After meeting with Dumbledore I had spent all night to plan what to do. Horcruxes were four at the time: the cup, the diary, the ring and the tiara, but unlike the tiara they were all difficult to recover and, more importantly, some of them could not be in the same place where I, Harry, Hermione and Ron had found them.
I got out of bed and I took the beaded bag. Emptying the bag, I mentally thank my best friend when I grabbed two of basilisk fangs. I noted with regret that Gryffindor' sword and my father's cloak were gone perhaps, I thought, being magical objects they could not exist two at the same time.
Only once the sun began to dawn I decided to put everything in place with a flick of wand and go to sleep.
The next morning, as expected, I was a rag and I surprised to sleep until 10 am. After a quick cold shower, which had the effect of finally waking me up, and changed myself, I got out and headed for the fence of Thestral thanking the fate which was Saturday: I would not have resisted lesson.
I stood there for the rest of the morning until, driven by hunger, I decided to face my fears, back to the castle and go into the Great Hall. The room was full of people and as soon as I entered two people, Remus and Lily, smiled at me, raising his hand in greeting. I approached my mother, which I was surprised to find without her friends. A few moments later the four Marauders moved by sitting next to us.
"Look, look who shows up." Sirius said making provocative.
I ignored his comment and the fact that he was sitting next to me, putting an arm on my shoulders, but I could not help but move it badly: from my visit to Malfoy Manor nobody could touch me except Remus and Lily.
"Do not touch me, please." I said, tense and perhaps a little gentle way.
Sirius seemed to be upset and immediately the guilt I did this, but I tried to ignore it.
"Where were you this morning?" asked my mother.
"I was walking around the gardens to explore." I explained biting into a piece of toast.
"Honey if you want a tour of Hogwarts I can arrange it." my father's best friend proposed.
"She wants to see the castle, not all places where you've fucked, Black." Lily retorted sour triggering the giggles of Peter, who had not yet issued sound.
I looked bad guy and not just laid eyes on me I moved away, I would have to find a way to remove him out of the way before he did more damage than the ones that had already combined, but the fact that he's always the same with other Marauders made it an issue.
"Evans, as my future sister in law I feel insulted." Replied Sirius falsely angry.
"I would accompany you, but I have to go to Slughorn's party." Lily sighed pointedly ignoring the comment Sirius.
"No problem - I said, getting up before anyone could stop me - I have to do a little 'things."
I escaped by stealing a bit 'of food, before anyone could make a sound. Being with them was too difficult and painful, too many memories crowded my mind, too many worries and too many though. What if I had not managed to destroy all the Horcruxes? What if I get worse the situation by bringing them to a premature death and Voldemort to win?
I locked myself in my room undecided about what to do, wasting away again Hermione's beaded purse and checking if there was something that had escaped me, but with the exception of what I had found in the morning there was nothing.
I was surprised to find the photographs album of myself and Harry, which I had not noticed in the morning and I could not help but take it and leaf through the pages gently savoring the smiles of those whom I considered my family. I would have endured hell rather than see them suffer, they do not deserve the end they had had, the life difficult and full of concerns that me and my brother had lived and if it meant dying for them I would have done.
I remained holed up in the room to try and form a plan to late and only night at midnight I decided to get off and go to step into the kitchen to make a sandwich. My plans were ruined, however, by a person sitting on the couch who was quietly reading a book.
"Why are you still awake?" I asked, hoping I was not there any more, but it was obviously too much to ask.
Remus stood up and showed me the book that rested on the arm of the couch and walked over to me.
"Why did you escape?"
"I ... I needed to take a little 'air." I lied.
"I did not ask where you're going, but why you're running away from everyone. I told you I want to be your friend, but you do not seem the same idea. "
I was silent, not knowing what to say, I could not explain to him what ailed me, I could not let him try it again so much pain even if it means his hate for me.
Remus sighed and picked up the book heading for the stairs.
"I do not know what happened to you before you get to school, I do not know who Tom or two people in which he became the boggart are, but I know that being alone does not help, and you have friends you can count on is useful. Rather than tell you that I'm here if you want to talk I can not do, you are not alone, even Lily is concerned and in their own way also James and Sirius, do not stop to take off his eyes off you, even Peter does. You have to trust us despite that stupid joke. "He said.
Again I did not answer, too affected by his words. Remus sighed again disappointed and he began to climb the steps directed towards his dorm.
"It's hard." I whispered with a voice barely audible.
My godfather felt and turning the block back to me.
"Can I help you?" He asked me, his eyes were full of hope and a shy smile had formed on his lips.
"I fear it is impossible, but I thank you. I really appreciate what you're doing, Remus, but I think it's better to turn away from me all, I do not even know why I stay in this school. " I whispered the words pouring out my despair.
Remus went back down the stairs coming up to me.
"Give me one good reason why I should simply ignore you." He replied.
"I have lost everything Remus. - I replied harshly - I do not want it to happen again, and the only way to make that happen is to have nothing. "
"And then what sense does it live?" He asked.
"It does not have anyone. For I do not know why I'm still here. "I admitted, looking down and biting the inside of his cheek for my recklessness and stupidity, because I'd have to tell him? He was not my Remus.
I felt taken by the shoulders and shake, I got up looked up and saw the face of Remus contract by disappointment, fear and anger.
"It is always worth living for and I don't leave you alone." He said, repeating the words that Dumbledore had told me.
My young godfather hugged me and I could not help but reciprocate. I undid the hug before starting to cry, and after a slight nod I went to my room in the hope that the night did not bring as usual nightmares.
When the next morning I went down to the common room, Remus was already there waiting for me with my dad, Sirius and Peter. My godfather smiled and asked me if I was down to have breakfast with them. To my affirmative answer James and Sirius began to celebrate.
I did not speak much at breakfast, committed to fill my empty stomach from too many hours, I just listened to their talk, carefully avoiding looking at Peter. I pulled back his gaze to Dumbledore who gave me a shy smile.
"What are you going to do today?" Asked James.
I bit my lower lip, my intention was to go and retrieve the Ravenclaw' tiara, but of course I could not tell him.
"I do not know yet, maybe I'll go for a walk." I answered vaguely.
"Is it ok if I'm going with you? They have a punishment. "Remus suggested.
I nodded defeat, getting up from the table and following the boy out directed toward the black lake.
Surprisingly the morning was pleasant. We talked of this and that, and despite the discussion of the night before Remus I never forced to reveal what ailed me, something of which I was profoundly grateful. My godfather introduced me to a young version of Hagrid, the same as what I remembered, he was working for a small hippogriff.
"Do you know why I got so angry for the history of the Boggart?" I asked Remus as we were returning to the castle for lunch.
"No, why?"
"There is a war out there, Remus, and it's not like in the books, the good does not always win, there is no happily ever after and here ... this place ... it seems that nobody cares what's going on out there. Behave as almost all of the kids."
"We are kids. I do not say that you have to give a damn, but there are adults, the Aurors stop what is starting."
"What if not? What if they fail? Death Eaters will not stop just because we were kids. We must prepare while there is still time. "
"Why are you talking to me about this?"
"The situation is worst off than you think, and it is said that Hogwarts forever remain a safe place, there may be some Death Eaters inside, even among people who never believe."
Remus was silent as he walked towards the castle reflecting on my words.
We no longer touched the topic and after having lunch with others, I lied saying I was tired and I had to rest, actually headed for the Room of Requirement. On the way I cursed me several times, I had again spoken too much with Remus that morning, but I could not help it, I had to warn them somehow prepare them while there was still time, especially if I fail.
Enter the room in which the crown was hidden was strange because it was exactly like that of my era, except for a few items less. I wandered for a few minutes, picking up some object as parchments or quills that could be useful for my studies. Then I headed to search the vanishing cabinet that Malfoy had used in our sixth year to let the Death Eaters. I labored a little 'to find it, because it was covered with several layers of curtains and behind a huge stack of chairs. To the cabinet lacked doors and internal walls were not testy. It would take several months and a lot of work before it can be put back on track, but I decided to get rid of it as soon as possible to avoid disappointment. I pulled the wand from the pocket of the coat and muttered the Reducto spell; what remained were only of wood splinters scattered about the room.
I brushed my clothes, covered with a thin layer of dust mixed with sawdust and pulled from Hermione's bag extracting from it one of the basilisk fangs.
Find the bust with tiara was easy since fortunately was in the same spot where Harry had found for the first time. Before deleting the horcrux I decided to make an identical copy of the tiara and replaced it, then placing the original on a rickety table there next.
Not without hesitation I loaded my arm and stabbed the piece of Voldemort's soul.
The tiara came a gush of black substance, like blood, and suddenly sent out a great wind that pushed me away clash against making a library, and fainting.
I woke up those that I think they were several hours later with a terrible headache. Slowly and taking care not to make me even more pain I stood up and I went to the tiara. With joy I saw that was broken in half and was surrounded by the same black liquid puddle I had seen before fainting. On my lips he formed a half smile, and without waiting for additional time I picked it up and wrapped it in a rag sticking it inside the purse, about basilisk fang, however, no trace.
I walked to the Great Hall, several minutes later, with less weight on my shoulders, and though my head still ached I could not be raised. The work to be done was still a lot, but at least, I consoled myself, a part of the soul of Voldemort was dead. With these thoughts I sat smiling in the only empty seat next to Sirius and started to serve food.
"Good evening." He said.
I replied to his greeting with heart and smiling for the first time I saw him embarrassed, but I gave no importance.
"Feeling better?" James asked biting into a chicken leg.
"Yes. - I answered truthfully and shocked that what I was saying was true - I'm better. "