It wasn't easy, the again really what is? He had a patience my father never showed but I still felt this overwhelming fear, perhaps it was? A fear that one day I would repeat what I had down in that arcade. That I would watch the world around me explode into a chaotic mess, and know it would be my fault that I had killed innocent people. I won't lie and say I never thought of making it easy and just doing away with it all. No mess, no fuss and most importantly no god damn explosion.

As many times as I thought about it I couldn't push myself to actually do it. While I wanted to the thought of my mom receiving that fucking call at three in the morning made my stomach sick. I couldn't hurt her like that.

Even in those dark hours as my demons took hold I wondered why three am? Why couldn't they come at noon when the world was awake and I could fight them away easily? Instead they always appeared in the early morning, never leaving until the sun is threatening to rise.

Normally I would sneak into the living room to watch the sun rise, waiting for my demons to flee back into the back of my mind. But one night as I was looking out the bay window I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. "You must be a fucking bat, boy."

With a weak smile I nodded, I was able to hide my surprise easily but it wasn't like him to be up so early. "Yeah guess I am but what are you doing up?"

At that he chuckled taking the seat next to me. "My house ain't it?' Again I nodded but he wasn't looking. Instead he took out an old cigar and lite it. "Yah know your Mom's sure one of these are gonna kill me one of these days. Knowing her, she's right." He inhaled slowly before releasing the grey thick smoke into the air. "She could always see things."

"See things?" I turned to watch him for a moment unsure what he was saying. Sure she had a good intuition but I doubted it was more than that.

It was odd but he flicked the ash onto the floor, not caring to use the ash tray across from him. "Yeah past, present, future. She got pretty damn good at it." After a moment he took the ashtray and smashed what was left of the cigar into it. "Funny she couldn't see what was in front of her own face."

A chill ran down my spine. "What are you talking about?" Only then could I smell the whiskey on his breath.

"I just got a call..."

Suddenly the world stopped, he had to have been lying or that it was just a dream he had. "No."

He turned to me; his eyes were puffy and blood red, his face gaunt as a ghost. "She's gone."

It didn't connect. I didn't want to see it, to get what he was saying. It was a dream, he was just drinking too much and got it wrong. My mother would be still safe in bed. "No she's not." I stood shouting with a sudden anger. "You're just fucking drunk. I didn't hear the phone so she's,"

"Stop." He said with a sigh pulling out another cigar but I ripped it from his hand and threw it.

"She's fine! I'll call her before I go to bed and she'll be just," Again he interrupted me.

"She's dead boy." He said in a stern voice as he stood, seeming to tower over me and for a moment I was sure he was going to hit me. Really I would have taken it, understood but instead he hugged me so tightly I felt like he was about to break me in two. "She's gone Alfred. I'm sorry." He trailed off as his voice cracked. He was on the verge of tears while I stood there, the anger replaced with a numbing feeling.

Then very slowly I wrapped my arms around his shaking body while I buried my face in his shoulder. The sun started to rise but neither of us moved until long after the sun was high in the sky.

He told me that she died in her sleep, peacefully. Though I'm sure he lied for my sake. But I let myself believe it but I felt a new fear. She was my reason not to end my life now with her gone what was to stop my demons?

I found my answer when my Uncle dropped off a game console and a stack of games along with it soon after her funeral. He thought I would play them to distract myself, what he wasn't ready for was what I would actually do with them. Worlds meant for a distraction, where I could lose myself. I could become a hero my Mom was sure I would be.

It's where he would find me...