I am back! Sorry for the delay, I had to plan out the story, I have until after the Chunin Exams. Pairings are undecided, but this is a Team Seven fic, so yea. Enjoy!
Story Commence.
It had been a long week for Naruto, one filled with hardships, struggles and explosions. He'd spent most of it trying out his new techniques and "studying" for the exam, which were scheduled for tomorrow. When he wasn't training, he was doing community service, as ordered per the Hokage.
Flashback
"Crazy fuckin' old man, making me clean all of the civilian market. It's not my fault that shit got into the fountain!" Naruto grumbled as he struggled to rectify the consequences of his prank, namely the fountain that indeed was spewing sewage in a manner akin to a very a happy dolphin.
"Hey Naruto! I guess you can say that you're having a crappy day, huh?" a man with spiky black hair who went by the name of Kotetsu taunted. His partner and best friend, Izumo, snickered, "You can even say that it's a waste of your time!"
As their chortling filled the air, Naruto could only grit his teeth and continue with his task. They'd been doing shit puns, in more than one way, for most of the evening. Kotetsu and Izumo had been assigned as overseers for Naruto to make sure that he did his job. Naturally, they'd been bored beyond belief, and decided to tease Naruto. A decidedly bad idea, seeing as to how they were teasing the Prank King of Konoha, and the Prank King never forgets a transgression against his person.
"Laugh it up, assholes, soon you'll have your comeuppance," Naruto plotted. As he fiddled with the piping, he found the pressure valve, used to determine how strong the water sprays were. A pressure too low, and the water would just dribble out like a sad old man, and too strong, and it erupted like champagne when a teenaged boy found his father's liquor cabinet. The chunin duo just so happened to be at the edge of the fountain, and it would be such a damn shame if someone was to tamper with the pressure valve.
"Kotetsu?"
"Yeah, Izumo?"
"Do you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
The noise Izumo was referencing to was a deep rumble that seemed to emanate from the fountain accompanied with a decisively worrying rattling.
"What are you-" Kotetsu began, before being cut off by the glorious sight of a fountain positively spraying human waste like an overly ambitious volcano.
"Oh fucking shit!" was all they manage the squeak out before they were covered in...ahem, fecal matter. Shit indeed, as the pair now resembled more like discount swamp monsters than shinobi of one of the most prosperous and powerful ninja villages.
"Hey, Kotetsu, Izumo! I must've misturd you, I thought I heard you guys joking about me!" Naruto's head poked out the service hatch of the fountain, and when he spotted the brown duo, he tilted his head in an innocent manner, "What happened to you guys? Are ya trying a new type of camouflage? Well, I have to say that it's never been dung like that before." Any credibility of innocence was ruined by his vindictive smirk.
'Now back to cleaning.'
Flashback end
Yes, Naruto had a very busy week, but like all things, it had to come to an end. We now find Naruto about to enter the Academy.
'Here goes. This year, I won't fail, dattebayo!'
"You fail!" screamed a visibly irate and distraught Iruka. It had been a long day for him, a day he hoped he'd never have to relive, but with Naruto failing, the chances of that happening were very slim.
"But sensei! I-" Naruto tried to say, but was quickly cut off by Iruka.
"No buts! Naruto, in light of what happened today, I have no other option but to fail you. I'm sorry," Iruka's tone softened a bit at the end, seeing how distraught his surrogate brother was.
Now, one may be perplexed as to what exactly went down for Naruto's day to end like this. The answer lies in a short tale fraught with danger, explosions, and cursing.
To the past!
Naruto entered his classroom. He was earlier than usual, and so the only other people present were Shino Aburame and Sasuke Uchiha. The blond didn't mind Shino, he was a quiet boy with average grades in taijutsu and ninjutsu, but he possessed one of the most rational minds of all of Naruto's small group of friends. Sasuke, on the other hand, was someone that Naruto disliked with a passion. With his cold and holier-than-thou attitude, Sasuke was the polar opposite of our protagonist.
Nodding to Shino, Naruto sat down in the seat next to the avenger, knowing that in doing so would not only spite him, but there's was nothing he could do about it seeing as to how Naruto took the only desk available next to him and thus stopped his fangirls from being seated next to him.
"Good morning, Sasuke-teme!"
"Hnn" came his articulate answer.
"Well, I'm terribly sorry to hear that, but I do have some cream to should clear that right up!"
Naruto couldn't help but snicker at Sasuke's uncharacteristic sputter and red face. Before the dark haired boy could throttle the blond, the rest of the students filed into the classroom. The only people whom Naruto paid any particular type of attention to were his friends.
Kiba Inuzuka, a feral looking boy with his red clan markings on his cheeks. He was with his ever-present companion, Akamaru, a ninken. Kiba was one of the few people Naruto could call a friend. The dog-boy would sometimes accompany Naruto on his pranks and was someone the prankster could relate to, both boys having similar, brash attitudes and a penchant for mischief.
Following Kiba was the unlikely duo of Shikamaru Nara and Choji Akimichi, a very laid back boy, and a "big-boned" fellow, respectively. You had to be careful with Choji and the use of the word "fat", because if you ever tagged him with the f-word, he'd sit on you. A lesson Naruto learned the hard way. But other than the time Naruto almost suffocated in Akimichi ass, he found the pair to be a great group to just relax and eat.
Lastly came Hinata Hyuga, a pretty young girl with lavender eyes and deep blue hair. Naruto didn't know how to feel about the girl, she seemed nice, but whenever Naruto came close to her, she just fainted.
As the last of the students trickled in, something strange seemed to happen, the floor started to shake and the entirety of aspiring shinobi paled. Some even started to pray to Kami for forgiveness, as if a horrible calamity was coming. In truth, a calamity would've been less cruel, as the door to the class was flung open and two girls could be seen struggling to be the first to enter the room.
"Ino-pig, I was the first to be here! Back off!" a pink haired girl screeched, yes, screeched.
"Not a chance, Forehead! I was first!" The blonde retaliated.
The two were Sakura Haruno, a pink haired girl whose voice could be likened to the dulcet tones of nails being dragged across a chalkboard, and Ino Yamanaka, a confident blonde girl locally know as the Gossip Queen.
After the brief battle of wills, both girls planted themselves in front of Naruto.
"Yes?" Naruto decided to humour them.
"Get out the way! I want to sit down next to Sasuke-kun!" came his piercing reply.
"Yea, Naruto-baka! Move! I need to sit next to Sasuke-kun!" Ino added.
As the two once again devolved into a screaming match, Naruto turned to Sasuke.
"You know, if this happens daily, I can sort've understand why you're such an asshole."
Sasuke only glared back at the other boy. His eyes widened as Ino pushed Sakura, who was directly behind Naruto, and thus landed on him, causing the blond to surge forward. The silence that followed was so profound that you could hear the buzzing of Shino's kikaichu.
"What the fuck, dobe?" Sasuke yelled, furiously rubbing his lips. You see, when Naruto landed on Sasuke, his lips inadvertently connected with the Uchiha's.
"The man talks! It's a miracle!"
"I don't care about that, explain what happened!" Sasuke demanded, twirling around. He was met with a curious sight. One of a red-faced Naruto nervously poking his fingers in a manner that was obviously taken from Hinata.
"Sasuke-kun, that was my first... Please take responsibility," he mumbled, never looking up from the ground.
"What.. I'm...Uh" Sasuke stammered.
"Please take care of me, Sasuke-kun!" After that statement, the class rioted, to say the least.
Before the class could fall into further disarray, Iruka entered the class. He quickly identified the instigator of the chaos.
"Naruto, knock it off! Everyone quiet down!"
After he had deemed that the students had sufficiently calmed down, he addressed the whole room.
"Today is the day of your genin examinations, I hoped you all studied well and hard," here he sent a pointed look to Naruto, who shuffled in his place, "The exam will be split into five parts, each counting for 20 points on a grand total of 100 points. The 5 parts are the most important aspects for a ninja to learn and master. The first portion is a written exam, the second is a shurikenjutsu test, the third is a stealth exam, the fourth is a taijutsu spar against one of the teachers, and the last one is to test your knowledge on the Bunshin no Jutsu, the Henge no Jutsu and the Kawarimi no Jutsu. Now sit down and get ready for your written exam. You will have 30 minutes to complete it" Iruka informed his class.
As Iruka passed his students papers, Naruto was having a mental breakdown.
'Shit, shit, shit, shit, I am so not ready for this, I completely forgot that there was a written portion.'
Iruka gave Naruto his paper, "Good luck, Naruto."
'I am so fucked'
'That wasn't so bad! Oh, who am I kidding, I completely flunked that part,' Naruto sulked, rainclouds forming over his head and students shuffling away from the strange blond.
Iruka, along with Mizuki, had taken the students to the throwing range located behind the Academy. A fairly simple range, with 2 aisles of 25 meters that contained 10 dummies at the end. On the opposite end, someone had drawn a line sided with a table that held a multitude of sharp pointy things.
"Alright! This next segment is the shurikenjutsu test. Wait for either me or Mizuki-sensei to call your name, take 5 kunai and 5 shuriken, go up to the line and throw them at the targets. A fatal hit is worth 2 points, a non-fatal hit is worth 1 point and a miss is worth 0 points. Ready? Shino Aburame."
As Iruka went down the list, Naruto felt confident that he wouldn't mess up, he'd practised for a good part of the past week.
"Sasuke Uchiha!" Iruka called, and was quickly drowned out by the cries of the numerous fangirls present in his class.
"Sasuke-kun! You're the best!"
"Go Sasuke-kun!"
"Have my child!"
That last one was worrying for the young man.
The onyx-eyed boy confidently walked up to the range, and in one fluid motion threw all 5 kunai at the targets. This was quickly followed by the 5 shuriken.
"Very good, Sasuke, 18 out of 20 points. You got the highest in the class so far!"
Walking up to Naruto, he smirked and said, "Just try and beat me, dobe"
"No thanks, I don't bat for the other team, but what you do in your free time is completely up to you!" Naruto quipped.
"Wha-"
"Naruto Uzumaki!"
"Duty calls! Toodles!"
Naruto strode to the range, ignoring the catcalls of the other kids.
"Naruto-baka, try not to kill anyone!"
"Is it safe to be giving weapons to him?"
Grabbing the projectiles, he readied his arm, calmed his breath, and threw.
"Whoa, very nice Naruto!" Iruka whistled "16 out of 20! Although that last kunai could've been thrown in a more refined manner. Next time, try not to castrate your peers."
"Thanks, sensei!" Naruto replied, walking past a certain dark haired boy who was sprawled on the ground, a kunai dangerously close to some special bits.
"Oh dear, did I almost hit you, Sasuke-kun. I am terribly sorry!"
Sasuke, once again, could only glare at the boy as he tried to control his heart beat.
After the particularly eventful segment, where Naruto almost sterilized the last Uchiha, and Sasuke gaining a new appreciation for his family jewels, the instructors moved the group to a different area of the Academy grounds. In front of them was a long wooden corridor, 4 meters high and roughly 150 meters long, made of wood.
"This next part is arguably the hardest part of the exam!" Iruka said, "As you can see, behind me is a structure, this structure will test your prowess ins stealth and situational awareness. It is filled to the brim with non-lethal traps and bells. You have 5 minutes to get through all of them, for every minute you go over the limit, you loose 4 points. In addition, if you activate any of the bells, I will deduct 4 extra points. Now get in line in alphabetical order. The test starts in 5 minutes."
As all the kids quickly got into line, Naruto, who was at the back, thought he had this exam in the bag.
'And besides, if anything happens, I have that,' he mused, fingering something that was inside his pocket.
After a boring 40 minutes of waiting, where nothing of extraordinary importance happened, although a boy did somehow manage to tangle himself in one of the bell's strings, Iruka finally called on the maelstrom known as Naruto.
"Good luck, Naruto."
"I won't need any of that, sensei! Stealth is my area of expertise!" Naruto boldly proclaimed.
"Indeed it is," Iruka chuckled.
And indeed it was, for halfway through the 5 minute mark, not a single bell had been rung. If Naruto was actually doing the run, he'd be doing better than most, if not all, of the students. That is until a loud exclamation of "Shit!" was heard in the quiet clearing.
"What was that?" was the general question asked by many. That was quickly answered by an explosion of moderate size located about two thirds of the way to the finish line. A part of the wall facing the students was blown away, and out stumbled a very sooty Naruto.
"Ehehe, sorry, sensei. One of the traps really surprised me."
Iruka could only look at his blond student with a deadpan expression, quickly marking a zero next to his name.
After the test had been hastily fixed and Ino had gone through it, the teachers found in to be in their best interests to quickly finish the next two exams to rid themselves of the headache that was Naruto.
"Before someone blows up this part of the Academy," Iruka sighed, sending a quick glare at the maverick, who was pointedly looking at the ground, an innocent look plastered on his face, "I'll do this quickly. This will be the taijutsu section, I will call your name and you will come up to spar with either me or Mizuki."
"You have 3 minutes to either last against the instructor or land a hit against them, failure to do so will result in a 0 in this segment"
As the children, for the third, and not the last time, filed into line, Naruto felt a little nervous.
'If I'm up against Iruka-sensei, I can probably last the 3 minutes, or maybe even land a hit. But if I'm against Mizuki-sensei, I might be in trouble, he doesn't seem to like me very much.'
A few dozen minutes later, Iruka called Naruto's name.
"Naruto, you'll be up against me."
'Oh thank Kami, someone loves me!'
Stepping into the ring, Naruto quickly got into his brawler style taijutsu.
"I hope you're ready, Iruka-sensei!"
"Okay, settle down everyone!" Iruka exclaimed, rubbing his jaw, Naruto may be small, but he packed a punch like nobody else's business, "Congratulations on making it this far, this is the final portion of the exam, ninjutsu!"
The genin-to-be were back in the Academy, waiting in their classroom for their sensei to finish talking.
"To pass, you must show proficiency on the Academy Three. However, if you want, you can demonstrate a different technique in place of the Three for bonus points. When I call your name, you will enter the door to the left, whereupon me and Mizuki will grade you"
The Academy Three were three ninjutsu. The Henge no Jutsu allowed the used to disguise themselves as someone else by donning a thin shell of chakra. The technique required constant feeding of chakra and so was difficult to maintain. The Kawarimi no Jutsu was used for evasion tactics. It allowed for the user to switch places with an inanimate object. The amount of chakra needed to supplement the technique varied according to the situation. Three variables affected it. The distance, the weight and the speed the object switched with. The further the distance and the greater the weight, the more chakra is needed. If the object is travelling at a fast rate, even more chakra is required. The last jutsu was the Bunshin no jutsu, a technique that made incorporeal copies of the user. It required fine chakra control and negligible amounts of chakra.
The first two jutsu were not a problem for Naruto, having chakra in spades. It was the last one that worried him. Since he had more chakra than most people, hell he had more chakra than some jounin level shinobi, his chakra control was shot. It was like having a glass that you needed to fill with water. A normal person was the equivalent of a tap, quickly and easily filling the glass while Naruto was the equivalent of a fucking fire hose. He annihilated the glass and anything surrounding it.
Luckily, he had a solution, or at least he thought he did. He'd done extensive tests during the week, and if the results were anything to go by, he'd pass.
As Naruto reminisced on his experiments, Iruka proceeded down the class list, passing and failing the students based on their final results.
In no time at all, Naruto had been called and walked into the room.
"Naruto, please show us the Henge no Jutsu." Iruka asked.
"Not a problem! Henge no Jutsu!" Naruto disappeared in a cloud of smoke and Iruka and Mizuki had to strain to discern anything in the cloud.
As the smoke cleared, they were met with a sight that would make most men faint.
"Yoohoo," said a coy and seductive voice, "Why don't you boys come play with me?" Midway through the sentence, the voice suddenly turned into the gruff voice of the Third.
For indeed, Naruto had henged into a copy of the Third Hokage. But not just in any copy, but one where he was dressed in nothing but a thong, exposing parts of an old man that no person should witness, ever. Naruto, or rather the Third, twirled in place, showcasing his wonderful wrinkly old man ass and flabby skin.
Iruka and Mizuki's mind couldn't handle the mental strain of seeing their esteemed leader in such a fashion, and quickly fainted dead away.
"Naruto! What the fuck!" Iruka quickly recovered.
"You like that, sensei? I call it my Incapacitation no Jutsu!"
"Never ever use that jutsu again on me," Iruka ground out, shivering at the memory that was forever seared into his brain.
"Moving on, please show us the Kawarimi no Jutsu. And no fooling around!"
"Yes sir! Kawarimi no Jutsu!"
Naruto quickly switched places with a nearby chair and back.
"Good. Now to pass, you'll need to demonstrate the Bunshin no Jutsu. I know it's the hardest jutsu for you to perform, Naruto, so do you have a substitute jutsu?"
"I do, Iruka-sensei! But we'll have to go outside for this one," Naruto answered.
Iruka raised an eyebrow at that statement, but being curious, he and Mizuki followed Naruto outside.
"Alright! Let's do this!" Naruto exclaimed, digging a piece of paper out of his pockets. He quickly launched it into the air and formed several handseals, "Hidden Surprise Clone no jutsu!"
"Lengthy name," Mizuki whispered to Iruka, who only nodded, it was a very Naruto thing to do.
The paper was enveloped by smoke for a brief moment before it disappeared, revealing a grinning Naruto clone.
"So, Naruto, what is this?" Iruka questioned, curious about his student's new technique.
"This, Iruka-sensei, is my new jutsu! I used a mix of an explosive tag and various other seals to create a clone!"
"Very good, Naruto. Wait, explosive tag?"
"Yup! I was thinking of just using a normal piece of paper, but then I thought, what's the point of making a clone if it can't do anything? So I used an explosive tag! The moment the clone dispels, explosion!
"Naruto," Iruka slowly started, "What rank explosive tag did you use?"
"B-class, why?"
"Oh dear Kami," Iruka breathed out. He quickly ran to his naive student and all but demanded, "Naruto, please, please, tell me you didn't overload the seal."
The reason why Iruka was so worried was because explosive tags, much like jutsu, had ranks. E-rank tags only produced a small bang and some smoke. D-rank tags were slightly more powerful. C-rank tags were a step above, capable of making a foot wide crater. B-rank tags could make an explosion several meters wide and A-ranks could easily destroy a building. Finally S-rank tags could level a city. Thankfully, S-ranks were rare. But the real reason why Iruka was frantic to know if Naruto overloaded the seal was because usually an explosive tag could only take a specific amount of chakra before refusing to receiving anymore. The thing is, any tag that was B-rank or above could take in more chakra than they need, and by doing so, increase the explosive properties of the tag. It was a hard thing to accomplish, necessitating exponentially more chakra and in the end it was more profitable to use the higher tier tag. What worried Iruka was that knowing Naruto, who had enough chakra to make most jounin pale in comparison, could've easily overloaded the tag.
"Don't worry Iruka-sensei! I know what I'm doi-" Naruto was cut off by a white glow emanating from his clone.
"Hit the fucking deck!" he screamed.
Naruto and both instructors threw themselves to the ground, away from the clone, before they were blinded by a huge, white explosion that shook the Academy to it's age-old foundation.
"Sorry, sensei. I guess I did overload the seal," Naruto chuckled nervously.
"Naruto..." the teacher growled.
'Aw, crap.'
"You. Fail."
"Fuck."
The day had come to an end. It had been a momentous day for the children, where fate had determined if they graduated or not.
Naruto was on his swing, hung on a tree in front of the Academy. He couldn't help but feel depressed. All of his hard work, wasted.
"Hey, Naruto. I know Iruka can seem a little harsh sometimes, but it's only because he cares for you," Mizuki dropped down next to the blond, startling him from his thoughts.
"I know, I just wish I hadn't let him down. He had such high expectations of me."
"You know, Naruto, Iruka-sensei didn't want me to mention this, but there's a second way to graduate from the Academy."
"Really?" Naruto hopefully said.
"Hokage-sama! Naruto has stolen the Forbidden Scroll!"
"I already know that," said the Hokage, holding his nose to prevent his nose bleed from worsening, "Gather all of the available jounin."
"Hai, Hokage-sama!"
'Minato, what has your son done?'
And done! Holy. Shit. 4 thousand words. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I tried making it with more action. Well, as always leave a review, don't, you know the drill! Author, out!