Holding Back by Daikeru Insanity
Here comes Chapter 6(7)!
Yaoi, boyxboy, blah blah blah, don't like? Don't read!
God my plan for this chapter took a long time to write!
Really sorry for later than usual update, I am still alive! My computer crashed twice while I was working which did not amuse me -.- Alsoe, I've dealt with my ton of work for Uni now so I'll be able to focus on my writing :D
I've been having my thoughts about two other fics to write (after HB of course) and one will be a multi-chapter olden style Taito while the other will probably be a one-shot Takouji so let me know how you feel about that!
Like my cliffhanger last chapter? Let's see if you still like me after this chapter. I need to think a lot more about how to properly express feelings now to ensure the later events make sense.
Not sure how I feel about this one given I'm not as comfortable writing in Narrator POV but we'll see…
Reviewers!
KoumiLoccness: What? Nothing happened? Were you reading the same chapter I wrote? :o Still, thanks for your comments :P
lgaz123: After re-reading your review before writing I feel quite bad about my late update, forgive me! I'm really happy to hear you're enjoying it and hope this next chapter will keep you attached! :)
Takato the Dreamer: Oh it's on...whether in this story or another one, I shall find the worst cliffhanger possible! I couldn't possibly write Matt's Dad as a douche, I love him! Glad you enjoyed chap and thanks for birthday wishes :)
TKViedarts: Heart-jerking was pretty much what I was aiming for so thank you! Evil me with cliffhanger :) I fear I'll be making it obvious what'll happen but other than the main events I just make it up as I plan then refine it :P Thanks for the birthday wishes!
Disclaimer: No, I didn't get the rights to Digimon for my birthday so I do not own Digimon or any of its characters or original ideas :/ I just own Archie (which just so happens to be the name of my boyfriend xD) and the characters sense of humour...
On with Holding Back!
Chapter 6
'Breaking The Barriers'
(Daisuke's POV)
'This cannot seriously be happening to me! Maybe if I just wish him away...?'
"Hello, anyone awake in there?" 'No such luck.'
Archie is actually standing in front of me for the first time in over two years. I just can't believe this. My gorgeous ex-boyfriend is waving his hand back and forth in front of my face, clearly attempting to gain some form of response. He many have to wait a while, because I'm currently off in another world. My mind is racing at 100mph, with far more questions present than answers.
'How is this even happening? Why do I have to deal with this? What is Archie even doing here? After two years he still looks really good...STOP THAT! I need to try and keep a clear mind if I've any chance of getting through this with some sanity remaining.'
The tanned, flawless-faced teen continues to stare into my eyes, still waiting for my response. 'I swear that God is testing my faith, and I don't even believe in him! Come on Daisuke, all you need to do is articulate a reasonably coherent thought and we'll be off to a good start!'
"Oh...sorry..." 'Fantastic work, Daisuke.' Archie looks down and quietly chuckles at my clear vocabular superiority.
"I guess you're a little surprised to see me, huh?" 'No, not at all! I always expect my ex-boyfriends to suddenly appear after more than two years whenever I start to like a new guy...'
"Little bit, yeah." There are so many different emotions running through me right now that I've lost all sense of reality. The man that I've tortured myself over for two years, who's unwittingly kept me from being happy and has meant more to me than anyone else is suddenly back in my life, in my apartment, three days after having fully realized my feelings for Takeru! 'There is no way that's a coincidence. I just know this was all orchestrated. Answer time.'
"Archie, what are you doing here...Actually, never mind that! How did you even know where to find me?"
"That bit's pretty simple actually. I got a call from your friend Taichi on Sunday evening and he caught me up to speed on that weekend's 'activities'. Anyways, he asked me to come to Odaiba and he gave me your addr-"
My face steadily heated up in anger right from the word 'Taichi'. It didn't take me too long to realize that I had clearly left my phone alone with them for a significant amount of time whilst I hid in the bathroom. What did confuse me however was that I had no number for Archie stored on the device. 'How the hell did Tai contact him? I never gave him any information which could have...' Brainwave! 'That sly bastard. He must have called Daniel and gotten the number from him! Makes sense given the backstory I provided.' With my bitter conclusion drawn, I interrupted Archie mid explanation;
"Kamiya's a dead man..." Having got sufficiently wound up over Tai's deception and meddling, my fists clench in anger, knuckles threatening to whiten. Recognizing my standard 'calm before the storm' exterior, Archie lays a hand on my shoulder, making me release a breath I hadn't noticed that I was holding. "Don't get at mad him, Dai, please! I know that it wasn't the most...delicate solution that Taichi could have found, but he's seriously worried about you and he was being a good friend to you by calling me."
'This whole week is giving me a migraine! Unfortunately I doubt that popping a couple of paracetamol is gonna fix anything. Guess I'll just try and get through this as painlessly as possible...Yeah I doubt that as well.'
"Back to my original question, what are you doing here, Archie?" Sighing slightly, Archie uses the hand still on my shoulder to direct me towards the living room.
"Let's go sit down Dai, we have a lot to talk about."
'I was afraid of that...'
xXxXxXxXx
(Takeru's POV)
"Matt, are you sure about this? Cause I'm not." 'If my shaky hands aren't a strong enough indication of that then the uncontrollable sweating must be getting the message across. 'Nervous' would be an understatement!'
"Good lord, what are you worrying about NOW? Let's recap shall we? He's bisexual, currently single and did...that with you, what else do you want?" Matt's been dealing with my insecure panicking for three days straight, so I guess I can understand his irritation. Still, he had it easy! All he needed to do was get hit by a car and like magic he had a boyfriend. 'Now there's an idea...No Takeru! You're not gonna throw yourself in front of a car just to get Dai.'
"Yeah, but it was how he reacted the morning after which scares me. I mean, he freaked out and fled his own apartment just to get away from me! That doesn't exactly scream 'I love you'. I'd rather not do anything which is going to further damage a still salvageable friendship."
"Ugh!" Matt screams out in frustration, looking ready to literally slap some sense into me. "Have we not been over this a hundred times already? It's not like he's going to freak and suddenly hate you. The boy's bi himself after all. I would say that he won't let things get weird but let's face it...how much more awkward can it get?"
"I'd prefer to not find that out, if it's all the same to you. In terms of not letting things get weird, allow me to remind you that he ran out on me and hasn't contacted me since..." My brother rolls his eyes and scoffs at my latest argument.
"Right. Cause you've been trying day and night to get through to him, eh?" That same sarcasm which makes any argument involving Matt entertaining can also be a right bitch when being used against me.
"That's different! I've just realized that not only am I gay, but I'm in love with my best friend! Bit of a revelation, Matt..." 'I say that, but that isn't what's bothering me. Surprisingly, over the past few days I've accepted and embraced my new feelings for the tanned soccer player quite easily. It's the fear of rejection which has me trapped now! Every time I come up with a good reason to go for it with Dai, I end up recollecting how he freaked on the Sunday morning and I freeze. God bless Matt for his patience with me, I'd be nothing but a panicky, rambling mess without him to set me straight...so to speak.'
My brother shrugs his shoulders at my logic, then adjusts his seating position so that eye contact is ensured across the otherwise deserted living room. 'Crap, here come the big guns...'
"Look Takeru, rationalize it however you like, but the cold, hard truth is that love is not rational. Nobody can control where love will occur, when it will be experienced, or with whom it is shared. All that we can do is to make the most of love, and not let the opportunity to have it slip from our grasp!" 'The man has his first serious relationship, and in less than a month he's suddenly Casanova?' Matt accompanies his little speech with a variety of hand actions and tones, strongly emphasizing each of his points, not to mention also getting a little carried away...
"Alright Cupid, calm down before you start running through the town in a diaper slinging your 'arrows of love'."
Despite my clear mocking of his 100% serious speech, Matt chuckles at my snide comment, re-settling himself into a relaxed position in the black armchair, his expression far more serene than previously.
"Haha, fair enough. In all seriousness though, I genuinely believe that the worst outcome of confessing your feelings would be Daisuke saying 'no'. Obviously you don't have to take my advice, but you do need to realize something: The longer you wait, the more likely Daisuke is to end up with someone else, and if that happens, you'll never stop punishing yourself. Then things will get worse between the pair of you." Stopping slightly to take a breath and arrange his thoughts, I new idea strikes my brother. "Plus, if you were both sober enough to at least remember what transpired, then you must have had some degree of self-control. With that in mind, I'm sure Daisuke is just dealing with his new feelings for you too. Regardless of sexuality, it's never easy falling in love with someone that close."
'Yeah but...I...What if...Aw crap, all his suggestions are water-tight! Guess there's no backing out from this one. I'm already knee-deep as it is. What have I got to lose?'
Sighing in defeat, I cease my defence and concede to Matt's logic. "I know you're right Matt, I just...I don't know what to say to him." My brother smiles sympathetically towards me, his expression softening even further.
"No one ever does, little bro'. As cheesy and cliched as it is, just go see him and speak from the heart. When you're face to face with him, the words will be there, I promise you. Everything will work out fine, Takeru."
With confidence restored and my resolve set in stone ('For now...'), I get up from the leather couch, grab my wallet and head for the apartment door, path clear in mind. "Alright, I'm off to see him, thanks for everything Matt! You're the best!" Apparently satisfied with his motivational abilities, Matt puts his legs up, turns the TV on and begins to flip through the channels.
"Anytime bro'. Go get him tiger!" His laughter is the last thing I hear as the apartment door closes behind me. 'Show time, Takeru.'
xXxXxXxXx
(Narrator's POV)
The current tension in the Motomiya residence could be cut with a knife. Having needed a few minutes to steel himself for the inevitable heart-to-heart that is to come, Dai fled to the kitchen in order to make himself and his ex-boyfriend drinks. Note that this extra thinking-time was actually doing the burgundy haired teen more harm than good. He's dreading every possible topic of conversation that can, and no doubt will be brought up. All the fear and anxiety going through his head was however interspersed with several death wishes aimed towards the tall Kamiya male who had caused Archie's appearance.
The other teen currently in the apartment appeared to be totally calm and collected. Archie knows the issues that needed to be discussed and dealt with and he's curious as to how Dai's fragile nerves will cope with the light being shone on his less-than-glorious past. The slightly taller teen sits patiently in the living-room, mentally, but perhaps not emotionally prepared for what is to follow. The leather jacket has been discarded so the brunette currently sports a pair of light blue jeans and an even lighter blue t-shirt, highlighting his hard-earned muscles. Archie's tan also indicates to others his active, sport-fueled lifestyle. Any other time and Dai would be melting at the sheer sight of the perfectly crafted male, but he had bigger problems at present.
Dai finally finishes making the cups of coffee and returns to his guest, nerves laying dormant for now.
"One sugar and milk, right?" He asks, laying the caffeinated drink on the table between their seats. The question, innocent as it is causes Archie to smile sweetly at the slightly shorter male.
"You remembered."
That smile would have disarmed Daisuke any day of the week once upon a time, yet he knows that he can now see an even more beautiful smile...from Takeru. Dai is slightly saddened upon the thought, as he realizes just how much he misses his best friend, and wishes dearly that it was Takeru currently sitting in his apartment instead of Archie, Friday's events forgotten.
"Ok, talk. Why are you here Archie?" There's the kick-off...
Having sipped his coffee briefly, Archie replaces the cup on the table and establishes eye contact with his former love.
"Well, Taichi and Hikari told me what had happened between you and this Takeru guy on Friday night and that the pair of you haven't spoken since."
Visibly uncomfortable, Dai slightly shifts in his seat. "Yeah, and?" Wrong move, Dai.
"And what the hell is the matter with you, Dai?" Taken aback by Archie's outburst, Daisuke is too stunned to catch on to the other teen's train of thought.
"I beg your pardon?"
Archie sighs in despair. "If he was able to recollect what happened Friday night then he wasn't so drunk that he didn't make the conscious decision to take part in your 'activities'."
Archie notices Dai staring blankly at him, total confusion in his eyes. He clearly wasn't getting the point that was trying to be made. Dai receives a stare of disbelief in return.
"Really? Can't see where I'm going?" In a previous chapter of his life, the clueless expression worn so well by Daisuke would have been found adorable by Archie, but there was far too much riding on this talk for him to get distracted.
"What I'm trying to say to you is that if your exchange was something that Takeru really didn't want to do then it never would have happened."
Satisfied in his argument and crossing his arms, Archie leaves Daisuke to reflect upon the statement presented to him. His mind flashes back to that eventful Friday and is able to recall that it was in fact Takeru who made the first move with his kiss, unwittingly initiating the more sexual events which followed. Focusing harder on the more fine details of the night, the younger of the two males would be lying if he said that Takeru appeared to be unaware of his actions and movements. Actually, the blond seemed to be well within his own self-control. 'There's no way...?' Dai thinks, staring in shock at Archie.
"Wait, wait, wait! You think he likes me back?" Archie groans in exasperation, face-palming at the other brunette's slowness.
"God Dai, it's a good thing you're cute...Of course he likes you!" Dai starts to feel awkward and looks away nervously, which does not go unnoticed by Archie. "So I guess my next question is: Why on Earth are you sitting around in your apartment moping, when you could be out with him, creating what would be a beautiful relationship?"
As if out of nowhere, Dai snaps at Archie and quickly allows his temper to take control;
"You know damn well why that won't be happening, Archie!" Now it's Archie's turn to stare in bewilderment, totally taken aback by the sudden rage shown by his ex-boyfriend.
"Erm, no, I actually don't. Taichi also seemed to blame me for all of this, but I can't understand what it is that's causing you to hold yourself back." Daisuke starts to feel rather awkward, coming down from his heightened temper and the sweating begins in correspondence to this. 'Crap, I can't do this...It's hard enough just trying to keep myself from breaking down. New plan! When in doubt...deny, deny, deny!'
"Nothing...It doesn't matter." Suddenly, recognizing the despair in Dai's voice, Archie gave up on the topic, left and allowed the other teen to handle things in his own time...Yeah right.
"Don't you pull that shit on me, Dai! Never before have I known you to be afraid of chasing after the things that you want. This isn't normal, and I can't leave until it's been sorted!"
'Fuck. Stubborn, righteous, gorgeous little...' Whilst continuing his silent string of insults, the soccer player collapses onto the couch with a heavy sigh. Feeling sadness and sympathy towards the other male, Archie moves from his seat to position himself next to Dai, laying a hand on top of his, reassuring the boy that he really does care about him. After a moment of hesitation, Archie once more initiates conversation;
"Look Dai, I know this probably isn't the best time, but I want you to know that I have never stopped loving you. More than two years down the line and I still miss you so much!" At this comment, Dai starts seeing red and snatches his hand harshly away from Archie whilst raising from his seat and glaring down at the older male.
"Yeah? Well you sure do have a funny way of showing it!" Once more, Archie is taken aback and is forced to re-calculate his strategy in order to avoid fraying Dai's nerves any further.
"Woah, woah, woah! What are you on about?" The panic in Dai's eyes is obvious, the boy having hesitations about the conversation sure to follow, but is in far too deep to stop now. 'The hell with it…Open the floodgates.' Thinks Dai.
"I'm on about you, Archie! I'm afraid, alone and holding back because of you!"
The accused teen sits silent, confusion peaked and staring at Daisuke. Archie would have spoken up, yet Dai's raised hand informed him against that course of action. Wiping a few solitary tears from his eyes, the soccer player gathered up his strength for the second time of the week in order to fight through the pain once more.
"Archie, when you moved away from Tokyo, that hurt like hell, yeah. Do you know what hurt more than anything else though? What it was that did the most damage? You never even…" 'Come on Dai, you have to face your demons!' "…You left without even saying goodbye to me!"
Dai feels himself becoming overwhelmed with grief, all the pent up sorrow and rage of the past 2 years finally being unloaded upon its source. He knows that if he can just push past this then the pain might finally dissipate!
"I loved you more than anything in the world, and I didn't get so much as a single word of farewell. I was absolutely crushed, Archie. I couldn't even call you to hear your voice one last time, since you left your phone behind or changed numbers or whatever!" Dai paused mid speech, the memories of his broken heart causing his fists to unconsciously clench due to the emotional turmoil. "I laid awake at nights, wondering at what point you stopped caring enough to just cut off all contact!"
Suddenly Dai's total expression softened as he sighed, a different set of thoughts overtaking.
"But then again, I can't totally blame you can I? I had ruined your life, after all…" Unlike several other moments of this eventful afternoon, it was Archie's turn to suddenly jump up from his place and allow his rage to take control.
"Excuse me? THAT'S why you've locked yourself out of love and become this depressed shadow of yourself? You thought that I, of all people, hated you!"
"What else was I supposed to think, Archie?" All strength having been exhausted previously, Daisuke finally succumbs to his emotions and allows the tears to flow in full force once more. Archie, feeling rather guilty over provoking Dai's breakdown, sits down with him, holding him against his shoulder, allowing his other hand to stroke the burgundy locks atop Dai's head.
Although finding the comfort of Archie's embrace tempting, Daisuke can't help but to resist, knowing that he'd rather be elsewhere, being held by a different companion. 'Takeru…I miss you. I wish I had the courage to at least talk to you, then it could be your arms around me. I…I love you. It feels weird saying it, especially given how short a time we've been friends and with all that's happened the past week but there's no confusing these feelings: It's love.' The realization should cheer the teen up, but as long as he still has the past looming over him, Dai knows he'll never be granted happiness.
Sighing quietly - like multiple other times in the last hour -, Archie sat Daisuke up straight and pressed on with the heart-to-heart;
"I never, repeat, never hated you, you sweet idiot." The statement is accompanied by a smile as gentle and sincere as the words spoken. Having the other male's full attention, Archie continued, "Admittedly, most aspects of my life had become hellish and unbearable back then, what with all the abuse and everything. You were the one shining light in my life. You gave me hope, but in the end I just wasn't as strong as you were." The older male takes a moment to wipe away a few of his own tears, the weight of the pair's past beginning to affect him too.
"Believe me when I tell you that leaving was the hardest thing that I've ever done and that not saying goodbye to you left my heart aching for so long!" The high emotions continue to further deteriorate both boys strength, yet Archie pushes through his confession nonetheless;
"Just trust that I am so sorry for what I did, and it kills me that it's affected you like that. It's just…If I had to tell you face to face that I was going to leave, you would have gotten upset, pleaded with me to stay and I knew that I would eventually crumble. I had to get out of Tokyo, to get a fresh start but…I just wish I could have taken you with me."
Archie's heartfelt confession/apology only provoked further tears from Daisuke, but of a different sentiment this time. All of the younger boy's anger has been completely erased, its place taken by a mixture of sorrow, relief and at this point, even a twinge of confusion.
"Why didn't you hate me? I made your life the hell it was." 'He's…sorry? I caused an inhumane amount of pain and sorrow in his life, scarred him emotionally and he still loves me? I never deserved someone as good as him, or someone as good as Takeru either. Both of them are seriously unique guys!' Dai simply couldn't figure his ex-boyfriend out. Once again feeling sympathy for the boy, and being both amused yet saddened at the burdens bore by him, Archie wiped the newly developing tears from Daisuke's eyes, smiling sweetly at him throughout the action.
"Dai…I was incomplete until I had you! You made me impossibly happy, and I cared…scratch that, I still care about you more than I thought I was ever capable of. It was the bigotry of all the other morons in Tokyo High which destroyed me. If you hadn't have caught me with the razor, in the bathroom than I would have…You saved me, Daisuke Motomiya and I am eternally thankful for ever having you. Looking back, despite all the crap we went through, I regret nothing about it." Once again, Archie lays his hands atop Dai's, allowing the sincerity and emotion of his words flow through the pair, healing the scars of the past.
"Given a second chance, I would go through everything again if it meant being with you. It was my choice throughout, and nothing was your fault."
Hearing the words of his former love and understanding their intent, as well as the emotion behind them, Daisuke suddenly experiences a feeling of utter peace, as the weight of the boy's stormy past is finally lifted from his shoulders, having been there undeservingly for far too long. Seeing that Archie has clearly pieced his life back together, Dai has no further reason to blame himself, and given what was said about his choices in the relationship, the soccer player can finally start the next chapter in his life…
'Takeru…'
The smile now worn by Daisuke, as well as the obvious cheery attitude were the only 'thanks' desired by Archie. Feeling slightly awkward in the new silence, Dai assumes that the floor is now his;
"Wow Archie…So erm, how have you been?" 'Smooth, Dai.' Archie chuckles enthusiastically at how bashful the other boy has become. He's reminded of the childlike innocence and accessibility that originally attracted him to the soccer player.
"You never change Dai, and I'm grateful for that. Yeah, I've actually been doing great at my new school. Mum and dad chose carefully so that the place had next to no bigots. I can be openly gay at school now, with no worries over a repeat of Tokyo!" If his earlier confession wasn't proof enough, then Daisuke was definitely convinced by now that Archie was genuinely happy and didn't blame him for all that had transpired.
"It really is good to see you again Archie, despite all that's happened, both past and present. Wow, I never thought I'd be admitting that!"
All tears having dried up, the two boys sit, side by side, relieved that all the pain and sorrow of the past has been forgiven. With their past having been laid to rest, all that's left to be assessed is the future...
"You too, man. You know what you need to do now, right?"
A sigh of resignation escapes Daisuke's mouth. He knew this moment was rapidly approaching, yet by now the burgundy hair teen feels ready to begin the next chapter of his life. For once it seems that he might finally be able to have the thing he wants more than anything.
"Yeah…I need to talk to Takeru for a start."
"Right! It makes me happy to know that you're finally opening yourself up again! I think you two will be really happy, even happier than we were."
Thinking about what could be, Daisuke can't help but picture his crush's beautiful cerulean eyes, shining magically, perfectly complementing the blond's sweet smile. "Yeah, I think so too."
All these thoughts make Dai smile himself, excited for the future that he could have.
"Well then, I guess my job is done!" Archie grabs his jacket and stands up, with Dai thinking that he's about to leave, so is left perplexed when the other boy heads for the kitchen instead. Within a few moments, Archie returns with pen and paper, jotting something down on the sheet and then handing it to Daisuke.
"Here you go, Dai. I promise to answer this time." Looking down at the paper, Daisuke notices that Archie had written down a cell phone number. The gesture elevates the teen's mood even further, allowing him to laugh about their sordid past for the first time. Dai then proceeds to open the front door to his apartment, allowing his guest to depart. When in the hallway, Archie turns to leave but something deep inside stops him, his conscience shouting that there's still one last thing he can do for his friend. Archie looks from side to side, checking that there's no one else in the hallway, watching. Once confident that the coast is clear, the taller male returns his attention to Dai, and speaks;
"Dai...would it be alright for me to...to give you one, final kiss, as the goodbye that you should have gotten the day I left?"
The idea tempts Daisuke as he battles internally on whether or not it would be a good idea. 'I love Takeru, and I know that I want to be with him...but this could finally give me the closure that I've been searching for for two years! If I can kiss Archie, and not feel any romantic urges, then I'll know that Takeru is the one for me.' Mind made up, Daisuke addresses his old flame;
"I guess that would be ok, yeah."
Heart beating frantically in his chest, Archie leans in and joins his lips to those of Daisuke's, one final time. The kiss, in Archie's eyes, is one of passion, all his true emotion and feelings conveyed through the contact. The action serves as Archie's final apology, attempting to make all he did right again. For Daisuke however, the kiss is an act of reassurance and confirmation. The kiss – like all others with Archie – feels sweet and good, but only physically. Feeling nothing romantically for the boy in front of him, Daisuke is on cloud nine, celebrating internally! Not only is there no romance, but Dai doesn't even feel any lingering pain from the past. Everything is perfect.
The kiss lasted for several moments until a loud noise suddenly startled both boys, separating them instantly and causing them to whip their heads towards the elevator at the end of the hall. The shattered glass vase lies in ruins on the hard hall floor, along with the flowers it once held. The blond owner of the flowers stands frozen, eyes wide, mouth open and his heart in a similar condition to the vase. All he can do is stare at the sight in front of him, totally devastated.
"Takeru..." Daisuke utters the name to himself so quietly that not even Archie hears it. Seeing the exchange of looks between the pair however, he quickly puts two and two together and realizes just who this blond is.
Daisuke takes one slow step towards the grief stricken teen, with Takeru taking two, quick ones backwards in return. The blond finally decides the scene to be too much for him and whilst shaking his head furiously, turns sharply to dash back into the elevator, tears streaming down his face.
xXxXxXxXx
(Takeru's POV)
'Why am I so nervous? This is Daisuke we're on about here. Matt's right: whether or not he feels the same way, Dai won't turn on me just for being in love with him! Still, could things really just go back to normal? It would still be awkward, despite how hard we tried.' The panic in me hasn't subsided for the entire journey, yet I know that this is what I have to do!
Walking past the shops on my way to the tanned teen's home, I suddenly felt rather vulnerable and unprepared for the confrontation to come. 'Should I maybe take something? Call ahead? God I have no idea...' Passing past a florists and eying the shop contents through the window, I decide that maybe a simple gesture like flowers might make the ordeal a tad smoother.
Now shopping isn't my specialty on a good day, but I was definitely disoriented today, browsing through the countless varieties of plants on offer. I finally decide that a small bouquet of roses will suffice. 'Beautiful, simple, yet filled with emotion...just like Dai.' I thought. For a small additional charge, the owner even gave me a small, clear glass vase to keep the gift in. Feeling slightly more confident, I quickened my pace towards Dai's apartment, determined to not chicken out!
xXxXxXxXx
The elevator ride up to Dai's floor seemed to take an eternity, my pulse racing the entire time. 'Am I making a mistake? Will he like me back? Am I just going to make a fool of myself?' All three of my questions were answered after having only taken a few steps out of the elevator. Looking up from the bouquet in my hand, I can see Dai kissing someone as clear as day!
A sharp sting of pain hits me as I catch the sight. 'No way…I c-can't believe it! He already has someone and he still fooled around with me? Either that or he's already over what we did?' Feeling drained of any prior enthusiasm or optimism, for the first few seconds I couldn't help but stop and stare, heart totally broken. 'How could I be such an idiot? He could never love me back, I shouldn't have raised my hopes!'
Having become so numb from the pain, I never initially noticed my grip on the vase loosen. Apparently it did however, since Dai and his companion broke apart, hearing the sound of smashed glass. 'Why couldn't I have never had these feelings? If I'd left Dai alone in the first place, I would never have become friends with him and fallen in love!'
My burgundy haired best friend takes a step closer to me. I don't even hesitate in recoiling from him, as this isn't something I can deal with. For another moment I stand motionless, shaking my head at my own stupidity. With my heart ripped out of my chest and having been sufficiently embarrassed, the only action I have any energy left for is turning around and getting the hell out of there! As I hit the button in the elevator and the doors close, I no longer fight to keep my tears at bay. Everything may have been ruined, but I'd damned if Dai was gonna see me breakdown in the middle of the hall.
Without so much as a word to Matt or dad, I lock myself in my bedroom the minute I get home. Burying my face in my pillow, I allow the flow of tears to continue, hoping I would wake up tomorrow to realize everything was just a dream.
xXxXxXxXx
TBC
A/N:
Hehe, sorry if that last bit was too evil :P It was probably predictable anyway!
Hopefully that was a nice chapter for you Hope it wasn't too similar to the last one, which I'm afraid of :S The next chapter won't be though! We're getting pretty close to the end of Holding Back actually :o, so after that I'll work on my Tatio I think :D
R&R please, as per usual! Hope you enjoyed!