Version 1 of the last chapter of 'With you to hold my hand' Answer in the affirmative.
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Alice looked up at her husband and smiled.
'You are!?' Frank was beside himself with excitement, he was going to be a father! 'What can I do? Do you need anything?' His questions came out in a rush.
'Frank, calm down,' Alice laughed at his joy, 'I'm fine.'
'But...' he breathed, 'a baby! Oh my word!'
Alice burst out laughing at his happiness, his uncertainty, his love.
'Frank,' she pulled him to her, 'I'm alright, it's perfectly natural, we are going to be parents.'
He gazed at this amazing woman, he never expected to be a father and was insanely happy. Of course it would be nice to have a son, or daughter, but it was just fine to be with Alice, the wonderful, strong, amazing...Oh there were too many adjectives to describe her! And now...
'When will it happen?' he couldn't wait to tell everyone.
'Another six months,' she smiled, 'but can we wait to tell people, please.'
'Why?' he wanted to announce it to the world, he was going to be a father!
'I just want to be sure everything will be all right.' She looked concerned, 'I'm what's called an elderly primigravida.'
He raised his eyebrows in question.
'An older first time mother.' She clarified. ' At least until it becomes obvious, please can we just keep it quiet?'
He looked disappointed and she felt sorry for him.
'Frank,' oh this was so hard, 'there is a chance, admittedly a small chance, that I could lose the baby, and I don't want the silence, the un-said sympathy. This is between us and Lucien. Even Jean doesn't know.'
Frank pulled her closer than he had ever thought possible. She was right, as always. He would have to make sure he didn't give it away with a casual remark.
'Alright, I suppose this also includes your mother?'
'Oh god, yes!' Alice was appalled that her mother should know, if she lost the baby her mother would blame her and she would have enough to cope with personally, without that.
'I love you and I want to have your baby,' she entreated, 'but I have to be realistic, I am rather old to be a first time mother.'
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Although Alice had seen Jean breeze through her pregnancy she was surprised to find she barely noticed that she was expecting, apart from her waistline growing, and a pathological dislike of white wine, which Lucien said was probably a good thing, at one of her check-ups. It was at one of these check-ups, normally held under the guise of a case discussion that Jean spoke to Alice.
'Alice, these cases you and Lucien are working on, how bad are they?' Jean was surprised that she had been kept out of them. She was Lucien's partner and usually called in to give her opinion.
Alice blushed.
'There not cases, are they?' Jean now looked worried, was her friend sick.
Alice knew she would have to come clean. 'Any chance of a cuppa?' she brightly inquired.
'Yes of course, I'll bring some through to the sitting room.'
Alice took a sip of her tea before she spoke. She couldn't let Jean go on thinking she was ill, it was unfair, and Jean, she knew, would be a help and support during the pregnancy and after the birth.
She smiled, 'Jean, it's alright, I'm not ill,' Alice touched her on the arm and Jean heaved a sigh of relief, 'I'm pregnant.'
Jean's jaw dropped, 'Pregnant!' She put her tea down, 'Oh Alice, that's wonderful! Isn't it?'
'It was a bit of a shock to be honest.' Alice admitted, 'but yes, we're both thrilled. Nobody else knows, though. There's always a chance I could miscarry, given my age.'
'But so far, she's absolutely fine,' Lucien's voice floated through, he'd found it particularly hard to keep this from Jean but did so out of respect for his colleague and friend.
'How did Frank take it?' Jean asked, even though Alice said they were both thrilled she was sure he'd have been shocked.
'He was like a child with a new toy,' Alice smiled at the memory, 'but disappointed I wanted it kept quiet. I think he wanted to shout it from the rooftops.'
'I bet he won't let you lift a finger at home.' Jean remembered Lucien being over protective when she was expecting Jenny until she told him off.
'Nope,' Alice grinned, 'although as mother is still with us we have to be careful she doesn't notice.' Mrs Harvey had remarked that Frank was very good around the house.
'You haven't told her?' Jean was surprised, 'I thought you would want her to know, after all it was all she ever wanted you to have, wasn't it? A home, husband and children.'
'Yes it was, but if anything happens she'll blame me for carrying on working,' Alice grimaced.
'You dwell on it too much,' Lucien came round to her, 'you are healthy, there is no reason why you shouldn't go the distance and deliver a healthy child. So, please, stop worrying!'
Alice looked down at her hands, she knew she was being silly, but she knew it was her only chance to be a mother and, even though she had never planned to marry, let alone have children, now she had managed one of those scenarios and was on her way to the other. It didn't help, she thought, that she didn't really feel any different than usual. A tear made its way slowly down her cheek.
'Alice,' Jean put her arm round he shoulders, 'what on earth's the matter?'
'I'm scared,' she admitted. She felt so foolish, crying like a child over the most natural thing in the world, but she hadn't even let Frank see how frightened she was of losing the baby.
'You will be fine,' Lucien took her hand in his, 'I won't let anything go wrong, why do you think I insist on seeing you every week? You shouldn't bottle up these feelings, Frank needs to know how you feel, and if that means telling your mother then so be it. If she gets sniffy about it I'll speak to her.'
'I'm sorry,' Alice sniffed, 'I'll try not to be so silly from now on, and you're right perhaps it would be easier if I told her.'
'Good,' Lucien stood up, 'now you can come and see me anytime you're worried, and I'd like you to cut down the hours you work. If you need to get out of the house, come over and see Jean and the children. That way you can get in some practice.'
'I don't want to be a bother,' Alice blew her nose and looked a Jean.
'You're never a bother, Bobby adores you and I enjoy the company.' Jean hugged her.
Lucien went to answer the phone while Jean reassured Alice.
'Dr Blake,' he announced, 'Oh hello Frank.' He paused as he listened to Frank ask him if Alice's appointment was over, he was on his way home and he would pick her up if she was still there. 'I think that would be a good idea, Alice has had a bit of a crisis of confidence. See you shortly.'
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Alice never, to Frank's certain knowledge, had a crisis of confidence, so he didn't waste any time getting over to the Blake's.
Lucien had heard the tyres on the gravel and was waiting by the open door to stop him charging in and frightening the life out of Alice.
'Stop right there, Superintendent,' he held up his hand.
'But...' Frank tried to get passed him.
'She's fine, Frank,' Lucien insisted, 'she had convinced herself that she's too old to have a child and is going to lose it. She isn't. She's perfectly healthy and the baby is growing as it should, but she has this idea in her head that she will miscarry. I've told her to cut down her hours, and if she wants to she can see me any time and come and spend time with Jean and the kids. I've also suggested she tell her mother, then if she is unwell, or emotional she doesn't need to hide it. If Mrs Harvey is, shall we say, unkind about her age and fitness, I will speak to her.'
Frank relaxed, heaving a sigh of relief, 'I had no idea she was so worried. She did say when she told me that she didn't want everybody to know because of the risk, but I didn't know it played on her mind so much.'
'Yes, well, we men are not party to the vagaries of women's thoughts, are we?' Lucien grinned, 'we are just lucky to share the planet with them and that they allow us to father their children.' He guided his friend into the house to see his wife.
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Alice's mother raised her eyebrows when she was informed she was going to be a grandmother, at last!
'Isn't it rather late in the day for you, dear,' she acidly remarked when told.
'Good things come to those who wait,' Frank got in before Alice could retaliate.
Alice headed upstairs to compose herself, she hadn't expected anything less, so she left Frank to speak to his mother-in-law.
Frank came to her soon after he had had his say, after what had happened at the Blake's he wasn't surprised to find his darling wife in tears.
'Don't get upset, sweetheart,' he wrapped his arms around her, 'she's going home tomorrow, just ignore her.'
'Honestly, Frank,' she sobbed, 'I can't do right for doing wrong.'
'Shh,' he soothed, 'everything's going to be fine.' He tipped her face to him and kissed her tenderly.
Alice stayed in their room for the evening, claiming a headache. Albie nervously went to see her after Frank came down with Alice's apologies. Tapping on the door he entered when she called.
'Alice?' he saw her lying on the bed, gripping her handkerchief. Sitting next to her he offered his congratulations and said he was looking forward to being an uncle.
Alice sat up, her eyes were red from crying, it was hard enough not to assume she was going to lose the baby without her mother reminding her she was rather old to have a child.
'Listen, Alice, whatever way we do things is the wrong way for mother' he said, holding her close, 'don't take any notice.'
'I know,' Alice smiled a small smile, 'it's just I worry so much I'm going to lose the baby. Lucien says I'm fine but...'
'So mother's caustic comment about your age didn't help?' Albie asked.
'Not in the least,' Alice tried to smile a bit more, 'but I've got Frank.'
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Mrs Harvey and Albie left the following day, Alice did not appear to say goodbye, Frank gave her apologies she had a case to deal with. This wasn't strictly true, she had gone to see Lucien and Jean. She had told Frank she couldn't face her mother, it was too stressful.
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Alice's pregnancy continued without concerns. Well, Lucien had no concerns apart from Alice's continues fear about losing the baby; but Alice continued to worry. In the end, when Alice was six months pregnant, Lucien sent her packing from the morgue.
'If you don't relax and stop worrying you will lose the baby,' he looked seriously at her. 'You are a healthy woman; yes, you are older than most first time mothers, but you are not making it any better for yourself. Your blood pressure has been raised these past few weeks, and that's because you are so tense. You're like an over wound watch.'
She had looked at him, tears filled her eyes, but she knew he was right, she had to take things easier.
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Lucien spoke to Jean about Alice, he was now deeply concerned about her well being. He hoped he could get her far enough on for the baby to be born and survive, but he was convinced it would be an early birth.
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Jean made Alice feel so completely at home she began to relax, slowly and surely. Alice spent time with Bobby, she read to him and played with him, she cuddled Jenny, changed her, and, because she was now being weaned, fed her.
The warm, relaxed atmosphere helped her understand that the only thing stopping her enjoying her pregnancy was her. She began to relish in the movement of new life inside her and dismiss the previous thoughts she had had about losing the baby. She began to think more about her brothers. She had made peace with Albie, written to Davey and now all she had to do was go to the Reform School to see Joseph.
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She entered the building, looking forward to seeing her youngest brother for the first time in so many years.
'Good morning,' the young girl at the front of the school asked with a smile, 'can I help you?'
'Yes, good morning,' Alice smiled in reply, 'I'd like to speak with Mr Harvey, please.'
'Can I tell him who's here?' the girl was pleasant and well mannered, Alice warmed to her.
'Yes, tell him it's Alice, his sister.' Alice sat in a comfortable chair while she waited.
A young man, with dark curls, barely tamed, entered the hallway. Joseph had a broad smile on his face, he had never forgotten his big sister, the way she read to him and tucked him in at night, and the reason she left. The same reason he left; to be something in the world.
'Hello Alice, ' he held out both arms to her, 'you're looking well.'
Alice laughed, taking his hands and drawing him into a sisterly embrace.
As they pulled together, her baby kicked at the reduced room and they both laughed.
Joseph took her into the staff room and mad her some tea. They had so much to catch up on.
'So, I suppose you're married.' Joseph remarked.
'That's an assumption, Joseph,' Alice smirked.
'Well, er...given your condition...' he stuttered, her large bump was surely the confirmation of marriage.
Alice laughed, 'Of course, I'm married, to the Superintendent of Police here, 'the baby's due in about four weeks.'
'Phew! For a moment I thought you'd...' he couldn't finish the idea out loud.
'Not for want of trying,' Alice grinned again, she loved teasing Joseph, always had.
They spent a happy hour talking about their lives, the past and agreed to keep in touch. Alice gave him an open invitation to visit whenever he wanted.
As she left she hugged him again and told him how proud she was of him.
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She pulled up at the traffic lights and waited until they turned green. Pulling away slowly she didn't notice the car speeding from the right, ignoring the stop sign it ploughed into the side of Alice's car.
'Oh no!' she thought as she passed out from shock and pain.
Ned had been on his way to a call when he saw the accident. He didn't recognised Dr Harvey's car as he stopped. He radioed for an ambulance and went to see if he could do anything. He gasped when he saw Alice, pale, unconscious and blood, where there shouldn't be any, between her legs.
He ran back to his car and radioed in again, 'Get here quick, it's Dr Harvey and she's bleeding and unconscious!'
Sirens blared, vehicles pulled to the side, as the rescue services raced to the scene. The ambulance had been followed by Dr Blake, alerted by the station after Ned's call.
Lucien looked into the car, he checked her pulse, thready but still there, the bleeding was his worry. He needed to get her to the hospital, his only thought was an emergency caesarean, if he was to save both mother and child.
The stretcher was wheeled speedily into to theatre and Lucien gowned up, nobody else was going to do this, he would take the blame if anything went wrong.
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Five hours later Lucien sent Alice out of theatre, her baby was safe in an incubator, small but loud. She would be the only child of the union, he'd had to remove her womb as well. Small price to pay, he hoped, for two lives.
As the patient was wheeled away he leant against the wall and slid slowly to the floor, tears rolling down his cheeks.
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Alice turned her head, she was warm, but empty. She moved her eyes down, her stomach was flat. Tears formed at the corner of her eyes, so she was right, she thought, she'd lost it.
She noticed a drip into her arm, blood, she must have lost a lot, she thought.
'Alice,' a soft voice, almost a whisper, 'hello, sweetheart.'
Frank, she couldn't look at him, she'd let him down, dreadfully.
'There's someone here who wants to meet you,' Frank continued, so soft.
She opened her eyes, Frank was holding something. That something waved a tiny hand out from the blanket it was wrapped in.
'Our little girl,' he murmured, 'she's here, she's safe and so are you.' Frank leant over her and kissed her forehead.
She turned to him, 'Really,' she breathed, was her baby alive?
'Uh uh,' Frank, smiled gently, 'Really.'
He passed the tiny bundle to her mother, nestled her in the crook of her arm,
'We need to give her a name.' he murmured.
'How..?' Alice still couldn't believe it, she was a mother, in spite of everything.
'Lucien,' Frank knew it was no good trying to fob her off with tales of 'luck', 'he did an emergency caesarean after the accident.' The rest could wait.
Alice looked down at the tiny scrap in her arms; Lucie-Jean, that was it, Lucie-Jean, how could it be anything else.
She smiled at her husband, and told him the name their daughter would bear and he smiled in agreement.
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It was a week before Alice was told she could not have any more children. Lucien had sat on the edge of the bed, holding her hands, and told her he'd had to remove her womb. He looked so sad, heartbroken almost, Alice thought.
'It's alright, Lucien,' Alice squeezed his hand, 'we knew this was our one chance to have a child. We are so lucky to have Lucie, that's enough.'
'I just wish I could have done more.' He took it as a professional slight that he hadn't been able to fix Alice, make her whole again.
'You did everything you could, ' Alice sighed, 'We both survived, that's a good result.' She smiled at him, he was such a generous soul, Jean was a lucky woman and she was lucky to have him as a friend.
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Frank took his wife and daughter home two weeks later. Lucien wanted her to stay another week but she was getting frustrated at being tied to a hospital room and the rules, so Lucien said she could go home, BUT she was not to exert herself. Fat chance he thought, but Alice was Alice and she would get through whatever life threw at her, because she always had.
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OK, I know how old the actress who plays Alice is, but I like to think Alice the character is perhaps just the wrong side of forty, I don't think she is older than Jean. Looking at photographs of my grandmother at the age of forty, now, she looks about ninety! So, let's just say looks are deceiving.