As always,

Gleeville: Yes, I'm sorry, Ryder is gone :( I'm glad you liked it! Thank you so much!

Smoondigiboy: aww, I'm so glad you're enjoying it ;) Thank you so much!

Thatmarvelgeek: Oh, don't worry, now I know it's you! I hope you're not watching the show because of this, because you'll find out it doesn't have much to do with it! Althought the first seasons are really good, so you'll enjoy it! Thank you so much!

Darrinia: Yeah, I'm sorry! It was a tough decision, to choose who would be the first one to go, but in the end it had to be him :( Don't worry, nothing is going to happen in the next chapter, the sex was not a bad omen or anything ;) The problems with the story comes because I usually write about feelings and very simple plots, and this is becoming quite challenging because of that. So you don't how how happy your comment and your support makes me. It really means a lot! So thanks! By the way, you said something about not being alright and nobody caring about your problems... I don't know if it was an expression or you really meant it but... I do care, and if you want someone to talk to or whatever, PM me, i'm here for you, ok? ;) Thank you so much, darling!

THEMoDePo: I know, it was quite an intense chapter! Sam would surely felt like that, especially knowing he might have saved him if he hadn't slipped... And of course Blaine is the only he will let try to make it better! I'm so glad you liked so many things! I was quite proud of that chapter, to be honest, so that's why this one feels so... wrong, I don't know. I really hope you still like it! And thank you so much for your constant support!

Angellovercriss: well, it better ends, otherwise it will mean I left it unfinished! :) Hahahaha, you're mean, poor Ryder! XD Thank you so much!

Archijehu: Oh, I didn't know it was you, that's why I asked, I like knowing you readers! Don't worry, I don't think it's going to end soon :) Thank you so much!

Midlifecrissis: I'm so glad I was able to make you feel what Sam was feeling! You do well to have your doubts about it, though, I already warned all of you this is not like my other stories... just saying! ;) I'm happy you also liked Ryder's death and Sam's reaction to it, it was hard to write! Thank you so much, dear!

TheRedSea: awww, how sweet of you! No, please, you're awesome, thank you for such a sweet comment!

Me-me157: Well, unfortunately you were right, Ryder is gone... Well, he will turn into a walker, everybody does when they die unless they are hurt in the head, though I don't think they're going to meet him again, he is far away from the prison... I'm really really glad you like my Sebastian, I'm amazed at how many people love him, makes me so proud! He will have even more importance in the plot soon. And yes, Sebastian knows about blam and so does Mike and... well, everyone in some way knows, I guess... :) Their situation is going to be still quite complicated, the fact they had sex doesn't mean everything is already resolved, just as you feared, as they still have so many things to deal with... Thank you so much, dear!

A/N: Sorry about this absolutely-non-brilliant-chapter-at-all, but I needed a little something to honor Ryder (so his death wouldn't seem like it didn't make sense!) and I needed to end it where I did so the plot can go on from there. I might have gone a bit lazy or totally uninspired with this one, I don't know. I hope you don't get too bored or uninterested with it! I promise the next one will be better!

CHAPTER 13

Blaine woke up with a slight sense of void, as if he was missing something. Of course it only took him a minute to understand it was the contact of Sam's skin all along his body –and that had been so real just a few hours ago– what he was missing. And craving.

The horrible feeling of rejection from the day before quickly came back to him at the absence of Sam's body next to him, only a million times worse because this time they had slept together, not just had a stupid drunken kiss. What did his disappearance mean, after what they had done the night before? That he regretted it? That he was ashamed of it? That he wanted to pretend it hadn't happened? That he still thought it was the worst idea ever, even if he had been the one initiating it, and in a very sober state this time?

Blaine thought he was about to start crying when he noticed he was not cold at all, in spite of being stark naked under the blankets. Blankets. Plural. So yes, Sam had left, but he had thrown an extra blanket on him and safely tucked him in so he wouldn't go cold –he knew how sensitive to the cold Blaine was, after all–. That had to mean something, right? He wouldn't have stopped to take care of him if he hated him, would he? And the way he had held him through the night surely didn't look like an act of disgust.

Willing his heart not to get his hopes up too soon, Blaine sat up on the bed, blushing even if he was alone at the fact that he was indeed naked and the implications that had. Ok, he was not a virgin, but he had never imagined something like that could happen with Sam. And in spite of how close and affectionate they had always been with each other, having sex was a totally different area, right? Even if that didn't get them to take another step on their relationship, it had been meaningful and intimate and… awesome. Just thinking about it was sending all kinds of butterflies going crazy in his stomach, and he would have screamed and kicked his legs on the bed with excitement if he was not feeling so self-conscious already.

Before he got up he noticed a little piece of paper on the pillow, just where Sam's head had been resting the night before, and Blaine's heart started racing as he picked it up and started reading it.

Gone running, couldn't possibly stay in bed any longer. You were sleeping so peacefully for once that I didn't have the heart to wake you. I'll come get you later to help you downstairs.

Blaine smiled impossibly wide at that. So no, Sam hadn't escaped. He had just felt restless in bed and hadn't wanted to wake him up. But he had left a note so Blaine wouldn't freak out about his absence if he woke up before Sam came back. Yeah, that surely wasn't the way someone who was ashamed would act, that was for sure. He still didn't know if it meant something else, but at least he was comforted that Sam didn't hate him and that what had happened wasn't going to come between them in an awkward way.

He must have slept longer than necessary, because when he made his way downstairs –as well as he could, as his leg was still giving him some trouble– he could see some of his friends loaded with provisions that they seemed to be getting inside from the bus for stocking. He had never asked, for obvious reasons, but it looked like they had been able to get quite a lot of things before tragedy stroke. Blaine felt like kicking his own shin at how guilty he felt he had only been worrying about his own matters with Sam when Ryder had just left them the night before. But the tense and sad atmosphere in the common room immediately connected him with reality.

"Don't even dare to think about it" a voice behind him got his attention and, before he knew it, a hand on his shoulder was pushing him down on the nearest chair before he could even think to try and help them get everything inside. Blaine didn't need to see him to know it was Sam, worrying about him, as usual. "And you should have waited for me to help you downstairs"

Blaine's heart fluttered again at Sam's affectionate squeeze before letting go of his shoulder to continue with his task. He knew it was not much to read into it –it was probably what he would have done any other day– but at least he was now positive Sam was not staying away from him, and he still cared enough to worry about his health. He was dying to talk to him, but he very well knew it was not the time nor the place to do it.

Some quiet sobbing immediately got his attention, and he was surprised at how he had missed Marley just sitting on the table in front of him. Although the state she was in didn't surprise him at all, as he had expected for her to be one of the most affected with Ryder's passing, he still felt a sting of pain in his heart at her obvious grief. And since the people closer to her where the other ones who would also be more upset, like Jake or Unique, he thought it would be nice of him to step in.

Without a second thought, Blaine left his chair and limped to sit next to the upset girl and embrace her before they even said a word. She had probably needed that, as she immediately rested her cheek on his shoulder as her sobs intensified.

"We're going to be alright" Blaine promised with a whisper to her ear as her arms closed around his back in their much needed embrace.

"He's gone, Blaine" she said, sounding as if she was having trouble believing it still, and Blaine just gulped his own tears –now was not the time to shed them– before answering.

"I know, sweetheart" he lovingly answered, holding her head to his shoulder in a comforting gesture. "And we'll miss him like crazy. But we're still here and we need to focus on that, ok?"

"Yes" she agreed as she broke the embrace and nodded, smiling shyly at Blaine as he moved to remove some of her tears with his own thumbs.

Sam saw them from a distance and his heart warmed and saddened at the same time at the image. He felt incredibly proud of his friend, always there for everyone, always making sure everyone was alright. But at the same time… when would he take care of his own sorrow? He, like everyone else, had also lost a friend last night. And he still hadn't seen him cry.

Sam sighed as he watched Blaine also find a smile for Unique, who just had appeared into the common room. He looked beautiful in spite of all the sadness, didn't he? Even if his smile was obviously missing his usual sparkle, it was still enough to shake Sam's heart to the core. He really hoped his note had been enough to reassure Blaine that he hadn't left the bed in a terrified or ashamed state that morning. In fact, and despite what had happened with Ryder, Sam had probably never woken up with such a sense of inner peace in his heart since everything started, just because of the warmth of Blaine's skin against his and the reminder of his taste in his mouth. He had contemplated waking him up just to see those amazing eyes of him looking at him like they had done the night before, full of love and adoration and… lust. But he knew it was not that common for Blaine to be sleeping so peacefully, and he didn't have the heart to wake him. So he had contented himself with placing a tender kiss on Blaine's naked shoulder, as a reminder of how his lips had travelled all along his body just a few hours ago, and had carefully left the bed with the intention of having a run around the playground, hoping the physical exercise would help him put his thoughts and feelings in order. Although he had made sure to write the note and to safely tuck Blaine in with the blanket from the top bunk bed, tenderly ruffling the soft curls on his forehead, before leaving the cell.

As he heard Jake angrily kicking a box that had fallen in his way, Sam was brought back to reality: they had lost one of them, and there were people suffering deeply. Thanks to Blaine and his reassuring words –and everything that had come after that– he was feeling a bit better about it, but those who had been closer to Ryder were inconsolable, and he wished there was something he could do for them. But he didn't have Blaine's magical touch or his way with words, and he felt at a loss about what to do until Jake caught everyone's attention.

"Shouldn't we be training already?"

"You want to train today?" Unique asked him in disbelief.

"Of course. Any reason we shouldn't?" Jake answered as cockily as he could muster.

"Yes. The fact we just lost Ryder is enough for you?" Kitty intervened, and even though she was not crying for the time being, her red eyes were perfect proof of how much she was also hurting.

"Life goes on, right?" Jake sarcastically answered. "That's what all of them have been saying all night"

None of the older people, who had been the ones trying to console the younger ones with words and embraces practically all night, felt offended at the obvious reproach from the youngest Puckerman, as he had been a good friend of Ryder and they understood his attitude.

"Can we just leave it for tomorrow, Jake?" Marley pleaded from her chair, her heart breaking at her boyfriend's obvious pain, even if he was trying to conceal it.

"No, we can't" he immediately answered in an angry tone. "Isn't it obvious we need training? Lots of training, if you ask me. So no one else thinks they're qualified to fight for their lives because they were given a couple of stupid advices and were encouraged to go out there before they were ready"

"Jake, that's not fair" Sam immediately jumped on Blaine's defense –because even if Jake hadn't said any names, it was Blaine who had suggested for them to train the day before, so he was obviously referring to him the most.

"We're all upset and angry" Puck intervened, trying to stop his brother from getting into a fight as everybody was nervous and upset. "Maybe we should just… take some time off to come to terms with everything"

"Time is not going to make any difference" Jake continued, looking defiantly at Sam. "Unless we can turn back in time and not push Ryder to do something he wasn't ready for"

"No one encouraged Ryder to go, he made that decision himself" Sam corrected him before he could stop himself. He knew Jake was upset, and he should be more patient with him, but he couldn't let himself accuse Blaine like that and make everything his fault. Knowing Blaine, he probably was already feeling guilty, the last thing he needed was for someone to tell him he had a reason to. "And if I remember correctly, none of us tried to dissuade him from it. No one. If it's anybody's fault, then it's absolutely everyone's"

"If you act as a leader, people will listen to you and trust your decisions" Jake went on, not backing down for a second as he even turned to look at Blaine to make sure he knew he was talking about him. "You can't give orders and give the impression you have it all under control and then avoid to take responsibilities when your plans backfire"

Sam could perfectly see Blaine's heart breaking at Jake's words through his eyes, knowing they had hit too close to home, and it was everything he could do not to jump at Jake's throat.

"Blaine was only trying to help, you know?" Sam said in a threatening tone that immediately made Blaine jump from his chair and hurry to his friend as much as his injured leg would let him.

"Sam…" he said as he grabbed Sam's arm in case he needed to stop him.

"No, let me" Sam begged, looking intently at Blaine for a second before turning to Jake again, though he didn't try to disentangle his arm from Blaine's grip. "He has much more experience in this than any of you have because he had to learn what to do to survive, unlike you. And now you accuse him because he is trying to make fighters of all of you so you can survive too? He never asked to be your leader, you selfish moron, but I didn't see you complain about his ideas when he was saving all our lives at McKinley"

Silence fell amongst the group for a second as they waited for Jake to react, though he didn't. He seemed to be thinking about Sam's words, probably realizing he was right if the expression on his face was any indicator of the turmoil of emotions inside of him.

"Let's not jump on everyone else's throat" Puck said in a pacifying tone, knowing Sam was right but also understanding his brother's attitude. "We're all very affected by Ryder's loss, but fighting between us won't help us any"

"And Ryder wouldn't have wanted that" Marley intervened, her voice shaking as she looked at her boyfriend, begging him to stop.

"You're right" Jake finally admitted, his eyes glassy with tears as a palpable sadness replaced his previous fury as he turned the one he had thrown all his anger at. "Blaine, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I'm just… angry, I guess"

"It's okay" Blaine immediately forgave him, understanding very well where Jake's attitude came from, even if his words had really stung.

"Just measure your words next time you're voicing an opinion" Sam added, trying to sound less harsh than before as he threw a protective arm around Blaine's shoulders, still feeling the need to defend him even if Jake had already apologized.

Jake nodded, looking a bit ashamed, and Blaine was quick to offer his hand for him to shake as a peace offer, wanting to show the younger boy everything was alright.

"Jake is right, we need more training" Blaine said once Jake let go of his hand, unconsciously nestling to Sam's side under his protective arm as if he was trying to gather some strength from him while talking to everyone. "Lots of it. But… maybe we could leave it for tomorrow. Maybe we should do something else today"

"Like what?" Tina asked, looking curiously at her friend, knowing Blaine always had the best ideas and trusting him to make everything better for everyone, as he always did.

"We are all very upset, maybe we need to do something for Ryder before we can get over his loss" Blaine cryptically suggested.

"Like what?" Marley asked, her hopes up.

"I know we can't do a proper burial and everything, but we can organize a funeral" Blaine suggested, hoping the others wouldn't think it was a stupid idea. "Kind of. Something to say goodbye"

"We could say some words for him" Unique suggested.

"Maybe… we could all write some message for him and bury them all together" Marley added, looking around her to see if anybody else was up for it.

"That seems like a nice idea" Blaine said with a sweet smile for the two girls, glad they were on board. If there was a way to make everyone feel a bit better, he was happy to contribute to it.

They chose a corner of the playground where some beautiful bushes grew as Ryder's metaphoric rest place. Jake had carved his name in a little wood plank he had torn off from a bunk bed nobody was using and they left it to rest on the floor, where Kitty had dug a small hole where they would bury the box with all their written messages.

Someone suggested they should read the messages out loud, but in the end they decided they were probably too intimate, so they just put them on the box and decided to say some words instead. Only when the time for talking came, nobody seemed to find the words to honor their friend as he deserved: the ones who had known him were too upset and the older ones hadn't known him enough for it to be meaningful enough. So in the end it was Blaine, as usual, who took charge of the situation, as he and Ryder had been good friends and he seemed to be dealing with his loss a bit better than most.

"Ryder was one of those people you instantly get to like" he started with a nostalgic and sad smile, which was immediately reciprocated with smiles and nods amongst the group. "He looked shy and insecure at first, but once you got to know him… he was so funny and enthusiastic and charming!"

Blaine took a second to breathe deeply before the others could notice how close he was to tears or the shaking of his voice. Most of them were in tears by then, and he willed himself to remain strong for them. And for Ryder.

"He had one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen. He couldn't possibly see someone having a bad time and now rush to help them in any way he could. He was kind like that. He was warm, intelligent, kindhearted and talented. But above all, he was a friend. Someone who lived his life to the fullest and who, if he was here, he would tell us to suck it up and stop crying over him, that he wasn't worth that much. But he was. You're going to be so missed, my friend" Blaine finished, raising his gaze to the sky as his voice broke, even if only Sam noticed the big effort he was making not to cry, so he placed a light hand between his shoulder blades for comfort.

Everybody fell into silence as one by one they threw a handful of dirt over the box, openly crying and saying their own silent prayers and wishes for him. And when everybody had made peace with it, they spontaneously fell into a group hug that, even if it elicited even more tears, it helped them deal with their pain and understand they were not alone in their grief.

After the funeral they all decided to spend the rest of the day together in the dining room, taking comfort in each other's presence. They even prepared a kind of special meal in Ryder's honor and everybody seemed to be slightly comforted by it.

Except for Blaine, Sam noticed. He had been making sure everybody was alright all the time, offering food, embraces and kind words to whoever would need them, until he disappeared. Sam wondered how long he had been gone, and how he had not noticed before. Suddenly very worried about his friend, he excused himself and went in search of him, hoping he was in their shared cell and not in the cold outside.

Now that he thought about it, Sam was not that surprised about Blaine's disappearance as he went up the stairs. After all, hiding was something Blaine usually did when he was trying to deal with something. It was not easy to get him to open up, and Sam had had to learn how to approach him in those situations with time, instead of leaving him alone as he usually claimed he wanted –though fortunately Sam knew better, and he knew that being alone was the last thing Blaine needed–. And considering he had been neglecting his own pain all day long for everybody's sake… It was easy to guess he probably just had needed some space for himself. And thankfully he had found him in their room, lying on his bed, Sam noticed with a relieved sigh.

"Hey" Sam softly said as he leant against the wall, offering a smile to his friend.

"Hey" Blaine answered, equally soft as he turned his face towards the beloved voice.

"I didn't know where you were" Sam explained, as if he was trying to justify his presence in the room they shared. "I was bit worried"

"I'm sorry, I just… needed to be alone for a while" Blaine immediately apologized, and the shaking of his voice immediately alerted Sam something was indeed wrong with him.

"Mind for some company, though?" Sam asked, although he started walking towards him before waiting for an answer, stopping right at his side.

"Sure" Blaine answered as he shifted on the bed to leave some room for Sam.

It felt a little awkward to just lie there so innocently, facing each other exactly as they had done the night they arrived to the prison, after what had happened in that same bed less than twenty-four hours ago. Blaine hated himself for being such a coward and not having the guts to ask Sam what he felt, like Sebastian had suggested the day before, but the fear of rejection was too big. It had hurt enough when Sam had discovered about his crush on him and he said nothing was going to change; now that Blaine was in head over heels in love with him, he didn't know if he could survive if Sam told him again it was a mistake.

Besides it felt so selfish and banal just thinking about that when they had just lost a dear friend like that… Just remembering about Ryder reminded Blaine why he had needed to hide from anyone for a while, and a tear rolled unannounced down his cheek without even him noticing.

"You alright?" Sam asked, capturing the tear with his thumb, almost as if it was offended by its mere presence in Blaine's cheek.

"Yeah" Blaine answered, not too convincingly.

"I'm here for you too, you know" Sam said, his voice filled with honesty and tenderness, as he put his arms around Blaine's smaller frame and brought him closer to his chest for a warm and comforting embrace, even if they were lying down. "You've been holding it up all day, haven't you? Taking care of everyone, as you always do"

"I guess" Blaine admitted, his voice muffled with the sweater covering Sam's chest, although he buried his face even deeper in there, trying to hide from the world in the only place that offered some kind of comfort anymore.

"Don't think I haven't noticed. But you need to cry too" Sam reminded him as he kissed the top of Blaine's head in the most tender of ways.

"That's what I was trying to do before you interrupted me" Blaine joked with a sad smile, raising his face from Sam's chest to look at him.

"Then I'll guess you'll just have to cry with me" Sam answered, gently brushing his knuckles along Blaine's cheek until he broke his resistance and the first tears appeared in his golden eyes.

"It's so unfair" Blaine lamented, shaking his head as if he still couldn't believe it, letting the tears fall even if he didn't let himself break down into sobs.

"I know" Sam answered as he turned on his back and brought Blaine to lie on his chest, hoping to get him more comfortable and relaxed to help him open his heart to him, cuddling together as they had done so many times during the last few days.

"Why Ryder?" Blaine finally made the question that had been in everyone's head all day. "He was such a nice dude, he… would never kill a fly and he was always so good with everyone"

"Yeah, he was" Sam admitted, carding his fingers through the softness of Blaine's curls, marveled at how ridiculously intimate it felt, especially after everything they had shared the night before.

"He didn't deserve to die like that" Blaine whispered, as if his voice was losing its strength with each word.

"No, he didn't"

"And I feel like such a bad person" Blaine confessed as a sob finally broke on his throat, and he hid his face on the crook of Sam's neck, trying to stop the upcoming sobs.

"What?" Sam asked in astonishment, trying to lift Blaine's head from his neck so he could look at Blaine's eyes, but the latter refused and stubbornly remained in his hiding place as his whole body shook with sobs he couldn't control anymore. "Why do you say that?"

"Because as much as I'm sorry that Ryder is gone… I can't help but being grateful it wasn't you" Blaine confessed, his voice full of shame and sorrow, and Sam's heart broke at the suffering of his friend, who had given everything he had to everyone and still was able to find reasons to feel guilty and to convince himself it wasn't enough.

"Gosh, Blaine… You're so not a bad person…" Sam tried to make him see, his fingers massaging his scalp lovingly as his own eyes filled with bitter tears at Blaine's devastated sobs. "You're one of the good guys, remember?"

Sam hoped for some reaction at those words that had helped Blaine once, but his guilt was even bigger this time and he didn't give any sign of believing them.

"You know what I was thinking the whole way back here after Ryder died?" Sam tried again, hoping that seeing he was not the only to have selfish thoughts like those would make a difference for the suffering boy –after all, what he was going to say was completely true–. "How grateful I was that you hadn't come with us so I knew you were safe and sound here, waiting for me"

Blaine lifted his head from his hiding place this time and looked intently at the other boy, trying to asset if he was saying the truth or he was just trying to make him feel better.

"Really?" he asked, and only the little smile that broke on Sam's lips let him hope that he was being honest.

"Of course, B" Sam admitted, with no hint of embarrassment, as he cupped the back of Blaine's head to reinforce his words. "I told you yesterday, you're the only one I could never bear to lose"

Only when he could see Blaine was starting to believe him, Sam brought the latter's face down through the hand that was holding his neck and captured his lips slowly. He noticed some hesitation on Blaine at first, as if he wanted to ask something else, but in the end he let go of himself and deepened the kiss as he let Sam reverse their positions and climb on top of him, welcoming the weight that was so deliciously pinning him to the bed and making him forget about anything that wasn't the contact of their aligned bodies.

There was no trace of the urge and the desperation of the day before. This time Sam only wanted to comfort the other boy, to make him feel better, to get him to believe how important he was to him. He kissed him slowly, lovingly, as his hand tenderly cupped his face as if he was going to break, savoring his taste as if the passion from the night before hadn't given him the chance to do that.

When he broke the kiss, Sam's lips move to kiss away the remains of tears on Blaine's cheeks, in a gesture so tender that it almost make Blaine break into tears again. And when Sam buried his face in the crook of Blaine's neck and gently kissed every inch of his skin there, while his hand found its way under the hem of his sweater and started wandering around his chest, Blaine forgot about everything he wanted to ask about what they were doing and where that was leading them and closed his eyes in surrender to let Sam take care of him as he was silently promising him.

A/N: Well, that's it. As I said, it will get better, sorry.

I've got kind of bad news: I'm going to take a little hiatus from this story (hopefully very little), I still don't know if now or after the next chapter. But it's going to be Blam's week on tumblr very soon and I need to write something for that. I hope it doesn't get me too long, but knowing me once I start I never seem to stop! I'll try to be quick!

And I'm going to start working again in a week anyway, so the updates are probably going to be slower from now on... Sorry again! I only seem to give you shit today! :(