I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Well, technically I do. I own some of the manga. But I don't actually own the series.

Edward was a rather bright person. He was an alchemy prodigy, which lended well to his knowledge of general science, reading, and mathematics. All of his traveling had taught him a lot about geography, as well as interred many different social skills in him. Ed's research into human alchemy had even accidently revealed quite a lot about Amestris's, Xing's, and even Xerxes' history. And even his time in the military had taught him how to write a decent report. But despite all of the things that Edward knew, there were still many things that he didn't know.

For example, Edward didn't know that Riza Hawkeye had a grandfather. Or that her grandfather was the Fuehrer. Or that an invitation for tea could be so god-damned terrifying.

So when Edward found all three of these previously unknown facts conglomerating into a meeting with the Fuehrer shortly after depositing Riza at the on-base clinic to rest, he was justifiably scared shitless.

Flashback

Ed handed off Riza to the doctor, who looked quite shocked at the sight of the unconscious blonde woman. Not that Edward could blame him. Riza was the pinnacle of health. She took perfect care of herself, had no hereditary illnesses, and even the yearly bought of flu that would ravage headquarters feared to touch her.

"Er… What happened to her?" The doctor asked, somewhat fearfully. After all, did he truly want to know what could take down the legendary 'Hawk's Eye'?

"Just a minor case of exhaustion." Edward said with a reassuring smile. "We were… Er… Doing some exercises when I guess she just pushed herself too hard." Edward kept silent about what those exercises were, not sure if Riza would want the fact that she was learning alchemy to become public knowledge or not.

"I see…" The doctor said, narrowing his eyes at the small alchemist. This particular doctor happened to be an old friend of the Fuehrer's, and knew of his relation to the blonde sniper. "Would you care to tell me what these… 'Excercises' were? For diagnostic purposes of course."

Ed laughed nervously as he tried to think of something to cover up the alchemy lessons. As a result, he completely missed the suspicious tone in the doctor's voice. "Er… They were some new exercises that my automail mechanic taught me! They're an effective workout regime so I was teaching them to Riza."

The doctor internally sighed. The blond man in front of him was a terrible liar. "Very well then. I'll keep her here and let her rest. Are you going to stay here with her Mr. Elric?"

Ed didn't even pause at the doctor's use of his name, despite having never given it. The blond alchemist was easily recognized the country over, but especially in Central. Defeating several crazed homunculi who were trying to kill everyone IN said country tended to do wonders for your fame. "Nah, I should probably check around and see if there's any work for me to do." Edward still traveled quite a lot, acting as a messenger/inspector/spy/saboteur for the military depending on where he went and what the local situation was. But every so often when he was in Central he had to deal with that which vexed all soldiers of any rank. Paperwork.

With a jaunty wave and a cocky grin, Edward left the office.

The doctor sighed. He made sure that Riza was resting in a comfortable position on the couch that she had been placed on before picking up the phone. "Hello. Doctor Wells requesting a conversation with Fuehrer Grumman. Tell him that it's about his granddaughter."

Ed grumbled as he let the pencil slide from his grip, flexing his hand to get rid of the tension that had accumulated there. Surprisingly, this particular stack wasn't for any of the myriad accidents that had happened during Ed's last mission, but was instead an incident report saying that he had performed alchemy in a public office, the reason why, what type of alchemy, and why he had even been in the office at the time. For once in his life, Edward sympathized with Roy Mustang. No wonder the man was an asshole if he had to deal with all of this on a daily basis!

Thankfully, his work was cut short by a summons dropped on his desk by a passing secretary. Almost ripping it open, Ed found that it was a summons to the Fuehrer's office. Repressing an urge to yell in delight at the interruption to his paperwork, Ed practically ran to the office, not knowing what he was heading toward.

Inside the office, the form of Fuehrer Grumman was seen at his desk. Surprisingly, there was also a tray with a pot of tea and two cups on the desk.

"Ah, Mr. Elric! Come in please!" Grumman said, pouring the steaming tea into the two cups. "Please, don't bother saluting. I just have some things that I would like to discuss with you."

Ed walked over to the desk and sat down in the empty chair in front of Grumman. He hadn't really planned on saluting anyways. "What can I do for you sir?" Edward asked respectfully, a rare tone for him even now, taking one of the cups of tea after it was indicated that he do so.

"I just got a call from a friend of mind down in the clinic. He told me that my granddaughter was just checked in." Grumman said casually, sipping at his tea.

"You have a granddaughter sir?" Ed asked, taking a sip of his own.

"Yes, I do." Grumman said, putting the tea down on the tray. "You might know her by the name of Riza Hawkeye."

Edward instantly choked on his tea at the mention of his student/friend. "R-Really sir?" Edward asked weakly.

"Yes indeed." Grumman said, now fixing Edward with a piercing glare. "And he strongly indicated that you were the one responsible for her condition."

Flashback end

Edward managed to briefly avoid answering the Fuehrer due to his sudden coughing fit. Unfortunately, this only really served to increase Grumman's suspicions of the blond.

"Well Fullmetal? I'm waiting for your explanation." Grumman said, fingers together and head low, the light reflecting off of his glasses. Despite the old man's age and grandfatherly appearance, Edward found that at that moment Fuehrer Grumman was the single most terrifying man he'd ever met.

"Well… Uh…" Edward began, trying to get a feel of just how dangerous the waters he was currently in was. "J-Just what exactly did the doctor say, exactly?"

Having expected such a response, Grumman carefully picked up a paper off of his desk. "Doctor Wells had this medical report faxed to me after he had finished filling it out. It says that you had carried Riza in due to her being unconscious, reporting that her state was due to a mild case of exhaustion. When asked, you had reported the exhaustion being caused from some 'exercises'. When asked to elaborate, you gave the doctor a, and I am quoting directly from what is written here, 'a piss-poor excuse for a blatant lie'. The doctor concludes that he believes your evasion and Riza's condition to be a cover-up for some… Illicit activities."

"W-W-What do you mean sir?" Ed asked, shaking in his chair as he tried to take a sip of his tea to calm his nerves.

"I'll just say it bluntly as I'd rather not beat around the bush anymore." Grumman said, raising his head to stare directly at Edward. "Are you, Edward Elric, having sexual relations with my granddaughter?"

This time, instead of choking on his tea, Edward outright spit it out all over the Fuehrer's desk, though it thankfully missed Grumman himself. "W-What the hell?! How can you even begin to ask a question like that?" Edward yelled, getting up and pointing a shaky finger at Grumman. "Of course not!"

"Really?" Grumman asked with a raised eyebrow, clearly questioning Edward's words. "Then why evade the questions the doctor asked, and then outright lie to him? Tell me, what exactly were you doing with Riza that caused her to pass out?"

Ed hesitated for only the briefest of instants. He knew that a lot rode on how he answered this question. And his mother HAD said that honest was the best policy. Besides, this man might understand. "Well sir…" Edward let out a deep sigh. "Riza's exhaustion comes from an over expenditure of energy due to alchemy."

"So… You were performing alchemy on my granddaughter?" Grumman asked for clarification, his tone soft but his aura that of a bloodthirsty demon about to move in for the kill.

"N-No! Of course not!" Edward said, backing away from the desk, holding his hands up in a pacifying gesture. Seriously, Edward felt like he'd rather go through a second Promised Day than further piss off this man. "Riza came to me to learn alchemy! Mustang said a few things that pissed her off a week or so back and she decided to learn her father's flame alchemy! I was starting her out on earth alchemy and she passed out after her first transmutation!"

It took a moment for Fuehrer Grumman to process what Edward had said. It took another moment for him to calm down enough to actually think on it. "Alchemy…?" He asked with a dull tone.

"Yes sir! She even managed to successfully pull off a perfect transmutation first time!" Edward said, hurriedly digging out the clip that Riza had transmutated and presenting it to Grumman.

"Alchemy… My granddaughter is learning alchemy and the first thing she transmutated is a clip of bullets." Grumman said with the same dull tone as he took the clip from Edward and examined it. It looked like a standard military clip, minus any markings that denoted caliber or serial number. "…You taught Riza Hawkeye how to make her own bullets with alchemy. God help us all."

"Does… Does that mean you believe me sir?" Edward asked, silently hoping that he'd be able to leave the office without losing any more of his limbs.

"I do…" Grumman sighed, handing the clip back to Edward. "The relationship between Riza and her father has always been a strange one. One the one hand, he never laid a hand on her. But on the other hand, he never did anything else either. I think that the only way Berthold ever acknowledged that he had a daughter was in his will. He may have been poor, but he made sure to leave her no debts and even set up a fund for any secondary schooling she might wish to have. Still, this drove Riza to prove herself to him." Grumman sighed and took off his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose before putting the glasses back on and turning to Edward. "I know that she said she wishes to honor her father's memory. But this may turn out to be her last chance. Her last chance to, even posthumously, gain her father's approval. This… She'll drive herself Edward. I know it. She'll push to the breaking point and push some more after that. Reminds me of another blond that I know."

Edward scratched the back of his head nervously. It was true, he had done a lot of reckless and outright dangerous and morally questionable things in his quest to restore his and Al's bodies.

"Edward…" Grumman sighed. For the first time in the entire meeting, Fuehrer Grumman looked every second of his age. "I've never outright supported Riza, in fact I've kept her family tree fairly secret to protect her. But with this… Alchemy is dangerous. You, more than anyone, knows this. Please, I want you to swear to me. On your life, you will protect Riza even as you teach her."

Edward smiled and stood up. He looked Grumman straight in the eye as he snapped off, for probably the first time to anyone in the military, a crisp salute. "Sir, you have my word that Riza will be protected. Not that she really needs it. I know you're worried Fuehrer, but she's a tough woman. If that will be all sir, I should probably head back. Paperwork, I'm sure that you understand."

Grumman chuckled slightly at Ed's parting quip as the blond walked out of the office before returning to his own papers. After a few minutes of shuffling, Grumman came across an old picture. It featured a gaunt-faced man with topaz eyes and dark hair, a woman with blonde hair with her eyes closed as she laughed, and a small child with her mother's hair and her father's eyes. "I hope you're right about Riza, Edward." Grumman muttered softly as he took the picture out of the frame and slipped it into his coat pocket. "I truly hope that you are right."

Hello, my freaky darlings! (League of Extraordinary Gentleman joke) Today, I have internet! I know that many of you don't care, but I do and that's all that matters. To celebrate my internet, have a chapter! Which I actually just finished today. I tried making it so that Grumman would be like the regular pissed-off (grand)parent, assuming the worst of the situation until the full explanation is given. Now then, I know that in canon Riza was mildly terrified of her dad, and that's part of what I wanted to address with this chapter. Part of what I think terrified Riza was her father's indifference to her, so in a way that creates a need in Riza to steal some of her father's attention, even if it's in the roundabout way of wielding the flame alchemy that he so lovingly developed. I'm not a psychologist so if that sounds dodgy, I apologize.

Review responses!

waytheballbounces: Yes I HAVE read that particular story and many others of ZakuroU's. It's why I gave him that shoutout.

SilverZinogre: I'm glad that I got your attention, now let's hope I can keep it.

Quinn1989: That is EXACTLY what I was going for.

ZakuroU: I'm glad that you liked how I explained how they got Al's body back. To be honest, I had been a bit worried that that particular scene wouldn't go over well.

Guest: Thank you for pointing that out.

The rest of you: I'm glad that you all found it amusing that Riza's first transmutation was a clip of bullets.

Last but not least I want to give a shoutout to Dobby's Socks! He writes a variety of fanfiction but the reason he earns this shoutout is due to his wonderful FMA story, The Lost Fullmetal Heart! I HIGHLY reccommend that you give it a read.