"You ready to do this, Elena?" Reno asked, squeezing her hand.
She nodded.
"Okay." He kissed her hand. "It'll all be over in a matter of seconds. 'Degger won't know what hit him."
"I hope you're right," Elena sighed, squeezing Reno's hand in return. This was her first assassination, so she was a little nervous. She was a little calmer than she thought she'd be, maybe because she was with Reno. She knew he was experienced in this sort of thing. He'd never let on the number of kills he'd had, but Elena suspected he'd disposed of over a hundred of the Shinra's enemies.
"Let's go!" Reno said, kicking the door.
It sprung open quite easily, much to his surprise. Nevertheless, they scrambled into Heidegger's office.
Reno pointed his gun at the fat man slumped at the desk. He hesitated.
"That's funny," he said, thinking the old man was already dead. "Someone's been here before us."
A sniff and a mournful sob came from the bearded mass.
Elena stepped forward. "Heidegger?" she asked softly. "What's wrong?"
"She dumped me," a muffled voice said. "She's gone and dumped me."
"Who dumped you?" Elena asked, knowing full well who
"I thought we were getting on fine," Heidegger wept, "but then she tells me it's finished." He sniffed sharply, looking up briefly to thrust his mobile phone at the pair.
"So," Elena said, handing him a tissue, wishing he would blow his nose. "You've been here all night?"
Heidegger nodded. "I-I don't wanna go home," he sobbed into his desk. "I'm afraid. Afraid she won't be there to…"
"Ah, well," Reno cut in, walking over to where Elena stood, reaching for her hand. "Plenty more fish in the sea and whatnot, eh?" His eyes met Elena's and they smiled at each other.
Heidegger raised his head, his bloodshot eyes beginning to focus on and recognise his company. "Reno? Elena?" he sobbed. "What are you doing here?"
"Ahehhehheh," Reno laughed nervously. "We were gonna kill you." He laid the gun on the desk.
"President's order," Elena chipped in. "Ain't that right, Reno?" She stroked his hand affectionately.
"Uh… yeah…" he said, not sure he should be telling Heidegger all this.
"So you wanna kill me?" Heidegger sobbed, the whites of his eyes red through crying. "Then go ahead and kill me. I got nothing left…" He slumped back onto his desk, burying his face in his flabby upper arms."
"I won't!" Reno announced. "I make a point of not killing people who want to die!" He smirked, thinking back to the ancient belief that suffering was a lot worse than death. Once Rufus saw the torture on Heidegger's face, he'd have to pay Reno not to kill the fat guy.
"Yeah," Elena said kindly. "Nothing's as bad as it seems, Mr. Heidegger."
"I always thought Scarlet and I would be together forever," he sniffed. "And now that Meteor is gonna crush us all…"
"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Reno said thoughtfully. "I'm sure that Cloud, much as I hate him and want him to die, has something up his sleeve." He nodded and smiled at Heidegger.
"But we're not taking any chances," Elena said. "Tomorrow Reno and I are going to Kalm and… getting married." She threw herself close to him.
Reno nearly choked on his own saliva. "We are?" he said.
He felt Elena give him a sharp kick. "Uh, I mean, yes, we are."
"We can't keep our hands off each other," Elena said, wrapping her arms tighter around Reno.
"We just can't bear to be apart," Reno added melodramatically, kissing Elena on the lips.
"I've never loved anyone this way before," Elena sighed passionately, looking into Reno's bright blue eyes in such a way that even he believed she was in love with him.
"I'm just so lucky to have such a nubile young go-getter for a girlfriend… er, I mean, fiancée," Reno added, stroking his hand through Elena's short blonde hair, smiling as he stole a glance at Heidegger.
"Stop it!" Heidegger sobbed. "Stop winding me up you two!"
Reno shrugged. "Who said anything about winding you up?" he mumbled, concentrating more on Elena's face than his intended assassination victim. "I'm gonna marry this girl." He leaned to kiss her, but she kicked him again, much harder than before. "M-maybe not."
"But seriously," Elena went on, untangling herself from Reno's grip, "we are gonna get out of Midgar. If you wanna live, I'd suggest you do, too."
Suddenly, there was a loud BANG! Elena screamed and clung to Reno for all she was worth, as he sucked in his breath. The pair watched as flaming debris passed by Heidegger's window.
Suddenly, a distant rumble was heard, followed by the lights dimming down and flickering for a few seconds.
"Whoa!" Reno exclaimed. "What the hell was that?"
"Sister Ray," Heidegger whispered barely audibly.
"Oh!" Elena said, surprised. "I like the Velvet Underground."
"Nooo!" Heidegger said, irritated. "It was the Mako Cannon from Junon." He paused, his eyes welling up with tears yet again. "It was… Scarlet's idea to bring it here."
Reno sighed. "Oh, come on, Heidegger," he sighed, getting equally irritated with the blubbering mess. "Don't be so down about it. Just 'cause she slept with Rufus it doesn't mean you… oops." Reno covered his mouth with his hand. "Pretend you didn't hear that."
Heidegger slammed his chunky face on his desk. His face turned a dark shade of purple. "WHAT?!" he roared. "WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY SCARLET?"
"Don't know," Reno said innocently. "A lot of… people… were yelling… stuff."
"You said that my Scarlet slept with the so-called 'honourable' President Shinra?" Heidegger said, consumed with rage.
At that moment, the door swung open. "Heh, heh, heh," the voice said. "Nice to know I'm still appreciated around here."
It was the figure of a man dressed in white, blood streaming down his face, dripping onto the collar of his jacket. He had narrowly escaped the flaming wreckage of his office, shot to pieces by the Weapon, which was approaching at an alarming rate. Despite his injuries, the President was still smiling.
Heidegger saw red. This man, whose father had been a trusted confidant, had abused the ultimate barrier of trust.
"I'll appreciate you, you…" Heidegger roared. He lunged for the gun but Reno was too quick.
"Whoops, that's mine," he said, picking the weapon up. He twirled it around his finger before stuffing it in the safety of his inside pocket.
"Whoa, don't thrash about like that, Dumb-ass," Rufus mocked to Heidegger. "You'll give yourself a hernia!" He stood there, his arms folded, his hair hanging in his face, giggling as the chubby general clutched urgently at his chest.
"What did you… call me just then?" he demanded angrily, gasping for breath, grabbing weakly at the lapels of Rufus' jacket.
Rufus whipped out his shotgun. "Never manhandle the President!" he snapped, placing the barrel squarely on Heidegger's forehead.
"So… what are you… gonna do?" Heidegger snarled, in between shallow, wheezy breaths. "Shoot me? Go ahead… shoot me!"
"I'm not gonna do that," Rufus said calmly. He punched Heidegger hard in the face with his free hand.
The bearded general staggered back into the path of Reno, who pushed him forwards, and flat on his bruised face onto the floor.
"Thanks, Skeletor," Rufus said, still grinning, seemingly oblivious to the wounds on his forehead.
Reno frowned. "I resent that label, Rufus," he objected.
"So sue me," Rufus muttered.
Elena's eyes met the president's. He smiled. "Oh, Elena," he sighed. "Why would someone as beautiful as you want to go out with someone like him?" He wrinkled his nose and pointed his thumb disdainfully at Reno.
Elena gawked at Rufus and pulled another tissue from her pocket. "M-mister President!" she stammered. "You're hurt." She tentatively stepped towards him.
Rufus stepped quickly away from her. "No, I'm fine…" he said, unconvincingly. "I-I'll get Scarlet to do me up."
At the sound of Scarlet's name, Heidegger, still lying prostrate on the ground, made a weeping noise.
Reno rolled his eyes. "Shut UP, man," he sighed.
Elena persevered. "But Mr President," she said. "There's a shard of glass in your forehead."
"Do you think I care?" Rufus barked. "I'll be fine." He eyed the stricken Heidegger curiously, making sure he wouldn't try anything more.
Reno exhaled sharply. "This is getting really stupid," he sighed. "Come, Elena, let's go." He reached for her hand.
"Wait, you guys," Rufus said, standing in the doorway, blocking their exit.
"Wha-at!?" Reno exclaimed angrily.
"I want you to take these," Rufus threw a bunch of keys at Reno, who caught them, elegantly.
"What are they for?" Elena asked.
Rufus leant on the door frame. "A settlement, if you will."
"Settlement?" Reno asked.
"They're the keys to my Kalm apartment," Rufus explained. "Consider yourself… FIRED!" He gave the pair a nasty grin. "Rude, too," he concluded. "Tell him when you see him." He turned away. "Oh yeah," he said, looking over his shoulder. "Enjoy your last days together." He began to walk casually away, chuckling to himself as he went.
"Hey!" Elena snapped angrily, hands on hips. "You can't do that!"
Rufus stopped, turned back towards the Turks and shrugged. "Looks like I just have," he said, spitefully.
Reno sighed. "All right, fine," he said, relenting. "But remember this when you get your insurance money for this hole; I saved your life! I kept this gun away from Heidegger there." He patted his jacket and pointed to the ample figure who was struggling to breathe. "He'd have you dead if he wasn't having a heart attack."
Rufus looked at Heidegger. Seeing him slumped limply across his office floor, he laughed.
"Please… help… me…" Heidegger whispered pathetically. "Pains… in my chest…"
"Oh, that," Rufus said nonchalantly. "That's just your heart tearing in two." He beckoned to the Turks. "Come, my jobless ones," he jibed. "Let's get out of here."
Reno and Elena rushed over to Heidegger and struggled to get him on his feet.
"Okay, we're leaving now," Reno whispered, being uncharacteristically sensitive. "You'll live. Don't worry."
They couldn't carry him very far. By the 63rd floor, Reno had resorted to dragging him by the feet down the stairs.
"Ow!"
"Sorry."
"Ow!"
"Sorry."
Elena sighed. "I feel kinda sorry for old Heidegger," she said to Reno. "He's just… giving up really… isn't he?"
"Ow!" said Heidegger, his hairy head bouncing off yet another stair.
"Sorry," Reno replied. He turned to Elena. "Well, you'd give up too, if you were dumped by some chick as hot at Scarlet." He stared down the stairwell "Wouldn't you Rufus?" he called.
"Shut yer face, Reno," Rufus yelled back. "Scarlet is never gonna dump me. Especially not for someone like you!"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Reno answered back.
Rufus made no reply.
It must have been around the tenth floor when Rufus stopped, his hand over his mouth.
"Ohhh!" he sighed, hitting his left cheek sharply with his hand. "I left my mobile up there!" He couldn't help but think of the erotic text messages he'd got from Scarlet that morning. What if it turned up somehow and someone saw those messages. How embarrassing would that be?
"Forget it," Elena, ever the sensible one, snapped at him. "You can always buy another one."
"Yeah," Reno murmured in agreement. "Besides, you can afford it!" He stopped and knelt down beside Heidegger, who had long since given up saying 'Ow' as they lugged him down the stairs.
Elena felt the man's neck for a pulse. "I think we lost him," she admitted sadly.
"Thank God for that!" Reno yelled jubilantly. "I was getting pretty sick of dragging that dead-weight."
Elena scowled at her boyfriend. "That's not very nice!" she yelled.
Reno shrugged. "You wouldn't be saying that if he'd been your boss for ten years," he argued.
"Well," Elena said, arranging the freshly dead Heidegger in a more dignified position. "I still think he deserves a decent burial."
A distant rumble could be heard from above them.
Rufus sucked in his breath. "Err… I think he's gonna get that!" he said urgently. "The ceiling's giving way."
Reno gasped as a claw shaped piece of metal appeared in the wall just ten feet away. "Oh no!" he stammered. "It's Weapon!"
"RUN!" Elena yelled, jumping down a full flight of stairs
They made it out just in time to see Weapon cause the 61st floor to cave in.
Reno and Elena embraced each other, taking stock of what had just happened. First a colleague, albeit a grumpy, mean, old colleague, had passed away right before them. Now the rampaging Weapon, in its death throes, was destroying the place they had worked at for most of their lives.
"Reno," Elena wept emotionally. "I don't ever wanna go through that again."
Reno wiped her cheeks with his sleeve and kissed her forehead gently. "You won't have to," he whispered. "Now who's up for a drink at Tifa's new bar?"
Elena brightened up. "Okay!" she answered, stepping into the taxi Reno had hailed.