One week later.
"Hey babe! I brought lunch home, hope you're up for sushi!" Matt called to Clarke as he walked in the door.
"Yes! You're amazing baby! Thank you so much!" Clarke returned heading out of their bedroom where she had been cleaning.
"I was thinking maybe today we can go down to your studio and look over some of your new work? Is that cool?" Matt asked while opening up the take out bags.
"Yeah sure, um, can we please talk first? I know I've been flaky lately and this is the first real time we've been alone for a while."
"Yeah sure babe, let me just get your food out. Can you grab some plates for us please?"
"Coming right up." Clarke said while heading into the kitchen.
"So what's up babe? You still nervous about the wedding?" Matt asked while plating their meals.
"Um, no, actually it's about something else."
Clarke was trying to figure out how approach the subject. "How do you know Lexa? And why did you hide it from me?"
Matt choked on the piece of sushi he was eating, not expecting that question at all. "W-What?"
"Answer me please, Matt."
"Okay, well Lexa helped me open the first gallery, we've known each other for years. And I guess I didn't tell you because I didn't want to bring her up, I mean, I know what she used to mean to you. I guess I kind of felt threatened bringing her up."
"Then why did you help her? Get my paintings?"
Matt was completely shocked now, there were only two people that knew about their dealings, Lexa and him.
"You've talked to her, that's the only way you'd know about that?" Matt wasn't upset, just concerned and maybe a little confused.
"Why did you do that for her Matt?"
"Because I owed her, I mean she basically was the only person keeping the gallery afloat when I first opened. And I guess, knowing that she was using me specifically so she didn't have to see you made it easier."
"So you did it as a favor for her help financially with the galleries?"
"Well for the help in the beginning, and selling your art too."
"And you didn't tell me because she asked you not to, right?" Clarke wanted to see if she could learn more information on Matt's motives.
"Yeah, and if I'm being honest, I wouldn't have told you anyway, like I said, I'm threatened by your relationship with her." Matt had answered his questions now he had some of his own. "So, now... When did you talk to her?"
"Well that's the thing, can we move to the couch please?" Clarke did not want to do this across the table.
"Just tell me Clarke, what is it? Is this why you've been so weird lately?" Matt seemed genuinely concerned for Clarke's well being.
"I've seen her a few time, and I found out about your relationship with her when I was gone last weekend." Clarke didn't know how to explain what was going on with her.
"Spit it out Clarke, you're freaking me out." Matt said honestly.
"She was at the opening, you know that, you saw her. Well so did I. Actually, I slapped her in the face. Then when I found out she was selling her company I drove up to our old lake house where she was to try and talk her out of it. That was the night that Raven told you I was staying at her place a few weeks ago because I didn't want to upset you." Clarke paused, saying what happened next would be the hardest thing she's had to do in a while.
"So that's where she told you about buying your art and about how she knew me?" Matt asked.
"No, actually I had no idea about any of that when I was there."
"So what happened? I mean, I am a customer of hers I know she's still selling the company so you clearly didn't talk her out of it. I mean, I'm just trying to figure out why you care? She disappeared on you over a year ago with no explanation."
"That's the thing, there was an explanation, she confided in Raven before the gallery opening and after I slapped her that night Raven told me everything. I can't really explain any of this to you and what happened or why it happened but she did what she had to do, and all the decisions she's made for the last two years have been for Raven, Octavia and I. She um.. She protected us I guess you could say, and leaving me hurt her probably just as much as it hurt me."
"Clarke... Are you leaving me for her?" Matt was stoic, he didn't know what to think, he had so many questions but the only one he wanted answered right now was all that came to mind.
"No, no, but I do need to tell you what happened at the lake house that night. I-I made a really big mistake Matt, I don't know if you'll ever be able to forgive-"
"You slept with her..." It wasn't a question so much as a statement.
Clarke sat with tears brimming her eyes, she nodded yes and let her head fall into her hands.
"I'm so sorry Matt... I never meant for it to happen... I love you so much and I'm so so sorry that I've... hurt you... and betrayed... your trust..." Clarke was getting out everything she could between sobs.
Matt hadn't said a word, instead he got up from his seat, ran his hands through his hair and made his way to the liquor cabinet they had in the apartment. He pour himself and Clarke both a glass of scotch and made his way back to the couch. Handed Clarke her glass and they sat in silence for a while more.
"Do you love her Clarke?" Matts voice wasn't angry, just simple and compassionate.
Clarke looked him in the eyes not knowing how to say what she felt without hurting the man she loved. Matt sat there waiting for a response he knew he wouldn't get. Truth is he already knew the answer.
"Okay, easier question... What are you feeling Clarke?" Matt gave in to the waiting game.
"Like I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel.." Clarke was honest, she had nothing to hide now. Matt knew she loved Lexa, Matt knew she slept with Lexa it was all out there.
"Let me ask you this... Did it feel right?"
"Yes, at the time, but now I feel like a horrible person."
"You're not a horrible person, stop that. This isn't self pity time." Matt said sternly. "You remember the first time we met? In the coffee shop? You were drawing and I was looking over portfolios. You were so broken Clarke, so angry. What was that, about two months after Lexa left?" Clarke nodded in agreement. "You remember how I came up and talked to you for a while, but do you remember what I said before I left?" Clarke didn't recall. "I told you that a love that's meant to be will always find a way of coming back around." Matt paused to take a sip of his drink. "The love you have for her will never go away, Clarke."
Clarke sat there for a while in silence, tears still falling down her face. She didn't know what to say still. Matt hadn't yelled, hadn't gotten upset but instead sat there and talked to her about her love for Lexa.
"What are you trying to say..?" Clarke asked finally.
"That you may not know how you feel about Lexa right now, but you need to take the time to figure it out." Matt said before finishing off his drink. "I am in love with you Clarke, every part of you, but I love you enough to let you know you're making the right decision, whatever that may be."
"Wait. Are you trying to break up with me? What is going on?"
"Clarke. I'm not breaking up with you, I'm setting you free. This isn't forever unless you want it to be." Matt was getting out of his seat and heading to the front door. "Come on, let's go see your paintings before we finish this."
"What the fuck is happening?" Clarke was full blown crying again. Matt quickly made his way back to her, and gently grabbed her face with his hands.
"Shhh shhh shhh... Clam down Clarke. Please, come with me. Show me the new pieces you have."
Clarke just nodded and got up trying to compose herself. She grabbed her things and the keys to the studio and walked out the door with Matt. They had to walk by the coffee shop on their way so Matt stopped in and bought the pair their favorite drinks. The walk to the studio wasn't long, but the awkward silence between the two made it feel like a marathon. Clarke opened the door to the studio forgetting what a complete mess she had made it. She made her way to the five finished pieces she had from her 3 day shit-in. Matt looked them over for a while before finally speaking.
"You see this one here? This was the first one you did right?" Clarke nodded. Matt had become so in tune with Clarke's painting he could tell her emotion without explanation. "You felt guilty, right? Because of what you had done?" Clarke nodded again. "This is the angriest piece here, you were mad at yourself for going through with it." Clarke agreed. "Which was the last piece? This one or this one?" Matt gestured between two much brighter themed paintings.
"The left." Clarke responded somberly.
The picture on the left had the outline of a woman's body, not unusual to Clarke's genera, with what looked like planets orbiting in the background. There were blue and green hues streaked across the body almost looking like sheets wrapped around a woman. There was an image of symbols in the background, it was barely visible unless you looked deeply and paid attention to the hues and color changes. It was an infinity symbol wrapping around what looked like an anchor. Matt didn't need to know to ask if the anchor like object represented Clarke, she had an anchor tattooed on the back in her neck.
"Lexa has an infinity symbol tattooed on her I'm assuming?" Clarke looked slightly shocked but nodded again. Matt was still staring at the painting. He wanted to tell Clarke how she felt during it, but also wanted her to come to the realization on her own. "Tell me what you were feeling during this one.. Be honest Clarke."
"Um.. I don't know, I guess envy, maybe lust.."
"That's not true. Lust? Yeah.. Maybe? But what I see here is passion. It's not happy that's for sure, but it's hopeful. It's Lexa and you, right? Back here, the infinity symbol, that's her, the green here also her, her eyes, what I can't figure is this here.." Matt pointed to the planets. "What's this represent?"
"A galaxy view from space, land and sky in one image." Clarke explained.
"Green and blue, land and sky, I understand now." Matt admitted. "Clarke, do you see what I'm trying to show you here? Do you understand why I said I'm setting you free as opposed to breaking up with you?" Clarke shook her head no, tears starting to fall from her eyes again. "You may hate how she left you, you may even hate parts of her, but you owe it to yourself to figure that out on your own. No obligations to me or anyone else. Clarke, I will always love you. You are so important to me, but this, right here." Matt said gesturing to the painting. "You've never put in this much emotion with me. You love her Clarke, even if you won't admit it right now."
"But I love you too..." Clarke responded weakly.
"I know you do, I know Clarke." He's grabbed her hands looking her in the eyes now. "But you will never love me like you love Lexa, and it's okay, because you deserve happiness you deserve the chance to fight for the love of your life and I think that is Lexa for you." Matt said finally showing some emotion. "Look, I'll book a hotel for the next few days. You don't have to move out of you don't want to, but I think you should move back in with Raven. Don't make any obligations to anyone, just go where your heart leads you. If it's back to me, I'll still be here, but if it's Lexa, don't feel guilty Clarke. I love you enough to let you go. Just give me tonight at the apartment alone, that's all I ask."
"Okay." That was all Clarke could say before Matt turned and walked out. Tears in his eyes falling more frequently as he got further away from the woman he loved.