I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, OR CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE.

All rights go to Masashi Kishimoto, and Dan Fogelman.

Miyagi

Kakashi dragged Gai by the collar over to a babbling brunette next to where they were sitting. He stopped in front of her causing her to stop talking to the girl across from her.

"I'm Kakashi. What's your name?"

"Eve Johnson," she said smiling brightly.

"Eve Johnson, I'm Kakashi Hatake, how are you doing?" Kakashi said giving her a high-five.

She returned it. "Uh, great!"

"Good."

"I'm Gai," Gai said putting his hand up also to give her a high-five.

"No. Not yet!" Kakashi whispered still keeping his cool. He turned back to her. "Sorry. Eve, can I buy you a drink?"

She shook her head up and down enthusiastically. "Uh-huh!"

Kakashi turned to Gai. "Would you keep her company for a minute?"

"Of course."

"Okay."

"I'd be happy to," Gai said with a smile directed at Eve.

"If he gets handsy, let me know," Kakashi said as he left for the bar to get their drinks.

"I wouldn't touch you, if my life depended on it!" Gai said loudly.

Eve arched an eyebrow. "What was your name again?"

"Gai Yuhi."

"Gai Yuhi..." Eve said looking up as if thinking.

"No relation to Yuhi III Gahindiro."

"Uuhh.."

"You know, Rwanda."

"Uuhh..."

"Yuhi III Gahindiro was a real or mythol-"

"You're not talking about Rwanda again, are you?" Kakashi said drinks in hand.

Knock, knock.

"Do you have a second?"

Kurenai turned around. "Oh! Hi, Asuma. No, cause I'm...I'm swamped. Okay?"

"You've been avoiding me," Asuma said leaning up against the door frame in the office where Kurenai was printing Divorce for Dummies pages from the book itself.

"No! I haven't." Kurenai insisted.

"You ran in the other direction when you saw me coming down the hall yesterday. You're very fast by the way."

Kurenai turned back to the printer. "I ran track in high school."

"Ah, that must be it." He sighed. "I like you, Kurenai. Do you have any idea how much I like you?"

"Hey, Asuma you know, I really have a lot to do."

"I...I had no intention of falling for a married woman, but I'm somewhere having lunch and I'm...I'm this accountant who's waking up every morning excited to go to work. And that just does not happen for accountants, ever. I've checked with other accountants.

"Asuma, you know what? You've been a great friend, and you noticed last month when I got my hair trimmed and that was huge. But look trust me, you know, I am saving you from disaster, because you're asking to re-board the Titanic. Do you really want any part of this?"

Hinata phone buzzed in her pocket as she opened her locker to get her History book.

'Hi, Hinata. FYI, Demi Moore is fifteen years older than Ashton Kutcher. They really seem happy. Love, Lee.'

Hinata sighed and replied.

'Lee, please stop. You are making me very uncomfortable.'

Lee's teacher was discussing the Scarlet Letter when she notices Lee is texting.

"Mr. Yuhi?" Lee looked up from his phone. "Mr. Yuhi, are we interrupting?"

"You wanna talk about the Scarlet Letter, Miss Tafferty? Alright." Lee stood. "Well, the 'A' they're both wearing, I think it stands for 'Asshole'." Lee's classmates gasped. "Wanna know why? Because they fell in love and love is for stupid assholes. And this book is just about a bunch of assholes, who fell in love, like assholes, then had to die, like assholes...I'm sorry about all the assholes."

"Maybe you should get a swear jar for the house," the principal told Kurenai.

Kurenai stood. "T-thanks, uh we'll do that."

She took Lee to her work, and sat him down in her office. "So how's your dad?"

"He's sad. I can tell that he's sad, even though he looks better, I can still tell that he's not happy. You know?"

"Yeah. Well, you know, yeah. I guess I'm pretty sad too."

"I know. I heard you crying in your bedroom the other night. I didn't know what to do..."

"Oh, Lee! Baby, you're thirteen, you're not supposed to know what to do."

"I tried Googling it."

Kurenai laughed. "You did not?"

Lee smiled broadly. "Yep, I did."

"What did you Google?"

"I searched 'mom crying in bed.' "

Kurenai sat up straight. "Wha...what did Google say?"

Lee thought a moment. "Just uh...bunch of weird video's of mom's in bed..."

"Oh, God! Alright! That's enough! Uuch! Did those parental controls work at all?"

"They work for me."

"Because you're a disgusting teenager, that's why!" Kurenai tussled his hair.

"Knock, Knock," Asuma appeared in the doorway.

Lee turned and glared at him.

Kurenai looked up. "Hey, Asuma, I have to go take care of something real quick and then I'll be ready to go, okay?"

"No problemo."

Kurenai left the room.

Asuma decided to break the awkward silence. "So Lee, I hear you're quite the Karate master.

"So Asuma, I hear you broke up my parents marriage. You are Asuma Sarumoni, right?"

"...Sarutobi."

"Yeah. Here's the thing, Sarumoni-"

"Tobi."

Lee rolled his eyes. "Whatever. In the end, she winds up back with my dad. He's a better guy than you are. In every category. And she still loves him. He's not gonna give up on my mom, just like I'm not gonna stop sending Hinata text messages that make her feel uncomfortable."

Kakashi and Gai had just finished working out and now they were in the sauna.

"Look, lets face it, Gai. Alright. The war between the sexes is over. We won, okay? We won the second when women started doing pole dancing for exercise. But even though we won, they still deserve our respect. You know, make them feel beautiful, actually listen to their problems, open the door for them-"

"God! Would you put on some clothes, please!" Gai begged.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is this bothering you?" Kakashi asked pointing to his nether region. He wasn't wearing a towel, and his foot was propped up on the bench where Gai was sitting.

"No! It's not!" Gai said sarcastically.

"Gai, my schvantz has been in your face for twenty minutes. If it's not bothering you we got a bigger problem."

"Okay, it bothers me."

"I don't care. You gotta take control of your manhood, pal. You know? You want something, you take it. You don't like something, you say it. I take what I want. Asuma Sarutobi, he certainly took what he wanted, didn't he? And I can guarantee you this, he is opening the car door for your wife right now."

Gai started to sway from the heat of the sauna.

"What, are you passing out?"

Gai's eyelids slid closed and his face fell on Kakashi's bare crotch.

Kakashi sighed. "Oh, boy."

"I think you're ready, pal," Kakashi said patting Gai's back causing him to choke on his margarita.

"F-for what?"

"To talk to a pretty lady and take her home and show her your gift."

"Nope. No, I'm not."

"You're as ready as you're ever gonna be. You play your strengths, Gai. That's all any of us can do. I'm mysterious, I'm, you know, good in bed and you're...you are a...uh, you know, a stable employed adult."

"Wow thanks."

"Jesus! You see this...this lady over here at nine o'clock?"

Gai looked over his shoulder at the blonde woman sitting where Kakashi was referring to. "You want me to hit on her?"

"No, I wanna hit on her. The one behind her. She's a total fox, right?"

Gai started to drool. "Mmhmm."

"You think she came to a crowded bar to have a quiet drink alone? She's hunting. She's just looking for an opportunity to settle for a responsible and stable adult, and I'd like her to settle for you!"

"Oh, well, thank you for the ego boost. But you know what? Just because I've watched you pick up women doesn't mean that I know how to pick up women."

"You ever see Karate Kid?" Kakashi asked sipping his drink.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You know, when he's teaching him to wax on and off, but he's really teaching him to fight?"

"You want me to fight someone?"

Kakashi sighed. "What's the first thing I do when I go up to a girl? I buy her a drink."

Gai nodded. "Yes, always, without fail. You buy her a drink, even if she doesn't want one, you insist."

"And do I talk about myself?"

"Never. Never talk about yourself, always about her."

Kakashi continued. "Because bar banter..."

"...is boring," Gai finished.

"It's the worst."

"So you put the impetus on her. She has to be the interesting one. Impress me, impress me with how interesting you are. It's a big game. Game. Creepy, creepy little game you play."

Kakashi chuckled. "Oh, that's judgmental, isn't it?"

"Mmhmm."

"At the end of the night what do I do? Do I ask 'em to come home with me?"

"No, you tell 'em to come home with you. They have no choice in the matter, it's your choice and they are so overjoyed to have had the opportunity to make sweet, sweet love to you."

It was then that Gai realized that Kakashi had taught him a lot about picking up women. More than he had noticed before.

"Oh, my God! You did Miyagi me!"

Kakashi smiled, and stood. "Take your ring off. Lets go."

Authors Note: XD This chapter cracks me up! What about you? R&R