Elrohir

At first all is dark. I float in it and it is comforting. I cannot remember why I am there. I do remember Legolas, his face in front of me calling my name. I remember telling him I love him. I hope he heard me. Lately he has not.

Eventually the soft, warm darkness disappears and all becomes grey. There is pain then, a harsh, terrible pain that wraps itself around my chest and I cannot breathe...I cannot breathe!

I am thrashing around,trying to free myself from it and there are voices calling me, slowly, slowly they merge into people I can identify, Estel, Elladan, Arwen.

Elladan is beside me. I can feel him, feel his presence but something is wrong, he feels wrong, not like Elladan at all but chaotic and wild. Perhaps I am confused and it is Legolas for he almost feels more like Legolas than Elladan to me and I do not understand.

"Elrohir, you are safe, breathe slowly for me, slowly..." That is Estel and he forces something bitter into my mouth which makes me gag.

Slowly I open my eyes as the pain ebbs away. It is still there but less and I can think again. Their faces coalesce in front of me, my brothers and sister, and Glorfindel is there too. But the person I most want to see is not.

"Where is Legolas?" Speaking is an effort, putting the words together is not easy but I manage it. I want to see him.

"He was here for hours." Estel says gently, "We sent him to rest, he was exhausted."

"I will get him for you." Glorfindel says seriously and beside me I feel Elladan tense up. What is wrong with him?

"Perhaps I should go," he says hurriedly, but Glorfindel shakes his head.

"Stay with your brother," he says placing a supportive hand in Elladan's arm.

"I will go."

For the first time ever in my life I find myself wishing Elladan would go for the feel of him is confusing me and it upsets me. He is discordant and wild. I do not want this strange brother. I want my own calm, soft, gentle Elladan.

So Glorfindel leaves and I watch him go with longing, please let him bring Legolas back to me. I turn my attention then to Estel, I look away from the alien Elladan who strokes my forehead, which would usually be comforting but now is not at all.

"What has happened to me?" I ask Estel, because I cannot remember.

He smiles,

"You put yourself in the way of a wild boar. Not your smartest move Elrohir."

I do remember vaguely then, we were hunting...Legolas was ignoring me, he was angry. I do not remember the boar.

"We thought we had lost you." Estel finishes and his voice catches, I hear the real grief behind it.

"Where had I gone?" It is a foolish thing to say and makes no sense but neither do his words to me. My mind is scattered on the wind.

He laughs,

"I don't know where you went, perhaps you can tell us later!"

I close my eyes then for keeping them open is a struggle, I close them to shut out the looks on their faces, to shut out Elladan the imposter who I cannot understand. I concentrate instead on the feel of my sisters hand in mine. She calms me as she always does, and I drift gently on top of the pain. I do not know for how long. My sister and brothers voices enfold me.

The door swings open with a crash. It startles me and my eyes fly open.

It is Glorfindel and he is furious.

Glorfindel when he is angry, truly angry, is a fearsome sight. He can be terrifying. It is something you never wish to see. He is terrifying now. Every muscle ripples with suppressed rage.

Beside him is Legolas and the sight of him breaks my heart. He leans against Glorfindel as if he cannot stand, his head hangs down and he says nothing. He does not look at me, he looks at no-one. His arm is wrapped across his chest clutching at his side. Has he been injured? Did the boar strike him too?

Beside me Elladan draws in his breath sharply. He is a coiled spring of tension now, and Estel leaps to his feet.

"Legolas, what has happened?" he cries.

Legolas does not answer. It is as if he does not even hear him.

A surge of Glorfindel's rage washes over me. It is so intense we all must feel it, Elladan and my sister also. I think this could penetrate even Estel's spirit so angry is the Balrog Slayer. He guides Legolas, slowly, gently to a chair at my side and sits him down.

"Legolas," he says and it as if he speaks to a small boy, not a grown elf.

"Elrohir is here for you to see." And he takes his hand—the one loose in his lap as the other still clutches his side—and places it in mine, curling the fingers around it as he does so.

Legolas does nothing.

Glorfindel takes his face between his hands then and tilts it up so he can see me, brushing the long golden hair from his eyes. He looks so young, so lost and alone I cannot bear to see it.

"Legolas," I say and I squeeze his hand.

"Are you alright?"

It is obvious to everyone he is not.

He sees me then, at the sound of my voice, and his eyes widen in shock and astonishment.

"Elrohir..." His voice is rough and hoarse, "Is this a dream?"

"I do not think so..." I try to reassure him but it does all have a dreamlike quality to me, perhaps it is the medicine Estel gave me but everything seems unreal, from the strange wildness of Elladan to this blank and empty Legolas.

Glorfindel stands and places his hand firmly on Legolas' shoulder.

"It is no dream young one," he says but then suddenly all trace of gentleness disappears from his voice as he turns and faces Elladan.

"Elladan. A word if you please." His voice is savage now and cutting. This is an order not a request.

"And you too Estel." He adds as he saunters past my younger brother who follows him without question. King or no King, Glorfindel is not to be argued with today.

The door does not quite shut itself behind them as they leave. I am alone then with Arwen and this broken Legolas.

Arwen kneels beside him leaning her head against his.

"Did you sleep well Legolas?" He does not take his eyes off me as he replies.

"I did not sleep,"his voice sounds as empty as he appears to be.

"I did not want to have the dreams. I cannot sleep."

"What dreams are those Legolas?" She lifts her hand to brush it against his cheek. I wonder if she searches inside his mind as she can do if she chooses. What does she see there?

He turns his head then finally to look at her,

"The dreams of Elrohir." He says softly, "I do not want them, they hurt me," and she looks at me with a question in her eyes but I have no idea what it is he talks about.

We are interrupted by the sound of raised voices floating towards us through the partially open door, it is Glorfindel at his most irate. He is enraged.

"You are not the Elladan I love!" he shouts.

"How could you? How could you do this?"

What has he done, I wonder? What could he have done to make Glorfindel so angry?

Legolas flinches at the words.

I cannot hear Elladan's reply, if he even makes one but I do hear Estel and he is anguished.

"Is this true Elladan?" He asks, "Did you hurt him?"

"Hurt who?" I ask Arwen, " Who has he hurt? What has happened?" But she simply shrugs. She does not know any more than I it seems.

"He is but a child. Elladan, a lost and hurting child. If you are capable of this... I do not know...I do not know what I will do! I thought you had got over this insane hatred of him. You are a healer Elladan, a healer!" Glorfindel is beside himself it seems and my skin crawls with worry for my brother.

"I was angry," Finally Elladan speaks, "I do not know why I did it. He hurt my brother! He is always hurting him. Elrohir will be better off without him but I did not mean it...I did not mean to hurt him so...please Glorfindel..."

And finally I understand, I swing my eyes to Legolas in horror.

"He hurt you! Tell me he did not..."

Arwen is on her feet then and striding towards the door.

"You do not need to hear this." She says angrily and slams the door behind her as she leaves. We can hear no more.

Legolas is distressed, he squeezes my hand tightly in his grip so it hurts...it hurts enough to even make a dent in the pain which grips my side.

"It is my fault," he says and his words are jumbled and run together.

"It is my fault, it is all my fault. I must make them understand."

And then he pulls his hand from mine, he stumbles to his feet and staggers towards the door.

"Legolas no!" I cry for something tells me he should not go out there. I need not have worried, his legs do not hold him up and he topples forwards as I watch, it is all in slow motion but I cannot stop it.

I see him fall, I hear the crack as his head hits the bed. He does not get up.

"Legolas!" I call his name urgently but I cannot reach him, I try but the pain has me in its grasp. It strangles me and I cannot move.

There is nothing I can do but call for help.

"Estel! Estel! Estel!" I scream it as loud as I can although pain constricts my throat and it sounds to me like I only whisper.

"Estel!" I do not call for my twin. I do not want to see him. How could he? How could he do this?

Finally the door opens. Finally Estel appears and he sees why I call the instant he is there. He drops to his knees and takes Legolas in his arms. I cannot see what happens then.

I am gasping for breath, pain is everywhere but then Arwen has me.

"Shh...shh, brother." She soothes me. "Estel has him. He will take care of him. Breathe Elrohir, breathe." And I feel her in my mind, protecting me, hiding me from the pain behind her walls. It is such a relief.

There is a hiss from Estel where he kneels on the ground and Glorfindel speaks,

"That is what I was speaking of Estel, that bruising, Elladan did that."

I look to the door, through the haze of my pain and my terror, Elladan stands there, alone, pale and distressed. His eyes turn to mine. He meets my gaze.

He is hurting. My twin, my brother.

But I do not know who he is. I do not recognise him.

How could he do this to me? How could he do this to Legolas?