First of all I want to say an HUGE THANKS to ThePen'sMightierThanTheSword that is helping me to write this fanfiction, correcting my TERRIBLE mistakes. Thank you so much!
The six weeks that followed were quiet and without big news. By day I alternated between classes, study and library, while at night I was trying to work out a plan for the recovery of the Horcruxes that were missing.
My relationship with the Marauders and Lily was made of ups and downs: I was fine with them, but the sense of peace from being able to destroy the diadem had not lasted long, and it was soon replaced by the anxiety of not being able to complete the mission that was now committed to me for over a year. It happened so, that every time I remained with them for too long I had to run away and every time I went I was followed by the disappointed look of Remus, who made me feel even worse.
With the beginning of October here, Hogsmeade trips were starting. I had been thinking for several weeks about what to do and in the end I came to the conclusion that this was my chance to get away from the castle without running too many risks.
In the morning I'd be out with my mother and her friends. I took a ride with them and then I made up an excuse to get away from them in order to go to the end of the village, in the cave where old Sirius used to hide and then I would dematerialize into the Dean forest. There I would transfigure my face to make me unrecognizable and then I would go in the old house of Gaunt. I had been really lucky: three weeks after the destruction of the tiara, I found an old article in the Daily Prophet, announcing the death of the magician in his old home in Little Hangleton.
I knew very well that all the work I was doing could be avoided by a simple conversation with Dumbledore, but I had not found a way to talk about it yet. I trusted him, his capacity and his good will, I was also deeply grateful for the opportunity and the help he had given me, but I could not forgive what he did. He had kept Harry alive only to be sacrificed at the right time and I would never be able to forgive him for that.
A soft knock on the door to my room made me jump. With a flick of my wand I shoved everything that was scattered on the bed into the beaded bag. Taking it, I opened the door. Lily was in front of me smiling, dressed in a heated canary yellow sweater and jeans. She was beautiful.
"Shall we go?" she asked, smiling.
"I'll get my jacket!" Lily stood at the door as I opened the closet, pulling out a black jacket that I had found in the Room of Requirement, then I followed the girl out the door.
"You'll see that you'll like Hogsmeade!" she exclaimed. I smiled and nodded, I never knew what to say in front of my mother. Every time I saw her I could hear her screams asking for mercy from Voldemort. She was the reason I was alive, and I was the reason she was dead. I always felt guilty about it. Lily, obviously seeing my change of mood stopped.
"Are you okay?" she asked, worried. I nodded, following her downstairs and that was when I lost a beat of my heart.
Sirius Black was good in school uniform, but it was nothing compared to how he was dressed now. He wore a vest dragon skin and simple beige trousers, but he looked like a Greek god. I blushed and looked away immediately, reproaching myself mentally.
We waited in silence for a few minutes for the other girls and then we set off, having already decided to go together, much to James' joy and Lily's horror. Fortunately I'd already turned 17, so I did not need the permission of parents or guardians to go to the small village, although I would bet anything that Dumbledore would give me his license anyway.
The journey was happy and carefree between the eight of us. After making a tour of the village and stopping at Honeydukes, we found ourselves at the Three Broomsticks with a nice steaming butterbeer in no time, countering the cold wind autumn.
Although initially hesitant of the idea of the union of the two groups, Lily had yet to fight with James, who was unexpectedly behaving more mature than usual. That was making Sirius furious, but instead had made a splash on Lily that I had discovered many times to observe sneak her future husband. Despite the presence of Peter, I was really enjoying to spend the day with them, in fact it was with great regret that I got up from the chair taking my things.
"Guys, I do not feel very well. I'm going back to the castle. "
"You don't feel well? I'll take you! "Lily said immediately.
"No, thank you. I don't need it, I don't want to ruin your day." I countered, knowing that if she accompanied me she would ruin the plan. James opened his mouth to speak and the usual worried look Remus gave me felt like a stab to the heart, but the sound of an explosion and some screams coming from outside made us jump.
The pub was suddenly silent and in no time the professors present stood up and went out to check, I did not lose time and joined them pulling my wand from the pocket and I was followed by the screams of my friends calling my name. I ignored it, and followed the professors out where chaos reigned: in front of the pub, a building was partially destroyed and in flames. In front of it, savouring the moment was a small group of masked people that I recognized immediately as Death Eaters.
"What the hell are you doing? Come back now!" James and Sirius yelled to me looking out the door of the pub and trying to drown out the screams of terrified students. I turned for a second to look at them, but their faces were superimposed with that of their dead corpses.
"Go back to the pub." I told them both harshly.
I would have stayed behind to try to cover their shoulders making sure that no one was hurt or worse, killed. I shook my wand and turned back toward the Death Eaters preparing to face them. One of them moved suddenly initiating the confrontation by throwing a stunner towards Professor Flitwick, but he easily stopped it.
It was chaos.
In a moment the small village became a real battlefield. In every part of it, I could see the colourful flashes of curses that were thrown, sometimes stifled by the smoke from the burning building. Although the Death Eaters were only a dozen, far fewer than that of teachers and villagers, the panic was palpable, particularly among students who were trying to protect themselves from the attack.
I did not lose time, I also began to hurl spells in an attempt to stop the largest amount of Death Eaters that I could. My heart was beating faster and I could feel the adrenaline in my veins, almost as though it had been months since I fought the battle, but only a few minutes.
"Beth!" I heard screaming from behind me.
I threw one stupefy and turned to a second noticing Lily and the Marauders hidden behind a dumpster a few blocks from the pub.
"What the hell are you doing? I told you to get back to the pub!" I yelled.
"Are you crazy? We're not leaving without you." Sirius replied.
"Where are Alice and Mary?" I asked, not seeing them and fearing the worst.
"They stayed at the pub." James informed me. I cursed mentally as I approached them, before reaching the trail to the castle had to cover at least half a village which at the time was a battlefield, to know they are safe I would have to accompany them.
"Alright, let's go!"
I planted myself in front of them leading the way and being careful not to be seen by no one, and decided to go through the alleys between the various houses of the village despite it being the long way. Sirius was beside me, followed by James and Lily embracing in each other and behind were Remus and Peter who's frightened squeak was making me nervous.
We were able to walk most of the way without any problems, but suddenly a man stepped in front of us. The boys jumped backwards a little bit and even though I was scared, I tried not to panic. It was impossible to go back and get away from the man we would have to give our back, but I was not willing to do. I raised my wand to make my white knuckles pointing it at the man in front of me hoping for the better.
The Death Eater smirked, approaching a few feet away from me. I threw a stunner, hoping to take him off guard, but the man easily parried the spell, responding immediately to the attack. I managed to fight the man, but I knew that we couldn't stay there for long, since other Death Eaters would soon arrive and encircle us. Fortunately I had an idea.
"Reducto!" I shouted to the wall behind the man.
The wall exploded into pieces, taking by surprise the Death Eater and covering it with debris.
"B... Beth." Stammered Lily shaky, but I did not care.
"Let's go! And pull out your wands!"
"But we..." began Peter.
"Do you want to die!?" I yelled. We resumed our journey while hesitant boys and one girl followed me. The battle was taking a different turn due to the fundamental appearance of the Aurors, including Alastor Moody, whom I noticed, all his nose and both his eyes still intact.
We arrived at the castle out of breath. I did not stop a moment to look back and see if anyone was following us, but fortunately no one was. Once we arrived in front of the main entrance of the castle I stopped and looked back one last time: a blanket of smoke rising from the village, but at least we were safe. I looked to the group for the first time and the boys were all pale and Lily had tears in her eyes and would not stop hanging on to James. I couldn't stop to think whether they were the same people that would take part in the first magical war in few months time.
Before anyone could say or do anything, Madam Pomfrey appeared at the door and directed us to the Great Hall where teachers who had not gone to Hogsmeade, and some healers, arrived to help after the news of the attack, checking that we were all right before sending us back in our dorms. Some students, such as Peter that would not stop whining for a moment, were sent to spend the remainder of the day and the night in the infirmary.
The Marauders, Lily and I climbed into the common room, and I sat down in the chair next to the fireplace with a sigh. Although I was angry about the fact that my plans were ruined, I was happy that they were all alright and alive.
While I relaxed in the chair, I saw James leave a shocked Lily with her roommates, who had joined us accompanied by the host of an Auror about half an hour after our arrival, to bring them to their room, while Sirius approached me.
"We need to talk." he stated.
I looked at him confused. What did he want?
I nodded, albeit confused, and followed him along with James and Remus to their room. I took the opportunity to look at it carefully: it was a chaos of uniforms, Zonko jokes, books and notebooks. The only part that was in order, of course, was that of Remus.
James slammed the bedroom door launched a Muffliato. A spell to ensure no one outside heard our conversation. He looked furious.
"What the hell were you going to do?! If we had not called you would have remained to fight. You could die!"
"James is right Beth, it was a madness." Remus added.
"You were stupid." concluded Sirius, also wearing a hard look. I had given up everything to try to keep them safe and they insult me!
"How?" I asked in amazement.
"You almost died! If we had stayed in the pub we would've been safe and we would all be back together with the Aurors, Alice and Mary! You put yourself and us in danger, and more than that you killed a man today, do you realize that? You'll be lucky if you don't end up in Azkaban and you stand there like it was nothing!"James ranted, as I felt my heart crack from the pain they were causing me.
"I didn't kill the Death Eater. He used a shield spell before the wall fell on him, so he's alive." I explained
"You could have killed him!" my father continued.
"Yes." I said, silencing all three of them. "And I would not have regretted it if it meant saving your lives."
"You have no idea what you're saying. Although they're fools they are still human beings!" Remus said.
"They are not human beings!" I yelled making them fall silent for the second time "They are monsters, soulless beings, enjoying bringing pain to people and we were lucky that they didn't kill anyone today! Can you understand!?"
Silence filled the room and seeing no reaction from the boys I decided to keep talking, this time more calmly.
"No, I can't expect you to understand, you have not seen what I have." I whispered, more to myself than to them. "Do you think I had fun? Do you think that I wanted to participate in the battle for the glory? No... that's not why I did it. "
"Why did you do it?" James asked.
I thought for a second... why was I doing it? What could I tell them while not revealing my true story?
"I did it... to protect you, to ensure that no one died today. I did it for the greater good." I answered, but it was only a half truth. I go to the battlefield to take revenge, longing duel against one of them, they had to pay for what they'd done to me and my family, or what it was they will do.
"You can't really believe that your participation will turn the tide of the war, you were well good, but hell, compared to Dumbledore or You-Know-Who, you're nobody." Sirius teased.
"You're right, I do not have an ounce of their experience or of their magic, but I'll do my part in this war. Just hope that you'll not be forced to." I responded, putting a hand on the door handle to get out. I started to push the door, but I stopped at the words of Sirius.
"You talk as if you've already been at war."
The memories of the clappers Hogwarts engulfed me like a tsunami. The darkness, the fear, the smell of smoke and blood that filled my nostrils making me almost dizzy.
"Beth?" Remus called me from my thoughts.
I wiped the rush of unexpected tears that had fallen from my eyes with the sleeves of my sweater. I cleared my throat and turned to the boys who were waiting for my response. I opened my mouth but did not know what to say.
"Beth" Remus asked hesitantly. "Where is your brother?"
I sheided my eyes, that among all the possible questions he could've asked me, couldn't he understand why I didn't speak during Herbology? The reason that I hated so many of the Death Eaters? Or maybe he still remembered the speech that I had done that night in the common room when I told him that I had lost everything. I marvelled at his insight, but to hear him talk about my brother soon took me into the darkest part of my mind.
"I didn't know you had a brother." James added.
"Me neither!" Sirius said.
Their words became more and more distant as the image of the lifeless body of Harry was shown in front of me.
"Beth?" Remus called once again.
"He killed him." I muttered. The lifeless body of Harry, his lifeless eyes, his hand falling to the ground without strength and let go of the wand.
He had killed him. It had been months, but saying it out loud in front of the person who loved him was different. It was wrong.
My brother was not with me, this was not a dream or a strange fantasy. Harry was dead and he wasn't coming back, even if I had gone the way and although I knew as much, it is as if the only understand at that time was him.
"Who? Who killed him?" asked James shocked.
I looked at his face, that face so much like Harry that made me lose my breath for a moment.
"He killed him..." I whispered between sobs slowly falling to the ground.
I crouched on the floor hugging myself strongly at the shoulders in a weak attempt to give myself a little comfort, but the pain was too much and I didn't know how, nor because everything suddenly went black.
I was in the Great Hall, Harry had just jumped from the arms of Hagrid and was fighting fiercely against Tom Riddle. The adrenaline was flowing free in my veins as I watched the scene trusting that my brother was going to win, after all he had managed to survive, although I didn't know how! Suddenly something changed, the atmosphere became more cold and dark and the avada kedavra hit my brother in the chest. The scene took place like it was in slow motion, I saw Harry fall backwards and I saw his green eyes like mine and those of our mother, who looked at me one last time before losing their spark and suddenly everything was red. I screamed his name, and behind me I heard someone scream mine.
Suddenly I opened my eyes, realizing that it was just a dream, or rather a thing and I did not want to relive again all over again. I realized after a few seconds I must not be in my room, but to find myself in the room of the boys who were watching me with worried expressions.
"What happened?" I asked confused, getting up.
The three boys looked at me in doubt whether to speak or not, but my gaze made them decide to do so.
"Yesterday you fell asleep" began Remus "We put you on Peter's bed to let you rest, but about an hour ago, you started to squirm and scream. We had to soundproof the room because we couldn't wake you up. "
"What was I saying?" I asked, alarmed that he had unconsciously said something that might have revealed something about my past, or rather, the future.
"Screamed a name." said James "Harry." he specified.
My eyes darkened and I could not try a minimum of relief. I did force.
"I had a nightmare." I muttered.
"Tell us about it." Sirius said.
I denied with a shake of my head. I didn't need to relive it even once again.
"I also had a lot of nightmares and the only thing I have passed them was talking to the two present here." Sirius pressed gently.
I took a sigh, perhaps Sirius was right, what I needed was to take off some weight off my shoulders, and by changing some details, I would not do any harm to anyone and would not reveal anything.
"All right. I... I relived the memories of the time before arriving at the Great Hall." I hesitated, but the guys with their eyes urged me to go ahead and James took my hand in his gently squeezing it, but I quickly snatched it away, placing it by my side.
"Harry was my twin brother, he was born a few minutes before I was... and he was my exact copy, but male. We've always been me and him, since childhood, he was my brother and my best friend. Before I coming here we were attacked by Death Eaters, we fought with all our might, but he was hit by a hex before I could do anything, not long after I arrived here at Hogwarts. "I said flatly, as if I was speaking as another person. Sirius was right, although it was painful beyond imagination, our talk had literally taken a weight off my shoulders, and although the pain of the loss was unchanged, having told them it made me feel better for the most part.
"Is it Tom? The one who killed your brother." Remus asked.
I nodded.
"I know all the pureblood wizards, most of those attracted to the dark arts, but there is no one who goes by that name." Sirius mused.
I bit my lip undecided about what to do, but I knew that as long as they would not know who he would not leave me in peace. More I had the hope that maybe he would tell her made them feel more at attention on what was happening outside the school boundaries.
"This is because you know him by another name. The murderer of my brother and my parents named Tom Marvolo Riddle, known to all as Voldemort." The boys turned pale as sheets, I never thought, having known adults, they too were afraid of that name.
"Come on" I said with a tone that reminded me a lot of Hermione "It's just a name!"
"You're not afraid?" asked Remus.
"Once my best friend said that the fear of the name does nothing but increase the fear of the thing itself, and I have always found that she was right. Tom Riddle, Voldemort, or whatever you want to call him is just a man." And though he had killed all my hopes, I knew his weak point.
The boys looked at each other but said nothing, the little colour they'd lost had returned. I watched them for a moment, before deciding to get up and walk towards the door.
"Thank you for everything you've done for me, but now I need to go to my room, I need to be alone." I whispered.
I left the room and went down the stairs before they could try and stop me, but james caught up with me before I could start to climb the stairs to the female dorm.
"If you need anything," he started "I'm here."
"Thanks." I whispered gratefully. James smiled softly, heading back to his room and I made my way towards mine.
My father wasn't so bad after all.