Hey guys! Sorry for the long update, I was busy with shit you guys probably don't give the slightest of a damn about, but oh well. Anyways, on with the show!

"Man, I am tired," said a Naruto, head resting on his desk, "I really shouldn't have stayed up all night trying my new technique..."

We find our hero, if one were so inclined to call the manic, explosion loving, sailor-mouthed blond that, back at the Academy for the last time. It was early in the morning, and amazingly enough, Naruto had decided to go to the Academy earlier than usual to avoid any and all chances of being late. Unfortunately, doing so had an unwanted side-effect.

"I'm so fucking bored."

Indeed, Naruto was bored, and a Bored Naruto is a Scary Naruto. The last time that had happened, half of the village was clamouring for his head and the other half were traumatized. Who knew there were so many other uses for chopsticks?

"Man, why isn't there anyone here?" wondered a perplexed blond aloud. Perhaps it was because it was 6 in the goddamn morning, or maybe because the Academy hadn't even opened yet. The bundle of energy that is Naruto, you see, had decided that it was a good idea to wake up at 5 AM to really be sure he wouldn't be late, and when he found that the entrance to the Academy was locked, one could only guess what went through his mind. It was presumably, 'Fuck it,' as he proceeded to demonstrate the high level of stealth that a shinobi can employ by kicking down the door.

As he sat alone in his classroom, he yawned, "Perhaps getting up so early was a bit much..." The boy couldn't help but feel his eyelids become heavier and heavier as the monotone environment finally took its toll on him.

"Screw it, no one's coming for another hour anyways," he thought as he drifted off into sleep.

Naruto woke up to the sound of heavy breathing and the lovely view of his teacher's livid face mere inches away from his own.

"Good morning, sensei," he yawned out. That seemed to tip Iruka over the edge.

"Good morning? Good morning?! Naruto, why in the name of Kami are you here for?!"

"I'm here for my team assignments obviously."

"At 7 in the fucking morning?!"

"Yea! I didn't want to miss it!"

"I... Wha... Wh... Uh..." Iruka seemed to be at a loss for words at his densest students proclamation. He paused for a moment, trying to regain his composure, "Naruto... What am I supposed to do with you?"

"Applaud me for my diligent, studious ways?" was his hopeful reply.

"I'm thinking more along the lines of strangulation or immediate expulsion of the class via window."

Naruto chuckled nervously, obviously thinking that his surrogate brother was joking. He wasn't.

Iruka eventually settled on enacting both punishments at the same time, and that is how the students found Naruto dangling from the second story window as a crimson-coloured Iruka throttled the poor, sputtering and flailing boy, yelling out obscenities. The students just got into their seats as if it was a daily occurrence, and indeed it was. It wasn't rare to witness Iruka crack under the pressure and attempt serious bodily harm on his favourite pupil. Luckily for the victim, he was always stopped any grave injuries were inflicted.

As the soon-to-be shinobi slowly filed in, not without sparing an intrigued glance at the broken down door, Iruka seemed to eventually calm down. Putting down a now unconscious Naruto, he walked to his desk and tidied up the mess of papers strewn across it like nothing had happened.

Hinata was excited, she had, in spite of all the doubts of her father, graduated. As she entered the classroom, she saw Naruto sprawled out in a heap in a corner of the room. Understandably worried, she hurried to his side, trying to discern what was wrong with her long-time crush. She leaned down, about to shake him awake, when he seemed to stir at her presence, and he moaned before sluggishly opening one of his eyes.

"Hinata? Wha-?" he began to ask before being interrupted by a squeak and an "Eep!" as she quickly realized the close proximity that she had with him and promptly fainted. Right into his arms.

"What the hell!? Hinata? Hinata!" Naruto was frantic, the Hyuuga heiress had just collapsed into his arms. If her father heard of this, he was certain he'd be jyuunken'd in a tender area. As he tried to shake her awake, he idly noticed fragrance that surrounded her. She smelled nice, like smells. But now wasn't the time for that! He had to make sure she was okay!

"Iruka-sensei!" he yelled, startling the teacher out of his enthralling lecture of a certain orange book.

"What is it, Naruto?"

"It's Hinata! Something's wrong with her!"

Iruka, quickly noticing the flushed face and their closeness, quickly deduced what had happened. Silently chuckling at his students predicament and unfailing denseness, he told him to just place Hinata in her usual seat, saying that she should be alright in a couple of minutes.

Trusting his instructor's judgement, he wobbled over to her desk and gently set her down. Naruto being Naruto, couldn't just leave her there and so decided to keep her company until she came about.

Hinata was feeling lightheaded. As she lifted her head from her desk, she remembered why she had fainted, and blushed scarlet. Naruto, the jubilant boy who never gave up, the prankster that everyone seemed to hate, her crush, the boy who seemed to be right in front of her!

"Hey Hinata, you feeling alright?"

He was responded, for the second time today, with a high-pitched "Eep!" before she swooned once more.

Naruto could only scratch his head at the girl's strange behaviour but decided to leave it be. Who was he to question the peculiarities of others? He had a demon that could level entire villages in an instant sealed inside his fucking stomach. So he just let her be and went down to his usual spot in the corner front row of the room.

As the last of the students trickled in, Iruka prepared to address the class when a low rumble interrupted him. His face blanched in abject terror, something that was mirrored by most of the class. "Kami have mercy on my soul," one could distinctively hear him whisper, hands clasped together as if asking for forgiveness to a being of supreme power. All across the classroom, one could witness various stages of horror, ranging from people cowering under their desks to others whimpering in corners, rocking back and forth muttering incomprehensible things. What could possibly cause such a reaction from trained, or rather nearly trained, individuals? Something terrifying, something that has felled kingdoms and has made powerful men break down and beg for the sweet liberation known as death, fan girls.

As the tremors got louder and the whimpers even more, a keening noise could be heard, attaining octaves never heard of before. Indeed, it sounded like a boiling kettle had brutally fucked a goat that had its vocal cords replaced with the whistle of a train. It was not a pleasant sound.

In barged two individuals, a blonde and a pinkette, if that was even a thing.

"Move Ino-pig! I was here first!" screeched Sakura, the totally natural pinkette.

"Yeah right, Forehead! I was obviously the first one to enter! I get to sit next to Sasuke!" retorted Ino, the blonde and self-proclaimed gossip queen.

The two girls butted foreheads in an intriguing battle for dominance before Sakura noticed that our unfortunate hero was seated in the only spot next to the boy of their affections, Sasuke.

Sasuke, it seemed, had known what was about to transpire seconds before they had entered the class and so, his preservation instincts kicking in, he quickly slipped into the chair next to Naruto, knowing that he'd take the brunt of the attention.

"Naruto-baka! Move out of the way! You're in our spot!" ah, the dulcet tones of a banshee. No better way to start your day off really.

Naruto, for his part, did something that you should never do to either a tiger or a rabid fan girl, he turned his back to her.

"You have to deal with this, emo-teme? I can sorta understand why you're so weird."

"Don't ignore me, you idiot!" Sakura shrieked, pushing him on the back. One could question what exactly her goal was, but what transpired next was certainly not it.

"God dammit! Second fucking time!" yelled a disgusted Naruto, furiously rubbing his lips.

'I'll have to bleach those tonight.'

Sasuke was going through similar thoughts and actions, before leveling a glare at both the walking tea kettle and blond menace.

Sakura was absolutely livid, not only had Naruto kissed her Sasuke-kun, but it was his second time too! As she opened her mouth, presumably to let out a wail of legendary proportions that would be told from generation to generation by the survivors, she was cut short by the clearing of the throat of a certain instructor.

"if you guys are done screwing around, I would like to start my last class..." said a too calm Iruka.

They all quickly shut up and found a seat.

"Now I would like to congratulate you all on successfully passing..." as Iruka went off on his speech about becoming shinobi and the new responsibilities and yadda, yadda, yadda, Naruto wasn't really listening. He just zoned out, thinking about all the cool techniques he was going to invent.

"Team Seven will be compromised of Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, and Naruto Uzumaki, with their sensei being Kakashi Hatake."

That caught his attention, apparently Iruka had started giving out the team assignments, for quite a while actually, based on the team number and wait... Did he just say... Sasuke?

"Team Eight will be-" the teacher was saying before he was disrupted by the sound of a hard object slamming against wood and a loud holler of "Fuck!" Startled, he looked up from his list only to see Naruto with his face planted on his desk, groaning. He continued on with the listing.

'Why the fuck did it have to be Sasuke-teme of all people?!' thought the young shinobi-to-be.

Sasuke wasn't happy either, 'Great, a fan girl and an idiot are my teammates.'

Sakura, however, had mixed feelings about the placements, 'I got Sasuke-kun! Hell yeah! Too bad Naruto-baka is there to ruin it. If only it was only me and Sasuke-kun! Oh, how he would hold me and...' she started to drool and drift off into whatever fucking hell fan girls go to when thinking of the object of their affections.

They were all jolted out of their thoughts by the loud clap of Iruka, "That's it for the teams! Your sensei should arrive shortly."

Sure enough, already some shinobi had come to gather their team and leave. In a remarkably short amount of time, it was only Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke left in the room.

"Man, where is our sensei! Everyone else is gone!"

"Naruto, be quiet, this is probably some sort of test to see how patient we are, right, Sasuke?"

"Hnn"

"Expressive as always, you bastard."

"Naruto!"

Two hours later, and still Team Seven's sensei had not come yet.

"Alright, fuck this guy, if he wants to screw with us like this, I get to screw with him!" proclaimed a very bored Naruto, and a bored Naruto is something that was already previously explained as to why one should fear for their well-being when they're the target for his pent-up energy .

"What are you doing, Naruto?" said a curious Sakura.

"I'm going to prank our sensei," he replied as he proceeded to pull out various instruments and objects from a wide range of pockets.

"Oh really? As if a Jonin-level shinobi would fall for a trap made by an Academy student!"

"Watch and learn, my little bat on crack."

"What did you just call me?!"

And for the next hour, hammering and sawing could be heard throughout the Academy halls, accompanied by the mad cackling of a certain blond boy.

"Sorry I'm late!" said an unknown voice just outside the doorway, "I got sidetracked on the- Whoa!"

Kakashi couldn't help but yell out, and so would you, if a plank of wood tipped with nails suddenly sprang forwards towards your crotch.

"What the fu-" he began before he had to stop mid-sentence and dodge some projectiles that seemed to be aiming for his nipples. "Are those fucking darts?! What the hell is going on?!" Before he could continue on with his questions, something fell on top of his head. An eraser for the blackboard. An eraser that someone had stuck a sizzling tag of paper on. 'Shit.'

This cycle of dodging pointy objects and explosions continued on for a while, before finally, it stopped.

A panting Kakashi was doubled over near Iruka's desk, the doorway and everything in a 5 meter radius nothing more but a smoking crater filled with what appeared to be half a hardware store's inventory. Indeed, one could spy pipes, tables, and was that a goddamned toilet? 'Just what the hell are these kids?' thought Kakashi.

Kakashi was a tall man, with silver hair that apparently hadn't gotten the memo that gravity was a thing and just stuck out. He covered his lower face with a mask and his left eye was blocked by his hitai. He was a world-renown shinobi, with bounties ranging in the millions of ryo in a multitude of lands. Most known for his love of the Icha-Icha series and work in the Anbu, he was a man whose enemies feared.

Boisterous laughter broke him out of his observations, and he stared at a blond boy who seemed to find the near death of his sensei the most hilarious thing since someone invented mayonnaise.

The silver haired man straightened up, trying to act as if nothing had happened. "My first impression of you is that I hate you. Meet me at the roof in five minutes," he said before quickly shunshining the hell out of there. Anything to escape the darts.

"Did you see his face?! He damn near shit himself!" Naruto yelled, obviously the origin of the chaos that had just briefly transpired.

"Naruto-baka! What have you done! Our sensei hates us now and its all your fault!" Sakura howled (there are only so many adjectives for the word screech.)

"Whatever, he deserved it. And it's not like you didn't enjoy it either!"

"You infuriate me so much!" she turned towards Sasuke to get his input on the matter, only to find him halfway across the hallway on his way to the roof.

"Sasuke-kun! Wait for me!"

"Alright. Now that we're all here, how about we introduce ourselves?" said an all too happy Kakashi.

The three aspiring shinobi were seated on the roof of the Academy, facing their new sensei.

"Kakashi-sensei? What do you mean by 'introduce ourselves?" asked Sakura.

"Well, tell us your name, your dislikes, likes, hobbies, dreams for the future and the like." Seriously, what the fuck else does one do when introducing themselves? Present their third-born child?

"Why don't you start, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura said, hoping to learn a few things about their new sensei, a though mirrored by the two boys.

"Okay! My name is Kakashi Hatake. I like and dislike many things, my hobbies, well you're all too young to hear about those, and my dreams for the future, well I haven't really thought of those."

'That wasn't really informative at all, we only learned his name..." thought the trio.

"Since you so kindly requested me to go first, why don't you continue, Pinky?"

"Don't call me that!" yelled the pinkette, "My name is Sakura Haruno, I like..." Here she glanced at Sasuke and blushed heavily, "I dislike Ino-pig and Naruto-baka!"

"Love you too, Miss Nails-On-A-Blackboard," muttered the subject of her ire.

"My hobbies are..." Another glance, followed by the deepening of her blush, "My dreams for the future are..." She glanced at Sasuke once again, and giggled, fucking giggled.

Sasuke inched slowly away from the psychopa- sorry, fan girl, and not for the first time, questioned if he was actually safe.

"Alrighty then," said a visibly disturbed Kakashi, "You, duckling, how about you tell about yourself."

"Hnn."

"Damn, Sasuke! I didn't know you liked men!"

The glare that was sent Naruto's way could've made the Shinigami himself shit his pants.

"Fine, my name is Sasuke Uchiha, I hate many things, and have no particular liking for anything. My dream is no dream, but rather, a goal. I will restore my clan to its former glory and kill a certain someone." Wonder who that is.

"And I thought I was fucked up in the brain," whistled Naruto.

'He's still fixated on the whole 'avenger of my clan' thing, huh?' thought Kakashi, 'Is anyone on my team not a psychopath?"

"Sunshine, you're up next."

"Alright! My name is Naruto Uzumaki! I like ramen, pranking people, inventing new techniques, ramen, training, ramen and all things that go boom! I dislike the three minutes it takes to cook ramen and people who look down on me! My dream is to one day become Hokage so that everyone will respect me!"

'Apparently not...'

"Now that that's out of the way, let's get down to business. Tomorrow, you'll be having your real Genin test."

"Real Genin test? What do you mean by that, sensei?"

"I mean that the test you took before was meaningless, this one is the one that actually matters, because if you fail it, you have to retake your year!" he happily announced, his eye turning up into a U.

"But that's not fair!" wailed Sakura.

"Life isn't fair. Now meet me at Training Ground 3 at 7 AM sharp tomorrow, and I suggest you skip on breakfast, wouldn't want you to vomit on me, now would we?"

With a collective sigh, the newly dubbed Team Seven quickly dispersed.

"Where the hell is he?! It's been 3 hours!" the owner of the irate voice was a certain Naruto, who was getting a bit agitated. He had woken early and skipped breakfast, so he wasn't in the best of moods.

Sakura and Sasuke were on the same boat, but were slightly less vocal about it then he was, while Sasuke just endured silently.

As Naruto was contemplating how long was the sentence one had to serve for homicide, the subject of his frustrations appeared with a puff of smoke.

"Sorry for the delay! An old lady-" he began, before he was cut off by his two more, rambunctious students.

"You're late!"

"I know, I know, I just got sidetracked on the road of life."

"I don't care what woman you screwed! I just want to get on with the exam!"

Kakashi was at a loss for words. Never before had he met a crasser character. Actually, he had, Anko was pretty bad too sometimes.

"Ahem. Okay. I suppose you're all anxious to pass this test?"

"Of course!"

"The test is simple enough, you have until this alarm rings at noon," he explained, indicating an alarm that previously wasn't in his hands, "To get these two bells from me. The ones who get the bells shall pass!"

"Um, sensei? Why are there only two bells when there are three of us?" asked a confused Naruto

"Yes!"

His answer only served to befuddle him even more.

"It's obvious, Naruto-baka, only two of us can pass this exam! And those two will be me and Sasuke-kun!"

"Like hell!"

A cough interrupted them before they could really go at it. "As an added incentive to come at me, I have prepared lunch for everyone. I presume you all didn't eat your breakfast like I told you?"

He was met with a chorus of nods and growling stomachs.

"Splendid! Then the one who fails his exam shall be tied to a post and forced to watch as I eat his lunch!"

"Now, if there aren't any other questions, shall we begin? And remember, come at me with the intent to kill, else you won't make any progress!"

"But sensei! We could seriously hurt you!"

Kakashi had to suppress his laughter. A bunch of Genin hurting him? A highly trained, Jonin-level shinobi? It was a thought that would put most people in stitches. It seemed Kakashi had forgotten what had happened a mere day ago.

"Trust me, you won't."

"Now... Hajime!"

As he uttered those words, Sakura and Sasuke quickly dispersed, off to hide in the foliage.

'Oh, this should be interesting' thought Kakashi as his most volatile student had apparently decided to take a more direct approach.

Recalling, perhaps for the best, what had transpired in their last meeting, he was slightly on guard.

"Naruto, shouldn't you be hiding?"

"Screw that! A Hokage would never hide! Kakashi-sensei, I hope you're ready for my new, ultimate technique!" bellowed an excited Naruto.

And done! Sorry for the cliffhanger, but I just felt like it was a good place to finish off. I was actually planning to end it at the team assignments, but oh well. Goddamn this chapter took a long time to write, I got sidetracked so many times. Fucking Youtube. Anyways, I'm sorry for the very long delay of nearly a month, I'll try not to make them so long, but I hope you enjoyed it! As always, review, don't, share, don't. I can't be bothered to tell you what to do. Author out!