Hey guys! It's me again (no shit) bringing you another thrilling (not really) instalment of The Tag Goes Boom! I promised to try and make this an every other week update, and so I did. I would've updated sooner, but some very adult things kept me busy (read: porn) and I got sidetracked a lot (read: porn) Another filler chapter, sue me.
Story go!
Kakashi was observing his most volatile student from a tree with an increasing degree of concern. Naruto was sat on the ground, his back facing the his teammates, rubbing his hands together and muttering something under his breath.
"I'll get you this time you fucking cat, just you wait... And when I do..." here he broke into psychotic laughter.
'I really need to get him to a psychologist...' thought Kakashi, 'Something is not right with the boy...'
Team seven was once again assembled at Training Ground Three, waiting for Kakashi to appear. Sasuke was counting and organizing his kunai pouch, Sakura was staring at him in a manner that most certainly warranted a restraining order, and Naruto... Well, Naruto was being Naruto.
Naruto continued to laugh, a terrifying and terrible laugh that promised pain. It went on and on, never faltering in tone or volume. It started to disconcert his two other teammates, who wondered if the boy was even mentally stable, which he wasn't.
Kakashi decided to spare his two relatively sane students of any future torture and made his entrance.
"Yo!" he exclaimed, shunshing right behind Naruto and clapping a hand on his shoulder. Naruto shrieked and then exploded, leaving Kakashi with singed eyebrows and his hand hovering over empty space.
'What... I think I just killed my student...' was his thought process.
"Kakashi-sensei! What did you do?!" shouted Sakura.
"I... I don't know! I just said hello and he fucking blew up! Oh god, how am I going to explain this to the Hokage?! I'm too young to die! I haven't finished the Icha Icha series!" panicked an uncharacteristically frantic and emotional Kakashi, thinking about his upcoming death by impromptu Doton jutsu rammed up the ass.
His thoughts of death by various means of increasing morbidity were interrupted by a boisterous laughter originating from the forest.
"I got you Kakashi-sensei!" exclaimed a blond boy, jumping out from the foliage.
"You! You're dead! I killed you!" screamed Kakashi.
"Nope, that was only my Hidden Surprise Clone no Jutsu."
"You're not dead... I'm going to live!" Kakashi let out a shout of joy at being able to continue reading his favourite series and not dying by improvised spit roasting. He quickly calmed down at the looks of shock from his students.
"Ahem... Yes well... Naruto?" Kakashi reverted to his usual weird self, "I have a question..."
"Yes?" the boy answered.
"Just how in the name of all seven circles of hell did you pull off that stunt?" the silver haired man asked with an all-too calm voice.
"Easy! My clone was there since the beginning!" was the simple explanation.
Kakashi nearly face-vaulted at that, 'Bested by a genin... Kami I hope no one ever hears of this...'
"And just why did you that?" was the next question."
"Because I could!" was his educative reply.
"You blond fucking idiot..." Kakashi muttered, clasping his head in his hands in despair at the pure idiocy that is his shortest student. Looking up, he noticed the corner of a sleeping bag peeking out fro the bush Naruto popped out of, "How long have you been here, Naruto?"
"Ehe... 2 AM? I was-" Naruto started to explain before being interrupted by the sound of Kakashi smacking his head against a tree.
After Kakashi finally calmed down to rationally think, he asked a question that he seemed to have uttered for the umpteenth time that day, "And why were you at the Training Ground at 2 in the goddamn morning?"
"I was testing out my new seal! It's so fucking cool!" replied Naruto.
"Is it now?" deadpanned the ex-Anbu,
Flashback! (I'm a terrible person.)
The forest of Konohagakure was a peaceful place at night, filled with chirping of crickets, the hoots of howls and the pained exclamation of "Shit!" from a blond idiot as he traversed the dark terrain.
"Fucking trees, how dare they grow for hundreds of years to smack me on the forehead" grumbled Naruto, rubbing a growing bump on the beforehand mentioned part of his body resulting from him running into a very low hanging branch.
He finally reached his destination, the clearing that his team used as a meeting place. It was bathed in moonlight and clearly illuminated.
"Alright! This'll do perfectly!" he said, pulling out a stack of papers from his backpack. Pulling the first one from the top, he walked to the middle of the clearing and placed it on the ground. He formed his hands into a cross, and summoned a kagebunshin.
"Damn, I love this jutsu," Naruto commented.
"Damn straight," replied his doppelganger.
He remembered the first time he used the jutsu, he damn near shit his pants. He was not expecting a duplicate of himself to appear. That first clone, needless to say, had a very short life. But after he discovered that the clones were actually solid, the implications and possibilities made him giddy.
"Alright, you know what to do," he told his copy.
"Hai!" they replied before sprinting off into the forest.
While his clone was busy with his task, Naruto knelt down and inspected the seal. Satisfied with the quality of its components, he channelled some chakra into the paper. The grass around the seal in a meter radius stopped moving.
After a few minutes of waiting, his clone returned to the clearing with a veritable mountain of sticks being dragged behind him.
"Let's get started! Chakra Interrupter Seal test number one is a go!" Naruto declared.
His copy grabbed a stick, before taking aim and throwing it with all of his might at the original, making sure that the trajectory would fly above the seal.
Naruto held his breath, anxious to see if his experiment would be successful at the first try, before having it stolen away by the stick smacking him on the stomach.
"That fucking hurt..." he groaned, "Seems like I need to up the power in the Interrupter component."
Walking over to the seal he had place on the ground, he noticed that it had burnt up.
"Well, that's weird," he commented, "I guess after it uses up all of the chakra in its Storage component, it disintegrates itself."
He headed back to the stack of seals he had placed at the edge of the clearing and grabbed the next one.
"Chakra Interrupter Seal test number two is a go!"
"Fuck!"
This series of events went on for a while, Naruto testing a new seal, his clone throwing a stick at him, him getting hit by said stick and then restarting. He quickly went through the first stack of seals, and the next, and the next...Now one may ask, why the hell was Naruto putting himself in harms way when he could easily just observe from afar. The answer is simple, Naruto believed that pain was the greatest incentive for something to work, and so whenever he tested anything, he'd make sure he'd be the test subject. The amount of nearly lost limbs from his way of thinking were too many to count.
And so that is how, at 4 AM, just a few hours before his meeting with his team, Naruto was sat on the ground covered in bruises that were slowly healing, glaring at his very last seal on the ground.
"You better fucking work, or I will make your life a living hell," he whispered to the paper, forgetting that he was talking to an inanimate object.
"Alright, Chakra Interrupter Seal test number fuck if I know is a go..." he unenthusiastically said.
His clone, who was as equally exhausted, threw his stick at the boy with the remainder of his energy, before popping out of existence.
Naruto closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable pain that was to come. When he didn't feel the smack of wood on his bruised and squishy flesh, he slowly opened his eyes. What Naruto saw made him whoop in excitement. The stick the clone had thrown had frozen in place, suspended in the air. Naruto nearly broke down in tears of joy. He reached into the seal's area of effect to grab a hold of the stick, and he noticed that the air in the circle was noticeably more solid, it felt like he was reaching into compacted snow.
"Guess that's how the stick is floating," Naruto commented, before deactivating the seal, "Now, let's get cracking!"
Moving with new found vigour, he ran to his backpack and grabbed a bunch of papers, whipping out variants of the successful seal. He then summoned a group of clones, who were tasked with amassing various objects to be thrown at his person.
Now one may be perplexed as to how the hell any of this was possible. The answer is simple. Naruto made a seal that stopped the flow of chakra. How he did it is a bit more complex. To begin with, he made a basic Chakra Detection seal that was hooked up to an activator component, that in turn was connected to a Chakra Storage component. When the Chakra Detection seal detected enough chakra, it would trigger the activator who would allow chakra to flow from the Chakra Storage component. The Chakra Storage component was hooked up to the main body of the seal, the Interrupter component. What the Interrupter component was, was a bastardized Chakra emitter, that sent out Neutral chakra out in its radius.
A quick lesson on chakra: chakra has many natures, the main ones being Fire, Earth, Wind, Lightning, Nature and Neutral. There are other more special cases, but the ones that represent the five elements are the basis for all elemental jutsu. Nature chakra is the chakra present in the atmosphere and terrain, nature basically, and Neutral chakra is the chakra present in a living being.
How jutsu are performed is that when say a person is doing an elemental jutsu, they would mould their Neutral chakra into the desired nature. Explosive tags work much the same way, they transform Neutral chakra into Fire nature chakra. If the chakra in the person was not Neutral, the results could not be pretty, because what if, say, they had natures that opposed each other? Like fire and water? The chakras would react violently with one another and death would occur, in a most spectacular fashion, think fireworks, but meatier. And thus it was necessary for living beings to have Neutral chakra.
But what does this lengthy explanation have anything to do with Naruto's seal, one may ask themselves. The answer is that Neutral chakra has the capacity, if utilized correctly, to be absorbed by all natures. And so, when the Interrupter sent out the Neutral chakra, it would be absorbed and go against the natural flow of the chakra system. And in theory, it would stop the flow, and thus the object or person.
The problem here was the amount of chakra emitted would have to differ from situation to situation. If it was too strong, it would overpower the flow, if it was too weak, it would be overpowered. It had to be of equal force, because when two objects of equal force collide, they neutralize themselves.
And so, Naruto had to add another Detection component, that would register the amount of chakra in the area and then send the information to the Storage component who would act send out the correct amount of chakra.
In essence, what the seal did was detect chakra, and the amount, send that information to the Interrupter seal, that would emit in accordance and thus stop the thing.
It was all very complicated stuff, and Kami knows how Naruto accomplished the feat.
Naruto tested his new seal vigorously, with various objects like exploding kunai, bigger sticks, a very surprised chipmunk and on a memorable occasion, his Buster seal. The Chakra Interrupter seal almost didn't work.
And thus ends the tale of how Naruto could be found at Training Ground 3 at 2 AM.
Flashback end (Don't lynch me)
"I see..." trailed Kakashi, "So you made a new seal that suppressed the chakra of objects and people to immobilize them?"
"Yup!" was his exuberant reply.
"Naruto... I'm sure you hear this a lot, but that shouldn't even be possible," Kakashi said, already feeling the headache that was coming.
"It isn't?" asked Naruto.
"No," Kakashi bluntly answered, "Didn't you read the book on seals the Hokage gave you? The one with the rules of Fuinjutsu?"
"Nope!"
"You really are a fucking idiot..." Kakashi mumbled, "So can your seal actually stop a human being?"
"'fraid not, sensei, it requires too much chakra... I'm already expending an enormous amount on the chakra in the air, but when I can fix that, I should be able to stop humans! I can however, stop any sized stick!" answered Naruto.
"Any sized stick you say?" Kakashi muttered, "Naruto, how about we test the limits of your new seal?"
"Sure!" replied the blond, completely oblivious to sinister undertone of the man's voice.
"Alright, just place your seal down while I go get my 'stick'," instructed Kakashi and quickly disappeared into the forest.
"You got it, boss man!" Naruto happily said, glad that his sensei wasn't too mad at him. He placed his seal on the ground and waited for his teacher's arrival. Loud cracking sounds could be heard from where Kakashi had ventured off into.
"Must be a big stick..." pondered Naruto, "I should be able to handle it, I am the future Hokage after all!"
"Alright Naruto! Let's get testing!" said a very excited Kakashi. Kakashi, it seemed, had a very broad knowledge on what the word 'stick' meant as he had returned with what seemed to be a recently uprooted tree of modest size. Indeed, its roots still had dirt clumped on it, and Naruto could hear the frantic chirping of chicks in their nest from their impromptu moving.
"Um... Sensei, I don't think my-" Naruto started, before being interrupted by Kakashi.
"Nonsense! Now, catch." Kakashi said with downright malevolence before throwing the fucking tree à la javelin at Naruto, completely missing the seal.
A scream could be heard across the forest, before being cut off by a loud crash and the screeches of birds.
"That was mean Sensei..." groaned Naruto from the ground, covered in leaves and bird shit.
"Maybe you shouldn't boast about the power of your seal if you can't back it up..." Kakashi replied, nose buried in his favourite book.
"I almost fucking died, you thunder cunt!" Naruto yelled.
"But you didn't! So I don't know why you're complaining so much," was the uninterested reply.
"Jackass," Naruto mumbled.
"I'm sorry Naruto? Did I just hear you volunteer for 200 squats in today's training?"
Naruto only collapsed on the ground, yelling incomprehensible things into the dirt.
"Now, since that's been resolved," Kakashi said, snapping his book shut, "How about we get around to today's mission?"
Naruto's screaming only intensified into a singular sound that was similar to a certain word that shouldn't be uttered near children, or anyone really.
"Team seven, your mission today is..." intoned the Hokage.
Team seven were, obviously, at the Hokage Tower to get their daily mission.
"Please don't be Tora. Please be Tora. Please don't be Tora. Please be Tora," whispered Naruto.
The Hokage raised an eyebrow at the boy's sensei, who seemed completely at ease with all that was happening. When he noticed his leader's eyes on his person and the subtle flicker to his student that was contradicting himself, he merely shrugged.
Putting it aside for later, the Hokage continued on, "Will be to help madam Momo with her groceries."
"Fuck yea! Shit," was Naruto's confusing reaction.
"Now get going. Team Seven, dismissed," said the Hokage.
Naruto and company bowed before quickly exiting the building, wanting to finish the mission as soon as possible.
"Why the fuck does an old lady need so much fucking talcum powder?!" exclaimed an exasperated Naruto.
"Don't ask, don't tell," replied his sensei, once again reading his pornogr- work of art.
"Yeah, yeah..." he grumbled back.
Naruto and his team were currently at the civilian market, buying the groceries for madam Momo. Thankfully, the market didn't smell like shit.
Naruto was lagging behind, carrying an array of bags, boxes and crates. Sasuke and Sakura were only slightly encumbered, what with Naruto taking the brunt of the shopping items.
Kakashi, of course, was carrying nothing.
"I always have to do everything... Fucking assholes," groused Naruto. His griping was interrupted by a commotion ahead.
"What's all this then? Excitement? And I'm not the source of it?" wondered Naruto, "This, I gotta see."
Quickly throwing off everything in an unseemly manner onto the ground, he quickly sprinted off to see what all the hubbub was about. Kakashi just sat on one of the crates, someone had to keep an eye on the clients products.
Naruto ran to the centre of the civilian square, where some sort of fight seemed to be going on.
It seemed like Team Seven had encountered Team Guy, and the two members of the team with doujutsu seemed to have had a transgression between one another.
Said members comprised of Sasuke and Neji Hyuga, a stuck up boy from the Hyuga clan with rod that, amazingly, had a rod shoved even farther up his ass than Sasuke. The boy was talented in the arts of Taijutsu, considered to be the best of the new genin. He wasn't someone Naruto wanted to tussle with any time soon.
The two boys whose expressive ways combined were the equivalent of a rock, were currently butting foreheads, onxy eyes meeting lavender.
"Hnn," said one rock.
"Hmph," replied the other rock.
The two were in the centre of a circle that the civilians had formed, obviously interested in what was going to happen between the two shinobi.
Neji's teammates were at the edge of the circle, calmly observing the happenings. They were Tenten and Rock Lee. Tenten was a girl with brown hair tied in a bun with a scroll slung over her back. She had a penchant towards all things pointy and was proficient in most any weapon. Rock Lee was a boy with a bow cut and clad in an atrocious green jumpsuit that made one want to claw their eyes out. He was a loud one.
"YOSH, NEJI! SHOW HIM YOUR YOUTH!" a very loud one.
Sakura was standing beside the duo, seemingly entranced by the erratic wiggling of Lee's eyebrows, who were perhaps his most memorable feature. Indeed, they looked like fuzzy caterpillars had latched onto his face and were now doing the chimichanga.
Naruto sidled over to Sakura, "Hey what's going on?"
"Your teammate bumped into Neji, and now Neji wants an apology, but he won't give him one," answered Tenten, "He's very stubborn, so he is."
"Tell me about it," said Naruto.
"I'm Tenten, nice to meet you," greeted the brunette, putting out a hand to shake.
"Naruto Uzumaki, likewise," he replied, firmly shaking the proffered hand.
Lee took notice as to what was happening right next to him and turned to also greet the newcomer in his... Energetic manner.
"YOSH, NARUTO-SAN! IT IS NICE TO MEET YOU!" Lee yelled before engulfing the shorter boy in a manly hug of youth.
"Nice...To...Meet...You...Too..." chocked out Naruto.
"Lee, inside voice," Tenten reprimanded.
"BUT WE'RE OUTSIDE!" was the loud reply.
"Do we want a replay of what happened last time, Lee?" Tenten threatened, bringing out a whip from Kami knows where.
"No, not the whip," whimpered Lee.
"Good, now hush, things are about to get interested," Tenten turned her attention back to the rocks, Naruto doing likewise.
The duo were still butting foreheads, but then, on an unheard signal, they broke up. Sasuke going down into his clan's Interceptor stance and Neji into his clan's Gentle Fist stance.
Sasuke was the first to move, blurring towards the other boy, a kick aimed for his head. Neji dodged the kick and retaliated with a barrage of strikes aimed for the chest. Sasuke was hard pressed to defend himself. His clan's Taijutsu style was certainly powerful, but it necessitated the Sharingan, something he did not possess. Trying to feint, he aimed a punch for the Hyuga's chest before switching targets to his neck. The other dodged the attack easily, and kicked Sasuke in the chest, sending him flying into a nearby sea food stall.
"Oh no!" Naruto exclaimed, running towards the mess that was once a sea food stall that sold fresh produce.
Sasuke was struggling to get up, an octopus had taken a liking to his leg and would just not let go. He saw Naruto running towards him.
'Not the blond idiot too,' he thought, but Naruto, it seemed wasn't interested in his downed teammate as he ran right past him and frantically looked through the wreckage for something.
Neji walked up to Sasuke, who was still trying to get rid of the octopus that was starting to explore other areas. "Give up, Uchiha, you are no match for me without your doujutsu," sneered the boy.
"You fucking..." growled Sasuke, about to lodge his fist into the other boy's brain.
"CLAM DOWN!" Naruto screamed.
"What?" both genin said at the same, turning around to see Naruto on his knees in the middle of a puddle holding what seemed to be a sea shell.
"Clam down..." he sobbed, "Don't you worry mate, you'll be alright. You may look a bit clammy, but soon we'll get you all fixed up. Then we'll turn the tide of this battle. I promise I'll get you to your oyster if it's the last thing I do. She'll krill you if you die. Don't talk, don't talk... I can't bear to sea you like this..." Naruto broke down into heaving sobs, unable to hold onto his stream of emotions. The clam, it didn't seem to have it in it, and it died with a shudder, if clams can even shudder.
"He's gone, I was so shoal that he was going to make it..." he cried, clasping the sea food closer to his heart.
"Your teammates a special one ain't he?" commented Tenten
"You don't even know the half of it..." said Sakura, wondering if it was legal to choke a person with sea produce.
Neji looked at the sobbing boy with barely masked contempt before twirling on his feet, and leaving.
"Tenten, Lee, let's go," he called out, and they left, the crowd parting like an ocean.
"What happened here?" was the timely arrival of Kakashi.
He was quite befuddled, one of his students was frantically trying to dislodge an octopus from going any further up his pants, another was on the ground holding a clam to his chest and wailing, and the last one was holding a clown fish and glaring at the one with the clam.
'What have I gotten myself into?' Kakashi wondered, not for the first nor last time.
And done! Hot fucking damn, near 4k words! Anyways, I promised to update within two weeks and I delivered. First I would like to thank all of you who took the time review (Again) and I would like to answer some questions you guys had. I will be having more interactions with Kurama and hell to the fuck yes, there's going to be a battle between Deidara and Naruto and it will be glorious. I am undecided on the pairings, I can't write drama or romance for shit. Thanks for all the follows and favourites, they're all really appreciated!
I tried to include everything in this chapter, fighting, humour and explanations. Sorry if the explanation was boring, but it's going to serve as a primer and major point in the future chapters, but I tried to counteract it with a longer chapter. I'll be adding more techniques to Naruto's arsenal, but slowly. Anyways, happy Valentine's Day, or whenever the fuck you guys are reading this. Leave a review, don't, thanks for reading! Author out!