Author's notes: IF YOU DID NOT NOTICE BEFORE, I HAVE CHANGED THE RATING. AND FOR A REASON! If you did not sign up for the smutty goodness, all is well, just skip it; you'll know when it starts, and it goes to the end of the chapter. If you did sign up for the smutty goodness, well here you go! This is my first attempt, and I am quite proud. I also have no idea where it came from. It just sort of happened. This is not the last chapter, but things are winding down. Enjoy, I love, and let me know if the lovin' was horrible. The title for this chapter is from Ed Sheeran's song Afire Love
Merlin arrive back in Camelot after four days more days spent in Ealdor. The walk back, because Gwen was courteous enough to not ride her horse while Merlin walked, took longer than usual because Merlin was stalling. Gwen saw right through Merlin's meandering gait and constant bathroom breaks, but indulged him anyways because, at least he going back home.
When the two finally arrived in the courtyard, it was pretty quiet, and Merlin could sense a tenseness to the air. When he looked to Gwen, she leaned in to whisper in his ear, "Arthur must have been in a bad mood this morning. All the servants have taken to hiding from everyone is terrified of him."
"Everyone except you, of course," Merlin quipped with his lips twitching into a smirk.
Gwen smiled back and admitted to Merlin, "I-uh- I never told him that I was coming to fetch you, actually. So that's why I think he's not out here right now."
Merlin's eyes widened at the news but said, "I don't think he'd be out here anyways, Gwen. But I'm glad you didn't tell him. It means I can plan what I'll do when I see him." Merlin's light-ish mood from travelling with Gwen was now pushed out of the way for his guilt, but he resolved to do something about that. "So please, don't tell him I'm here yet?"
Gwen nodded, and gathered her bag and left to go home, giving Merlin a quick hug as she passed him. Merlin took his own pack and made his way towards Gaius' chambers. When he opened the door, Gaius smiled at him warmly and walked towards him for a hug of his own. "Glad to see you back, my boy."
"Glad to see you, too Gaius," Merlin said with bright smile.
"Go get settled, and quickly. I need you to make a tincture for me while I attend to the flu spreading around the lower town.
Gaius grabbed his medical bag and instructed Merlin which herbs to grind for the tincture. As Gaius was leaving, Merlin mumbled under his breath, "Right. Good to be back."
That evening after Merlin finished unpacking, and making the herb mixture for Gaius' patient, Merlin left the safety of his chambers and went down to the castle kitchens. He shook hands, hugged, and apologised to the very frenzied servants, and got quite an earful of what all had been going on while he was 'galavanting along the countryside' as one particularly cross paige said.
When Merlin finally made it down to the kitchens to retrieve Arthur's dinner, he ran into George, who, not surprisingly, looked upset to see him. "I should have known you'd come back eventually," he sniffed, thrusting a tray laden with a variety of food on it into Merlin's unsuspecting hands with a, "Here," and walking away briskly.
Merlin promptly turned around and jogged up the stairs to Arthur's chambers.
Knocking on the door, Merlin actually waited until he heard Arthur gave permission before entering. However, when Arthur shouted, "George, come in! I know it's you, and I already told you that you didn't have to knock, just come in!" Merlin's heartbeat faltered a bit. He shook his head, and made his way inside.
"You always got mad when I entered without knocking, though," Merlin said quietly with a very small, sad smirk on his face.
Arthur turned around quickly, his eyes widening. "Merlin," he whispered, stunned. Then he composed himself, and a blankness fell over his features that Merlin was hoping he would never see again. "Ah, so you're finally back then. How is your mother?" he asked, not coldly, but with a distant tone.
Merlin's brow furrowed, but then looked away from Arthur's indifferent expression and swallowed back his heartache. "She's good. Thank you for asking." Gwen had told him that Arthur was miserable, but it didn't seem that way to Merlin. He seemed more miserable with Merlin here, bringing him dinner.
When he felt he could look at Arthur without protesting his feigned nonchalance, he did. They stared at each other, both with different expressions -Arthur's guarded, and Merlin's hurt, but trying to appear otherwise- but with the same thoughts running through their minds. They both were hoping desperately to move passed this awkward, tense exchange, and get on to how they used to be, but neither knowing how to do it or wanting to be the one to make the first move. They, knew, though, that however hard they prayed, things would never go back to how they used to be. They had both changed from these events.
Merlin was the first to break the stare-down, and sat the tray down on the table. The movement startled Arthur into motion, who went to eat when Merlin left to get some sleep clothes out of the armoire. Both men avoided the other's eyes when they crossed paths.
The rest of the night passed without any more words spoken, and when Merlin finally walked out the chamber doors, it left both of them feeling sadly relieved.
Merlin and Gwen were walking side by side in the hallway, Merlin carrying fresh linens for Arthur's room, and Gwen clean laundry for some dignitary, when they ran into Arthur. Merlin more literally than Gwen.
"Oh, um, sorry, I wasn't-" Arthur stopped when he realized it was Merlin he ran into, he quickly released the shoulder's he was steadying and stumbled back a few steps.
Merlin stooped to pick up the scattered sheets while Arthur stood there uncomfortably, with Gwen glaring at Arthur when Merlin couldn't see. Arthur pretended to not see also.
With all the linen in hand again, Merlin bowed his head to Arthur, who rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, and hurriedly continued on his way. Merlin started to walk too, and Gwen caught up to him easily. Merlin glanced over and saw Gwen's probing, unhappy gaze, and resigned himself to uneasy questions.
"Merlin, you've been back over a week now. Are you guys still not talking?" Merlin cleared his throat, but didn't answer. But his silence was answer enough for Gwen, "Unbelievable. Actually, no. It is believable. You too can be so emotionally stunted at the most inopportune times, and stubborn always. You need to talk your way through this one, it won't solve itself."
Merlin had already known that. "It's not like I haven't tried to talk to him, but he shuts me down the few times I had. So I stopped trying. We'll figure something out," Merlin said quietly, not sounding convinced of his own words at all.
Gwen glared at him, but decided that it wasn't Merlin she was mad at. It was Arthur.
Later that day, Gwen confronted Arthur in his chambers. She came under the pretense of delivering a flower arrangement, but when she saw him lurking at the window, looking down where she knew Merlin was helping Arthur's guest pack up his caravan, Gwen dropped her facade, and slammed the vase of flowers down on the table. Arthur spun around, at first irritated at the unnecessarily loud noise, but then a bit concerned for his well-being when he spotted Gwen's irate expression.
"He's been back ten days, you moon over him from your window, he treads around you like a kicked puppy, but when you run into him in the hallway, suddenly you act as if you don't know him? What is with you, Arthur? I know what he is, and what it must have done to you. But I also know what you were like when he wasn't here, so you can't lie to me, Arthur Pendragon." Gwen ranted, not giving any heed to Arthur's kingly status and her own servant one. They were friends and she needed to speak to him like one.
Arthur looked away from her and crossed his arms over his chest. Gwen huffed in frustration, and threw her arms up in the air. "Gods, Arthur! You are so stubborn. You'd rather cut off your own toe than admit your feelings for Merlin?" Gwen stopped when she realized what she had said. Of course she knew that they loved each other, she just didn't know if Arthur knew that he loved Merlin.
Arthur glared at Gwen this time, but conceded defeat. His shoulders slumped and his arms fell to his side. He brought a hand up and covered his eyes, head bowed slightly. Since it didn't seem like Arthur was going to speak during this intervention, Gwen decided to speak for him. "He's still the Merlin you knew, Arthur. All that has changed is that you will now be aware of all the magic he does for you. Just talk to him. The worst that can happen is that things continue the way they are now."
What Gwen had said was meant to be reassuring, but Arthur saw Gwen's worst-case scenario as truly heartbreaking. He doesn't think that he could continue to see Merlin's averted gaze as he skirted around Arthur for the rest of eternity. Each walking on eggshells, afraid to say the wrong thing, fearing breaking the delicate balance that things were in now.
When Gwen silently left, Arthur went back to the window, but the dignitaries caravan was already out of sight, and Merlin was gone too.
Feeling sufficiently reprimanded by Gwen, Arthur vowed to himself to at least talk to Merlin tonight. So when Merlin quietly knocked on his chamber door, and let himself in, bringing with him Arthur's dinner, Arthur's heart was trying to escape his chest. He doesn't know if he had ever felt this nervous before, which was ridiculous because he has had some truly, horrifically embarrassing discussions with Merlin. This was going to be a relatively tame conversation, he wasn't going to ask how many people had died by Merlin's magic or how many more could have been saved if Arthur had known before.
Oh gods. Now he was even more nervous because he definitely did not want to ask Merlin those things. Oh! What if they slipped out on accident? He wanted to make progress, not make Merlin run again.
As all of this was going down in Arthur's brain, he stood, not really seeing anything. Merlin, on the other hand, had sat the food at the table, and announced dinner to Arthur. When he had not responded, he called his name again, "Arthur?" He walked a few steps closer. "Arthur? Hello?"
Arthur snapped out of his thoughts to find Merlin, not across the room, but directly in front of him. "Oh, um," he cleared his throat. "Thank you, Merlin. Would you -um- care to join me?" He scratched behind his ear nervously and walked towards the table without waiting for Merlin's answer.
The request surprised Merlin, but in a pleasant way, something he hadn't felt in quite a while. "Uh, yeah. Yes of course, sire."
"Um, could you just call me Arthur, please?" Arthur asked with pleading eyes. "We're dining as friends, so please, no titles."
That made Merlin smile hesitantly. "In that case, of course I will, clotpole," Merlin said turning his small smile into a mischievous one.
"Oi!" Arthur exclaimed, mock outraged. "Watch it. Just because I said no titles, doesn't mean I'm not your king."
"But that's how I address my friends, Arthur," Merlin huffed, stressing the fact that he called him by his name, even though he has done so since the beginning.
Arthur rolled his eyes, but let it slide. "I know there is only food here for one, but I think we'll manage. I thought that we could start to actually talk again, because even though you're good for nothing, I miss your inane chatter," Arthur said, deliberately baiting Merlin.
Merlin reacted just as was expected, "It's not inane if you can't understand it, Arthur. It means it's intellectual." Merlin said, mock offended.
That made Arthur burst out laughing, which, in turn, forced Merlin to laugh. Soon they were almost doubled over, the whole situation seeming funnier than it actually was because they were both filled with such relief that everything wasn't completely ruined. "Oh, gods. I've missed this," Arthur sighed, rubbing tears from his eyes.
The two made eye contact and held it for a while. Then they began to think on why it was that they were so relieved. Merlin looked away first, again, and said, "Listen, Arthur. I need to you to know I never meant for this to happen."
The words hit Arthur in a different than he thought they were meant to. "So you regret telling me?"
"What? N- no! I could just go back in time, and fix-" Merlin stuttered.
"Well you can't. What's done is done. So let's move on," Arthur interrupted.
"We can't just move on. You said it yourself, we need to talk about this. But what happened to we were doing before? We were laughing, Arthur," Merlin said, trying not to let his frustration turn into something more watery.
"Before was me trying to move on. To forget about how betrayed I felt I learned that my best friend had been lying to me for years, Merlin!" Arthur burst out, standing from his chair. "That was me trying to let it go and pretend nothing happened! Because when you told me you were a sorcerer, it made me think about everything that has happened to us, and if any of it was real."
That made Merlin flinch, causing tears to form in his eyes, which only made him angry and he also rose from his chair. "I already apologized, and told you I regretted not telling you, what more do you want from me?" At the last word, Merlin's voice cracked which caught Arthur's attention.
Arthur walked so that he was standing directly in front of Merlin, blocking Merlin in between his body and the table. Neither seeming to realize their proximity. "What I want Merlin, is the truth. I want to know if you truly felt something for me, or if you were just playing nice so that if I ever found out I wouldn't chop off your head?"
A tear finally slid down Merlin's cheek, but he didn't pay it any attention. "How could you ask me that?" Merlin whispered. His whole body trembling. He quickly wiped his face off with the back of his hand, because when one tear fell, they wouldn't stop. "I didn't want to tell you so that we could avoid this," Merlin said firmly, indicating the fight going on between them. "But I have never lied to you about my feelings, Arthur. I have always believed you are the greatest man to have walked the earth, and I wouldn't take it back if my life depended on it. I thought I had proved that to you enough times by now. I know that with everything that happened with Morgana made you more weary of people getting close to you, but I have always been there for you, and I always will be!" Merlin all but shouted in Arthur's face.
Arthur stood there, fuming, face inches away from Merlin's. Then he surged forward, crashing his lips onto Merlin's painfully, but it didn't matter. He needed Merlin, and he needed him now.
After a couple of seconds, Merlin tried to tear himself away, but Arthur was persistent and moved his sucking kisses down Merlin's neck, "Ah! Ar-Arthur! Shouldn't we-ah!- keep talking?" Merlin asked, quickly losing focus.
"I am talking, just not with words. Let me love you, Merlin. Please." Arthur whispered, now placing delicate, feather light kisses back up Merlin's neck, under his jaw, and across his cheeks until he stopped with a last one on the crease above Merlin's upper lip, waiting for Merlin to answer.
When Merlin realized that Arthur was waiting for confirmation to continue -because he had already let himself give in- he nodded frantically, and gasped out, "Yes, yes. Of course, Arthur."
Arthur placed a gentle kiss to Merlin's lips, and brought his hands up to cup Merlin's jaw, rubbing the tears off the beautiful face with his thumbs. Arthur looked between Merlin's red-rimmed, crystal-clear blue eyes, as he brought his face closer again for a deep, tender kiss. Their lips moved in sync surprisingly quickly, and soon, Merlin was tracing his tongue along the seem of Arthur's lips who opened up eagerly. Then they were kissing with so much heat and passion, they had to break apart multiple times to draw in breaths.
Before now, Merlin had not known what to do with his hands, but once his tongue touched Arthur's, his body began reacting on instinct. One hand was quick to latch into Arthur's perfect blonde hair, while the other, obviously dirtier one, slithered down and grabbed a handful of Arthur's firm arse. Arthur jumped a bit in surprise, which caused his hips to buck forward unexpectedly. When their groins crashed together, the two men broke their kiss with groans of pleasure, and rested their foreheads against each other. They looked into the other's eyes for a moment, smiling quickly, then surged back together.
Now that they were both fully turned on, obvious when the groin-crashing happened, things started to move along even faster than they were before. Arthur's own hand same down and scooped up two hands full of arse, and hefted Merlin onto the table, pushing plates of untouched food out of the way.
Merlin gladly laid back, forcing Arthur to climb atop him, straddling the narrow hips beneath him. Oh gods! Beneath him! He actually had Merlin beneath him in a decidedly non-platonic way. And it was glorious! Arthur moaned into the furiously hot kiss just at the thought.
Merlin's hands were running themselves up and down Arthur's sides, rucking up his shirt and teasing the skin underneath. Arthur's hands were propping himself up over Merlin, but when those questing hands found his nipples, Arthur straightened himself up, sitting back on Merlin's upper thighs. He threw his shirt over his head, and it landed in some part of the room. Merlin's fingers returned to the apparently sensitive nipples, while he looked up at Arthur's deliciously debauched self as he sat across his hips. When Merlin lightly rolled the pert bud between his forefinger and thumb, Arthur gasped, and rolled his hips against Merlin's crotch on accident. Which just spurred on another roll, and another until Arthur leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of Merlin's head, mouth open at Merlin's neck, and rolled his hips deliberately.
Merlin's eyes rolled back into his head, never having felt this much pleasure before, and grasped Arthur's strong hips for dear life as they writhed together. "Oh, Ar-Arthur! Arthur, please, I'm so close. Please. The bed, please. Ah!"
A few more rolls later, Arthur reluctantly climbed off the table, dragging Merlin into a seated position. Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck and proceeded to snog the breath from Arthur's lungs. Arthur, in turn, grabbed onto Merlin's buttocks, and hoisted him in the air. Merlin quickly wound his long legs about Arthur's waist, not getting distracted from Arthur's heavenly mouth.
Arthur backed them towards the bad, and fell back onto it, unfortunately breaking the kiss. They were due for some air anyways. Merlin swooped down to attack Arthur's neck, making his way down to suck bruises along his collar bones. Arthur's neck was also surprisingly sensitive, so Merlin's ministrations were particularly arousing. His head flopped backwards, and his pelvis thrust upwards, then Merlin had a writhing king beneath him.
Arthur latched his hands onto Merlin's arse again, and groaned out, "More, Merlin. More, please." And how could Merlin say no to that?"
"Do you mind if I do things the fast and easy way?" Merlin whispered into Arthur's ear, lightly licking the lobe then nibbling there a bit, too.
Arthur shook his head hastily, unable to speak. Merlin chuckled darkly, then murmured some words under his breath. In the next instant, Arthur found himself skin to skin to Merlin, and he knew he was in heaven. He was able to groan out, "Oh, gods!" before Merlin rendered him speechless again by rubbing his naked erection against Arthur's.
Before Arthur reached his climax, he was able to gain a little control of himself. Enough to flip them over so that Merlin was now splayed out on his back, with Arthur heaving above him. "Not so fast, Merlin," Arthur panted, bringing back some of his mockery.
Merlin groaned in frustration, because he, too, had been just a hairsbreadth from completion. "Ugh, Arthur! Are you trying to kill me?"
It was Arthur's turn to chuckle darkly, and responded with, "Not quite. I'm just not done with you yet. I'm particularly not done with this," Arthur retorted, grabbing onto Merlin's slim, hot erection for the first time.
Merlin gasped suddenly, his hips thrusting up of their own volition, and eyes rolling into the back of his head. Arthur squeezed a bit too tightly to get his attention again. "Merlin, could you, uh- get me something to make this smoother?" It took a second for Merlin's brain to catch up, but when he did, he sighed in pleasure. This was gonna be good.
Merlin mumbled a few more words, and Arthur's hand was then coated in a slick, clear substance. However, the hand did not return to Merlin's throbbing cock, and was instead brought behind Arthur's back. When Merlin, again, could figure out what was going on, he squeezed his eyes shut, and groaned helplessly, "Arthur! Oh gods, you are trying to kill me."
Arthur's chuckle was a bit strained because he had just inserted one slick finger into himself, and was working it quickly in and out. Although he was eager to get things moving, he knew it was important to be properly prepared if he didn't want to hurt himself.
Merlin rubbed his hands up and down Arthur's thighs, trying to take his mind away from the discomfort, but when Arthur's brow remained furrowed, he sat up. Merlin dove straight in for Arthur's neck, and bit down softly, then sucking to bring the blood to the surface. The bruise would bloom spectacularly just under Arthur's jaw, not quite able to be hidden by his shirts. Perfect. Just as Merlin turned his head to place another right beneath it, Arthur inserted a second finger. Merlin went from Arthur's neck to his lips, distracting him further.
They kissed passionately for a few minutes while Arthur slowly worked his two fingers in and out of himself. When he felt comfortable with those two, he squeezed in a third, and accidentally bit down on Merlin's lower lips instead of his own. When Merlin withdrew in pain, Arthur gasped out, "So-sorry. Ah!" and his face creased in pain.
Merlin told him to slow down, and resumed kissing Arthur's neck, and brought his hand down to Arthur's flagged erection to bring some pleasure to his pain. A couple minutes later, and Merlin was holding a fully erect -dear god, the size of him!- Arthur in his hand. Arthur was now panting and rolling his hips. He then declared himself ready.
Merlin murmured the spell again, this time for himself. He ran his slick hand up and down his own aching shaft, and watched Arthur readjust himself over Merlin. Arthur leaned up higher on his knees, chest bumping into Merlin's. Arthur smiled quickly, pecked Merlin on the lips, and reached back to guide Merlin's cock to his entrance.
They locked gazes as Arthur very slowly lowered himself onto Merlin's cock. When he was fully seated, his hips resting against Merlin's, Arthur squeezed his eyes shut at the intense burning sensation. Merlin lightly kissed Arthur's face all over, and whispered in his ear, "What do you need?"
Arthur hummed and shook his head. "Hold on." He than began to rock. He didn't raise or lower himself, just moved slightly back and forth. "Hurts less if I move a bit."
"Okay, keep going. Whatever you need," Merlin said, kissing Arthur's shoulders and neck. A few more minutes of the rocking, and Arthur ventured to rise up ever so slightly, letting Merlin's erection slide out an inch or so, and then back down.
Merlin groaned loudly, and bit into Arthur's shoulder. Then Arthur raised himself quite a bit more, so Merlin was almost all the way out, and then brought himself down almost lazily.
"Oooooh… sire! I -uh- I mean Arth-" Merlin gasped out, afraid he had crossed a line.
Arthur's eyes had rolled back into his head when Merlin called him 'sire', and Merlin noticed. Arthur raised himself, and came back down a little quicker this time.
Merlin made a conscious decision this time to moan out, "Oh, sire, again!"
Arthur had not noticed when all the pain had gone, but he sure knew when the pleasure was sweeping over him in waves. He started to move on Merlin's cock faster, bringing his hips down harder, and soon he wasn't coherent.
When Merlin realized that Arthur was lost to himself, he wrapped his arms around Arthur's back, braced his legs on the bed, and gently laid them down, careful not to escape Arthur's sweet, tight, hot, hole.
With Arthur now on his back, Merlin brought his knees up to right next to Arthur's hips, and wrapped his hands around Arthur's upper thighs, raising them higher. He brought them up high on his waist, and Arthur was able to wind them behind Merlin's back, hooking his ankles together, heels brushing the swell of Merlin's arse.
Merlin then began to thrust into Arthur unhurriedly, determined to make Arthur lose his mind. He bent down, bringing his mouth to Arthur's ear, and whispered huskily, "Oh, sire! Ah!" a deliberate gasp, "you always told me how perfect you were, but I never knew just how perfect you meant. Had you always known you were born to fit my cock inside you this perfectly?" Each time Merlin emphasized 'perfect', Arthur gasped quietly, and clenched Merlin's erection tighter. "You like me telling you how much I adore you, sire?"
Arthur nodded his head frantically, eyes closed as tight as they could go, trying to stave off his climax. Merlin knew how close Arthur was, because he too was there. So he wrapped his hand around Arthur's cock, and stroked very slowly, but it was enough to set him off. After a few strokes, Merlin's hand was covered in a warm, sticky liquid, and he had Arthur squeezing his hole around his own cock relentlessly.
Merlin almost came then, too, but Arthur relaxed, and Merlin began to thrust into Arthur rapidly, chasing his own release after seeing what he had be able to do to Arthur. Merlin could see how Arthur's face had twisted in agonized bliss, and how he had gasped out in surprise, and then Merlin was coming deep within Arthur's body.
His thrusts slowed eventually, until he collapsed on top of Arthur, who huffed out a breath. "God, you're heavier than you look." Merlin just grunted, not moving from his position. Arthur, rewound his arms around Merlin's back, holding him close. Arthur placed a kiss in Merlin's hair, then rolled so that they were on their side.
When they had both caught their breaths, they readjusted themselves, with Merlin on his back, one hand in Arthur's hair, and Arthur on his stomach, head on top of Merlin's chest, and arms around his middle, using Merlin as a pillow. The arrangement allowed both men to sleep how they normally would, but with the added benefit of closeness. Once settled, they fell asleep quickly.