A Lonely Story About Nobody
Chapter 6: A story about a shadow
Vanitas had almost completely vanished after that day, and Naminé didn't know if it was because he was setting his plans into motion, or if it's because she had accidently touched something deep, raw, something even he couldn't laugh off. The house was quieter, the hours were longer. Naminé was already a person who had so little, the loss of one person felt devastating. Most of her world had shriveled up, dry and lonely, leaving her with empty pangs in her chest. Before she knew it, she was waiting for him.
Naminé knew she needed to save Sora, Kairi, and Riku from whatever misfortune that clung to them like a parasite, feeding and sucking away at their life. But a small part of her hoped that she could save Vanitas too, and her replica; she hoped that perhaps there was a way for everyone to find happiness in this small town.
"Not everyone gets a happy ending," Vanitas once told her.
As if to emphasize the venom in his words, the replica seemed to be fading just as suredly as Vanitas left, but instead it was his mind that was going. His moments of lucidity were even shorter and less brilliant, it frightened her. She cradled the taller boy in her arms like a child, stroking his hair and whispering his name in between encouragements, but it didn't help.
"What about your own name? Let's call you Gemini. How about that, do you like that name?" she asked, but he didn't reply. "Repliku? How about Terra? Blanche?" There was still nothing, she may as well have been talking to air.
"Riku?" she said, and he once again stirred at the name, looking up from her shoulder expectantly. Naminé smiled sadly, a new name wouldn't mean anything to him unless he chose to adopt it himself. But Naminé didn't know how to do that, make him desire a name with his own will.
She disentangled her limbs from his, and he was still on the floor, watching her silently stand up and dust her white dress. She would need to wash it soon, paint smudges from when Vanitas pushed her against the wall still traveled and bloomed on her like blood from an open wound.
She needed… to find Vanitas, he had been gone for too long, and she felt compelled to bring him home.
When she tried to leave though, the replica grabbed her by the arm, glassy eyes looked as if they were telling her to stay.
"I'm sorry Riku," she said, "But I need to find Vanitas. You can come with me if you like, we'll go together." She tried to join hands but he simply let go, not willing to leave the house. Instead he stood there, the light from his eyes slowly blurring as his mind wandered close to oblivion. "I'll come back soon, I promise."
The days were getting longer and hotter, blazing and stifling the air. She could choke on the heat, and was glad to come to the air conditioned school building, but even that had a hard time blasting away the thick heat. Today Kairi was back, and Sora was nowhere to be found. Kairi looked straight ahead, but she was paler than normal, almost matching Naminé's washed out skin. Even in the artificial coolness, it looked as if the heat was getting to her.
Riku sat next to her, glancing around as if he were looking for someone.
"I'm right here Riku. Me, Kairi," she said dully, Naminé thought Kairi shouldn't sound like that. Kairi was bright, vibrant, in a picture she took up the entire space. Now she just looked tired.
Riku's face went from panic, to relief, to nervousness. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but thought better of it, though holding his tongue contorted his face into a strange shape.
"Are you okay?" Riku asked, "Should you be in school?"
"What do you mean?" Kairi asked, her voice raising an octave in annoyance, "I was under the impression school was mandatory." She turned away from and faced Naminé.
"What are you doing after school? Want to go somewhere?" she asked excitedly, as if all she wanted was some school girl gossip.
"Um," Naminé thought hard to say something but only came up with, "Are you sure it's okay for you to go out?"
Kairi frowned, "Not you too. I'm not so fragile that I'm going to pass out from walking around."
A fist hit the desk causing the students to jump. Ms. Kisaragi folded her arms, "Are you done Kairi, or would you like to teach the class for us? Can you tell me the fundamental issues of stagnant water."
"Um…"
"Kids these days, no respect," she sighed annoyed, "Flowing water helps cultivate necessary dissolved oxygen. Stagnant water means there is less dissolved oxygen that plants and some aquatic life need to survive, while promoting algae growth. Stagnant water is susceptible to the spread of diseases-"
Kairi turned to Naminé with a long suffering look, and Naminé stifled a small giggle.
"Come on Naminé, don't let this be the only thing I get to do today," she whispered dully.
"Naminé, tell her that she's going to get hurt," Riku said from next to her. He leaned forward to give her a glare that meant to force compliance. Naminé fidgeted in her seat, twisting her blond hair around her finger and nervously twisting her red shoes against the floor.
"Um," Naminé trailed off, her eyes went lower as she watched Kairi's shadow flicker, it experimentally stretched and yawned in length, wriggling like it was trying to get unstuck.
"Well Naminé," Kairi implored intently along with Riku's firm, "Tell her Naminé."
Naminé's eyes flickered upward, but the second she took her eyes of the shadow, the inky blob of darkness unfurled and shot out like snake, whirling past the students and out of the classroom.
"I have to go," Naminé said not taking her eyes off the shadow, standing up so fast she almost tripped over the legs of the chair. She barely half heard Kairi's protest as her pale little legs ran as fast as they could to keep up with the shadow. It wasn't particularly fast, but it was smooth, it moved like spilled midnight silk and liked to dart around small pockets of the building, hiding shyly.
She ran back out into the heat of the sun, the shadow didn't seem to notice her out there. In the brightness, it got darker, fuller, and the darkness moved over road and grass. It wasn't random at all, it was seeking something, and Naminé's curiosity only got stronger. If anyone could see her, she would have looked like white mist in the wind against a green ocean.
She followed the shadow to the back of a rundown shack, she was close enough to touch it. In her mid-run, she bent low to run her fingers through the shadow, but she tripped over her own feet and tumbled on top of it.
"Oof."
It didn't run from below her, and she had expected to feel darkness like Vanitas, but shadows don't feel like anything, instead she felt the texture of grass crumpled beneath her and the harder padding of the dirt below. She was surprised when she didn't see it wriggle away from below her, it was so wary by nature.
"Naminé?" Sora's voice asked. She looked up to see a confused Sora and an equally surprised but annoyed Vanitas.
A lump formed in her throat, she found Vanitas finally. She didn't know if it was a relief or a worry, he certainly didn't look like he wanted to talk to her, standing there scowling with Sora's face. He didn't even look as if he wanted to tease and play with her head as he usually did. Not that she wanted that, but she was beginning to wonder what she did wrong to make Vanitas on edge.
Sora, in contrast, looked like he had been caught taking sweets when he wasn't supposed to, he looked around sheepishly, his hand scratching milk chocolates locks.
"I- uh, know we were supposed to be at school, but Vanitas said he found something so I wanted to," he trailed off before hanging his head. "I was going to school soon but you know-"
Naminé had no idea why he was trying to explain himself, she wasn't the least bit angry. She struggled up, pushing of the grass and sitting on her legs. Below her, the shadow remained as still as the dead. When Naminé went to touch it, the shadow stirred groggily, like it was being woken up. Then in scrunched into itself tightly, protecting itself, and the edges sharpened like it was ready to run away.
"Kairi?" she called it.
And the shadow stopped, its edges smoothed out and flowed into the shape of the girl. What looked like the head turned to Naminé expectantly.
"Kairi," she repeated and the shadow became even more defined and reached for her. It reminded Naminé of how the replica reacted to Riku's name.
But Naminé knew it was no good in the long run, they should not use borrowed names. She needed to give them something of their own.
"How about Xion?" she asked it gently, "Would you like to be named Xion?"
But like the replica, Kairi's shadow did not react. It just stood there waiting for her to say Kairi's name again, the grass rippled underneath it in a hot wind, making it look like it was bristling in anticipation.
"Did you say Kairi?" Sora asked thickly. The tone surprised Naminé, and she looked up. Sora looked at that shadow like a boy dying of thirst; he trembled like his bones were coming apart in his body. "Is that Kairi?"
Vanitas looked towards Naminé in shock as well, and then a different look slowly crossed his face. This time he looked betrayed, as if Naminé had stabbed him in the back and he could no longer suffer the injustice of it all. He seethed through his entire body, brow furrowed, and gold eyes narrowed at the scene.
Sora didn't notice he stumbled towards Naminé and the shadow like he had forgotten how to walk, his legs all of a sudden clumsy and stupid.
"It's Kairi! I knew it," he began to cry, fat tears crawled down cheeks, red from sun's abuse. "It's her ghost. I-I have so many things to tell you."
Vanitas snapped to attention at the words, he snaked his hand around the collar of Sora's shirt and dragged him back. "There's no such thing as ghosts," he hissed.
Sora looked at him, blue eyes still crowded and rippling from tears, "But you said- that's why we're here right? I finally found her ghost, I need to say-"
"What do you need to say?" Vanitas deadpanned, all his humor lost. "Who are you saying it for, who are you making happy?" Sora looked as if Vanitas struck him. Then he dropped his grip, Sora stumbled a bit from the loss of his support. "Go home Sora, you're seeing things."
"But-" Sora tried to fight back.
"Go home, there's nothing here for you." Sora looked like he was going to argue, he opened and closed his mouth like he was a fish, but no words came out. Then his shoulders slumped, defeated, and he ran away. Vanitas watched Sora, then walked towards Naminé in angry strides.
"Who are you?" he said after a moment of scrutiny, he looked at Naminé like she was especially distasteful, something caught in his throat he could not swallow.
"I'm Naminé," she said bewildered by his question. Vanitas who always knew more than he should, who had his dusky hand in every secret in this flat, plain land, doesn't know something. Naminé had no idea what he was looking for.
Vanitas turned his eyes towards the shadow, and he scowled, stomping on the edge to capture it. But Naminé wasn't pining the shadow with her own darkness anymore so Kairi's shadow dashed away from Vanitas in fearful jerks.
Naminé tried to go after it, but Vanitas roughly grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him, she bounced against his chest and looked up.
"You didn't answer my question," he said, and now his own darkness was crossing his face.
"The shadow is running away," is all Naminé said, and she ripped her wrist from Vanitas's grasp. He made another grab for her but she was already out of reach, running once again. Vanitas would be angry, but Naminé was already no longer afraid of Vanitas.
She had noticed this time that Kairi's shadow avoided other shadows, though there wasn't many on the flat land, it twisted and dodged but stayed basked in the light. And the second thing she noticed was the shadow was heading in the same direction of Sora.
Her legs were getting heavier, they felt as if they transformed from flesh to iron, and she began to slow. The shadow didn't, however, and it slid across the river bend without losing pace. Naminé kicked off her red shoes and tried to wade in after it, but it was too late. The hem of her white dress touched the rivers water, turning the ends transparent and sticking cold to her thighs.
She gave up and sighed when the dark splotch disappeared under the tall grass. She was still in the river, after the run under the burning sun, the cool water was refreshing against the hotness that radiated from her skin. She let her body relax sink into the feel of the river, and in her ears she could hear the rush of water flowing, and the low, deep rumble of the lifestream.
She didn't know when she started walking forward, but when a small voice in the back of her head tried to warn her, she couldn't stop herself. The water splashed to her waist, then to around her shoulders before she could even register what she was doing. She tried to tell herself to stop, but the commands never reached her body, her mind was hazy, filled with clouds and air, and the only thing she could hear was the rumbling around her. It bled out all other things, the sound of the river, the squawk of birds, the heat, and the ever quieting dissent in her head.
She was completely submerged in the river as well, but she didn't feel like she was drowning at all. The water lifted her hair and made it dance in its grasp, her entire body felt like it was moving with the stream.
What was she doing again? It was hard to think. Speckles of independent thought were slowly being washed away, but that was okay. She felt like she was born for this, to be here. Like she already was.
The light of the lifestream touched her, it wrapped itself around her body and embraced her like a child. Naminé would smile, but she wasn't even sure she was a person left to smile. She could be like the lifestream, maybe she always was. And like the lifestream, she must flow. She lifted her legs a bit and let the current carry her away, she was going to move around the world like she was supposed to.
But the current wasn't strong and Naminé knew it was wrong. Something was blocking it, her, them, it was stopping from the way things were meant to flow. A memory, of something so recent but so distant she could only hear its echoes.
It was an older woman, teaching all the children, all the children unlike her, "Stagnant water is susceptible to the spread of diseases."
Stagnant water is diseased.
Stangant lifestream is-
The thought was gone now, just like her. She couldn't remember anymore and she wasn't sure she cared to. No, not she, it. It was almost all gone now, just a lifeless doll swaying in the lifestream, but now it was more as well. It never needed the limbs floating in the stream, the eyes flooded with river water, the hair that drifted like clouds over its head.
The body in the lifestream felt itself get jerked from her home, the useless body dangling in the air now. It would protest if there was a mind left to, but right now all it needed was to be in the rumble, the light, and the flow.
There was a string of angry words the body didn't understand, and it continued to be dragged further and further away. Hands twitched towards home, not right. Need to flow.
"Naminé-" the voice said.
It was a cascade of self, all falling back into place, she gasped like she was out of breath. That's right- Naminé.
Her name was Naminé.
"Naminé," her name repeated. The world got a little sharper, and oh, it was Vanitas. This must have been the first time he ever said her name.
The pieces of her self were beginning to fit together. She had a name, she existed.
She was being held from her waist, dangling inches above the river, seeing her reflection blur into the water. She breathed out, and tried to stand up, but Vanitas didn't let go. If he was angry before, then now it was a storm of fury, but a different kind she usually experienced. This one was hysterical, desperate anger.
He hoisted her close, and she wrapped a thin, shaking arm around his neck, trying to blink out the water and come back to her senses.
"You," he snarled pointing into the brightness under the river, "You don't get to take her. You don't take things that are mine. Mine! No one does."
He raged at the lifestream while he waded back, lifting her higher in his arms until he was completely carrying her. Naminé tried her best to formulate words, but the sounds died, muddled and confused at her tongue. She was still trying to clear her head.
She turned in closer, blinking against his clothes, breathing Vanitas in. He didn't smell like anything but the night, an absence of light. She tried again, but Vanitas must have not liked it because he shifted her in his arms again, further away. Her head rolled lazily to her shoulders into the sky.
He had called him hers, and a part of her hated that because she didn't want to be owned by Vanitas. And the other part of her thought it was okay, because in some small way, Vanitas was hers as well; Vanitas, the replica, the house on the hill, her name, her picture, all hers.
It had been so hot that by the time they reached the house again, she almost felt dry. Only dampness clung to her hair and to her dress in the blistering heat. Vanitas kicked the door open, and then threw Naminé in, jolting her further alert.
She sprawled on the floor, surprised by the rough action, and tried to get up when Vanitas fell on top of her, knees and arms propping him up. He stared at her like he was looking for answers.
"Who are you?" he said again.
"Naminé," she replied, "you know that."
He went closer until their noses touched, molten gold eyes churning as he studied her, "That's not what I'm asking." His breath brushed her face and she looked up memorized. She's never seen him so shaken, and she felt more and more, the wind that carried him was becoming more unstable, like he was losing his winning edge. It made him only more compelling.
"If the replica comes from Riku. If I come from Sor-" he couldn't finish that part because the words were getting too acidic for speech, "If the shadow comes from Kairi, then where do you come from?"
Naminé stared a long time in Vanitas's eyes, right back at her own reflection. In his eyes, she could see her own eyes and her hair- usually they were so white washed that the blue and yellow almost looked gray. But now she could see they were brighter, her eyes were as blue as the rushing river and her hair spun so bright that it looked like it was glowing like the lifestream. Bits of yellow clung to her, thick as molasses.
Naminé gave a sad smile and she lifted her hands to cradle his face, like she did with the replica when she was comforting him. He hissed at her contact, like he was a bratty pet, but he did not move away.
"I think we know the answer now," her voice was soft as she rubbed her thumb over his cheek. "And I think we know what I'm here to do."
She was going to finish the picture, bright and messy, with Kairi, Riku, and Sora all smiling together.
So I discontinued this story awhile back, and it is still discontinued but I had long written this chapter. I figure it's bad form not to at least update it with what I had, so here it did. I remember having fun writing this story, I just didn't like where I was taking it. The ending I was really pumped for, was kind of bland and a needless bummer when I thought about it further.
But I still like stories that deal with Vanitas, Namine, and Repliku. Maybe one day I'll write another one with them.
I'm sorry for dropping it, but thankyou to all who reviewed, favorited, and followed. It was greatly appreciated.