I'm a piece of shit, I know, I know... A month without updating, I don't deserve you guys. I'll respond to a few concerns some of you have at the end, but this chapter should be back to my normal crass humour. Thank you to everyone who's still here!

Story Go!

The day after the defeat of Gato, the people of Wave Country held a huge celebration. They were finally free from the oppressive grip of their tyrant and they wanted to party. Party like fucking animals. Fireworks were thrown out like they were breadcrumbs, illuminating the sky in a vast array of colours, food was pulled out from Kami knows where and with great certainty, a lot of illicit fornication was to be had. It was a festive time, although Team Seven were slightly worried that the villagers would do more damage to their land than Gato did, but did not interfere.

They didn't partake in the celebration and instead rested in Tazuna's home, exhausted but elated. Kakashi had nearly killed himself during the final battle and needed to recuperate his energy if he was to be able to leave for Konohagakure tomorrow.

They were all in the living room, scattered throughout the room. Kakashi was lounging on a sofa, Sasuke and Sakure were sitting on the floor, and Naruto was at the table singing a little ditty that he made up that involved a refrigerator, ramen and several pretty women. Naruto, it has to be said, wasn't the best of singers; indeed his singing, or perhaps more aptly put, his wailing was reminiscent to a wet cat being tortured slowly by getting hit with a bag filled with gerbils that were also screeching. A bottle of sake was clutched in one of his hands, the content already half gone, explained the blond's impromptu concert.

Naruto drinking was something that Kakashi should've put a stop to immediately, Naruto plus alcohol was a combination that nearly guaranteed the singed eyebrows of some unfortunate soul, but he was too tired to care.

Sasuke and Sakura seemed to be back to normal, Sakura clinging to her loved one like a leech or some other parasite that slowly sucks the life out of their host, like a stepmother or a best friend named Larry that fucked your girlfriend named Amelia behind your back all the while pretending like he didn't know anything. Sakura didn't want to let Sasuke out of her sights, afraid that she might lose him again, oblivious to the fact that she might be the reason why he'd off himself again; As Sasuke was seriously considering the option of kunai to the spleen because of the girl's incessant badgering.

Thoughts of pointy objects to vital areas aside, Sasuke had a lot of thinking to do. The fight of yesterday weighed heavily on his mind.

'So, I finally activated the Sharingan,' Sasuke thought to himself, 'but even with my Kekkei Genkai, I wasn't able to defeat Haku!'

He was one step closer to avenging his clan, but he was still weak, much too weak to take on his brother.

'Damnit all!' he thought savagely, 'If only I had more power!'

His thoughts slowly strayed to his blond teammate, who seemed to be more than slightly intoxicated and was now currently enraptured by his toenails.

'How did Naruto get so strong?! He may look and act like an idiot, but what if he was a genius like me?'

"Dish wittle piggy went to dah market," Naruto slurred, pointing at his little toe. Nope, Naruto was, and always would be an idiot, through and through. A genius in his own rights sometimes, but still a fucking idiot. It was a lot like telling a dog to fetch, but instead it shits on your carpet. Sure, the dog shits on command, but it still didn't do what it was supposed to do. Made for a neat party trick though.

Tazuna was out like a light, having consumed an ample amount of sake himself, Inari was out with his friends and Tsunami was tidying up the house.

Sasuke's thoughts were interrupted by the sudden movement of the object of his pondering. Naruto stood up without warning, nearly falling immediately after. Stumbling towards the door, and then the steps, he soon came back down with a medium-sized scrolled strapped to his back. Staggering under the weight of it, he headed for the front door.

Kakashi cracked open an eyelid, "Naruto, where exactly are you going?" he drawled, still tired.

"To participate in the celebrashuns," was his answer.

"Well, don't stay out too late, we're leaving tomorrow," Kakashi trailed on, slowly falling back asleep.

Sasuke only sweatdropped at his teacher's laid back attitude. Naruto merely nodded vigorously, as if what the man had said was the wisdom of a sage atop a mountain. Wobbling outside and forgetting to close the door, he was quickly out of the sight of Sasuke. Soon after, however, a huge explosion of a multitude of colours could be seen in the sky, accompanied with a slurred "Yeaaaaah!" and the screams of people. Whether they were screams of joy or fear, Sasuke didn't know, and he didn't plan to find out.

The land of Waves was a sight to behold the next day, people were strewn all across the streets like drunken leaves during autumn, bottles of booze and confetti littered the floor, and in a pile of trash lay Naruto.

The boy grumbled, covering his eyes from the sun rays, "Turn off the damn lights!" he said before throwing a banana peel at the source of light, problem being that the sun was approximately 149 597 870 700 metres away from where he rested and a weak throw like that would never reach the thing; Rather, he hit an innocent chicken that was clucking away at the refuse on the floor. The poor creature was startled and gave a large squawk before running away.

Now completely woken up, Naruto rubbed the sleep from his eyes, before clutching his head in pain, "Fuck me my head hurts..." he moaned. It felt like a happy little mason was hammering away at his skull from the inside. Blocking his eyes from the sun with his hands, he noticed how high up in the sky it was.

"What time is it? Oh man, they're going to kill me," Naruto moaned louder, wondering if it was really worth going through the trouble of getting up only to be bitched at by his teammates. Sighing heavily, he slowly extracted himself from the pile of trash and numerous sake bottles before stumbling along in a direction.

As he walked, in what he hoped was the direction to Tazuna's home, he felt his migraine gradually lessen.

And was immediately brought back by the certain shrill cry of the only female in Team Seven. The girl just had a knack to perfectly replicate the sound of a boiling kettle.

Wincing, he prepared himself for the oncoming onslaught.

"Where have you been?!" Sakura said in a voice that was definitely a few notches above the recommended levels that insured the safety and well-being of one's hearing canals, "We've been waiting nearly three hours!"

Naruto got onto his knees, as if preparing to beg for forgiveness, but really it was because of a loss of balance from ruptured ear drums.

"What were you-" Sakura started before she was cut off by her blond teammate slamming his face onto the floor without any reservations.

"That's great, Sakura," Naruto said from his lofty position of being imbedded into the ground, "but you see, I have one hell of a headache, and would greatly appreciate it if you lowered your voice so it didn't pierce through my brain like a sword impaling an unsuspecting praying girl."

Sakura was at a loss for words from Naruto's decisively bizarre analogy but was saved by the arrival of Kakashi.

"Now now you guys, there's no need to fight..." he said with an eyesmile, but Naruto could just tell from the tone of his voice that Kakashi was going to train him to the ground, well more so than he already was...

"I took the liberty of packing your stuff, Naruto," the man stated, chucking a small bag towards the prostrate boy before fixing him with a hard glare, "And also of confiscating a few 'contraband' items..."

Naruto sweated a little bit. He had a lot stuff that he shouldn't have, like a lot of stuff. Stuff that no man should have, let alone a prepubescent boy.

"What did I say about high-ranked explosive tags?" the man continued, making Naruto sigh out in relief.

"Sorry, sensei," he muttered, maybe his sensei hadn't found his other...items.

Those hopes were quickly dashed by his teacher's following statement, "Just don't do it again, you naughty boy."

The man's lewd voice sent shivers down Naruto's spine.

"Fuck..."

The day just wasn't looking up for him, was it?

"Now then!," Kakashi exclaimed, "How about we get started? We're supposed to report back to Hokage-sama in 4 days and we already wasted half a day! Hokage-sama is a busy man and must hate lateness, I know I do!"

"You're one to talk, you porn-reading, one-eyed mask wearing, hypocritical, lazy, good for nothing piece of human-" Naruto's mutterings were soon lost as he, Sasuke and Sakura filed in behind their sensei, Naruto trailing in the back. At least his hangover was slowly going away.

As Team Seven neared Tazuna's newly constructed bridge, they were stopped by a truly heartwarming sight. The entirety of the Land of Waves population had gathered on the bridge, or at least those who weren't nursing hangovers.

Inari, being the first to spot them, quickly ran over to the small group, tackling Naruto in a hug.

"Naruto! We did it! We're finally free!" he yelled out in joy.

Naruto fought the urge to reply with the savvy reply of, "Yea, no shit, although that was two days ago..." but wasn't that much of an insensitive cactus and let the boy have his moment.

He felt his shirt moisten like a tepid washcloth from something that had the capacity to moisten his shirt like a tepid washcloth.

"I didn't want to cry..." Inari sniffled, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands.

"Hey now," Naruto said, ruffling the boy's hair, "You're the hero, you have no reason to be sad!"

"I'm not crying because I'm sad, it's because I'm so happy... We can finally be free... But I guess you're right, the hero shouldn't cry..."

"I think it's alright for a hero to cry when he's happy, hero or not, it's a hard thing not to do," Naruto ruffled Inari's hair once more before going to join his team who had gone on ahead to Tazuna without him.

Inari wiped the last remnants of tears from his ocular objects that were used to identify various other objects before smiling in a determinant fashion at the blond, 'I swear, Naruto, I will become a real hero, just like you!'

Naruto, for his part, was bawling his eyes out, albeit in a discreet manner. A bit like how a boyfriend would after he discovers that his fucking girlfriend named Amelia cheated on him with his best friend named Larry.

"Geez, Naruto, you say something sort of cool and you end up like this?" Sakura teased lightheartedly. It seemed she had gotten over the blond's tardiness.

"It's not my fault the brat made me cry," Naruto halfheartedly defended himself.

As the rest of the villagers gave their thanks to Team Seven, Kakashi couldn't help but notice a new sense of camaraderie that surrounded his little genin.

'My, my, how they've grown...' he thought, 'Especially you, Naruto... Your parents would be proud...'

Kakashi was broken out of his pondering by the large figure of Tazuna engulfing the scarecrow like man in a hug. His breath held the slight smell of sake.

"My land is forever in your debt, Kakashi-san," Tazuna thanked him profusely, "If there's anything, and I mean anything that we could ever help you, don't hesitate to ask."

"I think this should suffice," Kakashi answered, palming the scroll that held the Priority Trading contract signed by the land's elders, "But we really must go, we're already late as it is."

As Team Seven were seen, slowly disappearing into the horizon, Tazuna, accompanied by his daughter and grandson, was hit with a realization.

"We still need to name this bridge, don't we?" he asked.

Tsunami nodded in agreement, still waving at the quartet.

"I was thinking about naming it after it's builder, the Great Tazu-" he continued before he was interrupted by the harsh "No!"'s of the villagers.

Tazuna looked genuinely crestfallen, before everyone around him erupted into laughter.

"How about the Great Naruto Bridge?" Inari chimed in.

"It does have a good ring to it," Tsunami mused, "Named after the boy who saved our nation, who rid the land of its tyrant and returned hope to its people... What do you guys think?"

The crown roared in approval, cementing the decision.

"Very well!" Tazuna crawled out of his self-imposed funk, "From this day forth, this bridge will be known as the Great Naruto Bridge!"

The crowd once again erupted into cheers and yells, celebrating their victory, their freedom, and their saviours.

"Are we there yet?" Naruto asked for the seventeenth time.

"Naruto... It hasn't even been an hour..." Kakashi said through gritted teeth, if he was to stay with the boy for another two more days, he feared that both his sanity and the blond wouldn't come back to the village in one piece. Not that his sanity was very stable anyways.

"I know! But it's just so boring!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Then entertain yourself!" Kakashi almost yelled.

"Fine! I'll play iSpy with myself then!" Naruto replied, "I spy with my..."

Kakashi was seriously on the verge of murdering someone gruesomely and slowly if he heard the words "I spy with my little eye something that's green... A tree! Wow, this is so difficult" one more time. Naruto had gone on for a day and a half, incessantly playing his game of iSpy with himself.

At first, it had been mildly amusing, but soon after, Kakashi was foaming at the mouth, his hands twitching and thirsting for the throat of a certain blond. He had taken refuge into one of his beloved books, blocking out everything but the smu- plot. However, it was all for nought, for Naruto's unending jabbering reached him even when he channelled chakra into his ears to block sound from coming in.

"I spy with my-" Naruto started again, before he was stopped when he bumped into the back of his sensei. Kakashi's whole form was shaking slightly, and Naruto didn't like the threatening gleam in his eyes.

"Naruto... You have one second to stop your little 'game' before I ram my fist somewhere I really shouldn't." Kakashi threatened.

Naruto seemed to be perplexed by his teacher's reaction, tilting his head before uttering five words, "But are we there yet?"

"That's it!" Kakashi exploded, twirling around, "I will not be held accountable for what I'm about to-"

His train of thought, and mass murder, was disrupted by the loud cry of a man.

"Hey, Kakashi! What took you so long?"

"What." Kakashi said, turning around again, only to be greeted by the massive gates of Konohagakure.

"W-what? H-ow?! When did we get here?!" he asked, stupefied by the sudden change of location. He must've really zone out to miss the large village.

"Naruto, I swear I'm going to-" Kakashi spun around, about to throttle his genin, but was greeted with nothing but the loud laughter of a certain prankster.

"It's good to be back!"

Sarutobi Hiruzen suddenly felt a shiver go down his spine, as if a great calamity had just arrived to his village.

"Hokage-sama!" a messenger opened the door, "A missive just arrived from the Main Gate, Team Seven is back from their mission!"

"Well it's about time," Sarutobi said, "Tell them to report to the Hokage Tower immediately."

"Hai, Hokage-sama!"

The wizened old man was about to go back to his mountain of paper work that seemed to have grown exponentially in size the past few days when he was distracted by the sound of what seemed to be a fairly large explosion. He ran to his window only for a blur of orange, blond and metallic grey to rocket past his face. He was about to go investigate when his secretary knocked on the door before entering.

"A certain Naruto is here to see you, Hokage-sama."

"Th-that's impossible! It's a twenty minute walk from the Main Gates to the Tower!" he spluttered, the incident that happened just mere moments ago momentarily forgotten.

"Well, someone must've forgotten to give him that memo, because he's waiting for you," the secretary smirked. She was one of the few people who didn't despise the boy; Rather, she enjoyed having the blond over, finding his antics to be highly amusing.

The Hokage was about to reply when the doors were suddenly kicked open followed by the loud greeting of a slightly singed Naruto, "Ohayo, Jiji!"

It was at this moment that things clicked in his mind, and Sarutobi Hiruzen allowed himself, on the rare occasions, to swear.

"Naruto... What. The. F-"

"No time for that, Jiji!" Naruto interrupted, "I came to tell you of my tales of triumph and glory!"

"B-but how did you come here so quickly?!" the Hokage struggled to organize his thoughts.

"Oh, that, that was just a seal that I made!"

Flashback

Naruto was running through the streets of Konoha when something caught his attention. It was a large sheet of metal that was set down on a wall, and Naruto was struck with one of his brilliant ideas. If brilliant meant the high possibility of failure and multiple casualties.

Slapping a Mach Seal onto the sheet of metal, he aimed it towards the Hokage Tower before settling down on it.

Tilted at an angle that would fly just past the window of the Tower, Naruto readied himself for launch.

'I am in so much shit...' Kakashi thought. Right now, he was struggling to not drown in the shitlevel that he was at.

He was brought out of his thoughts of shit when a large explosion erupted nearby, and from it rocketed forth a sheet of metal. And on that sheet of metal, was a certain blond haired genin.

'So much shit...' Kakashi desperately thought.

Now, many factors saved Naruto's life that day. One being his insane luck that seemed to follow him everywhere, another being that the sheet of metal was rather thick and heavy, and so slowed his travel speed. The others being his inane healing factor gifted to him by the Kyuubi and that he hadn't used too strong a seal.

And so, that's how Naruto travelled from the Main Gates to the Hokage Tower in less than thirty seconds using a sheet of metal, an explosive tag and a shit ton of stupidity, as you do.

Flashback end

'Never again,' Naruto thought, he had nearly shit himself when he flew through the air like that, 'But what an entrance!'

"So, Naruto, tell me... What exactly happened?" Sarutobi inquired

And Naruto then proceeded to retell the tale of his adventures, not without embellishing the parts where he participated. The Hokage listened to everything with a careful ear, glad to hear that every one was safe and it all ended well. He couldn't help but feel that Naruto was growing too fast, only twelve and he already defeated a jounin level shinobi.

"-And then I grabbed the chicken and-" Naruto recalled, before the Hokage's chuckling stopped him in his tracks.

"That's very good, Naruto... I'm just relieved that no one was hurt," the Hokage said.

'Although, Kakashi has a lot to answer to...'

"Now, why don't you go rest, I'm certain you must be tired from your exploits..." the Hokage continued, "I will wait for the arrival of the rest of your teammates."

"Alright, see you, Jiji!" Naruto called off before running out the doors.

Kakashi was stood in front of the Hokage Tower, sweating a little bit. He was in a lot of shit, there was not doubt about it. He just hoped that the trade contract would lessen the Hokage's wrath.

The secretary ushered him in immediately, closing the door hurriedly behind her. Kakashi couldn't help but feel even more nervous. The Hokage was fixing him with a cold stare. No more was the kindly, old man, grandfather figure to many. In his place sat the Professor, one of the most feared shinobi of his time.

The Hokage spoke in a low, no nonesense type of voice, "Speak, and spare me the details, Naruto already told me most of it."

Kakashi cleared his throat, "Sir, it's about the Kyuubi."

And done!

What an ass way to end it, I know. I'm really sorry for not updating sooner, but shit happened. I promise to try and be more consistent this summer, I have more free time after all. Now, I don't want to drag out this author's note that most of you will skip anyways, but I wanted to address a few concerns some of you had. First, the way Naruto reacted may have been blown slightly out of proportions, but it was his first kill, something I imagine to be quite jarring, and so that's how I pictured it going down, especially since it's Naruto and all that. Secondly, Everyone treats Naruto like a buttmonkey, manga or in my fanfiction. I like the comedy aspects of it, but it can become too much, toning it down I shall. Also yes, first kill was rushed, but I kinda felt like it was needed.

Anyways, really sorry for short chapter and long update time! Thank you if you're still here with me! Words cannot describe how much your support affects me. Leave a review, don't, (I'd appreciate it if you did but I'm not forcing you) thanks for reading! Author, out!