Elladan
My brother and I sit at the table in silence. So much of our time is spent in silence now. We used to share everything but now, now we share nothing. I have walled myself off from him, strong, impenetrable walls of steel he cannot defeat. I will not risk another attack by him upon my psyche. While things have been better between us since Legolas' departure his dislike of me still simmers. I know it. And so we only speak of superficial things, or like today, nothing.
It is breakfast time and Glorfindel is with us, he too says nothing but I know he is watching... always watching me. He will not let me out of his sight so intense is his need to control me.
I have a headache this morning. In truth I have a headache most mornings now as the sea pounds against me constantly. How Legolas bore this for so long I do not know. My head plays a beat in time with my heart and it is so tiring, yet I must keep going. I cannot give this up.
Erestor steps into the room breaking our gloomy silence.
"I have mail!" he announces and Elrohir is instantly all attention.
"For me?" he asks and beams as Erestor tosses a letter his way, but then his face falls, for it is from our brother instead of the one he wished for. Legolas has sent him no letters, not a single one since his departure. I know for a fact Elrohir has bombarded him with them and there has been no response.
I glance down to the two letters Erestor has placed in front of me. I do have a letter from Legolas. I get them weekly, pleading with me to go to Minas Tirith, long intricate arguments as to why I should surrender his sealonging. At first I answered with my own reasons why I will not. I do not bother now and yet still the letters come and I still read them.
The other is from Estel and I know it will have one from Arwen inside it. I think I will read them later when I am alone and can cherish them. The thought of Arwen brings tears to my eyes. Right now she is my beacon in the dark, calmness and love, and my time with her is running out. I have been fighting so hard not to go to Minas Tirith. They are all at me, Legolas, Glorfindel, Elrohir, and I resist. But every day I stay away is a day of Arwen that is lost to me.
Perhaps I am wrong to fight so hard to stay away.
I sigh and open Legolas' letter knowing already what it will contain. I am not wrong. Still he has taken the time to write it and so I will read it. When I lower it Elrohir watches me with desperation.
"Does he mention me?"
He does not of course, not a word.
"I am sorry brother."
"Can I see..."
I am hit then, by a sudden surge of bad temper. Does he doubt us? Is he thinking I would betray him again.
"What do you think is in there?" I snap,
"Love messages? Do you seek to spy on us because you do not trust us?"
He is horrified.
"No! No Elladan, never. I do not think that, I just want to..." his voice trails off and yet he looks at the letter as if he would devour it, such longing is there and my temper drains away as I watch him.
"Here," I push the letter across the table towards him. "Read it if you wish."
"No." he is adamant now and pushes it back at me. I will not have you thinking I doubt you...or Legolas."
I take his hand then and force the letter into it letting down my walls, just a touch, as I do so. It is so long since I have connected with him but I do now, to try and soothe his battered spirit.
"Read it Elrohir. I know you trust me. Read it and see a glimpse of him."
For I know that is what he wants, that is why he looks at the letter with such desperate need. To see if he can capture the a part of Legolas through the words. The separation with no contact is causing him pain. My anger rushes back at me with that thought for Legolas has caused my brother so much pain through the years. Will he never stop? How dare he leave him here with no news for so long after the trauma he has just endured, when he thought Legolas was lost to him. Does he have no heart?
"Is there anything you can think of, Elrohir, that may have caused this silence?"
It is Glorfindel, the sound of his voice surprises me as I had almost forgotten he was there.
"No." My brother is adamant about this.
"When he left we were happy, he said he loved me and made me promise to follow soon. I have racked my brain Glorfindel but there is nothing...nothing."
"Have you asked Estel...how the trip went, if he knows anything?"
"He said the trip went well, although he mentioned Legolas was not sleeping, they followed routes they had in the past and memories assailed him. But beside that there was nothing to cause him particular concern. I have not asked...I have not told him Legolas does not write..." He trailed off in misery.
"Perhaps you should ask him now." Glorfindel says softly, "Perhaps now is the time," He is right of course. He is always right and mostly I love him for it.
"I will!" Elrohir stands abruptly, "I will write now." And he turns to leave, Legolas' letter still
in his hand. I know when he is away from us, in private, he will pour over every inch of that letter looking for clues. I also know he will not find them.
"What will you do today Elladan?" Glorfindel asks casually as I watch my brother leave.
"I will read my letters from Estel and Arwen." My mind is not really on answering him, I am still thinking of Elrohir. "And you?"
"Oh," he pushes back his chair and stands, " if you are busy I will probably help Erestor with his cataloging. He is rather snowed under he tells me."
"Erestor?" Suddenly I am all ears. "You hate that. It bores you to tears. Why would you waste your time with that?"
"Because he is my friend and needs help." Glorfindel looks at me strangely.
"Oh, yes, your friend. Forgive me, I forgot." I cannot hide my bitterness and sarcasm.
"Yes Elladan, my friend and that is all." He puts his hand on my shoulder but I throw it off, gather my letters and turn to leave.
"So you tell me." I snap and I slam the door behind me.
Perhaps, I think as I storm down the corridor, going to Minas Tirith would not be such a bad idea after all, if Glorfindel came with me as he keeps suggesting. At least it would get him far away from Erestor.
It is a month at least before we next get mail from Minas Tirith but joy of joys, as I collect it from Erestor, I see a letter for Elrohir and it is undoubtably Legolas' handwriting. I cannot find him fast enough to deliver it.
"Elrohir!" I call across the lawn as I run towards him, "A letter!" I wave it triumphantly above my head.
He looks up and I see hope surge in his eyes,
"From Legolas?"
"Yes!" I deposit it in his lap and collapse on the ground beside him, tearing my letter from Estel open as I do so.
All my excitement and good feeling drains away as I read his words.
Dear Elladan,
I tell you this because I hesitate to write it to Elrohir, I think perhaps you will do better telling him face to face, my little brother writes.
He wrote with worries about Legolas and so I took myself to Ithilien to see him. I thought to hand deliver Elrohir's latest letter myself. What I found causes me concern.
Legolas was pleased to see me and apparently himself, although I have learned with him to take outward appearances with a grain of salt. However on mentioning Elrohir he became quite irrational. He is furious with him but on questioning is unable...or unwilling...to tell me why.
He tore Elrohir's sealed letter to pieces in front of my eyes. Apparently that has been the fate of all of them.
I have retreated, I was getting nowhere and it seemed the wisest thing. But I refused to go until he at least replied to Elrohir. He has conceded on that point at least. Sometimes he can see sense, and I send that letter with these.
I am unsure what troubles him but I have grave fears for the state of his mind. His behaviour is erratic, there was an incident on our travels that caused me concern but I allowed him to talk me out of my worry. I fear now that was an error.
I am sorry to land these troubles on your doorstep but perhaps it would be wise if you could bring Elrohir here. I will try my best to manage Legolas but some help would be appreciated.
With love,
Estel.
I read it three times before I believe it. What is going on? How will I tell Erohir this?
I glance up at him then and find him staring at me blankly, his eyes are full of tears.
"What is it Brother?"
Wordlessly he hands the letter to me. It is obviously from Legolas, one line only of dark angry letters snaking their way across the page.
I have nothing to say to you.
That is all it says, no name, no introduction, no pleasantries. Estel is right, something is badly wrong here.
"What have I done Elladan? Do you know for I can think of nothing."
The pain on my brothers face tears at my heart and an anger at Legolas surges anew within me. How dare he!
"I have to go and see him," Elrohir continues not waiting for me to answer him.
"Please Elladan, please say you will come with me. I cannot do this on my own."
It is the last place I want to go and Legolas is the last person I want to see but I cannot refuse my brother when he is in this much distress. I cannot walk away from him and I owe him.
It seems Legolas has forced my hand.
I have no choice but to go to Minas Tirith and Ithilien now.