gone after a few substitution jutsus she had tried, her low stamina even lower after a sleepless night and she wanted to cry. In the Academy, she had always done what was asked of her, but never more. In the real world, that wasn't enough, as she was beginning to realise.
She pushed back the tears that started welling up in her eyes. She wouldn't cry. She clenched her fists, stood up and picked a kunai.
After a few hours, Sakura could hardly catch her breath, and her legs were trembling. She hadn't given up at least, for that she was proud, but still, she wasn't an inch closer to her decision. Sighing, she headed home.
She took a longer route home, wanting to think some more. She had to decide, she knew, but it was just so hard. She wanted to become a chūnin, wanted to prove that she could do it. But, she was afraid. That was the root of the problem, she realised. She was weak, yes, but so was Naruto. And he rushed headlong into every battle, and he somehow always prevailed. It was a blow to her pride to admit that she was envious to Naruto. And yet she couldn't make herself decide to enter the chūnin exams, she was afraid of pain, afraid of dying.
Sakura was so lost in her musings, that she almost missed a lone figure sitting on a rooftop of a nearby building. Still it caught her eye, and she turned her head in a casual look, but red hair made her look again. And she froze.
She told herself she should run away, but she felt like she was rooted to the spot. She screamed at her legs to move, he hadn't seen her yet and she could still avoid an encounter. If only she moved.
His head snapped around. She flinched.
Her legs unlocked and she took a step back, but it was too late. In the next instant, Gaara stood in front of her, a few flakes of sand drifting in the wind from his transportation jutsu. His stare was magnetic.
A feeling of... something ignited inside her stomach and spread like wildfire, ending at the tips of her fingers and toes. She tingled.
''See you in the exams'', he said, voice even. Sakura stared at him, confused. He looked completely in control, but Sakura could sense a harder edge. She could feel that he was boiling under the surface. Only she wasn't sure from what.
She looked down, still not knowing what to say. She could see a microscopic twitch in his fingers. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, composing herself. When she looked again, he was gone.
Head reeling, Sakura headed home. She couldn't make sense if the encounter, so she tried to keep it out of her mind, instead concentrating on what she should prepare for the exam.
Only later did she realise that she hadn't anymore thought about not going to the exam.
So... yeah, that's that. I'm back from a looong hiatus and we'll see how this goes. Sorry that it's short, I'm still trying to get back into writing.
I plan on this being dark, so beware. Yet, who knows, stories tend to get away from the author. In any case, I hope you liked it, and please live a comment.