Title: Theoretical Astromedicinal Biology

Chapter: 8 Revalations Too Late

A/N: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! I really didn't mean to take this long. But I had all this stuff going on last year (yes it's been that long since I uploaded, except it WAS the end of last year. LOL), then I went to Hong Kong…so that kinda ruined any chance I had to write or upload…

But I'm back and at it, although I hate to be a spoil sport and have to tell you that I won't be able to update too much this year because I'm doing my School Certificate and sport stuff amongst other things…so things are gunna be pretty hectic nonetheless! FUN! (I'm being sarcastic)

However, I will do my best to post often…I can promise you that much!

HUGE thanks to Bekki! You probably wouldn't have this chapter if it weren't for her.

Now without further adieu….

…..

So far, we've seen Sam get bitten by something. And now Jack's going nuts trying to save her.

Last time, on Stargate SG1….

The image on the hologram wavered for a moment, before it changed completely, and not for the first time that day, Jack wondered what the hell was going on. Needless to say, he was more than a little surprised at seeing his 2IC appear on the hologram and offered him two simple words and a smile

"Hello Jack."

…..

"Carter?" he asked in surprise, then recovered, "Nice as it is to see you: What the hell are you doing on my bed?"

"This is a recorded message for Colonel Jack O'Neill of the United States Air Force…" she started. The hologram wavered as 'Carter' progressed to explain she was a hologram projection. She went on to explain how the device was created.

Jack just sat there. This wasn't Sam. That much he got. Beyond that, he only got that the device was part Asgard. Maybe there was something implanted in her brain and this was really her. He couldn't figure out how, he just wanted to believe it. He briefly felt a pang to go hug an Asgard version Urgo. To reason, he told himself it was a Homer Simpsoninulator or something. Jack highly doubted this was the case, as he doubted Homer had anything to do with this.

"All right, Carter. You can shut it right there before I do anything insane like try to strangle a hologram, or whatever you are," he made choking motions with his hands, "Now, what are you doing here?" he asked sharply, waiting for his reply.

But she did not seem to hear his question. In fact, she took no notice, and did what she was so programmed to do.

"By now, you've probably been aware of a few other things as well. In the records, I have you listed as 'Next of Kin' and also 'Power of Attorney'. I'm telling you this in case my life is in the balance."

It was then that it hit Jack…this was not Sam. In fact, at this point, this was probably as close as he would ever be to her again. He pushed all the hoping out of his mind. Her words tore any shreds of hope from Jack's heart, and threw them away. They were cold, precise and professional, with not so much as a hint of the warmth she reserved for him.

This wasn't something implanted in her brain that she could communicate though; it was just a simple holographic recording. He realised, this was could be her last will and testimony. Her last goodbye. He sighed as his heart sank. She wasn't going to answer any of his questions.

"Colonel, I trust you to do what's best for me. If I've been taken as or by the Goa'uld and I'm being tortured for information, or if it's something that's simply out of your control and there is no way to retrieve me, I want you to kill me. I don't want you to delay. I know I won't want to go through the same suffering as Shar'rae or Skarra did."

She did not pause before she continued, leaving Jack no chance to brace himself. However, her hardened eyes were beginning to reveal the traces of emotions she'd been struggling to hide.

"I trust you to exercise proper judgement. I don't want to die, but I don't want stay trapped either. If there's a way out, then find it. But no extraordinary means. If I find out that you got yourself killed because you went after some god forsaken sarcophagus, then I'm going to find a way to go after you, so help me God..."

Jack was decidedly chagrined and tuned out for a moment. He was stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. After hearing Carter's wishes, he had really lost all sense of procession. On one hand, she didn't want to be trapped; a prisoner in her own mind, but Jack wanted so badly to have her back. He believed that there had to be a way to undo this. Call it a gut instinct, but they had never given him a reason not to go in accordance with it, and didn't want to start now.

"…No doubt, you or somebody has been through the files on my laptop already. In there are invisible files I believe will be of use in our fight against the Goa'uld and the Replicators. These projects have never been approved, but now I can't be court marshalled…."

The woman said all this with a great deal of tact, and frankly Jack couldn't find a fault in her actions. She continued to detail how files could be accessed and how they could be of help. Jack took this all in. His honed military mind gave him no choice but to focus on this newfound Intel, despite his foggy mind.

"…as for my diary, which I'm sure you're dying to get into and a suspicious file called 'Message', the password is moebius. The 'Message' files are what I've left behind for Janet, Cassie, Dad, Daniel, Teal'c and Hammond. Make sure they get them."

Feverishly, Jack grabbed a pen and paper from somewhere, quickly scribbling the aforementioned passwords and combinations, in fear of losing his chance. He paused as he experienced a wave of nausea, probably from the drugs. It was about time they would kick in. He'd just finished his mad pen scratch when she spoke again.

"I guess now, all that's left is for me to say goodbye. If I really do die, Jack, then you have to let me go, for the sake of everyone else around you…"

"NO! I WILL NOT SAY GOODBYE" Jack yelled over her voice. "I will NOT say it, Sam. And you know that, you KNOW it!"

But she did not heed his words. She simply continued with what she was destined to reveal. Jack was again struck with the finality of her message. He wanted so bad to see her in flesh, just once, in case it was his last time forever. He didn't want to hear the words of goodbye from a goddamn hologram!

The one thing that Jack had never been able to fully accept during his career was not being able to say a proper goodbye. The number of times he had properly said goodbye to someone close to him before they died could be counted on one hand. Occupational hazard. Heck, so could the number of times he'd been able to say goodbye to them in the flesh.

"… Look after Daniel; he's lost everyone that's ever been close to him, his parents, his wife and his own life on many occasions. He'll be susceptible to extremely dire things. And you know Dad, Selmak can only do so much." She kept talking, like she didn't know he was there. She seemed so real and so fake at the same time. He stumbled around a little, trying to get near her, before finding himself against a metal locker. He leaned hard against it before punching it hard as the anger and pain built up.

But her voice was neither so cold nor composed as it had been before. Unshed tears glistened in her eyes and threatened to fall. It occurred to Jack then and there, how difficult it must have been for her to have left this for him. To be able to fully acknowledge that she had very little control over the fate of her life and that she was fully prepared to die. He was aware of her strength of mind, but Jack also thought that it had never been as demonstrated as it had been just now. Aware of the disruptions she would cause to those who loved her, she had overcome her own terms with death, and tried to reassure those she would be leaving behind.

"I don't want you to wonder for the rest of your life the answer to that one question, that one little question about what officers of different ranks are not supposed to have. But I had it anyway. I love you, and I know you loved me too. Perhaps not in the way I would have liked, but you loved me all the same and that's enough for me."

Her revelations should probably have come as more of a shock to Jack. But they weren't. It was just a confirmation of what they'd always known, but powerless to act on. Powerless to act on without jeopardising the fate of the planet; something that neither person would allow. Their job was to protect. Luxuries and emotions came in second.

All the same. Jack wanted to be able to say the words to her. She was wrong. He did love her that way. The only thing more painful than losing something dear to you, is never having them to begin with. He wanted her to know. He didn't want to be the only one to know. But she didn't allow him any more time to dwell.

The Samantha Carter before him diverted her vision; visibly gathering herself before saying what she knew would be the hardest word for her to say, and for him to hear. "Goodbye."

He turned from the locker to face the hologram, a rare, lone tear escaped his eye and fell unnoticed, the weight of the days events crashing upon him once again. He saw her hand raised as if to touch him, one last time, before she collapsed into nothing.

"No, Sam, don't go," he whispered as the light of the hologram extinguished itself, and the room was suddenly plunged into darkness as the lights had yet to be turned on.

The mood of the room exactly reflected that of its sole occupant. Shock. Dark. Confused.

With the discovery of such information, he was provided with several leads, but the confusion came in which one held the most hope and would be the one to pursue. The magnitude of the information itself was not nearly as large as its potential. The drugs were really taking effect now, as Jack mentally struggled to stay awake to continue to assess the information.

The light through the window of the door was starting to spin, and blackness started to creep at the edges of his vision. The wet weary eyes of the desperate man struggled to focus on the space he knew the object would be. His muscles burnt with the effort of fighting of imbalance as he fought to move forward. His fingers closed around the object; it was still warm, as he imagined the cheek of its creator would have been. His final task accomplished, Jack felt his muscles give way, and he slumped onto the recesses of the gritty concrete floor, his mind desperately clinging to her last words left to him.

"….I love you…Goodbye."

XxXxXxXxXx

Angsty wasn't it? Hope you guys liked that! I promise next chapter will be longer, if not juicier! Tell me how you think I did! kiki

"The only thing more painful than losing something dear to you is never having them to begin with." quote from your's truly. Unfortunate and sad as it may be, its also the harsh truth of reality.