He was born to kind, eccentric parents. He grew up with sweet Lysander as his twin. He attended an old, prestigious school. Everything was in his favor: family, friends, brains, looks, disposition, education…

So what went wrong?

Some whispered that it was the boys. That the kisses from dashing James and pale Matt and surprisingly handsome Arnold were wrong and heaven was cursing him for it.

But his lovely mother was an angel, and if she said love was love, then surely that was the word of heaven and there was no more to be said about it.

Some muttered about nargles. Not right in the head, they said, and with parents like that, how could he be?

But though his parents were odd, they were kind. They hummed and smiled and sang him to sleep, held him when he cried, showered him with books and love and freedom. They were strange in a good way. He was just plain strange.

Some thought it was karma. All the hot words and fighting and impulsivity that had burned so many of his classmates and tormented his teachers was coming back to bite him, right? Serves him right, the little prick.

But he was kind, sometimes, and he always meant well and he always apologized and he always tried and tried and tried, even if he didn't always get it quite right.

So where did he go wrong?

When did the laughing words and golden smiles turn into plastic Halloween masks? When did his childhood fade straight past adulthood into death?

His mother looks at him, sometimes, tries to see her perfect son in this stranger, and sometimes the light glints off of an edge of blonde hair just like it used to and for a moment she remembers.

His friends avoid him now, but sometimes they can't help but notice the swish of his robes, just like when he walked too fast too much in 1st year.

Lysander hugs him and feels a skeleton. He tries to talk to his brother, tries to smile and touch his heart, but his hands come up empty and he cries and sometimes he whispers "I can't find you anymore."

And Lorcan smiles, a shadow of a half-smile, and sometimes he says "neither can I."

Sometimes.