4 DAYS LATER
RACHEL'S POV
There's some kind of creature in a small town in Texas. It hides out in the homes of the residents, and then, once night hits, it comes out skins only men in their beds. Weird, I know. It burrowed a tunnel-like thing in the basement of a house.
"So, you're sure you're okay with this?" Dean asks, and I nod.
"I have to go in. It's only skinning men and you guys would be the perfect target." I reply. Sam sighs.
"That's a pretty tight space, kiddo." he says.
"Are you calling me fat?" I ask jokingly. He only smiles slightly. "I'll be fine. If it starts to be too much, I'll just come back out, alright?"
They sigh, but ultimately nod. I shimmy into the little tunnel, shuffling sideways. I have my gun ready and I hear a growling and scraping further in. I continue to shuffle through.
I'm pretty deep in now, and when I look back the way I came, I can't see the opening. It's just a straightaway, so I'm not gonna get lost because of any crazy turns. Unfortunately, I seriously misjudged just how tight this is.
The scraping starts to get louder, and I see the creature crouching on the ground. I cock my gun and fire.
It's jammed.
You're fucking with me.
The thing sees me. I freeze. It simply scurries off in the other direction. I try to follow, but can't.
Am I stuck?
I try to squeeze back the way I came, but I can't go that way either.
Oh my fucking god, I'm stuck.
The panic starts to rise.
"You're fine." I say to myself, still attempting to wedge my way out. "You're fine, you're fine, you're fine."
I don't budge.
"DEAN!" I scream. "SAM!" Nothing.
Of course they can't fucking hear me.
"You're fine."
My vision starts to blur with tears, and I groan.
"You're fine." I say. "Stop panicking. You're fine. Stop it."
My heart starts pounding.
What is that sound? Is it the thing?
I try to wrench myself free, and it just tears the back of my shirt, and I feel a rock edge cut my right shoulder. I'm drenched in sweat, and it stings when it drips into the fresh cut.
"FUCK!" I scream in pain.
What is that sound? What is that whimpering sound?
Holy shit, it's me.
Why am I whimpering?
God, I'm pathetic.
I can feel my adrenaline rising.
I'm gonna be stuck here forever.
This is how I'll die.
This is Hell, Winchester.
"NO!" I scream.
Now?! Not now! I can't think about that now!
Too late.
My panic rises to dangerously high levels, and I scream.
This is how I'm gonna die.
"HELP!" I scream.
No one can save you now, Winchester.
"STOP!"
You're on your own down here.
"SAM DEAN PLEASE!"
You're screwed, Rachel. You're never getting out of here.
You're screwed.
You're screwed.
You're screwed.
You're fine.
Where did that come from? As much as I hate to admit it, I can't just flip a switch when I have a panic attack and suddenly be able to calm myself down.
Only then do I realize it's not my voice. Not even my thoughts.
I feel a cool hand on my cheek.
"You're fine, Rachel. I am going to get you out of
here."
Cas?
"Oh god, Cas." I say, my voice breaking as I cry hard.
Suddenly, the air is open. I'm not wedged in the tunnel. I'm back in the basement.
My legs buckle beneath me and I fall, but someone catches me.
SAM'S POV
Cas comes back, with Rachel. She's drenched in sweat and crying, her shirt is torn in the back, and her shoulder is bleeding.
She starts to fall, but I catch her before she hits the ground.
"Hey hey hey." I say. We heard her screaming. I should have known she would have a panic attack in there; anyone would. "Shh, it's alright. I got ya." She clings to me for dear life, and lets out a sob. "You're okay."
I meet Dean outside by Baby once Rachel is asleep. We're at our motel.
"She asleep?" Dean asks, and I nod. "She must've been terrified." he says.
"Getting stuck in some narrow tunnel in a wall? Yeah, I could imagine." I say. "I would've had a panic attack, Dean."
"Really?"
We turn around and see Rachel standing there.
"I thought you were sleeping." I say.
"I was trying to." she says. "But… I dunno. Sometimes it takes a long time to feel totally calm after a panic attack."
"You still having some anxiety?" Dean asks, and she nods. "C'mon, let's go in the room; we'll help you calm down." We walk inside the motel room, and she gets under the covers of the bed. Dean and I sit on either side of her.
"What did you say just outside?" I ask.
"You said you would've had a panic attack; I asked if that was true." she replies, leaning into Dean's side as he wraps an arm around her shoulders. Cas heeled her cut before we left the basement.
"In that situation? Yeah, I probably would've."
"So, if you were to have known you would go in that tunnel, would you be afraid of having one?"
I eye her.
"Probably."
"What about sitting in a diner?" she says.
"What?" I ask.
"What if you weren't in that situation?" She says. "What if you were just sitting in a diner? Or a bar? What if you were at home? Sitting in your bedroom. Watching TV. Eating dinner. Taking a shower. Getting some food from the kitchen. Reading a book. Sitting on your laptop. What if you were just doing… anything?"
I just stare at her. How do I respond? She looks down.
"You have no idea what it's like to carry that fear with you everywhere you go; doing anything you do. You have no idea what it's like to walk around with that constant worry. The worry of 'what do I need to avoid? what do i need to be conscious of? what's gonna set me off? what do I have to hide from?'. You have no idea what that's like; to be scared of everything. The terror I feel every day is just crazy."
"Rachel-"
"Have either of you ever had a panic attack?" she asks.
"Yeah." I reply, and they both look at me.
"When?" they ask at the same time.
"At Stanford."
"You went to Stanford?" Rachel asks, sounding shocked.
"Yeah." I reply. "You never knew that?" She shakes her head.
"You never mentioned it." she says, and I just shrug.
"Anyways, I was studying for this huge exam and I got myself really worked up and I had a panic attack." I tell them. "I also hadn't slept in 2 days, so that didn't help."
"What was it like?" she asks me.
"Terrifying." I reply. "I felt like I was falling apart."
"I feel like that every single time I have a panic attack." she says, and my heart breaks for her. "And that's a couple times a day."
"Okay, but try thinking about it like this;" Dean starts. "yes, you do have panic attacks. But you also have us, Rach. We're gonna be here every time you need us. It's gotta lessen the fear at least a little."
"Yeah, we're always gonna be here for you, kiddo." I say.
She nods, smiling slightly.
"Thanks, guys." she says.