It's A Broken Message
Part Five: Synthesis
Ben closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and focused on drawing the Dark Side out. He still didn't like it, but it would obey him. He would master it. He knew it.
That being said, he still wasn't exactly sure what the power of the Dark Side was. He knew that it could be used by accessed through 'dark' emotions, but he hadn't found any uses that he couldn't accomplish with the Light Side. Maybe some of that was that he didn't exactly know all the capabilities of the Light either…
Both could move objects. Ben was getting better at it with all the practice. He was getting fast enough that he could throw a ball in the air with the Light and then freeze it with the Dark. He hadn't tried using the Dark Side to hear people's thoughts but he didn't have a reason to be forcing himself into people's minds. It sounded like it'd boring. Other than that he was getting wasn't sure what more there was. It seemed more like party tricks than power. Snoke still puzzled him, but Ben wasn't ready to give up yet.
He listened to the Dark Side fluctuated around him. It still wasn't pleasant. Focusing his emotions for it was surprisingly draining. He hadn't ever known that he was so angry. His Dad just irritated him so much. He just never understood, he never was proud of him. School was a pain. There was too much homework. Mom was always busy. It just wasn't fair! He understood that she had to put the galaxy over him but it justhurt so much. He never got to spend time with her anymore, not with school tying him down and Mom flying around the galaxy.
Sometimes, he just really wanted her to just be his mom. Other people got moms! He heard all the time that the other stupid kids at his school had moms that wouldn't leave them alone. They'd complain and groan while he held his head high. Even if Mom had been busy, it was because she was better. She was important. She was famous.
He couldn't wait until he'd grown up. Then he could be done with school and actually make his own name throughout the galaxy. Everyone would recognize him for his own merits, and he would strive to live up to his family's name. He could just picture stormtroopers turning around when they heard him. They wouldn't want to deal with his might. Then he could bring peace and order to the galaxy.
The stupid idiots at school would stop laughing then.
He snarled as he was reminded of everything wrong with his life. The Force around him was now thick around him. It was like never-ending thunder and overlapping screams. His heart was racing now. He needed to do something. The energy was going to be used.
He was in control. He was. Even though it was like flying in a bad storm. He was being tossed around but no, he was doing this. It was him, and only him.
Suddenly his door opened and everything happened at once. The energy flew out of his grasp and it was like a shockwave. His dresser exploded and posters came down from the walls. His dad was in the doorway cursing. His language was so colorful that Uncle Luke would have been gaping.
"-What was that Ben?!" Dad was crouched in a strange position, arms outstretched and skin pale, "Are you hurt? Are you-"
"I'm fine, Dad." Ben ground his teeth, "You're the one who startled me! Haven't you ever heard of knocking? Stars, Dad, what's wrong with you?!"
"What's wrong with me?" Dad gaped. His eyes blinked as if it was really such an unthinkable thought. This left a brief pause for Ben to growl over the state of his room. "I'm not the one who just blew up his room!" What is wrong with you?
"You startled me." Ben said sullenly. He tried to quell his anger. He couldn't let Dad know that had been the Dark Side.
"Ben…" Dad looked at him, "I'm worried about you. I know it's been hard for you but maybe you need to talk-"
"You don't know anything about me!" Ben hissed. He stood up quickly, and his bed give a protesting creak. His feet slammed forcefully on the floor as he got closer to his father. He needed him out of his room.
His father leaned backwards slightly then took a step forward. "You don't have to raise your voice at me, kid. I'm not the bad guy here."
"Get out."
"Do you want help cleaning up? I can-"
"I want you to get out of my room. Stars, you've already made me break everything. Why do you always have to make everything worse!" Ben was trembling as he made pointed arm movements.
"Oh, is that how it is? Why, I-" He took a deep breath and looked at the floor. "If that's what you want, then." His father took a few slow steps backward to the doorway, "If you're sure…"
"Argh! You just don't understand."
"I'm trying, Ben." His lip wrinkled and his eyebrows rose. "It'd be easier it you talked ab-"
"No!" Ben shouted. He tried to shoo the man out. A small ripple of Force burst away and a glass from his bedside table shattered.
Ben wouldn't look his father in the eye. It was too much. One step backward brought him crashing back on his bed. His head was resting on crossed arms pushing his knees down. He concentrated on the floor.
He ignored everything else until the large shadow retreating to the hallways. Words filtered into his brain and yet another thing exploded.
I have a really bad feeling about this. If only my kid had never had that kriffing Force to begin with.
He flicked his wrist and his door slammed shut.
…
Leia reclined back on the couch. Home, sweet home! Her day had been tedious to say the least. She was really starting to worry about when she did officially cut all ties from the New Republic. Leia knew that she wasn't the only competent leader they had but sometimes… It really seemed that she did a lot of the heavy lifting. Logically, the New Republic had to be able to survive without her. That didn't mean that she wasn't worried that she was going to find it had exploded or something when she was busy with Resistance business.
She knew it was going to be fine. It had to be. Her nerves where just fraying. The scars of Alderaan were just warping her perception.
Leia was about to close her eyes and let herself sink into a dignified power nap when Han came from the stairs.
"Welcome home." His eyes sparkled warmly, "Rough day?" He made it to the couch and gave her a hello kiss. She grinned and returned it.
"Typical day," she corrected, "With all the usual theatrics."
Leia filled him in with all the pertinent information. He gave snarky comments and advice that only came from his perspective. She teased him back didn't admit how important his ideas were. They both knew, after all.
With the next game plan set, she started to pester him about his day.
"Ben's out with Chewie," Han bit his lip, "He begged him to take him out for an after school snack. Chewie needs to learn to tell the kid no sometime."
"Uh huh." Leia had a feeling that it was her husband who had caved first. Chewie had been putting up with Han for years after all. "Speaking of Ben, has he-"
"No." Han looked down, "It's just getting worse. I hate to say it Leia but… I've been looking at professionals. Just, in case. Now I'm not saying we need to call one of them but…"
"But something has to change." Leia said solemnly. She was afraid of this. She had hoped that Ben would even out, that he'd be able to get over whatever had happened at Snoke's hands, but she still saw her little boy suffering. Why was she so helpless?
Yet, Ben was as stubborn as his parents. She didn't think that if he wouldn't even accept help from her then he would never take it from a stranger.
Something was seriously wrong if Han was looking up psychologists.
"Maybe if I was around more? I could take some time off. The Resistance could manage without me for a while." Leia took a deep breath. Giving up the Resistance right after the New Republic… She knew they needed her but her ego wasn't quite so large as to think that the Resistance would fall apart without her. It was her responsibility but Ben was her biggest responsibility. Leia never forgot her duty. It'd be insane to help the Resistance for Ben's sake while letting Ben himself slip by the wayside.
"Leia…" Han enveloped her in a hug. He didn't expand his thought but Leia was sure she caught the gist of it.
She squared her shoulders. She let out a big sigh.
Leia didn't know what to do.
…
Ben was just so angry all the time now. Everywhere he looked, things were wrong.
Every time his mom watched the news he could see her lips purse and her eyes narrow. She'd make comments on how this senator or that senator was idiotic and despair at some of the stupidity allowed to flourish. Even worse though, he could see the longing in her eyes. He knew she wanted to go back to the New Republic. She wanted to fix it.
He didn't seem to remember that Leia had always been loud about her disapproval of these senators. He didn't seem to recall that this was normal. On the off chance that one of her rants reminded him of something she'd opposed a few years ago, he'd just shaft it off to the side. This was different, he thought. Things were bad now.
His teachers would give him concerned looks now. He could hear how scared they were. They were scared of his family, his power, that they couldn't control him. Sure, they pretended it was just that they worried about how his grades were slipping and how he'd become even more asocial, but those were just excuses. After he'd defended himself against that lunatic Feros from 2nd period they'd forced himself to talk to the school councilor. Apparently they thought he was crazy just because he wouldn't let himself get bullied!
He hated them all so much.
It was getting to where he didn't have anything at all to look forward too. Both school and home were minefields. Mom and Dad were always worried now, which meant they fought even more than usual. He had to keep his experimentation with the Force a secret and so he tried to avoid them both. Ben was so scared of Mom finding out. He knew she'd flip. Maybe she'd even kick him out or something.
Then again, would that really be such a bad thing?
He wished that everything would change.
Maybe that's why he didn't mention to anyone when he started hearing a familiar voice.
…
Leia gave her son a reassuring smile. He looked so hesitant, so unsure. It reminded him of when he was little and she had to stop herself from running over and stopping this all.
But this had been her plan. This was her only solution.
"Now, Ben," She put her hands on her hips, and drew her eyebrows down in mock severity, "You look after that brother of mine, ok?"
"I thought he was supposed to be teaching me." Ben glanced at his uncle. Luke shrugged.
"Leia thinks I always need looked after." He chuckled. Luke dragged the final suitcase into the Falcon and then smiled mysteriously. "Plus, you'd be surprised at how much a teacher learns from their students."
Leia rolled her eyes at Luke's wise Jedi expression. Secretly, she was thankful that he'd picked up how much she needed to turn this situation into something lighter. It wasn't in her nature to not be strong. That didn't mean that she wasn't extremely nervous about sending Ben off with Luke.
Han was even more hesitant than she was. That was why he was unintelligibly growling in the cockpit over minor problems with the Falcon instead of helping pack Ben's stuff. Luckily, he didn't have to give his goodbyes until he flew Ben and Luke to the school. He had a bit more time to sort out his feelings.
"You just have to remind Luke that he's a good teacher. I've known no better Jedi than my brother. You can trust him to teach you all you need to know." Leia nodded at them both. Predictably, Ben rolled his eyes and Luke hid his blush with his serene mystic act.
"I'll take care of Ben too, Leia." Her brother promised with his farm boy sincerity. Her heart still felt heavy but she knew that this had to be done.
If neither she nor Han could help Ben, then why not Luke? Ben had always wanted to become a Jedi. He was old enough that he could handle leaving home for a while. Plus there was something… weird with his Force signature recently. Leia didn't know what it was but it bothered her. Some time with Luke would probably at least stop Ben from exploding random things around the house.
And maybe Ben could help Luke too. Luke just needed a little confidence. Maybe with Ben's support Luke would finally graduate some of his students. Luke didn't need to be the last Jedi any longer.
She bit her lip and then just decided to forgo composure completely. She ran forward and gathered Luke and Ben in a giant bear hug. Ben made a slight protest and Luke squeaked. Leia let them loose and she passed it off quickly.
"What? Never had a surprise hug before? Gotta keep on your toes, Jedi."
Oh, she hoped this was the best choice.
…
"Uh, Ben?"
"Yeah?"
"I'll, uh, your mother and I are gonna miss you. Remember to brush your teeth. And call home every once and a while. You don't want to worry your uncle Chewie."
"…I love you too, Dad."
…
Ben's eyes widened as Luke placed his lightsaber into his hands. His jaw dropped open. The weight of it surprised him. He wasn't sure if he had thought it should be lighter or heavier than it was. The hilt's smooth metal felt cool against his skin. He looked at his uncle to make sure it was ok.
Luke nodded, "But, point that away from us." He steered the weapon away from Ben's face, his eyes wide and suddenly nervous. "You must always remember that a lightsaber is dangerous. Treat it like your mother treats her blasters."
"You made this?" Ben was still marveling over it. He rubbed on of the scratches lightly and wondered what fight had made it. Maybe it was even the fight where his uncle and grandfather Darth Vader took down the Emperor!
Luke showed him how to ignite the blade and Ben couldn't help letting out a gasp of awe.
"Yes. Well, I had to have something to replace my father's lightsaber." He smiled but his eyes were far away. "It took time but I managed."
Ben savored the feel of his uncle's lightsaber. He swung it gently around, the blade humming and vrooming as it went. It felt like he was cutting the very air around him.
"Is this like your dad's lightsaber?"
"Kind of." Luke shrugged. "That one was blue and it was balanced a little differently. It had the weight of a history to contend with. I never could call it completely mine. It was always my father's, and Old Ben's."
"What if we found it?" Ben asked. His mind was already scheming. He'd visited Cloud City before whenever Dad visited Lando. It couldn't be too hard to find where Darth Vader's old lightsaber fell.
His uncle shook his head, "It's not mine anymore so I don't know. I have a feeling it'd go to whoever needed it."
"Could I have it?" Ben started to try out different poses from training with Luke's lightsaber. It was so different than the practice staves. The extra weight threw him off and he had to readjust how he was holding it.
"You're gonna want to make your own eventually." Luke warned, "It was a part of becoming a true Jedi. However, Ben, if some miracle of the Force you do manage to find the old thing, why not? I think Dad could have no better legacy than you." There was one of Luke's sunshine grins.
"Thank you, Uncle Luke!" Ben mirrored his expression.
Oh, if only all things about becoming a Jedi were this good. He couldn't stand any of the philosophy. It just sounded so phony to him. The Jedi Code just sent shivers down his back.
The Dark Side wasn't terrible. He'd found that out with his experiments. He still liked the Light Side the best but the Dark Side wasn't going to turn anyone evil. He hated all his uncle's weary lectures on the dangers of it. Uncle Luke had no idea what he was talking about and Ben had to keep from laughing in his uncle's face about it all.
He knew his mother would have disapproved with a lot of it too.
Ben sighed, trying to get back to the present. He didn't blame Luke for his stupid beliefs. He was only repeating what he'd been taught. His uncle was held back and sure, he was an idiot for not realizing it, but Ben couldn't be mad at him.
At least someone was trying to change the galaxy for the better.
It had taken Ben a long time but he was finally able to see sense. His family would never understand. They were stuck in their boxes from a past before their times. He wouldn't make that mistake.
After all, building the Galaxy into something great was worth any cost.
He'd be dishonoring his family's sacrifices if he did any less. Sure, they would not understand at first that the Dark Side wasn't evil, but maybe someday everyone would understand. Uncle Luke would stop drilling mantra's from a dead religion. Dad would… do something. Mom would finally stop having to worry about the entire galaxy. Things would be better. Just like Supreme Leader Snoke said.
He couldn't wait to prove himself. Ben already felt somewhat worried as too how long it took him to start responding to Snoke's messages but he'd make that right. Pretty soon he'd be initiated, whatever that meant, and he could finally start making a difference.
"Ben? Is everything alright?" Luke's voice was full of concern. Ben realized he'd been pretty quiet.
"Yeah." Ben gave a confident smirk, "I'm just ready to go out at save the galaxy."
Luke laughed and ruffled Ben's hair, "How about how you learn how to use a lightsaber properly first? Here, this is a better grip for you, you don't have to hold it like it's some kind of blunt instrument. Think of it like a sword, not a club!"
Ben fixed his grip but then reverted when Luke looked away. Holding it that way was just unnatural.
"Will you ever teach me how to build a lightsaber?"
"Of course!" Luke's face lit up. "I've even found an old file on an ancient lightsaber design that I've been wanting to see about making. Maybe we could make it a project?"
"What's so special about it?"
"Apparently it has a guard." Luke briefly glanced at his artificial hand, "It sounds like an good idea to me. It looks a bit complicated but I think we could handle it."
"Yeah." Ben stabbed the ground hesitantly, watching as the sand beneath began to melt an crack, "I can handle anything."
…
He'd finally done it! He finally knew where the ancient Jedi temple was!
Luke cheered and gave R2-D2 a wild hug. The droid beeped at him rather indignantly and Luke let him go with an apology. Luckily the droid didn't seem to hold a grudge.
Luke still couldn't believe he'd found a map. He'd been gathering information for ages but then he'd finally found the last piece with an old friend on Jakku of all placed. He'd grabbed himself a copy and it fit in with the rest of the map that he'd pieced together. He'd had the temple narrowed down by system before, it had to be somewhere in the big hole in map R2-D2 stored for him. Now though, now he had a planet.
There was a knock on his door. He could tell it was his nephew. None of his other students cloaked themselves like Ben did.
"Come in!" Luke called. He needed to take a trip to town. After he got a few supplies he could let his students off for a break and track down the temple. Perhaps Ben would like to join him? No, with as down as he'd been lately Ben probably needed some time with his parents.
Even now, as his nephew trudged in, the kid just looked upset. He seemed to be worried about something? Maybe even guilty?
"You alright, Ben?" Luke stopped trying to give R2-D2 the last piece of the map. The droid beeped in annoyance, apparently just as excited as Luke was to finally put everything together. "Hold on, it can wait." He chided his droid. Luke ignore the cursing that followed.
"I heard you yell something?" Ben shrugged. He bit his lip and looked down awkwardly.
"Oh," Luke rubbed the back of his neck as he tried to fight his blush. "I've finally found where the ancient Jedi temple was! Maybe now I can actually make you guys proper Jedi." Luke forced a laugh to turn his fear into a joke. Nephew or not, Ben was still his student and student's didn't deserve the worries of their teachers.
"That's… interesting." Ben sounded distracted. Luke sighed and wished his nephew would confide in him. Ben had seemed to be doing better after he'd finally adjusted to the school. Then, recently Ben had hit another rough patch. Luke didn't know quite what was going on but it worried him.
"Here," Luke used the Force to toss a candy at him. Ben caught it with an almost panicked expression. "It's my last caramel. They're really good. It's almost like something I used to have on Tatooine…"
Ben didn't exactly look happy for the sweet but Luke had tried. Maybe Ben could be a little grateful instead of looking like Luke had just tried to poison him. "If it's your last one-"
"Oh don't worry. I'm going to pick up some more tonight."
"T-t-tonight?" Ben widened his eyes.
"I'm gonna go to town and get a few things. I need to replace my ships power converters for one. If I don't fix them then my trip to the temple's gonna be one way."
"So you'll be gone tonight?" Ben repeated, his brown eyes reflecting something hidden.
"Do you need me?" Luke inspected Ben for any signs of harm, physical or emotional. The sullen teenager shook his head.
"No. Stay out as long as you need to Uncle Luke."
"Ben…" Luke sighed and put his arm around his surprisingly tall nephew. When had he grown? He used to be so tiny. The years went way too quickly. "I'm proud of you." Ben immediately stiffened. "We all are. Leia, Han, Chewie… we are all here for you, kid."
"Thanks." Ben said in a small voice.
"Don't worry about it." Luke tilted his head in thought, "You wanna come with me? Could be a nice change of scenery. I'd even let you fly a little!"
Ben shook his head, his darkly dyed hair getting in his face. "I have something I have to do here."
"Plans, eh? Don't have too much fun." Luke poked him lightly, "We all know it'd be the end of the world if you smiled." As Luke intended, this actually managed to coax a smile out of the emo teen. "Take care of the others, alright? Don't let Penny and Kelsius pull one of their pranks. I don't want to come back to everyone running around and screaming."
Ben's eyes wouldn't leave his shoes. "Everyone will be taken care of."
Luke still felt bad about leaving his nephew in such a state. He had to come up with something… hmm… What did Ben enjoy? Things were so much more complicated for him than it had been for Luke. Until he'd gotten off planet, shooting womprats had been the most entertaining thing in the desert. Well, besides stories…
"Have I ever told you that story about first human pod racer on Tatooine?"
"No?"
Luke beamed at his nephew, "I guess I can spare some time before I leave. It used to be one of my favorites…"
A/N: Soooo it's been a while. Sorry about that. I got caught up with school then the assorted who knows what of this summer. 2016. Been an interesting year for sure. I have a whooooole bunch of stuff I should be posting soon. I have a lot of oneshots that will be coming out that I just need to finish up. And then of course I will try to get the final chapter of this out soon. I am literally gonna bawl writing it, telling you that now. Though hey, it won't be all sad. There has been one scene that I've literally been dying to write since the start of this, so that'll be fun.
Anyways, hope you guys enjoy the new chapter! Thanks for reading :D