Disclaimer: Is this seriously still necessary? Has anyone ever really been sued for Fan Fiction? All right, all right, here's my obligatory spiel: Not mine. It sucks. The end.
Rating: PG-ish. I'm getting there, hold your horses. Next chapter ;-)
Spoilers: Between Agua Mala and Monday.
Author's Notes: This is a shout out to all y'all that are reading & reviewing. Y'all are my…like, 10 in 5 billion.
Feedback: I stalk my email for feedback harder than I stalked David Duchovny last year.
The cold had knocked me down just as fast as it had Scully. She had ordered me wonton soup with her Chinese, made sure I ate and put me to bed. I wake now, in her bed, late at night. I move the blanket off of me, groaning with the effort of moving. I sit on the edge of the bed, looking down. I'm in an old FBI academy sweatshirt, too large for it to have originally been hers. It was Jack Willis' no doubt. I'm in that sweatshirt and my boxers. I close my eyes, still sitting up, just wanting to go back to sleep but the urge to go to the bathroom keeps me from doing so.
When I come out of her bathroom she is standing by the nightstand, picking up tissues by two fingers with minimal contact. "You know, Mulder, you can use these things more than once." She is tsking at the size of the pile I've left on her night stand."
I cough a few times and sit on the edge of her bed. "Aw, Scully, you're gonna rag on me? I'm sick." I lay my head on the pillow and look at her dramatically.
She smirks and scoops the rest of the Kleenexes into the trash can with a look on her face, trying not to touch any snot. "You're right, you were a very good caretaker to me the last few days." She touches my forehead, then my cheek with a cool hand and I close my eyes and sigh.
"I feel like shit, Scully. I got it worse than you, I know it. I'm dying."
She opens my hand, giving me two pills. "Sit up, take these."
She sits on the edge of the bed next to me, handing me a glass of water. I take them and go into another coughing fit, stretching out in her bed. I give her a dramatic look. "Cuddle with me, Scully."
I give the bed a little pat in front of me. She smirks and looks away from me, licking her lips with an uncharacteristically shy look. I reach out and tug at the sleeve on her sweat shirt.
She stands and pulls the sweat shirt over her head. She's wearing a long sleeve shirt underneath, so I don't see much,. Still, even through my haze, I appreciate the brief view of her stomach as that shirt raised above her belly button for a moment before falling back down.
She lays down next to me on her back. I'm happy enough and feverish enough not to care that this is still pretty new territory for us. "Very nice…" I move my hand to her rib cage, nuzzling her neck as I move one of my knees over her legs.
She tentatively rests her hand over mine on her side, closing her neck off to me like I'm tickling her, but she's laughing softly. "Mulder…"
"Scully…" I look down at her.
"Ew…Mulder, your breath stinks." She wrinkles her face and turns away from me.
I move my tongue around in my mouth to try and taste it. I don't taste a thing, being sick. "Then let me in here…" I nuzzle her neck again and she laughs, giving it a moment's thought before sighing and giving me access to her neck again. I move my nose to the crook of her neck and breathe in, trying to smell her but that only sends me into a coughing fit from trying to breath in through my congested nose. She moves away from me quickly, going for the Kleenex and handing me one, letting me cough and blow my nose. When I finally settle, she takes the Kleenex from me with two fingers, making a face and chunking it in the can next to her side of the bed. She turns off the lamp and curls up on her side.
"Come here, pretty lady." She giggles as I move my hand on her stomach, under her shirt, wanting to feel what I just got to see. I nuzzle up on her shoulder, settling in behind her. I feel feverish, almost drunk, enjoying holding her close. "When's the last time you had a man in your bed, Scully?" I'm nuzzling the back of her ear with my nose, I feel her shiver.
She sighs, thinking, turns and looks at me over her shoulder. "Oh, four years ago."
I think about it. "Who?" It's not *exactly* jealousy, mostly genuine curiosity.
She laughs low in her throat at my reaction. "You."
It takes a moment to occur to me. She means the time I had been drugged, my father had just been killed, she had stripped me down and left me to sleep in her bed.
"Before that." I nuzzle the skin behind her ear, sniffling, dying to smell her skin there.
"Mulder…" She turns her head into her pillow a little more, begging me to drop it.
"Scully…" I'm running my fingers back and forth, just barely scratching, more like petting the skin on her stomach.
"Mmm." She sighs, "Seven years, we'd just met."
"Really?"
"Yup."
"That's your bed…how about anybody else's?" She buries her face all the way into the pillow now. I move my hand around to her back, her tattoo is around here somewhere.
She arches her back, her bottom pushes back onto me in a very pleasant way. She gasps when I touch her again, and I file it away how sensitive she is to my touch right there. I leave it alone for now, though, resting my hand on her hip. She sighs. "Not him, either."
"Really?"
"Really, Mulder. I had dates, they just…didn't pan out."
"Ok, Scully." I'm smiling into her hair, settling in behind her, suddenly very sleepy. I'm also hoping she doesn't echo my questions back to me. I slept with someone, against better judgement, on a case while she was missing. If she asked me, I would tell her. But I would rather not right now. Fortunately, she doesn't before I drift off to sleep, holding her close.
xxxxx
The next day I feel ten times worse. She feeds me, has me brush my teeth and take a warm shower which I am barely able to stay standing for. I go out to her bedroom with a towel wrapped around my waist and am just about to climb back into bed in that when she comes in and stops me. She lays out some pajamas, explaining she went to my house last night to pick up some things. I think I thank her. She turns around and I dress. I know there's a pick up line for her in this somewhere, but I just can't conjure it up. Finally she gives me two cold pills, makes me drink the whole glass of water and has me lay back in the bed. She is drying my hair with the towel so I won't lay down with my hair too wet. It feels very soothing. I'm bundled up under the covers, shaking from chills.
"You'd make a good mother, Scully."
Her fingers stop massaging on the towel over my scalp. I take in a deep breath and let it out, wincing. She is still sitting back there, I have no idea what she is thinking as I can't see her face. "Scully…"
"I'm unable to have children, Mulder." her voice is heavy and thick.
"Scully…" I say again, my head spinning.
"I never told you, the tests, what they did to me, I was left barren."
"I know." She doesn't say anything for maybe a whole minute, pulling the towel away from my head. I can't look at her. I move my hand to my forehead, trying to keep the room still. I tell her of how I had been led to the facility where they were holding her ova, to be used for clones. Of me taking them to the doctor, finding they were not viable.
She pulls the blankets up around my shoulders, tucking me in. "Go to sleep, Mulder."
"Scully…" I mumble again.
"We'll talk about it later!" She's climbing out of the other side of the bed.
"No!" I turn around and lean across the bed to grab her hand. I squeeze her hand and rest my head on my other hand on the bed, feeling like utter shit, physically and emotionally. I cough a few times. "Scully, you were so…You were dying and I couldn't tell you. Then you got better and…and you go through enough, as it is. And I could just never find the time or the words to tell you and I'm so sorry." I make myself look at her and the look on her face breaks me. She's standing there by the bed, holding my hand, her eyes full of tears.
Still, she sees me laying there begging her to forgive me. "Oh, Mulder…" She takes a deep breath and gives in, as always. She nods and climbs back into bed, letting me pull her close and wrap my arms around her. I move my nose into her hair, wishing I could breathe in her scent.
"I'm sorry, Scully."
She sniffles and nods, I think I even feel her release one tiny sob before she settles down, wiping her tears against the pillow. Storing her grief wherever it is she keeps every other hardship. I try to stay awake, I want to talk about it and comfort her but I am just unable to keep my eyes open.
xxxxx
I wake up Sunday morning in Scully's bed. I am feeling much better. I go out to the living room after using the bathroom and brushing my teeth. I find her at her computer. She is only staring at the screen. She has one foot up on the chair, her arm wrapped around it, lost in thought. She jumps when I rest a hand on her shoulder.
She takes her glasses off and looks up at me. "How are you feeling?"
"Much better, thank you." I smooth down her hair as she nods, looking back at the computer. "What are you doing?"
"Getting ready for that meeting tomorrow."
"Oh, that." I roll my eyes. I had spent every minute at work looking for something, anything paranormal to investigate the week before. But I couldn't find anything big enough for Skinner to allow us to leave town and miss the meeting. I had also thrown together my report last week, bored without Scully. "You look pretty well prepared."
"I still have work to do."
"Okay…" She puts her glasses back on, staring at the screen. "Does this have anything to do with that conversation we had yesterday?"
"Mulder…" She doesn't say anything for a few moments before she turns her head to me, where I stand behind her. She doesn't look up but, only turns toward me. She takes a deep breath and nods, "I just need some time."
I move my hand from her hair to the back of her chair, closing my eyes and turning my face toward the ceiling. Clenching my jaw, wondering if I've ruined this before it started. "Sure, Scully," I say through my clenched teeth.
She turns in her chair so she can put her hand over mine and look up at me. "Not like that, Mulder. I mean…" Her eyes are glistening just a little, she's unable to find the words. But she takes my hand and squeezes before looking down at our hands. "It's ok, it's not even you. It's about what they did to me. How they took them…*all* just to store them, and use them for…whatever. They never cease to…to shock me with their cruelty, their brutality." She's shaking her head. "It's just obscene and I just…can't right now. Do you understand Mulder?" She's looking up at me again.
I nod. "I think so…" Not really.
She turns my hand and pulls it to her face, closing her eyes and letting me stroke her cheek for a moment before looking at me once more. "I don't want that to taint this. Those bastards have cast enough darkness on my life. So just give me some time and we'll be fine."
I agree. She lets me hug her before I go home to get ready for the upcoming week. Right before I walk out the door, she grabs me again and kisses my forehead, telling me in a language I understand by now that it really will be ok. I give her a smile before walking out. I'm worried, but I will take her unspoken word on it.
Yikes, I know! I'd be pissed if someone left it here too. Does the promise smut help next chapter? Lots of kissing and touching and, yes, smelling! (Yay for Mulder.)