Disclaimer: I own an FMA shirt, but not FMA
"Uuungh… W-What happened?" Ed asked, slowly coming back to consciousness. Looking around, he saw that he was laying on his usual napping couch at Mustang's office.
"Finally awake Ed?" Riza asked from her desk, filling out a few stacks of paperwork.
"Yeah." Ed groaned, sitting up and rubbing the automail ports of his artificial arm. "But seriously, what happened?"
"I'll tell you what happened!" Roy said, stepping out of his office with a shit-eating grin on his face. "A beautiful woman kissed you and you passed out!" Roy couldn't hold it in anymore, and he burst out laughing. "W-What's the matter Fullmetal? Never kiss a girl before?"
Ed narrowed his eyes at Mustang as all work in the office ceased to watch yet another one of the legendary confrontations between the Fullmetal and Flame alchemists. Suddenly, Ed sprouted one of his infamous Evil Grins©. "I have actually. Two of them in fact. You might even remember. My last birthday? Madam Christmas's bar? Those two sisters of yours? After you passed out they got quite… Affectionate."
The office, if it was possible, got even more silent. A dropping pin would have been like a cannon as every stared at Ed with incredulity, and Mustang stared at him with both shock and rage. "You… Did… WHAT WITH MY SISTERS?!"
"I don't know why you're so angry sir, you've done far worse than have a threesome with a superiors sisters." Riza spoke up from her desk. Truth be told, she was as shocked as the others. She never knew that Ed had it in him, but even if she was a surrogate sister for him she wouldn't begrudge him his drunken decisions.
With that proclamation, Roy looked ready to burst a blood vessel as he stared at Ed with an absolute murderous rage. A low growl escaped Roy's throat as he looked about to attack Ed. Another low growl from behind him caused Ed to turn around, paling as he saw Rose with a pissed-off expression on her face.
"Um… Before I'm eviscerated and then incinerated, I would like to say that aside from some making out, nothing actually happened." Ed said, slowly moving to the side to hide behind Breda, who was moving equally slowly to keep Edward in front of him. "I didn't want my first time to be because of a bunch of alcohol." What Edward neglected to mention was that the offer for a threesome had popped up again the next morning and that the offer was still on the table if he ever changed his mind. But no use further enraging Mustang and Rose.
"Fullmetal…" Mustang growled, clenching his fists. "If I ever find out that you did anything with any of my sisters, I'll be having myself barbequed shrimp. Understand?"
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE COULD CARVE A HOUSE OUT OF A SINGLE GRAIN OF SUGAR?!" Ed instantly shouted out, only to dodge as a fireball blasted the spot he had once been standing at.
"I said, do you understand?" Roy asked, flexing his fingers as if he was going to snap them again.
"Y-Yeah." Ed said nodding ferverently.
"Now that the boys talk is over…" Rose said in a sickly sweet voice as she grabbed Ed's flesh arm, causing the boy to pale in fear once again. "I'll be taking Edward with me. Does anyone object?"
"No." Roy ground out before heading back into his office.
"Nope." Havoc said, lighting a cigarette.
"…" Falman said nothing, choosing just to watch the scene unfold.
"Not my business." Fuery said from the disassembled radio.
"Have fun!" Breda said cheerfully.
"Bring him to my apartment when you're done with him. We still need to set up a training schedule." Riza said, signing a piece of paper.
"Will do Miss Hawkeye!" Rose called out cheerfully, walking to the door, dragging Ed by his arm.
"Traitors!" Ed cried out, clawing at the floor with his automail arm as he was helplessly dragged out of the office.
"S-So... Can you untie me now?" Ed asked nervously, fidgeting from his position of being tied to a wooden stake.
"Not until you tell me what you did wrong!" Rose said, turning away from the bound blond and motioning for her cadre of children to continue beating him up with a stick. (She had convinced them that he was a very lifelike piñata. The older kids knew better, but it wasn't every day your guardian let you hit someone with a stick.)
"But I didn't do anything wrong! I told you that nothing happened between me and Mustang's sisters!" Edward said in between trying to get the children beating him to back off. "And I still don't know why it would concern you!"
"Hit 'em harder." Rose instructed the children, who all eagerly did as they were told.
"Stop it you crazy kids!" Ed said, squirming as the kids went to town on him. Luckily for Edward, most of the strikes were on his automail limbs. But the ones that landed on his actual flesh hurt. "Is this about that kiss at the courthouse?!"
"Obviously." Rose said, her voice so cold that even the ice queen Olivier would have shivered upon hearing it.
"I fainted after that kiss! And the first time I saw you afterwords was when you dragged me out to tie me to this damn pole! If you'd give me a few minutes we could actually talk!" Ed shouted, though he was quickly shut up as one of the children landed a hit in a… sensitive area.
Rose winced, both at Ed's words and in sympathy for the blond who was now whimpering pathetically.
"Ok children, let's go inside for a snack!" Rose said, much to the children's delight as they dropped their improvised weapons and rushed into the house. After the snack, Rose put the children down for a nap, and only afterword did she go back into the backyard to visit the tied-up alchemist. "You wanted to talk? Ok, start talking."
Ed groaned as he heard the slight undercurrent in Rose's voice. Why did all of the unstable women find HIM attractive? First Winry and her wrenches, Lust and her advances on him while they were fighting, and now Rose. When would he ever get a break?
"Any chance I can be let down?" Ed asked hopefully.
"No." Rose said in a dead and pitiless voice.
"Damn…" Ed muttered before looking at Rose. "Well, here it is Rose. I do like you. Maybe even romantically. But… We haven't even been going out! The closest to a date we've had is the dinner where we caught up! True, I've been spending a lot of time with you lately and I've really been enjoying it, but me helping a friend take care of an orphanage is hardly 'laying a claim'!"
Rose winced at that. It was true that they'd rarely done anything that would constitute as 'dating', but they'd been doing so well together and Rose thought… That by kissing him…
"I screwed up didn't I?" Rose said, tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes. "I did something brash and I completely screwed this up…"
"No no! Not at all!" Ed said, waving his hands in denial as best as he could with his arms bound. "It was just sudden! I needed time to think, and then you just happened to walk in while I was arguing with Brigadier General Bastard."
"I-I didn't screw up?" Rose asked, sniffling a little as she held back the tears.
"Of course not!" Ed said, flashing her one of his signature smiles. "In fact, would you care to accompany me to dinner tonight?"
"Of course!" Rose said, her sadness gone as she embraced the bound Edward. Pulling away, she blushed a little as she realized that she might have overreacted a little. "Heh… I guess I should probably untie you…"
"No need." Ed said brightly. With a few shifts of his muscles, the ropes fell away and he stood up and began stretching. "Ow… Damn… Those children have good arms…"
"I… Wha-... HOW?!" Rose exclaimed. "You've been bound and trying to get free for hours! And now you're suddenly and escape artist?!
"Well, if I had gotten free that way, you would have been even madder at me." Ed said, now going through a few of his fighting style's katas to work the rest of the kinks out of his muscles. "So I pretended. Besides, those knots are nothing like teachers. She used to tie me and Al up and toss us into a river to get free."
Rose sweatdropped at the mention of Ed's possibly homicidal teacher. "Why…"
"Anyways!" Ed interrupted, not wanting to revisit those memories. "I should get ready for our date." Ed put a bit of extra emphasis on the word 'date' while winking at Rose. "I'll pick you up at seven. And don't worry about a babysitter. Breda owes me a favor from a month or so ago for helping him file some overdue paperwork before Hawkeye could find out."
"Well you just have everything planned out, don't you?" Rose asked, composure regained and smiling at the blonde.
"But of course!" Ed said, giving a theatrical bow. "I'll see you later Rose!"
And with that said, Ed left the house to get ready.
"So you're CERTAIN that there's no dogs around here?"
Ed sighed in frustration. He loved Breda like a brother, but the man's fear of dogs was starting to get annoying.
"The only dog around here is a dog of the military, and he's going on a date." Ed said.
Breda couldn't help but chuckle as he patted Ed on the back. The news that Ed was going on a date was surprising to say the least. That he needed a babysitter even more so. Even so, the portly member of Mustang's team was happy for Ed and was glad to watch after a bunch of munchkins to give the kid a happy night.
"Here we are!" Ed said, reaching the large house that he had spent weeks fixing up for his girlfriend(?). "So, how do I look?"
Breda stepped back to take in Edwards's appearance. Even years later, the young alchemist favored his usual combination of black jeans and a black shirt with his red overcoat and combat boots. Tonight though, Ed had the decency to change. Currently he was in a pair of black slacks with a neatly tucked in red dress shirt. (He'd refused to change his color scheme.) His hair was combed back as neatly as he could get it, and he held a single Yellow Tulip in his non-mechanical hand.
"You look great champ!" Breda said, ignoring the way Ed rolled his eyes at being called 'champ'.
"All right. Here goes nothing." Ed reached out and knocked on the door. Some minor crashing could be heard from within as well as the babble of young voices before Rose opened up the door.
"Uh…" At that moment, words failed Edward, and even Breda's jaw got a little slack as they looked at the young woman.
Despite being somewhat hassled by the children under her care, Rose was a vision. She wore a white dress with a long skirt, but a long slit cut up one side in order to show off quite a bit of her dark skin. Her two-toned hair (a genetic quirk and not dye like Ed had first believed) had been carefully combed and bound with a pair of slender sticks in a Xingese style. She wore no makeup, but hardly needed any as her skin was unbelievably fair.
"Damn lucky bastard…" Breda whispered before taking note of Ed's sudden stillness and shoving him forward a bit.
"Um… Well…" Ed said, trying to find his elusive voice. "I brought you this." He handed Rose the Yellow Tulip. "Though with how you look, I'm thinking that I should have brought some Calla Lily instead."
Breda grinned even as he mentally scribbled that one down. It'd make a good pick-up line for that florist near the barracks.
"Thank you Edward." Rose said, taking the Yellow Tulip and working it into her hair. "Shall we go?"
"We shall." Ed said, offering up his arm, which Rose accepted. "See you later Breda!"
"Have fun chief!" Breda called out, waving the pair off as they walked to the car parked a bit down the way. "You've earned it kid." Breda said under his breath before turning to walk into the house.
Merry Christmas to all, my little duckies! Have a holiday update! I cut it off as I wasn't sure if I should write out the actual date or not give me your opinions and if enough people want it, I'll do that for chapter the next. Now then, some people might think it's a bit OOC of Ed to be bragging about getting together with Mustang's sisters. You'd probably be right. But you know what? Considering how much Roy can wave over Ed's head, I think it was about time that Ed got some new weapons in his arsenal. And a few of you might be confused about the flower thing, so let me explain. In the languag of flowers, which is a real thing and also seems to be catching on in many fanfics, a Yellow Tulip means 'There's sunshine in your smile'. This can be taken to mean that Ed likes it when Rose smiles at him. The other flower mentioned, Calla Lily, means 'Beauty'. Which states that Ed finds Rose to be beautiful. Also, with the last chapter I reached a personal goal of mine, which was to have a story with 50 favorites. I would like to personally thank everyone who's ever favorited my story. Give yourselves a hand guys. Now let's see what we can do about reaching my NEW goal of 100 faves! That aside though, it's time for review responses!
darkpaladin89: I thank you for the effort, but a flame's not the same without the incendiary comment.
Quinn1989: I hate to say this, but there is no Riza vs. Rose. Riza's relationship to Edward is brother/sister. Sometimes even a bit mother/son. But NOT boyfriend/girlfriend. (Maybe in a future story) And she would not step in the way unless she actively disapproved of the woman in question. And while Rose has done little in both anime and manga, she's done nothing to incur Riza's wrath.
And now for my reading reccommendation! Got Your Back by Puddycat! It's a series of Parental!Roy/Ed one-shots. Lots of fluff though, so be warned. Read and review!