I hated admitting that 80% of the reason I wanted to go to breakfast, and Kendall's and James was because in the whole year that I've been with James I never got to see where he lived. He was always coming over to my place, which is understandable. You usually don't want the man your seeing behind your boyfriends back, to come to the house you share with your boyfriend, but I was still curios to see where he slept, and got ready in the morning before he came to see me. The strangest thing for me was too know I was going to his house when I wasn't with him anymore, and I was going with my new boyfriend. I was happy with that, because I knew I was doing the right thing. I was honest, sort of, with Carlos, and I was rooting on James winning Kendall back. Everything is actually falling into the right place.
Carlos let me take a quick shower, which was great for me. I got to use his soap, which made me feel calm and relaxed. It also reminded me of how sexy he was, it smelt that good. When I came back out from the bathroom, he was already dressed, sitting on his couch, staring at his empty, quiet living room. I frowned pulling on the new shirt he gave me and walked right to him. I nudged his leg with mine and he turned to me quick. He frowned and stood up, running a hand through my still wet hair. "You're going to catch your death out there. Here…" He walked past me, rubbing his hand over my stomach and then down my hip. I turned watching him walk to a small closet by his front door and grab a plain black beanie. He tossed it to me and I caught it gracefully. I slipped it on as he pulled on a black leather jacket, over his grey sweater. He put his hood on, and then zipped up the sweater and the jacket. "I need to warn you. Kendall can be…aggressive sometimes. You've seen the nice, kind guy, but…we have an odd relationship. He thinks he has to protect me, so if he makes you uncomfortable or something…" I frowned taking my coat from him and put it on zipping it up fast.
"What would he need to say? He's already said if I break your heart, he'll break my legs. I don't plan on breaking your heart so I'm not worried." He smiled small and grabbed my hand kissing my forehead.
"Your so cute." I blushed, letting him lead me to his front door. "Come on Max! Let's go see Uncle James and Kendall!" I smiled, turning to see Max run out from the bedroom, tongue flapping out of his mouth. He bolted out the door and we walked out behind him. I stayed by Carlos's side as he locked up his house, but looked out to make sure Max didn't run off too far. When we walked down the stairs to get to his car, he slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me into him hard. I giggled and turned to him, leaning into kiss him. He ducked out of the way, let me go quickly, and before I had time to register what was happening, I was hit in the face with snow. It wasn't hard, but it was cold, and shocking. Max started barking, and with my eyes closed, I could only hear Carlos laugh. I wiped the snow off my face and glared at him as he laughed. By himself, but he was still laughing. Like it was the funniest thing ever. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry I couldn't help it." I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest. He sighed out and walked to me slowly. "I'm sorry…I couldn't resist it. I just thought you'd be super cute with snow all over your face and…" Before he could finish, I jumped on him, made him fall back on the four feet of snow on the grass, and rubbed snow on his face. I jumped off quick and ran towards his car, Max barking happily behind me. When I stopped at the passenger door, I swallowed hard and turned around to see him standing up, brushing off the back of his pants. I covered my mouth, to hide hard I was laughing, but he glared at me. Max stood right in front of me and panted, watching his dad. Carlos walked over to us slowly and is wallowed hard, waiting for the rebuttal. He got right in front of me and…kissed me softly. I was taken back and could only stare at him as he pressed softly into my mouth. When he pulled back he chuckled, wiping some snow off my face I must have missed and sighed out. "You're lucky you're cute." He unlocked his car and pushed me aside opening my door for me. I kissed him softly, before smiling small and slid in the seat, letting him close the door hard. Seconds later the backdoor was opened behind me and Max jumped in. I turned around to him quick to get a big wet slobbery kiss to my face. "Down Max…he's mine." I glared at Carlos as he shut the door and walked around the front of his car, getting in the driver seat fast. When he put the key in the ignition and turned on the heat, I grabbed his right hand and held it in my lap glancing out at the snow falling around us. It was romantic. It was perfect.
I was not surprised to find out where Kendall and James lived. It was fairly close to my place. It was the more rich part of town, big fancy houses, and gated apartments and condos, like mine. Carlos pulled up to one of these gates, a complex called Fire Side Ridge. He put a code on the small touch screen, and a second later the gate opened. He didn't drive too far into the complex, before I saw James car. When he parked next to it, and I got out, I automatically saw James. He was sitting at the bottom of some stairs and to my surprise and horror, he was smoking. I frowned and let Carlos take my hand after he got Max out of the back of the car, leading me to James. Getting closer I could see the scar on James left wrist as he raised his hand to take a drag form the cancer stick. "Dude…when did you start smoking again? Kendall will kill you." James laughed shaking his head and blew out a puff of smoke, patting Max's head as eh jumped up on the stair next to him.
"Why do you think I'm out here?" Carlos laughed quietly and James and I locked eyes. "He's irritating the shit out of me. One minute he's telling me he wants to cuddle, SO we cuddle. He curls up in a ball under my arm and then five minutes pass and he's asking me if I ever had sex with him after I had sex with the other guy." I looked down fast and scratched the back of my neck feeling my cheeks flush. I knew for a fact that countless times James would leave Kendall and come right to me…and then go back to Kendall. The more I think about it, I can't believe I ever let a man do that to me. Or Kendall for that matter. "He is making em wish he had kicked me the fuck out and threw me out on my ass. This is unbearable."
"This coming from the guy who broke his heart and cheated on him." I glanced to the side of Carlos's face and frowned seeing him sigh out softly. "I think considering the fact that he won't let me kill you, should tell you something. You gotta let him deal with it the way he wants. Okay?" I looked down again and swallowed hard.
"I know..i gotta give him space, and let him come to me. I've heard that before." I looked up fast and saw him smirk as he took one final drag from the death stick and tossed it to the snow on the ground, where it went out immediately. "Let's get in there before Kendall blows his gasket. I hope you guys are hungry…he's been cooking all damn morning." James turned and jogged up the stairs, letting Max chase after him. We followed close, but James was in his apartment with Max before we were at the top of the stairs. I gently tugged on Carlos's arm and got on the stair with Carlos as he stopped.
"You didn't tell Kendall about me and my…last relationship did you?" He frowned and re-situated his beanie on my head. I swatted his hand away and he chuckled, squeezing my hand still in his
"No. Kendall Is just a freak when it comes to entertaining. And like I said, he'll be weird. It's okay though." I rolled my eyes letting him lead me up the rest of the stairs. When he stepped in the apartment, he let me go in further while he shut the door and I stopped, glancing around the huge, bright, clean beautiful living and dining room. The living and dining room where as big as my kitchen, living room and bedroom. The really shitty part, was I probably paid almost as much for a super smaller lace. "Let me take your coat." I grateful shrugged out of my coat and took off my beanie handing it to Carlos as he threw mien and his stuff to a chair by the front door. I sighed out hearing soft talking from around a corner up ahead and awkwardly walked behind Carlos as he told Max to behave. When we turned the corner, my nerves got the best of me and I put my hand in the back pocket of his dark blue skinny jeans. He glanced back raising an eyebrow an di shrugged. He laughed and lead me into a huge big kitchen. I don't know why I was feeling so weird. I guess I just didn't like being in this house, with Kendall and James and Carlos…it felt like something was going to go wrong. Intuition I guess.
We walked right up towards James and Kendall who were in front of a six burner stove, three frying pans cooking eggs, sausage, and French Toast. I heard my stomach growl and took my hand out of Carlos's pocket. Kendall turned fast and smiled big, waving at us softly. "You guys got here just in time! Everything is done, and a fresh pot of coffee just finished brewing. Who wants some?"
"I'll actually take some OJ if you got it?" Kendal rolled his eyes but nodded and turned to the fridge. "You want some Loges?" I saw James glance over at us and nodded fast, swallowing hard. "I'll come bring it out to you. You can go ahead and take a seat." I again nodded and let him kiss my cheek. I turned slowly locking eyes with James and walked out of the kitchen towards the dining room.
I sat down at the long, 6 person table, by myself and put my hands in my lap looking at the very expensive looking plates and silverware on the table. Maybe this was okay. Maybe it would be okay. I was kidding myself, but the nerves left my body as soon as James walked out, holding a glass of milk. He pulled out the chair across from me and sat down smiling small at me. "How have you been?" I shrugged softly and he glanced to the kitchen where Carlos and Kendall were talking to each other close not looking out at us. "Carlos seems completely smitten by you. And you look pretty happy yourself." His voice was soft and quiet. I looked back out and saw Carlos shake his head as he stirred in some milk in my coffee cup. "I think I'm gonna tell him. It might help him to deal with this better…I guess. I don't even know anymore." I frowned sitting back and remained quiet as Kendall walked out holding a cup of coffee.
"So…how was everyone's night?" I smiled politely at Kendall as he walked back in the kitchen and grabbed a plate of French toast and a plate of sausages. Carlos carried out his cup and mine and set them down between my seat and his. He sat down and glared at Kendall as he set the food on the table. "Anyone get laid?"
"Kendall enough." I bunched my eyebrows together as I turned to look at Carlos who was still glaring at Kendall. Kendall finally sat down after setting a bowl of fruit on the table and the eggs. "How are you doing James?" We all shifted our attention to James who was staring at Kendall but shook his head and looked to Carlos.
"Fine. I can't do a lot, but I'm better." Kendall chuckled at this and I felt that sick feeling again. Like something was going to go wrong. James ignored Kendall as he took two pieces of French Toast and scooped some eggs on his plate. "Eggs Logan?" I swallowed hard and nodded picking up my plate and lifting it so James could put eggs on it. "Kendall?"
"Funny I get asked after Logan." Everyone turned to Kendall and we locked eyes. He blinked fast and looked down shaking his head. "I'm sorry…" I felt y leg get squeezed under the table and turned to Carlos who was staring at Kendall. "I…I can't do this anymore." James threw the spoon for the eggs down and I set my plate down gently. "I can't…"
"Kendall…" Carlos and Kendall stared at each other and Kendall shook his head turning to look back at e.
"Tell me the truth." The blood in my veins froze as my body raced with fear and nausea. My leg was squeezed again but for once, I felt no comfort for Carlos. "I want to hear it out of your mouth that you've been…"
"Kendall enough!" Carlos slammed his hand down on the table making Kendall, who was now crying softly, turn to Carlos. "You're making yourself upset. Calm the hell down."
"What the hell is going on?" I saw James put a hand on Kendall's shoulder, but blocked him out for the moment. I felt like I was going to hurl. Kendall knew. He somehow found up it was me who was with James. I don't know how, but he knew.
"Why don't you ask your boy toy across from you?" James's hand was off Kendall's shoulder and they stared at each other. "Does it make you happy knowing you got my boyfriend, and my best friend to play this sick twisted game of yours? Did you do it just to get the attention and any man you could get your hands on? Did you do it just because you knew you could?"
"Kendall…I think we need to talk in private." I swallowed hard sitting back in my seat and felt tears fall out of my eyes. "Carlos can you take Logan in the living room?"
"No James!" Kendall's loud strong voice made all of us turn to him as he stared James down. "For once in your pathetic miserable life why don't you stop to think about me?! Don't you see how crazy this is making me? Do you even realize that this whole time you've been sleeping with him, I've been asking myself what I did to deserve it!?" James made a move to touch Kendall but Kendall shoved his hand away hard and roughly. When he turned his gaze back to me, I wiped my face fast and swallowed hard looking down at my lap. "I didn't hire you because I wanted to work with you. I hired you because I wanted to corner you and force you to tell em what a piece of shit you really are. I wanted to hear from you, the reason you made the man I love break my heart. You mean absolutely nothing to me and I am glad James dumped you. I wish…I wish every single God damn night that those men who hurt you, just finished the job and had killed you."
"Kendall!" I wasn't sure who had shouted it. It was either James or Carlos. I couldn't tell anymore because my mind was blank and numb. I felt like I was in the air, in limbo if you will. I wasn't going up, but I sure as hell wasn't going to come down anytime soon.
"Don't stick up for him anymore! And why don't you tell him the truth Carlos! Tell him the reason you were soooo interested in him!" I couldn't believe I was looking up but my head told me something had happened with Carlos and I needed to see him. When I looked up at him, because he was staring down at Kendall I felt my bottom lip quiver. "Tell him Carlos! Tell him you only went out with him because I wanted you to make him trust you so he would confide in you. You don't really like him, like you tell him! You were just using him for me! FYI Logan…no one in this room wants you here. James dumped you, I sure as hell don't want you, and you were just some piece of ass to Carlos! SO why don't you just do us all a favor and go catch your death outside!" I closed my eyes again and felt my tears h9it my hands balled up in my lap.
The whole house went quiet. I heard movement in front of me, and couldn't dare to glance to see what it was. It wasn't until I heard a door slam, reality hit me in the face. I opened my eyes, rubbing under them to get the tears off my face. I stood up, keeping my head down and turned away from the table. I walked blindly to the front door, but only got to put my hand on it. A strong, warm, once comforting hand grasped my shoulder and turned me softly. "Logan…" I shoved as hard as I could and looked up to see Carlos stumble back. He swallowed hand and made a step to come towards me, but I shoved him again. "Logan please hear me out…"
"I opened up to you." He stopped and closed his eyes, looking down. "I told you something that only James ever knew. I trusted you. I…I liked you. A lot Carlos." I wiped at my face again and swallowed hard hearing talking coming from behind Carlos. "I know what I did was shitty….and I have to live with that the rest of my life. But you…just…just stay away from me." I turned again and was grabbed again. He turned me back to face him and while I tried to push him off he trapped me between the door and his strong body.
"Logan please…I…just hear me out please."
"Leave me alone! Let me go!" He released me fast and I shook my head making myself seem strong. "Don't…touch me…don't call me and don't come see me Carlos. Just…just leave me alone." He closed his eyes as tears fell out and I turned, opened the door and walked out fast.
I was halfway towards the gate to leave when I realized I very well might catch my death out here. At least Kendall would be happy. I shoved my hands in my pockets, and didn't care if I looked like a mess. Because no one else did. "Logan! Logan…God damnit….will you slow down! It's only 12 degrees out here!" I tried my hardest to ignore James voice, but hearing him only made me feel worse and all I wanted to do was grab him and hold him until I cried myself to sleep. I stopped walking but didn't turn to face him. I waited until he was in front of me, bundled up, holding one of his big puffy black jackets. He threw it around my shoulder, and I slipped my arms inside. I went to grab him but didn't need to. I was pulled roughly into his chest, where I greedily shoved my face into, inhaled his warm, musky, familiar and relaxing scent, and cried out quietly in his chest. "I am so sorry…I…I had no idea they were…God I am so sorry Logan. You shouldn't have heard that. You don't need to get ideas like that shit in your head."
"But I am a piece of shit James."
"Me too…doesn't mean we don't have a life to live. Don't let him creep into your head please? He's just pissed at me, and took it out on you, because he knew he could…I'm sorry…look why don't we get…some coffee somewhere. Or I could just take you home?" I chuckled in his chest and shook my head, still crying, a little harder now. Even after everything, James was still there for me. He was still my bodyguard. My protector.
"James…you need to be with Kendall…"
"Carlos is taking care of that." I squeezed my eyes shut hard and clutched onto his jacket on his back. "I'm gonna take you home and make sure your warm, your tummy is full and you don't shed another tear. And I don't care if you fight me on it. Its gonna happen, you got that?" I cried out quietly again but nodded my head.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that I got the really short end of the stick in this whole thing. Dumped by a man I loved, and used by another one I could have loved. But the absolute worst part…was knowing a guy, who I could have been best friends with, only saw me as a waste of life and space. I guess I only wanted Kendall's friendship because of that whole guilt thing. But more importantly, I just wanted him to know, I wasn't a bad guy. I was just a guy who's had bad thrown at him all his life. He would never know that now because I would never see him, or Carlos again. And that killed me.