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"Kakashi! I hope you're ready!" yelled Naruto, "You're gonna be the first person to taste my new technique!"
Kakashi only levelled a gaze at the young boy, obviously disregarding Naruto as a threat before reaching into his kunai pouch and taking out a... Was that a book? It seemed that Kakashi really didn't view Naruto as a threat.
The blond in question didn't take too kindly to the insult.
"Don't you underestimate me, Kakashi-sensei!" he exclaimed
"Could you keep it down, Haruhi-chan is about to confess her love to Sorata-kun." was his reply.
"Don't say I didn't warn you! Here we go!"
Naruto did a strange hand seal, putting his palms together with his fingers pointing outwards, and started to gather chakra. A shit ton of chakra.
"Kame..."
The scarecrow paused his reading, disturbed by the amount of chakra Naruto seemed to have. At the level he was at now, he easily beat most chunin.
"Hame..."
The chakra that Naruto was channelling started to become visible, swirling around him in a cloud of blue, enshrouding him. His body shook at the tremendous effort needed to gather and maintain the ridiculous mass of chakra.
Across the clearing, Kakashi was starting to get worried. How did a genin have so much chakra? He had almost surpassed jounin-level for fuck's sake. Any higher and he'd be at kage-level stores! He could physically feel the chakra that laced the air, filling him with energy. If his prospective student's technique actually worked, it might have enough force to level the whole field! He had to stop him.
But alas, it was too late, for Naruto had already completed the technique. He channelled all of his chakra to his hands and prepared to launch his attack.
"Ha!" was Naruto's cry.
Kakashi could only brace himself and wait for the impact of whatever it was that was about to hit him.
The chakra that was in Naruto's hands started to condense then expand, glowing a brighter blue before finally... disappearing in a puff of smoke.
"What the shit?" said Naruto, looking down at his hands, "Aw man! I screwed up! And after all of this time! Days spent in my room practising, all gone to waste! God fucking dammit!"
'Naruto... What. The. Fuck,' up in the foliage, his teammates were having similar thoughts about their... Special companion.
"Maybe I didn't put enough chakra in it?" he pondered aloud, "Or maybe..."
He wandered off on his thoughts for a few moments before realizing where he was.
"Oh crap! Kakashi-sensei!" he exclaimed, looking up, where he was met with the sight of a Kakashi crouched at the edge of the clearing, sulking to himself.
"Stupid brat, won't even take this test seriously..." he mumbled to himself.
"..." Naruto sweat dropped at his teacher's odd behaviour, "Kakashi-sensei? Don't we have a test?"
"Oh, so now he wants to take his test, instead of fucking around," muttered the silver haired jonin, "Alright! So, now let's actually begin. Unless you want to waste any more of my time?" that last part was said with a glare, needless to say.
Naruto chuckled nervously, "Yea...Haha."
"Ninja Lesson number One! The art of Taijutsu!" Kakashi suddenly barked out, getting down into a fighting stance, hand once again reaching down into his kunai pouch for his most precious object.
"Goddammit, sensei! Don't go all serious on me then pull out that shit!" yelled Naruto upon seeing the orange pornog- literature.
"If you want me to go serious, you're going to have to earn it," the man replied.
Those words would be his damnation.
Now let it be said, when Naruto prepares for something, he doesn't do it half-assed, handful of failed exams aside. So when Kakashi had said to meet up at Training Grounds 3, Naruto had decided to scope the place out. It was standard procedure to stake out a potential prank area, or in this case, battle ground.
And what Naruto saw, Naruto liked. A luscious, green forest surrounding a clearing of grass and dirt speckled with training dummies and the like. So many things to blow sky high.
After taking a few notes and marking a few areas, he decided to retire early that day, eager to get started on his pran- preparation.
And so, the next day, at 4 in the morning, Naruto got up and started to plan, scheme, construct and trap.
'How many fucking darts does this kid have?!' Kakashi frantically thought, dodging said instruments of impalement that were directed towards a, special place, 'And why is he always aiming for my smoke bombs?!"
Smoke bombs here being a metaphor for his testi- You know what, never mind.
It had been a harrowing past hour for Kakashi. The moment he had finished his damning sentence, the boy had exploded.
He'd heard of Naruto's 'Hidden Surprise Clone no jutsu' but he hadn't expected them to be so... volatile, as attested by the 50 foot wide crater that had almost claimed his reputation.
He shuddered at the thought, him, the great Kakashi of the Sharingan, bested by a wannabe shinobi! He'd never hear the end of it at the bars.
He and Naruto did engage in Taijutsu, Naruto taking an unconventional meaning on the term, one man army. He had, quite literally, made an army of just him. The quiet, peaceful atmosphere that occupied the forest was abruptly disrupted by the war cries of "For the hoard!", "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" and the omnipresent "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" The clones were quick work for Kakashi, whom easily disposed of the whole lot in about 10 seconds flat.
"Well, shit," was the articulate reaction of Naruto.
"Language, Naruto," lightly scolded his temporary teacher. He never learnt his lessons.
After that, it was a clusterfuck of explosive tags, clones, and sharp, pointy things. Naruto would constantly barrage him with kunai armed with explosive tags, forcing him to dodge nearly every thirty seconds. And every time he'd land somewhere, it seemed that Naruto had planned his arrival, because there was always a trap waiting for him. A pit lined with explosives, trip mines, nets with explosive tags, poisoned darts and senbon needles, a fucking falling log, and on one memorable occasion, an exploding duck. He was starting to get Naruto's theme, and it involved all things that go boom.
Many curses on the inventor of explosive tags were uttered that day.
When he wasn't being peppered with darts or explosives, the bundle of chakra would send in clones, indiscriminately making both shadow and explosive ones, necessitating Kakashi to keep his distance. They all seemed to wield rusty, sharp objects in which they seemed dead set on forcibly inserting into his body. It seemed like they had forgotten the actual goal of the test, and just wanted to eviscerate him. It was a tiny bit worrying, come to think of it.
Naruto himself seemed to have gotten his hands on a scythe and he was swinging it wildly, cackling madly and rambling on about how he was death incarnate. Kakashi would have to get in touch with Maito Gai about teaching his students not to leave potentially dangerous weapons laying around. And also talk about never arranging a meeting between Naruto and Tenten. A limb was sure to be lost that day.
Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, it ended. There were no more traps, no more clones, and Thank Kami, no more exploding trees.
Kakashi was panting, not heavily mind you, but it was obvious that the little work-out had winded him a bit.
Naruto, for his part, was standing in the middle of the clearing, smiling wildly. It was to be expected though, the boy did have more energy than a rabbit hopped up on crack and caffeine.
"Alright, Naruto. Let's have a real spar, no Ninjutsu, no Fuinjutsu, nothing but Taijutsu, okay?" he declared.
"You got it, sensei!" Naruto replied.
Taking a second to compose himself, Kakashi let Naruto sprint towards him, intent on testing the lad's skill on pure Taijutsu. After a few kicks and punches, it was painfully obvious that the boy was lacking in that department. Without the use of ruses or distractions, Naruto didn't really have any real skill in Taijutsu, he didn't even seem to have a style, he just brawled.
Naruto was giving it his all, using all of his feints and dupes, trying to land a hit on the man. His efforts were always met with a fist or a leg. He was starting to get frustrated. After a particularly complex combo of his, combo here meaning wildly flailing his limbs in the hopes of distracting the man, was thwarted, he had had enough.
"That's it, fuck this! A real ninja doesn't only focus on Taijutsu! Exploding-!"
'Oh hell no!' thought Kakashi, before quickly dashing behind Naruto, hoping to intercept him before he could finish his sentence.
"Ninja tip number one, never let your opponent get behind you," he solemnly declared before flashing through some hand seals and ending on the Tiger seal.
'That's the hand seal for fire Jutsu! Is sensei trying to kill Naruto?!' thought Sakura. Sasuke couldn't give less of a shit if Naruto got hurt.
His previously forgotten teammates were present from the very beginning of the "spar", and they went through a wide variety of emotions throughout, from grudging admiration and downright awe during the whole trap sequence to plain disappointment during the pitiful display that was Naruto's Taijutsu spar.
"Now is my time for revenge!" shouted Kakashi, "Shinobi Lesson number Two! The art of Ninjutsu! Konohagakure's Most Secret and Sacred Technique: One Thousand Years of Death!" before unceremoniously shoving his fingers into Naruto's young, tender hole at Mach 7 speeds. Needless to say, Naruto was out of the fight and very sore.
'What the fuck,' thought the remaining students, hands unconsciously going towards their own derrières.
Kakashi was getting back his breath, he was feeling a bit tired after the whole fight. Sighing in relief, he took out his precious, which he had stored away at the beginning in case it got damaged.
'Now's my chance!' thought Sasuke, 'I'll get him while he's distracted!'
The jounin heard a whistling in the air, before a fist occupied the space that his face previously had.
'Oh for fuck's-' he started, before he was cut off by a kick.
He was prevented from making any comments as he was forced to fend off a flurry of kicks and punches.
'This one's actually not that bad!' he almost shed a tear right then and there, 'I won't be able to read my book at this rate.'
As they exchanged hits, the rhythm of the spar kicked up a notch, and soon they were all but a blur to Sakura.
'They're all so incredible!' she thought.
Their spar waged on for a few minutes until Sasuke came dangerously close to grabbing one of the bells before being he had to disengage else a punch would've knocked out his teeth.
'He might actually have a chance at succeeding,' thought Kakashi.
He noticed that the avenger had just finished a hand seal sequence, and was about to launch an attack.
'Let's see how this goes,' the cyclops thought.
"Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu!"
'What the fuck is up with these kids and their usage of chunin-level techniques?!' was Kakashi very valid speculation.
The flames emitting from Sasuke's mouth were abruptly cut off with a "No." as Kakashi smacked him on the side of the neck, incapacitating him.
He turned to look directly at Sakura's hiding spot, before shouting out, "Ninja Lesson number Three! The art of Genjutsu!"
Her scream, it was said, could be heard all across the village, from the Hokage Monument to its oversized gates.
In a clearing, a ringing could be heard.
"It pains me to say, but you all failed," said a solemn Kakashi to the trio. Naruto was tied to a post, Sakura and Sasuke were by his sides. He seemed to be struggling to find a comfortable way to sit down.
"Seeing as to how you guys didn't seem to grasp the true meaning of this test, I'll let you have a second go at it, after you've all eaten. However, since Naruto was such a pain in the as-, I mean is the one who ultimately made you fail, he is forbidden to have even a bite of food. Got it?"
He was met with a chorus of "Yes" and disappeared with an eye smile.
"Man, this is so unfair! Sasuke fucked up as much as I did!" Naruto exclaimed.
"Shut it," Sasuke bluntly replied.
The blond didn't even have the energy to reply, and just continued to whine.
A clump of rice was proffered to him, held by a lightly blushing Sakura.
"Here, you're going to need it more than me... Besides, I won't be much help for the team..." she said.
"Sakura-chan..." Naruto said in a reverent tone.
"Hnn. She's right, as much as it pains me to say if we're going to take Kakashi down, you'll need all the energy you can get," said the onyx-haired boy, offering part of his own meal.
"Sasuke-teme, even you..." Naruto whispered, "You guys are the best!"
He happily took the food offered and started to energetically chew and swallow, before he had to stave off his choking and near heart attack. Kakashi had appeared out of nowhere
"You guys..." thundered a furious looking Kakashi, as thunder helpfully thundered in the now somber sky.
"All," he continued as the screams of children and women filled the heavy atmosphere as the deep rumbling of demons echoed throughout the night air. The world seemed devoid of hope, death was everything scything left and right, reaping the souls of his victims as the world that Naruto loved so much burned down in flames and all whom he loved, the few that they were, died in slow, painful agony. The sky was pitch black and the earth was shaking whilst the winds howled and hammered upon windows and doors. Off in the distance, thunder clouds could be heard as lightning pierced the dark skies. It was pure chaos, fires were spreading and ducks were being send flying off into oblivion clad in pink tutus and tiaras. Perhaps that last bit was caused by Naruto's brain as it hallucinated from the lack of blood as it stopped flowing from the near stroke he had at the sudden appearance and roaring of Kakashi.
"Pass," Kakashi finished with an eye smile, the world becoming suddenly all sunshine and unicorn shit.
"I'm sorry what?" asked Sakura.
"Are you trying to fucking kill me or something?!" yelled a coughing Naruto.
"You say something?" Kakashi replied, looking up from his book conjured from who knows where.
"Sensei, what do you mean by we pass?" asked Sakura.
"Well, you see, my cute little genin, the whole point of this test wasn't to see if you were adept enough at the ninja arts to become genin, but rather if you could all work together as a team. The reason why there were only two bells was to discourage teamwork and see if you look underneath the underneath. I was planning on failing you all, but decided to give you one last chance by offering you the choice to either help your teammate or damn him," Kakashi helpfully explained.
"I guess that makes sense," Naruto muttered.
"Indeed it does! Now come, I have something I want to show you," Kakashi declared.
He lead them down a pathway, that eventually ended in a clearing near Training Ground Three. In the middle of the clearing, a large obelisk shaped in the form of the blade of a kunai could be seen.
"Gather round, my little ducklings," he said, eye smiling at Sasuke before continuing on a more somber tone, "This here is the Memorial Stone, it has the names of all the shinobi who did the greatest service to this village."
"Really?! I want to have my name in it!" proclaimed Naruto.
"I hope you never do, Naruto, all of these shinobi died in service for the village," replied Kakashi.
"Well never you fucking mind then," Naruto hastily said.
"I brought you all here to teach you your first lesson as your teacher: Those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum," the silver haired man said, "Never forget this lesson, and you shall go far in your shinobi career. Now, on that cheerful note, congratulations on becoming Genin, meet me at the Hokage Tower at 7 AM to get your first mission!"
"Alright! Finally! I'm so excited!" whooped an ecstatic Naruto.
"Why would you be excited, Naruto? They're only D-rank missions," Kakashi replied with a smile.
"Oh, you fucking ass-"
"Naruto, language," Kakashi lightheartedly reprimanded.
Naruto, it would be told, continued to cuss and curse for a fortnight and half, before finally calming down.
And done! We just surpassed 15k words! Yay. Also 900 viewers, so that's nice. To clear some things up, no this is not a Sakura bashing fic, I'm just presenting her as the manga/anime did during the first few chapters. If you didn't already notice, this isn't a really serious fanfic, so yea, anyways! Leave a review, or don't blah blah blah, thanks for reading! Author out!