Chapter 8 – The End...Finally!
"And that, kids, is how Hyrule was won," says Link proudly. While looking at the fourth wall, he adds giddily, "Don't you just love it when the title is worked into the plot like that? Tee-hee!"
"Wow, such an original title there," Zelda groans sarcastically. "Is it obligatory that every Western-themed fanfic have a title that parodies a popular Western movie?"
"Hmph! You're one to talk about originality, Sheik the Sheikah."
"You'll never let that go, will you?"
"Just think of it as payback for all those incessant tunic/dress jokes you made."
"...Touche," she begrudgingly replies.
Link, Zelda, and a group of middle school kids on a field trip are gathered in a room in the governor's mansion of Hyrule territory, located within the large fort that was nostalgically nicknamed The Castle, a throwback to the days when Hyrule was under a monarchy.
Turning to address the group of young students, Zelda says, "So I hope you children have enjoyed the story of how Link and I saved our soon-to-be state of Hyrule from Ganondorf's oppressive regime. You should all take a few moments to appreciate the many things we have to be thankful for as citizens of such a wonderful place, such as the freedom we all enjoy everyday."
One little girl at the front of the crowd wears a blank expression on her face. "You didn't really do a whole lot in that story, lady. You just kinda made your boyfriend do everything," she states bluntly.
Zelda's face turns redder than a pair of Tingle's underwear. "Don't they teach you kids these days to respect your elders?!" she complains in outrage.
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The students' teacher calls for them to gather at the entrance of the mansion before they leave for the day. Link and Zelda are thus left alone, an opportunity they would undoubtedly take advantage of in order to do cute, cuddly, fluffy stuff. After all, what else would these two do when alone?
"Is...someone talking about us?" Zelda asks curiously while looking all around. "I'm starting to feel uncomfortable..."
"Relax, Zelda. The only people here are you and me and any readers who actually made it this far in the story."
"Oh, OK...so in others words, we have complete privacy now, right?"
"Hehe, yep."
Taking advantage of this newfound privacy from the ever-prying eyes of voyeuristic fans, Link inches closer to Zelda on the sofa they're sitting comfortably on. He moves his face incredibly near Zelda's own and leans over to close the last bit of distance when suddenly, Zelda grabs the cap off his head and swiftly places it atop her own. "Yoink! I always wanted to try this on! How do I look?"
"Hey! Give that back! You know I have horrible hat hair!" he cries.
Zelda can't help but get a laugh from Link's messy blonde hair. "I didn't think it was even possible that a single strand of your hair could ever be out of place!" she giggles.
With a raised brow and a suggestive wink, Link asks tentatively, "So, uh...you up for making a little bit of magic of our own tonight? Maybe spark a little Din's Fire and make some Nayru's Love, if you know what I mean? We could ask the author to set the mood for us. You know, like put us in a really romantic place with some nice background music and lighting. Can you hook us up, author-lady?"
Suddenly, Link and Zelda are laying on a cloud at sunset with "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" playing in the background.
"Eww..." Zelda groans. "We already established way back in the first chapter that Simba and Nala were siblings, so the song that played during their implied sex scene is a real turn-off. So for the love of Nayru, change the music!"
"Whoops...my bad. That totally slipped my mind," says the author, Mary Sue, apologetically. "Is this better?" The theme from Titanic starts playing.
Link sighs. "I would also really prefer a song that didn't play right after the tragic death of a beloved hottie who was madly in love, but I guess this is as romantic as it gets in a parody fanfic." Looking toward the fourth wall, he says, "Excuse me, Sue, but could you please leave us alone for a while? We're gonna be doing some stuff that would not be suitable for the current rating of your fanfic. We think we've been nice enough letting you peep in on so much of the stuff we've done up to now but we're drawing the line here."
"But...but I can raise the rating!" Mary Sue protests.
"No!" they exclaim in unison.
"No buts!" Zelda says. "Well...maybe there will be some 'butts', although you won't be here to see them! Now stop being so pervy and go! Shoo! Begone!"
"But why do you guys care about privacy all of a sudden? I've read about you guys doing it with each other...or, in Link's case, with numerous other people many, many times before."
"OK, fine!" Zelda gives in. "If you want to read about us doing it so bad, here goes—chiseled abs yadda yadda deep blue eyes et cetera et cetera soft bosom. There! Happy now?"
"You're just patronizing me," Mary Sue mutters glumly.
Link suddenly notices a certain amphibious girl standing over him who is holding a length of wound-up rope in her hands and smirking evilly.
"Oh, goddesses," he groans. Pulling the bunny hood out from...somewhere...he quickly places it on his head. "I'm gonna need this."
Ruto chases him through the governor's mansion, waving a knotted-off loop of rope in the air above her in a furious effort to lasso him. "You're gonna own up to your marriage vows one of these days, Link!" she shouts after him.
"What did I do to deserve this?!" he cries. "Please, goddesses, just make me as ugly as the average male NPC in the next game, will ya?"
Zelda can't stop giggling at the chaotic yet immensely amusing scene unfolding in front of her. "This'll be one to tell the kids someday," she muses.
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A/N: Wow...did you really read this far? Or are you one of those people that skips to the last chapter 'cuz u don't want to read the whole thing? Well, to anyone who genuinely read the whole story, I bequeath to you one fresh bottle of Lon Lon milk! ...however, it comes in the same bottle Link put all those bugs and rotting fish in. Um...enjoy!...I guess?