A Lonely Story About Nobody
Chapter 5: A Story About a Girl
Naminé found that red was her most versatile paint. Red for the sunrise, red for roses, red for blood, red for passion, red for love, red for anger, red for warning. Now there was Kairi red. Strands of her hair clouded Naminé's vision, falling brilliantly down to her shoulders, past her face. Her face. Not Naminé's face.
Naminé felt Vanitas' grip tighten, his vine like clothes felt odd against her throat. Vanitas' voice hit a false sugary tone, so sweet it made Naminé want to grind her teeth, "You're back Kairi. It's wonderful to see you again."
Kairi nodded, "Vanitas, right? Yeah, it's been awhile since I felt good enough to come back. I would have come earlier but my dad actually rode his tractor off the side of the road, and it put our schedule back for awhile. That man."
The redhead shook her head affectionately, and Naminé glanced at Vanitas, she remembered when Vanitas forced a farmer off the road right into the rice patties, she thought it was just another prank. Vanitas must have known what she was thinking because he winked.
"It's so good to be back," Kairi stretched her long pretty arms in front of her, splaying her fingers and looking through them. "I'm not meant to be bed ridden, it felt like I was about to grow roots."
"You sure you're okay?" Riku asked worriedly, it was as if he was a completely different person with Kairi at his side. His face wasn't as severe, his posture wasn't as tense, and he looked more open that Naminé had ever seen him. His arm reached out to Kairi's, but the contact must have burned them because they both recoiled quickly.
Riku looked guilty, but Kairi just looked sad.
"Y-yeah. You know me, I never change. Still just charging head first. Oh," she said, happy to change the subject, "You and Naminé are in the same class? You guys know each other?"
Naminé nodded. "We met before."
"Who?" Riku looked dully at her. Naminé stared back confused and Vanitas looked like he was having more fun as the conversation went on.
"At the tree grove."
Realization dawned on him, "Oh yeah." Then he slunk down on his chair, the mood soured around him.
Kairi leaned towards Naminé and whispered, "If you don't know about Sora, you don't know about Riku, right?"
"No, what?" Vanitas said feigning innocence, he inclined closer to Kairi, forcing Naminé with him.
"He's not being rude, I mean, more so than usual. Since Sora left... he's had Prosopagnosia," she told them and when she didn't get a reaction she amended, "Face blindness."
"It must be so horrible," Vanitas gasped for the show of it next to her ear, she could feel his cold breath flow with the words. He pressed his hand theatrically to his mouth in pretend shock, hiding a smile that only Naminé could see. Face blindness… it made a lot of sense while simultaneously creating more questions.
"Alright, stop talking in the back," a ruler slammed on the desk as the teacher demanded their attention. Kairi and Riku both looked forward. Vanitas put released his arm from her neck and slid onto the desk in front of her, kicking his legs cheerfully in the air. No one paid him any attention.
"Riku and his face blindess. Kairi and her sickness. And Sora. And us," she said, quietly so only Vanitas could hear. "You."
Vanitas pointed to himself cheerfully at her last word.
"What are you planning to do?" she began to tremble. She had always thought he was just an agent of chaos, destruction in the wind. But there was something more, the way he played her and the people around him made her think that there was a method in the madness.
"Me, I'm just taking what's mine," his finger traced her lips when he said the word mine. "I'm crossing the board and taking the king."
No. Naminé had not said it but she stood up to her full height, which was neither impressive nor beautiful. But it still made her message clear.
Naminé refused. She would not let their lives begin and end with Vanitas. Even if she had to challenge Vanitas. She stared at him hard, mouth in a tight line and determination shaking in her tiny body.
Vanitas' smile slowly faded from his borrowed face.
-x-
"You should go home," Riku said to Kairi after school ended, but instead she looped kindly arms around Naminé's.
"I don't want to," Kairi said, jokingly hiding behind Naminé's scrawny frame. "Come on Naminé. Let's go play."
She found herself being pulled along at Kairi's excited pace, and she couldn't help but think of how the vibrant girl reminded her of Sora. The way her eyes always faced forward like she was looking for adventure over the horizon, the way she smiled bright and dazzling, how she pulled Naminé and Riku into conversations before they knew it, even how walked with purpose Naminé could never hope to have.
It wasn't just that they were similar, Naminé understood, they felt like parts that belonged together, pieces of a puzzle incomplete with just one. They were sunny and full of life, but there was always something missing, the way that Sora sometimes struggled with words, or how Kairi would look towards Naminé's seat expectantly, but always flashed small disappointment afterwards. The idea that Naminé was a poor substitute for both made her feel sad and tired, and it strengthened her resolve to fix all the rips and tears in their lives, she felt she owned them that for taking their seat.
"Kairi, you shouldn't push yourself so soon," Riku warned gently.
"Oh Riku, how gallant. Always looking after her without any ulterior motives," Vanitas voiced sang from behind Riku, and Riku's face paled just slightly, "But honestly, Kairi deserves this right? When is the last time you got to play in the sun?"
"Right," Kairi nodded furiously in agreement.
Said sun was white hot that day, burning into their skin and into the dry grass, so that Naminé's bare feet felt like it was walking on embers. It sweltered thickly, hovering near the ground, and Naminé could see both Kairi and Riku's sweat glisten down their necks in just the short walk. The wind was no relief, even it was hot and suffocating, blowing heat directly in the faces. Riku loosened the collar of his shirt with his finger.
But Kairi didn't care, she just gritted her teeth and stomped on the ground like she was showing it she couldn't be stopped.
"Kairi, are you sure you want to walk around?" Naminé echoed Riku's sentiments but Kairi frowned.
"Not you too."
"That right, doll," Vanitas cheered from ahead of them, swinging his arm around Riku who promptly shoved it off. "Why would you let this opportunity slide.? You guys would get along swimmingly. Like twins."
Without warning Kairi pushed Naminé to the side, straight into the store next to them, leaving the two boys unaware and still walking ahead. It was slightly more comfortable inside the building out of the direct rays of the sun, but it still felt uncomfortably warm. Sad, homemade shelves displayed old fashioned shoes and the place smelled overwhelmingly of leather.
"Shoe shopping is a girl thing anyway," Kairi grinned mischievously. "Don't want the boys complaining and telling us we need a break or something."
Kairi looked to her feet, "Do you need new shoes?"
"No, but you do," Kairi said and Naminé was taken aback. No one else had noticed, she assumed that it was difficult to concentrate on something like her. Maybe it was like trying to look through a glass of water, she and Vanitas were there but blurry and faint.
"Girls notice things like these." Kairi flipped her hair nonchalantly, looking through the shelves.
"I don't have any munny," Naminé said lamely, she conveniently didn't say anything about her often taking paint and candy from stores without paying. She hadn't really thought about it as stealing, but she supposed it was. It was easier in anonymity, where she wasn't connected to anything, but here in plain sight of Kairi, taking things would feel awkward and dirty. She didn't want to think of her as a thief, not of shoes, not of face.
Kairi waved it off, "That's okay I have some."
"But-"
"Don't take this away from me," suddenly Kairi's face was serious, but it was only a second and it melted back to an easy smile. "You are the only person I heard say Sora's name for a long time. I want to reward that. People always walk on eggshells around me, it gets tiring. I have plenty of munny, but conversations well- it's been harder and harder lately."
"O-okay," Naminé didn't think she should argue. She wasn't even sure she could against Kairi. "Um, how about these?" She pulled out pale, blue sandals.
"No, that's so boring," Kairi pouted before picking up another pair and laying it at her feet. "Try these."
Naminé hesitantly stepped in red shoes, glittering brightly, it looked almost obscene. The shoes were easily the most eye catching thing in the store, it made sense that Kairi would pick it. The red was so vivid it made her look even more washed out, clashing terrible. Naminé took an experimental step forward and heard the click of low heels.
"How do they feel?"
Borrowed.
"I like them," it wasn't too much of a lie. As uncomfortable as it was, it was also exciting, and while it was strange to think that wearing something was thrilling, in a small sad world of hers, it just was. It was like wearing something braver and more bold than her, but at the same time the bright red shoes didn't feel like hers. It stood out sorely.
"That settles it," Kairi said, putting the munny on the counter and briskly walked out before Naminé could protest. The woman behind the counter nodded cheerfully, brown bangs swaying in movement. Naminé tried to follow Kairi's pace in the new shoes, the clicking was awkward and out of rhythm.
"Kairi?" Riku was pacing up and down the streets, brows scrunched in worry, his low voice pitched an octave higher. He looked straight at the lively girl then away, still calling her name.
"I'm here Riku," she said waving slightly, Riku's eyes snapped back scrutinizing her. Then his shoulders relaxed.
"Don't do that to me. If I lose sight of where everyone is, I won't be able to find you, even if I see you."
Kairi at least had the decency to look regretful, "Sorry. We had to get Naminé shoes. Aren't they cute."
"Sure," Riku deadpanned, not bothering to look. Instead he just pushed his silver bangs aside to wipe the sweat off his forehead, looking at the sky with disgust. It was only getting hotter.
This made Kairi more determined, and she dragged Naminé around like the doll Vanitas always called her. It didn't help that anytime Riku would insist they stop, Vanitas would interrupt him and urge her on. She could see the frustration tense on his shoulders.
"Ah," Naminé feigned lightheadedness, stumbling a bit on nothing, "I'm getting hot. Can we sit for a second?"
Kairi paused, looking torn between her vague destination and Naminé. She wanted to go on, her body practically buzzed with the need to continue walking, but looking closer Naminé could see her eyes start to droop from the toll the heat was taking on her.
"If Naminé wants to stop, we should stop," Riku said gratefully.
"She's fine," Vanitas said stepping towards the girl's side. He ran a cold hand against her cheek. "See? Not a drop of sweat on her. Besides, it would take just as long as to walk back to town than anywhere else." He traced it all the way to the collarbone.
"R-Right?" Kairi nodded looking hopefully at Naminé, guilt washed over her. Kairi looked like she needed this the way men in a desert needed water. The craving was just as strong as the hotness that boiled over them.
"I mean really," Vanitas drawled putting, hand leaving Naminé to Kairi's shoulder, "How often do you get to go outside with the sun up anyway? Who knows when you will get this chance again?"
Kairi licked her lips, her eyes flickering to the plains and to Naminé. She was a naturally selfless girl, but Naminé could see hunger in her eyes.
"Where do you want to go, Kairi?" Vanitas urged, a sly look on his face.
"I…" she faltered for a second, "Well everywhere. It's been awhile since I could walk around."
"It's all the same," Riku said flatly. "Nothing here changes, you're not missing anything."
"That's easy for you to say. I don't get to see this everyday," Kairi said, anxious hands played with the ends of her red, red hair. Just like Naminé sometimes did, even her habits weren't her own. "I want to walk by the river again, I want to sit underneath my tree. I want to see the new house on the hill, the one that Ansem built, people say that it's haunted by a witch now."
"Do they?" Vanitas grinned at Naminé like he found a new toy, and whispered so that only she could hear "You hear that? Would you rather me call you that?"
"You could just call me by my name," Naminé countered.
The heat seeped into Riku's bones, making them straighten, and making him angrier, "Kairi you're being ridiculous. There's no such things as witches or ghosts or anything else supernatural. Focus on reality, you need to get back- come on."
Tired of the pleading routine, Riku irritably grabbed Kairi's upper arm, but she shrugged him off. "Stop telling me what to do!"
Vanitas whispered like a snake in her ear, "You deserve to be out in the sun."
"I deserve to be out in the sun," Kairi repeated.
"Let's just take a second and calm down," Naminé tried to placate them, but they didn't even react to her, like she was finally as invisible to them as she was to the rest of the world.
"This is for your own good," Riku said grabbing her arm again, this time rougher. Naminé winced away at the sudden intensity of the act, but Kairi ground her feet deeper into the earth and soil, making her stand. She was panting like a dog, but it was hard to tell if it was from the heat or from anger.
"You always say that, you and Sora always made decisions on your own! What about me, what about my feelings?"
"Kairi!" Riku was yelling now, his voice boomed and dissipated her resolve. Kairi looked taken aback, then all the energy left her body and her knees collapsed. Riku grabbed her before she fell to the floor and cradled her against his chest. Her skin was hot from the sun, and her face was flushed.
"Kairi?" Riku said, now quiet and frightened. She shook her head at the sound of his voice, delirious.
"Not yet, I don't want it to be over yet," she probably would have cried if she wasn't too dehydrated for tears to fall.
"Oh no," Vanitas clapped his hands dramatically on his cheeks, "Look at what you did, Riku!"
"N-no I didn't," Riku said panicking, holding Kairi tighter to him, "It's heatstroke. I'm the one that told her we needed to stop."
"You screamed at a sick girl and then she fainted. Of course she overheated when you kept on her like a rabid dog. And this to a girl you supposedly…" he didn't finish that sentence, he simply put a finger to his own mouth, silencing himself.
Riku's eyes darted around, the full weight of his guilt gnawing at his nerves, "I didn't mean to."
"No one ever does, but you did. How many things are you going to ruin before you wise up. Hurry and take her home before you do anymore damage."
Riku ran against the hot wind like the devil was after him. Vanitas followed him, stepping lightly on his toes laughing to himself, but Naminé didn't, she was staring at where Riku and Kairi fought. At Riku's feet, his shadow ran obediently behind him, but not Kairi's. Her shadow was left where she collapsed, a pool of vague black against the dry, browning grass. When Naminé reached to touch it, it flickered like it was being cast by a candle in the wind, and then dashed away.
Kairi lost her shadow.
-x-
When she arrived at their house, the replica of Riku was at the door, waiting faithfully and patiently.
"Riku," she said tiredly, and in response he dropped his head to her shoulder, soft locks of long hair brushed against her skin. She patted his bowed head affectionately as she closed the door behind them.
"Naminé," it said. He could say one word sentences now, and Naminé couldn't help but think he was becoming more and more like a person rather than… rather than a cloud, drifting aimlessly without any way to reach him. The thought gave her something like pride, hope, everytime he said her name it made her smile.
She walked to her painting, sitting in contemplation. The replica followed, swaying on his feet like a tree in the wind.
"Where's my red?" she asked no one. She found the paint, and for the first time used the brush, placing the tip next to the river. She painted Kairi's hair first, the red on the wall almost looked as if could pop out and breathe life in of itself, she made it as vibrant as she could. When she painted Kairi's face, she just imagined her own, and then drew a smile. She didn't draw her shadow.
Next came Riku with his silver hair and aqua eyes, he stood much taller and looked sadder. Then brown haired, smiling Sora, she painted his edges but the color faded closer to the middle, like he was transparent.
Yes this was right, this is the big picture; Sora, Kairi, and Riku. They had been separated, and without them all together, it felt like her picture couldn't be completed. She tilted her head to consider the three figures, how could she fit them together? How could she make them work.
"Is that them?" Vanitas asked by her ear, she hadn't even heard him come in. "It's hard to tell. It looks like it's just a vomit of color. You really are bad at this."
When Naminé put down her brush, he frowned, as if she was the one that just insulted him.
"Is that it?" he growled.
"What?"
"Where are we?"
Naminé looked at the picture and then back at him, "We aren't there."
"I know, why the hell not?"
"Vanitas," she said turning to him, "We don't belong in this picture, not me. Not you. You know that, right?"
Before she could blink she was against the wall, wet paint rubbing off on her dress, he was pinning her with the length of his arm. He looked like he was snarling, baring his teeth like a rabid animal and gold eyes widening in madness.
"What the fuck do you know, witch?" he spat, crushing against her.
"This isn't our story, we aren't really people anyway," Naminé said and Vanitas pushed his head so close they bumped noses. It was sympathy, rather than fear, that washed over her, no matter what happened before- now he just looked like an anxious child throwing a temper tantrum. She gingerly brought up her small arms around his back and pushed him further in. "It's okay to be scared Vanitas."
"I'm not scared," he countered into her neck, "I'm taking it all. My life, mine. Not Sora's. Mine."
"No it's not," she said sadly, running her hand down his back comfortingly, her words and actions were a contradiction. She didn't know what he did to the three, but she knew he and her where the same in the basics, they were borrowed. Even the replica. The comfort just made him more furious and he began to push her farther into the wall until she felt like she was being crushed.
A hand flashed between them to Vanitas' neck. Riku replica looked furious, his hand tightened and he lifted Vanitas from the ground with one arm. The replica was normally slouched so it was hard to tell, but at that moment he was easily a head taller Vanitas, so his feet weren't even scraping the ground.
Vanitas scowled, the angry lines on his face deepened as he clawed at the arm keeping him in the air, tearing at the skin. The replica didn't even flinch. Vanitas stopped suddenly, and his head dropped like he lost the will to fight, or he died. Then it snapped back up and he let out an insane laugh.
"Look at that, he's actually mad enough to try and choke me. But what do you know, we don't even need to breath."
"Riku," Naminé whispered softly as she gently guided his arm down to release Vanitas. The replica's face frowned, but then he let her lower his arms. It took more cajoling to get him to release his clasp, but when he did, he turned to her and hugged her like a young child.
"Ha. Look at you, what a fucking saint. Leaving your existence out of your own picture. Saving me after I throw you around like a doll."
"Vanitas, I don't know what you did to them, or what you are trying to do," Naminé started, "But I don't like it. Please stop, for me."
"Please, witch," he said getting use to her new nickname, yellow eyes closing. "I didn't do a thing to them but provoke them a little. This was a tragedy they wrote themselves."
"I don't believe you," she said. Vanitas' glared into her eyes. "But regardless, Vanitas. We have to let them live their lives. And this, this is our home, and you and the replica, you two are the closest thing to family I have."
"Well then," he said in odd monotone, "That might be the most tragic part of all of this."
AN: Sorry for the lateness. Kinda lost inspiration.
Madhatta51: Ha, Vanitas is the kind of person that even if he did care for them, he would do anything in his power to prove it otherwise. There is an odd feeling of intimacy and protectiveness which runs counter to who he is, or who he thinks he is. Sometimes he draws Namine closer, sometimes he pushes her away. His reactions to Repliku are a bit more consistent, but even that is vague. Silly Vanitas.
decemberStars: Vanitas is nothing without his inner snark, it's so fun to write. TY for the review.