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Some people are clueless

"You've got to be shitting with Misa."

The habitat of a teen idol is a foreboding location for highly-cerebral men like Raito and L. The said room was dressed up in a way Misa dresses herself everyday; suffocated in black material and frills that modern pop culture would call cute and glamorous. But what about the skull and blood imprints on the furniture? Where's the pink? The glitter? All the normal girlie stuff? His sister's room was an oasis compared to Misa's. And Raito is talking about a Hello Kitty-festive-inferno when he mentions his sister's room. Inside this unfamiliar territory, Raito tried to avoid eye contact with the Goth dolls before him that look terrifyingly real with those googly eyes of theirs. Sickening.

Misa sat on one of those ridiculous high chairs sprinkled with something that looks like cross marks. She was shaking her head in disbelief as the two men whom she had revealed her most inner desires; one man she loved without a doubt until the other man gave her something she could not easily take for granted, shared their plans for tonight's activity. And so: "You've got to be shitting with Misa."

Raito's face was neutral. He tries to be even though the satanic dolls are freaking him out. He was even gripping a pillow covered in violet feathers just to keep himself calm but the pulse on his neck still throbbed. If he stays here much longer he will be claustrophobic. L, on the other hand, was biting a chocolate bar, apathetic to the point of abnormality (doesn't even beg the question "what's new?") while he's also holding Misa's brassier with keen interest.

"We shit you not, Misa-chan." He answers.

Misa frowns, grabs one of her ponytails and inquires. "But why should Misa agree to this crazy idea? She's not happy about this. Raito?"

"If we begin now, we'll still have time to accomplish the whole thing tonight." Her boyfriend ignored the skeletal puppy dog near his foot as he steps forward.

"Hold on!" Misa squirmed on her throne and grabs the brassier from L's clutch. "Misa wants Raito to be her first! Misa, like, waited forever!"

"I see," Raito drones. "Then if it is okay with Ryuuzaki—"

"It is not," L swallows the last bite, eyeing the two of them. "I told Misa-chan that I get uncomfortable every time she seduces Yagami-kun in front of me. I would be all right if I would have her first before Yagami-kun."

"Well then, Misa—"

"Ryuuzaki-kun is such a pervert!" Misa protested. "Misa and Ryuuzaki-kun are good friends, ne? Like, basically, Raito is Misa's boyfriend! So he should, like, have Misa first! And Ryuuzaki-kun doesn't have to watch if he doesn't want to."

"Misa-chan is, like, hurting my feelings." Expressionless face. "Misa-chan is, like, destroying my heart by repeatedly hitting it with a hammer."

Raito kicks the skeletal puppy dog at last. "Can we not argue about this anymore? I'm, like, pissed right now with all your colloquial nonsense! You know, like, totally." He glares.

"I have no idea that Yagami-kun is capable of such a spiteful, ironical statement."

"Misa wants Raito to be her first!"

"Oh, I'm capable of a lot of things when people don't get things done around here."

"Why isn't anyone listening to Misa?"

L looks defeated. He turns his attention back to the blonde princess. "I understand Misa-chan. Like I said before, her love for Yagami-kun is the greatest thing in the world and she is the only woman right for Yagami-kun—"

"I have no idea you're capable of such a spiteful, ironical statement either, Ryuuza—"

"—and even if I have been involved with her in sexual foreplays, I would never claim her as mine. So now that I have expressed my argument, I must concur that Yagami-kun must have her first."

Raito and Misa watched the great detective for a while. L tilts his head to the side. "What are you looking at? You've never seen a hypocrite before?"

Someone is at the door, knocking. When Raito answered it, he made sure that the door was half-open to avoid the person outside see the underwear scattered on the floor (Damn Ryuuzaki dropped all of them around the room!).

It was just Matsuda. The idiot. "Raito-kun, Ryuuzaki, Misa-Misa!" he greets them, waving a hand too enthusiastically on Raito's face. "I just came over here to tell you guys we're having a game in the control room. You feel like joining us?"

"What game?"

"A drinking game! Oh, hell yes, you heard me! It's gonna be fun! It's gonna be great!" The only phrase missing in this pep talk is Yay! Raito grimaced.

L peeked at Matsuda from behind Raito. "I am inclined to believe that this is Wedy's idea. She's very engaged in whatever alcohol-induced frivolity is available."

"So she found your liquor cabinet, huh?"

"Where did Raito-kun get the idea—okay, yes, I do have a liquor cabinet but I'm not that much of a drinker, say, compared to Wedy."

"I'm surprised you even drink at all." Raito cocks an eyebrow. "Your glucose levels must be off-the-roof by now. Why would you even want to indulge a liver shut-down? Excess is your lifestyle, Ryuuzaki. One of these days it will kill you."

"Your condescending concern for my reckless welfare is suspicious, Yagami-kun."

Raito did not argue with that. He looks at Matsuda again. "And who else are the participants of said game?"

"Hmm, let's see now…there's Wedy. And Watari. Mogi-san and Aizawa-san went home...so that leaves me!"

"Six players then," L pushed off Raito's hand on the door knob.

Raito glared in amusement. "You actually want to play a drinking game, Ryuuzaki?"

"Surprised, Yagami-kun?" L gave him one of his crooked smiles.

Misa pushed the two of them out of the room all of a sudden. She slammed the door after she got out and she eyed the three men decidedly. "Misa doesn't see a problem with this. Misa probably needs alcohol right now."

Matsuda twirled around. "Okey-dokey! Everything's gonna be hunky-dory!"

Idiot, thought the geniuses.

Back in the control room, Wedy, in skintight leather with leopard spots, was posed into an FHM cover-worthy position, cleavage popping, cancer stick sizzling in one hand. Wedy wore the trademark dark glasses and smoked to offend a chimney. Across her goddess form was the almost-senile-but-a-badass-sniper-in-reality Watari, L's reliable caretaker. He already prepared the cups and the booze and he greeted the four of them with a curt bow.

"This is a nice idea, Wedy." L hopped to a sofa. He was between Watari and Raito. Matsuda the idiot sat between the two Barbie dolls, teenage and middle-aged.

"Boredom is a bitch." Wedy remarked. She crushed the cigarette in one of the strawberry ashtrays L placed around for fun. She uncrossed her legs. "We're gonna play 'I have never' which, unless you're L, is common junior-high shit you used to play with pals. The rules of the game are simple: a person will say 'I have never' and the thing he or she hasn't done and then drink. If another person had indeed done the said thing, he or she had to drink too. The players go in circle with their I have nevers. Honesty to all, okay? And then the first one to get drunk will be punished severely."

"Let's raise the stakes." L suggested.

Wedy adjusted her glasses. "Go on."

"In addition to drinking alcohol," L said. "The person should be required to take off a part of his clothing or an accessory."

"All right, that's what I'm talking about!" Matsuda waved his arm up. "Drinking-strip game!"

Wedy lit another cigarette and blew it across Matsuda's face with all intention. She asked L. "Who did you screw around with?"

L thought it was rhetorical. He remarked instead. "Since it's my liquor cabinet, I suggest the choices of poison would be beer for the I have never individual and a tequila shot for the second person who had."

"And once two have drunk, one should announce the I have never while the other one strips." Wedy adds.

Cups were passed around. Matsuda drank the beer first and then he proclaimed, "I have never stolen any money from anybody."

"Thief and proud of it." Wedy drinks her cup. She took off her dark glasses, revealing a pair of blue eyes. "I have never taken pictures of anybody naked."

Misa drinks her shot. So did Watari. Horrified glances ensue.

L explained to the group. "I believe it was a one-time occurrence with this past maid of ours. The details are blurry."

"Oh..." Followed by silence.

Wedy gestures her cigarette around as she talked. "So who strips?"

Watari smiled at Misa and, in courtesy, takes off his tie.

So Misa said. "Misa has never fantasized about someone of the same sex."

Nobody moved. And then Wedy drinks a shot, giggling knowingly. So did Raito. Matsuda drinks up too and everybody just thought he didn't understand the question. He was obviously wasted. Wedy takes off her shoe and lets Raito do the talking. "I have never lost my virginity to an older woman."

Matsuda drinks up again, stands up, dances around as he undoes his tie seductively and throws it across the room. "Her name is Ayami-san and she's my mother's best friend! Hell yeah!"

"Sit or I'll squash my cigarette inside your earlobe."

And sit he did. He thought of something for a while and, clapping his hands together, announced. "I have never eaten dried fish."

L gulps down the tequila. He doesn't even have accessories, just clothes (not even shoes). In a moment of deliberate certainty, he takes off his jeans.

Wedy whistles. "If L gets to drink up again, he should take off his boxers!"

Both Misa and Raito consented to that. Silently.

"I have never played around with girls and used them for my satisfaction." L said.

Raito raised an eyebrow, swallowed his shot and then took off his shirt. He unbuttons it slowly for effect, allowing Misa and Wedy to enjoy the view. Tease.

Wedy applauds. Matsuda was possibly enjoying it as well.

"I have never truly loved someone." Raito concluded as the ultimate finality.

Without hesitation, Misa downed the shot, even though something inside her died when she realized Raito didn't truly love anyone (which also means he didn't love her either). Wedy was about to drink but she lowered her shot glass, looking off in contemplation (if not remorse of some sort). Matsuda drank once again (AND NO ONE CARED). Watari, just like Wedy, didn't drink either. He was watching L, who held his shot glass with two fingers as if he only realized its presence, but the tequilla never touched his lips too.

Misa took off her studded belt while saying, "Misa has never liked sweets" (even though Matsuda was supposed to be the one to say his own turn of I have never).

Matsuda (who ignored the fact that he was supposed to be the one to say his turn of I have never, the dumbass) was going to drink but Raito elbowed him square on the chest, leaving him paralyzed and only L to drink and strip all by himself.

Wedy exploded in laughter. "So L! Take off that shirt! Or go for the boxers, your choice!"

The shirt had to go, L thought.

Wedy nudged Misa. "Don't you just wish you could sleep with the both of them?"

Misa winced. "It never crossed Misa's mind."

Wedy crushes her cigarette on the strawberry ashtray. "Seems to me like the two of you are trying to get each other naked."

L said, "I have never engaged in foreplay with anybody but my lover."

"Oh, I never had a boyfriend," Wedy said aloud, staring blankly at her cup." Multiple sex partners, yes."

"Me neither," Matsuda looked down. "I haven't gone out with a girl long enough to develop a relationship." He was sinking towards Wedy.

"If you sob on me, I'll hit you with the champagne bottle, I swear to god."

Watari swigs a shot to their (utter horror) surprise. And Misa did too.

"Misa should be the one to strip," Wedy said. "Watari is done with that."

The blonde princess decided to take off her stockings, seducing L as he watched. Even Raito found it amusing. Matsuda was drooling.

"Naughty girl!" Wedy slapped her in the ass. Misa laughed.

"I have never used latex gloves to arouse my partner during sex." Watari proclaimed out of nowhere. It made them forget for a while that they were playing a game.

And the Wedy drinks up, winking. "Oh, so you know about that!" She unzips her one-piece leather leotard and peels it off like second skin. "I have never had sex yet with my current boyfriend!"

Misa took off her bracelet. Luckily she had many. And then she drinks up.

"Misa has never negotiated sex with anybody." That was below-the-belt but what the F, Misa took her shot.

The geniuses drink up. Raito took off his pants as L thought of his own 'I have never'.

Wedy lights another cigarette. Matsuda watched her chest heave while she exhaled the smoke.

"I have never successfully convinced the girl I like to have sex with me—Ah wait, I did. Another one then, let's see..."

Watari whispered something to him. L made a grunting approval and then he announced. "I have never had sex since my first time!"

Matsuda struggled to gulp down the tequila. He then took off his belt. "I have never found Raito-kun attractive."

"Oh really, Matsuda?" Raito smirked.

"I got nothing else so leave me alone!" Matsuda's neck was visibly hot with crimson blush.

Misa and Wedy raised their shot glasses and said "Cheers!"

Misa takes off her shoe. And then Wedy's turn. "I have never licked anybody before."

Note to self: Wear more clothes or at least a watch and a pair of shoes.

Raito can't help laughing. That was final for L, world's greatest detective.

The great L finishes his last tequila shot and was about to take off his boxers when Soichiro Yagami walked inside.

"What the hell are you kids doing?" he roared when he saw his son Raito half-naked and L holding the garter of his relatively new boxer shorts.

"We are playing a drinking-strip game." Wedy answered.

"And I am about to show them my male organ."

Soichiro, alarmed with this sinister event, produced a gun and pointed it at L. "Hands off your boxers!"

"Father, what the—?" Seriously, old man?!

Matsuda spilled beer all over his crotch. "Oh god, this will stain!"

"I did not mean to make you feel uncomfortable, Yagami-san," L put his pants back on. "This was just harmless fun, as you can see."

"With all due respect, Ryuuzaki, I am not looking at 'harmless fun' at all. That is not how I see it." Soichiro lowered his weapon and ordered them around. "Go to your rooms and get some sleep, dammit!"

Matsuda scampered away. Wedy followed, taking the bottle of champagne with her. Watari collected the discarded cups and bowed to Soichiro before leaving. Raito put on his shirt and pants back as quickly as he could while L held onto his shirt, biting his finger and looked like regretful child scolded by a parent. Misa just sat there.

"Go to your room now, son."

Raito obeyed in order to avoid rousing his father's suspicion. Besides, the alcohol did a pretty banged-up job making him feel like throwing up his dinner. Which he should do in 10, 9, 8...

Soichiro followed his son rushing to the nearest bathroom.

"I think we have to postpone our activity and reschedule to a more comfortable time slot," L remarked, turning his shirt inside-out before wearing it.

"Or we could screw Raito and fool around now!" Misa grabbed him, clamping their mouths together. Ah, alcohol and poor judgment, L's best friends.

Misa produced a small bottle of chocolate syrup from her pocket. She then takes off her blouse and pours the substance on her chest. L watched the thick dark brown fluid smudge her meaty bosoms. Seeing L's hungry facial expression, accompanied by the wild spins her mind is conjuring, made Misa surrender completely to the temptation, hugging L with her legs, pulling him further.