"... she's gone."

Nick buries his face into his arms. I don't know what to think. I can't breath. I fall to the floor beside him. He won't stop crying.

"Nick..." My vision is getting blurry."... I'm so sorry." I lean in and hold him while he tries to push me away. "It's going to be ok." I lie. "It's going to be ok Nick."

Nick tries to say something between gasps and tears."I.. killed.. her!"

I feel so useless. He still won't look at me. I don't know what to do. What do I do? I squeeze Nick tighter. "I'm here for you."

Nick shoves me away. "I'll.." he gasps. "I'll... hurt.. you.. too."

I rush back to his side. "Nick, talk to me! What happened? You can tell me." I beg him.

"She's dead!" He screams at me. "She's dead and it's all my fault!" He sits up and looks at me. I can see the pain writhing in his bloodshot eyes, his mouth still stained red, his chest pounding. He rubs his eyes and falls back down into my arms.

He takes my paw and grasps it tight. "Nick. I'm here for you. Please.. tell me what happened." I plead.

He tries to catch his breath and lets out one sentence. "I'm a monster."

My heart stops. "Nick, you are not a monster!" I hold him tight.

In this moment, all the world didn't matter. My fr.. Nick.. he needed my help. I can't do anything for him. I hold him forever as he lets it all out. I know he hates himself. I know he wants his mother back. I know he needs me right now, but I need to know. I need to know what happened.

"Nick. What happened? What happened to your mom?"

He looks up at me, with those teary green eyes. "We haven't talked much since I was young. But I loved her." He keeps rubbing his eyes. "She.. was a good mother. She always knew I would be someone." He looks into my eyes. "That day, at graduation, we talked for the first time since I left home." He looks around and runs his knuckles across the floor. "Since I left her here."

"Nick, you couldn't have stayed here forever." I try to make him feel better.

"But I left her. She never gave up on me." He closes his eyes. I think he's trying to remember her.

"We went out to the bench. She showed up late that day. I think she thought I didn't want her there. But I invited her because I did." Nick opens his eyes and reaches up to me. He begins stroking my ear. "When I saw her there, all I could say was 'Hello.'" Nick's eyes begin tearing up again. "You know what she said to me? She said 'Hello son, I'm so proud of you Nicholas, you know you'll always be my little scout.'"

I bring his hand to my cheek."Nick, I know she loved you so much."

"She really did.." He musters. "I left home when I was eighteen." Nick's limbs go limp and his head falls into his chest. "I lost my faith in this city when I was half that age. The only one who tried to help me was her. I wouldn't listen." He chokes up, as if he can't bring himself to speak. "..I hated her. I knew she was wrong. That the city hated us foxes. When she caught me stealing she would try to make me give the stuff back. I started as a petty thief at the age of ten." Nick sighs. "I must've been a real disappointment."

My heart is aching, crying... dying. "Nick, she still loved you with all her heart. You said it yourself, she was so proud of you." I try to smile at him.

"Yeah, well… that wasn't the case for most of her life. She was scared, frightened and worried for me. I made her life so much worse for so many years. I ran away from home." Nick begins to hit himself in the head.

I grab his paw and stop him. "Nick, stop that!"

"I didn't tell her goodbye. I just ran away from home. Just like that. Just like a dumb fox would do." I can feel him trying to yank his paw away, but I stop him. "I always wanted to tell her… tell her why I ran, was to protect her."

"Nick, what do you mean?" My grip loosens on his arms.

"I did a lot of dumb things. I stole, I lied, I hustled." His eyes shut for a moment. "But the days before I ran, I did the dumbest thing I ever have."

Something feels very wrong. "What did you do?" I ask.

"When you are out and alone as a kit, no one looks after you. No one helps you and everyone is against you." Nick begins to shake. "I was hungry one day walking through Sahara. I stole food from a ferret street vendor. He and his family were just having a regular day working in Zootopia. But the dad caught me." Nick almost smiles re-living the mischievous theft, but his soul contracts back inside. "The father chased me all through the Square. I thought he'd give up if I ran far enough. I ran into the sand dunes near the Wall. There was some maintenance on the Wall that day. The engines were off for the morning. But I got too close." I can hear Nick swallow, his throat dry. "The workers had finished their job. The sirens called for an all clear and the engines came on. I barely escaped the hell-fire. The ferret… I can still hear his screams."

A light bulb goes off in my head. "Wait.. I remember seeing that in an old newspaper. My parents tried to make me stay by showing me how dangerous the city was. But that wasn't you in the paper, they said the kid was.."

Nick cuts me off. "Ricky. Ricky Redtail."

I can't believe what I was hearing "...that was you?"

"I was young and stupid. I thought a crime name would be cool. They never caught me. They only saw me running. I ditched my clothes from that day and tried to be a good little fox. But the ferret's son found me the next day… he was eleven." Nick's heart stops. "He knew me as Ricky, what the media said my name was. He didn't seem angry or upset. He only said one thing when he found me. "

"I will take from you what you took from me. I swear to you Ricky, your family is dead."

"I ran away that night. I didn't say goodbye, I couldn't. I needed them to forget me. I needed to forget my life." Nick pauses for a long moment. "But I was only ever seen as a thief, a cheat… a no good fox, because that's who I was."

I don't know what to say. "Nick-"

Again he cuts me off. "Judy.. I know you'll never forgive me. I've never told anyone this before."

"Nick, I'm so sorry. You loved your mother, you were just trying to protect her." I can't feel anything. I can't make sense of anything. "Nick, what happened in there?" I point to the house. "What happened to your mom? Why was Bellwether there?"

Nick's eyes begin to widen. "Bellwether was there to give me a message. When I got home she had my mom in the kitchen." He reaches into his pocket. "She said she was broken out by an unseen friend when the power went out last night. That she just had to do one thing. Give me this." Nick pulls out a tape recorder. "She threw this at me, and then took my mom from me." Nick breaks down again and through tears he says "She said, 'This is retribution, predator.'"

I clench tight his paw and embrace him. "Oh, Nick. This is all my fault."

Nick pushes me back. "No Carrots, it's mine." Nick presses the play button, and a slithering voice comes through the static.

BZZT-"Hello, Judy. I'm sorry I took that beautiful smile away from you."-BZZT-"I hope you enjoyed the carrots, Carrots"-BZZT-"I would run away if I were you."-BZZT-"This is between me, and Ricky."-BZZT

That voice. I know that voice. They were panicked, out of breath. They ran into me. My smile. The email from yesterday. They are watching me. They know my nickname Nick uses. I didn't see Nick leave the carrot juice. They left it.

"Nick… Nick. I know who this is…"

"...and they have been watching us."