When you wish upon a star
PART II
The room is empty
the lights are dim
and my heart wonders
if I'll ever see you again
My tears are hungry
for an open door
and your arms held me
I've never felt that way before
Do you remember
when the wind blew free?
We fit together
so naturally.
And I'll be waiting
and I'll be watching
under a blue moon
Taste of heaven
only happens
once in a blue moon.
If the wind closes a door
it will open another
Once in a blue moon
Once In A Blue Moon by Sydney Forest
Chapter 15
Phoebe woke up to the lovely scent of fresh coffee and newly baked bread. Slowly opening her eyes, she looked around to find herself in her own bed in the manor, with a bleak December sun looking in through a frosty window.
Then the events of yesterday came back to her and with held back breath, she turned around, half-dreading, half-hoping that she wasn't alone in her bed – but there was no one but her in the room. In fact, there was little to no evidence that she hadn't slept in it all night. "Did I dream all that?" Mystified, she got up, donned her thick morning robe and crept down the stairs. There where voices in the kitchen and she found her sisters and nephews there in the middle of breakfast.
"Good morning, sleepy head." Piper smiled and poured a cup of coffee for her.
"'Morning, everyone." Taking the offered cup, she slowly rounded the table to kiss Wyatt and Chris good-morning before she sat down.
"Are you okay?" Paige gave her demeanor a puzzled look.
"Yeah, I mean, at least I think so. I just had the weirdest dream about us saving Santa Claus, and…" She waved her free hand in the air. "Cole was in it. What day is it today?"
Paige and Piper exchanged a glance.
"Christmas Eve," Piper said. "And… um… that wasn't a dream."
Phoebe's hand hovered over the scones. "Santa, and the Winter Queen, and…?" she swallowed back, choking on the name now that it wasn't just a dream anymore.
"Paige and I have already talked it through and we agree it wasn't any dream. Especially since Leo confirmed just about everything. Also, the Archangels apparently decided to step in and set back time 24 hours."
"And our powers work just fine again." Paige said. "Sugar! Coffee! See!" She grinned happily as the white lump obediently orbed into her coffee-mug.
"That's good, I guess." Phoebe pressed her lips together.
"Are you okay, Pheebs?" Piper put a hand on her arm. "You've been through lot."
"I'll live." A pained look flew over her face as she remembered everything now. "Do you think he…?"
"We don't know what happened," Paige sighed. "All we know is that we fell asleep in the sleigh, and woke up here in our beds. No reindeers, no sleigh tracks, and no sign of either Santa Claus or…"
"Cole." She took a deep, shivering breath, having survived saying his name out loud.
"Or Cole." Piper nodded and blew on her hot coffee. "Are you sure you are okay?"
"I don't know." Stirring back to reality, she picked up a scone and buttered it. "It's a bit overwhelming, I need time to think it through, I guess." Taking a bite she sighed mightily. "I wish I still had my wish."
Sipping her coffee, Piper glanced over at Paige, who glanced back and squirmed a little.
Catching it, Phoebe frowned as they both looked a bit uncomfortable. "What?"
"There's this." Piper said reluctantly, and fished out a snowflake in a red ribbon from the pocket of her morning robe.
Phoebe's breath caught a little in her throat. "You got a wish?"
"We woke up with these," Paige said, showing she had one as well. "We thought you had gotten one too. I'm sorry, Pheebs."
"I did get one." Phoebe sighed. "And I threw it away."
Piper gave her sister a comforting hug. "Your wish saved us all, that's hardly a wish thrown away."
"Yeah, I suppose."
They finished the breakfast with no more mentions of what had passed, making small talk instead. Phoebe asked about Leo, and Piper told her he had volunteered to go down to P3 to put up a note that it was closed for the holidays.
"Can we afford that?"
"Phoebe, after what we've been through the past week, I can't afford to keep the club open. I want a real, old-fashioned Christmas, with my family, just for once in my life." She pondered that for a moment and then she got to her feet and picked up Chris from his chair. "If you'll excuse me, I will now make my wish."
"What? What are you going to wish for?" Too curious to stay in her pensive mood, Phoebe followed Piper and Paige into the living room where the Christmas tree they had failed to decorate, was standing tall and green, smelling lovely of spruce forest.
Piper walked up to it, took her snow-crystal and hung it on a bough. "I wish," she said solemnly. "I wish for an old-fashioned, white Christmas."
The star twinkled and twirled on the bough. The glitter threw sparkles all over the room, and then the charm winked out and disappeared.
"Wow." Paige was impressed. "Does that mean your wish is granted?"
They rushed to the window, but the sun was still shining from a hazy blue sky. "Oh, well," Piper said. "I guess snow just can't appear out of nowhere. Are you going to make your wish now or later?"
Paige fiddled with the snowflake around her neck, and then she took it off and held it out. "Phoebe…here. I want you to have my wish. It's my Christmas gift to you."
Phoebe stared at the glittering star, large enough to cover her sister's palm. "Paige…" she breathed, picking it up with trembling fingers. The wish she could make…"But why?"
"Well…" Slightly embarrassed, she made a sheepish shrug. "I already have everything I could possibly wish for. A home, a family, all these cool powers. The rest I'm sure I can fix all by myself."
"Oh, Paige. Thank you so much, but…" Phoebe shook her head. "I can't. It's your personal wish and I couldn't take it away from you." Handing it back, she closed Paige's fingers over it and hugged her. "Make a really good wish for yourself. That would be the best Christmas gift you could give me."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. I'm sure that whatever I wish from life, I can fix on my own too."
"Okay, good." With a relieved look, Paige hung the star in the tree, and laughed a little. "I admit I sort of hoped you would say no."
"So what will you wish for?" Piper wanted to know.
"Mm, I think I will think about it for a little while longer. I want it to be the perfect wish."
"Good, you do that. So, what's the plans for today?" Phoebe asked, happy to leave the subject of wishes for a while.
"Well," Piper said. "I am going to decorate the house with my two boys, and prepare as much food as I can for tomorrow."
"Okay," Paige said. "I'm going downtown to see if we really have saved the Christmas spirit… and to shop for Christmas," she added with an embarrassed grin.
Phoebe blushed, recalling how they had behaved. "Oh, God, yes. We didn't do much of that, did we?"
"We didn't do much of anything." Piper nuzzled her little boy, making him giggle. "Especially not of this. What do you say we send out your aunties with a list to make some last minute errands while we start fixing the food?"
They spent the morning pushing through the throngs of all the people who also had woken up to a lot of last minute shopping for Christmas, enjoying all the Christmas spirit that had settled on San Francisco. People even seemed happier and more generous than before the Spirit of Christmas had gone missing altogether. They greeted one another with smiles, and the mood in the long lines in the stores was generally good and cheerful. In one store, they even broke out in song as someone started up 'On the first day of Christmas', getting five other lines to join in with much laughter and glee.
"I know it's just the effect of a month of Christmas spirit concentrated to a couple of days," Paige observed. "But this is how Christmas always should be." Trying to hand out her small change in an already full donation box, she nodded to the house across the street. "Look over there!"
At the homeless shelter, people were lining up with warm clothes and food, and volunteering to work soup kitchens and other handouts.
"It's how every day should be," Phoebe stated. "People sharing with each other. But I guess that's asking for too much." She sighed a little. "This is what we could have used when we still tried to give that party for the kids at the orphanage."
Paige stared at her. "But we can!" she exclaimed. "Phoebe, you're a genius!"
"I am? How?"
"It's not too late. It's still Christmas Eve! Call Leo! He can start fixing the place. And call Piper too. Tell her to take the boys and get down there ASAP!" She handed over her bags to a baffled Phoebe.
"Okay, okay, but what will you be doing?"
"I'm going to get those buses, and the food!" She was already on the run for cover to orb away unseen. "Those kids will have the Christmas party we promised."
"But…!" A bit perplexed, Phoebe stared after her, then she laughed and pressed the speed dial for Leo's cell phone.
"I am just so amazed how you managed to pull this off." Dennis Weery from Edgewood Orphanage pumped Piper's hand vigorously, and with much warmth. "Letting the kids help decorating – they just loved it, and the Santa Claus is fantastic. And the gifts… I can't believe people have been so generous. Thank you. It's just…amazing!"
"Thank Paige," Piper said, trying to get her hand back before her arm was shook out of its socket. "She more or less did this single-handedly. I just unlocked the doors."
"How did you do it?" she asked Paige a minute later when Dennis had rejoined the party.
"A little Christmas spirit." Paige Matthews winked at her. "Actually, a lot of spirit. I went to the caterer and the bus company, and people were just tripping over themselves to help out. Where did you get hold of the Santa and the toys, by the way? Did Bloomingdale's chip in?"
"What do you mean 'where did I'? I thought you had fixed the Santa too."
"No, I didn't have the time. Plus, I thought since we didn't have any gifts, there was no point in trying. Phoebe!"
"Yeah!" Balancing a mug of eggnog, the middle sister pushed through the throng of happy kids unwrapping gifts and filling the floor of P3 with discarded wrapping paper and strings in the process.
"Did you arrange with Santa and the gifts?"
Phoebe looked surprised. "You mean it isn't Leo inside that suit?"
"Leo is over there with Wyatt and Chris."
"So maybe he got him."
"I'll ask," Piper volunteered, heading out. "I need to know where to send the check. Christmas spirit or not, these guys do this for a living."
But Leo had no idea who he was either. No, he hadn't arranged anything; no, he hadn't asked one of his Whitelighter pals. He thought Santa was someone from the Orphanage's staff, since he seemed to know the names of all the kids.
"Now, that would make sense," Piper observed. "If it wasn't for the fact that I just spoke to one of the staff, and he thought we had arranged the Santa." Then she grabbed her husband's arm. "Leo!" she hissed. "You don't think it's a demon, do you? Or one of the Shapeshifters that got away."
"Handing out gifts?" Leo made a dubious face. "Not very likely, but the party is winding down, so why don't you ask him. Maybe he was sent by the City."
Piper nodded, not entirely convinced. "Maybe."
"Mommy!" Wyatt pulled at her hand. "I know who he is."
"You do?" Piper cocked an eyebrow, the way parents do when their kids said things like that.
"It's Santa – the real Santa." Wyatt laughed happily and clapped his hands.
Smiling, Piper tousled his hair. "Of course it is, darling," she said, eyes on the red-clad man with the large, white beard.
The last of the kids had stepped on the bus. Paige had waved them off, been hugged by all of the very grateful staff, and was finally able to lock the door. "We're officially closed for Christmas," she announced, and threw away the green cap she had worn as one of Santa's helpers.
Below, inside the club, her sisters had already cornered the mysterious Santa where he sat with his sack and a glass of the Christmas Ale that Piper had imported a couple of weeks earlier especially for the holidays.
"We're incredibly grateful that you have turned up to help out," Piper said, choosing her words with care. "But we really need to know who you are and who sent you."
The Santa drank his beer and winked jovially at them. "Oh, no one sent me," he assured them. "I just wanted to show my gratitude by helping my three favorite witches."
Phoebe's breath hissed in through her teeth. "Okay, mister, who are you?"
"You should know." He smiled and winked at her. "After all, we spent some time together under a rug."
Phoebe's breath hissed out of her again. "You're…?"
"The Spirit of Christmas, yes, but I think you know me better like this." He rose from his seat, and as he did, he seemed to grow taller as well. The red jacket and trousers shifted into a long green coat with brown fur lining, the red cap was suddenly a wreath of holly on dark, semi-long hair.
"Father Christmas," Paige said, with awe in her voice.
Pale blue eyes glittered at them. "The very same." Downing the rest of the beer, he wiped the foam off his full beard, and muttered: "I wish more people left that stuff rather than milk or eggnog."
"Well, that explains a lot of what happened here today." Piper was so relieved she had to sit down. "Thank you. You made some kids very happy."
"That's what I do; bring joy. It is what Christmas is all about. I return each year to remind people that there is still love and care in the world, and that it's not something you find in a store or under the tree, but in your hearts." Beaming, he lifted up a thrilled Wyatt to place on his knee. "Children can still see the magic and the miracle of Christmas. It lives in their eyes. If not for you, that light would have gone out – forever."
"I'm afraid we can't take all the credit for that," Piper admitted, handing her retrieved son over to her husband, who took him over to Chris to enjoy all the wrapping paper lying around. "In fact, we couldn't have done it without the help."
"Nevertheless." Kris Kringle smiled benignly at them and reached for his sack. "Please, receive a small token of my gratitude for what you did to save my life and the life of future Christmases." Groping inside the seemingly empty sack, he produced three small packages that he handed to each of them. "Merry Christmas, Piper and Phoebe Halliwell. Merry Christmas, Paige Matthews."
"What is it?" Curious Phoebe turned it over. It was a small package, wrapped up in brown paper; held together with red sealing wax.
"Well, open it!" Paige urged, just as curious. "You're not waiting until Christmas morning are you?"
Phoebe fought with the wax before she finally got it open. Inside was a small box and a note; neatly handwritten with ink and quill by the look of it. Mystified, she turned it around in her hand to read: 'No selfless wish is ever wasted, nor thrown away.'
"What?" With shaking hands, she pried the lock open to free the lid, and fumbled it open. On a wad of wool, a snowflake on a red ribbon, gleamed and glittered. "A wish…" she breathed.
"Oh, Phoebe." Piper almost had tears coming to her eyes.
Speechless, Phoebe picked up the charm and let it rest against her palm. "I can wish for anything?" she asked, breathlessly, a faint hope lit up in her eyes.
"As long as it is a wish of your heart's true desire."
Phoebe threw herself around his neck in a big hug. "Oh, thank you! Thank you so much!"
"Hey, my box is empty!" A bit disappointed, Paige held up her recently unpacked gift and Piper tore the paper off her box to find that so was it.
"You've already received yours," Santa explained, chuckling a little at their sheepish looks. "Know they will grant you one, personal wish, each. No less, no more. Oh, and it has to be made before Christmas morning, I'm afraid." Gathering up his sack, he rose to his feet. "And now I must leave you."
"Wait!" Lost in her own thoughts, Phoebe suddenly snapped back to reality. "What about Cole? Can I…?"
"Wish for him?" Piper looked frazzled. "Phoebe, are you sure that's…?"
"I don't know. I just want to know if I can."
"It's not that simple," the Spirit of Christmas said. "Cole's under a curse that can only be broken by one thing."
"And you can't tell me what that thing is?"
"I could," Santa conceded. "But it wouldn't help you. Once you know what it is, it is forfeited."
"What?" Not wanting to believe that, Phoebe waved her hands in frustration. "That makes breaking the curse impossible!"
Santa shrugged his bushy eyebrows once. "So it may seem."
"Shouldn't Cole get a wish of his own?" Paige asked hesitantly, squirming a little under Phoebe's surprised stare. "I mean, considering how much he did to save Christmas and all."
The Spirit of Christmas smiled somberly. "Cole Turner is out of my reach, I'm afraid. There's nothing more that I can do for him." Surveying the three women, his let his gaze linger on Phoebe. "Remember!" he said with a wink. "One wish of your heart's true desire. Merry Christmas to you all." There was a swirl of snowflakes surrounding Santa, making it look like he was dissolved into them, and then he was gone.
It was still early evening so Leo offered to stay behind and do some cleaning up, if they went home and started dinner. Piper went ahead with the boys in her car, while Phoebe and Paige decided to walk to where Phoebe's car was parked. They could have orbed, but they both felt content with walking the few blocks, enjoying the Christmas decorations.
"So what will you do with your wish?" Paige asked.
Phoebe ducked and dodged. "I need to think about it. You decided yet?"
"We-ell, seeing as I don't have a reformed half-demon to rescue from limbo, that narrows down my choices a bit." Giving her sister a sidewise glance, Paige was quite satisfied to see her blush and squirm a little.
"I'm not so sure I've got that choice either," she muttered evasively.
"Oh, come on, Phoebe! You heard Santa. He more or less told you to use it for that."
"Did he?" Eyes narrowing, Phoebe stopped and turned to face Paige. "He said a wish of my heart's true desire – and I am not sure at all what that desire is. Besides, he also said breaking the curse is impossible. "
"Umm…no, that's what you said. I'd say you have been given the one way to do it in."
"But…" Waving her hands aimlessly, Phoebe closed her eyes. "Know what? I don't want to talk about this right now, okay?" Shoving her hands into her pockets, she started walking again.
Paige stood looking at her back for a couple of seconds before she went to catch up. "Hey! I didn't mean to pressure you into anything or presume I know what you want, but you're the one who promised Cole to free him."
"I know, Paige. It's just…I'm a bit overwhelmed here, okay?"
"Well, if my ex-husband from hell turned up with angel-wings on his back, I would be pretty overwhelmed too. Not to mention confused."
"Yeah, confused…" Phoebe couldn't help but smile a little at the distant memory of Cole coming down the stairs to P3 one very eventful Halloween, dressed up as an angel, complete with huge, feathery wings. Then her smile grew lopsided as she also recalled that it had been meant as a blatant joke. Except…hadn't he just turned out to be a very confused angel after all?
"Look, Phoebe," Paige went on beside her, "far be it for me to tell you to get Cole back in your life if you don't want to, but don't you think you should find out what your true desire is? I mean now that you have the chance to get it."
Fingering the wooden box in her pocket, Phoebe didn't answer at once. Most of all, she wanted to snap at her sister to mind her own business, but Paige didn't deserve that. Besides, she had been touching upon the same idea herself. "What if I don't want to know?" she finally said, her voice staying just above a whisper.
Sensing her sister's dilemma, Paige put a supportive arm around her shoulders. "Sometimes it's a lot worse not knowing, because then you worry about so many things. Once you know, you just have that one thing to worry about. And who knows; maybe it will be a relief to find out?"
Phoebe mulled over that. "Are you after my job or something?"
Paige cocked her brow. "I think I could give it a shot."
The shopping windows were full of elves, and Santas and other mechanical toys; waving, singing, or 'ho-ho-hoing', all surrounded by tinsel and glass-baubles galore. There were lit Christmas trees, and Christmas lights everywhere they looked. In fact, the entire city was like one magnificently decorated and illuminated Christmas tree.
In several corners Carolers were singing, and they stopped at one to listen for a while to 'Oh, come all ye faithful', 'We wish you a merry Christmas' and 'White Christmas'.
As they sang along in the latter, Phoebe began to notice how her breath came out in a white mist. "Is it just me, or is it getting colder?"
Paige looked up and squinted against the unexpected brightness of gray haze. The sky was clouding over; a pastel gray smear stretching out to dim the already pale sun, turning daylight into twilight. "Looks like it's going to snow," she said and winked.
It did indeed start to snow.
It began lightly, no more than snow dust; a mere handful of tiny, feathery pieces, as if shorn off from the clouds, dancing slowly toward the ground but never quite seeming to reach it.
However, by the time they got back home, the flakes had grown to the size of swan downs, and the snowfall thicker. Wyatt met them on the driveway with a smile that went from ear to ear.
"Snow!" he lisped happily and ran giggling after the crystals, trying to catch them.
"Go ahead!" Paige smiled, noting Phoebe's look. "Go play with him. I can take the bags. We need to keep him away from them anyway." Shooing her sister off, she heaped another parcel on top of the rest, hefted a bag in her hand, and looked around to make sure no one watched. A swirl of orbs filled the air and next second both Paige and all the bags were gone.
Phoebe ran after her nephew to play in the snow that was already an inch thick on the ground. They danced and laughed in it and she taught him how to stick out his tongue to try to catch the flakes that way. She also told him the story of how each snowflake held a wish. "But you have to wish before it melts away."
Wyatt stared at the flakes on his mittens and his face wrinkling up in concentration. "Can I wish for anything?"
Hands on her knees, bending over his shoulder, Phoebe nodded. "Anything," she promised. "And if you have been a really good boy, maybe Santa will grant you your wish."
"I wish daddy would come home and see the snow," Wyatt said promptly.
Phoebe smiled. "I think that's one wish that will come true."
"Aren't you gonna wish, Auntie Phoebe?"
Almost of its own accord, Phoebe's hand went to the box in her pocket, and swallowing a little she forced herself to smile. "Later, perhaps. Here, let me show you how to make snow-angels instead." Flopping down on her back, she swept arms and legs back and forth a couple of times, and rose carefully to show him the angel shape in the snow.
Wyatt loved them and they made several. When he asked if they were real angels, she laughed softly. "They will be like warning signs to all the baddies that guardian angels are watching this house tonight."
"Like Glams and Auntie Plue?"
"Yes, sweetie. Like 'Glams' and 'Plue'." She knelt down to brush the snow off his trousers and back. "And you are soaking wet, mister. We better get you inside and into warm, dry clothes."
Obediently, Wyatt took her hand, but turned around to take a last look at their 'artwork' in the snow and his tiny brow wrinkled again. "Do all angels have wings?"
Phoebe was about to say he had to ask Leo about that, but hesitated as she couldn't help but smile wistfully. "I believe they do, Wyatt." She nodded to herself. "I believe all real angels do have wings; even if you can't always see them."
Rosy-cheeked, and full of snow and laughter, they went inside, and Piper smiled when she heard them, thinking Phoebe seemed to have come out okay after all.
Wyatt was in a good mood all evening, but Phoebe seemed to shake off hers along with the snow from her coat. As soon as her nephew had been stripped out of his wet clothes, she drew aside to curl up in her favorite armchair in the sunroom to look out the window.
Paige was busy decorating and Piper was in full kitchen mode. Phoebe thought she really ought to help out with something, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to leave the window. The falling, swirling, thickening snow was hypnotic.
Fingering the charm that she had unpacked, she gazed in silence at the exquisitely wrought, silvery snowflake. Her impulsive promise to bring Cole back had been on her mind since she woke up this morning. 'Stop thinking it before you start obsessing about it!' she told herself, annoyed that she most probably already was.
But was it herheart's true desire?
"What if I just wished for a way to talk to Cole?" she murmured to herself. There were still so many things unsaid. Right here, right now, closure was what she wanted – or so she tried to tell herself. After all that had happened; after all she had gone through to finally stash him away in some remote and securely locked compartment of her mind; why would she want him back now? That was the million dollar question – and she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to know the answer either. Moreover, she was scared out of her wits, because right there in her trembling hands, she just might have the possibility of having that one forbidden wish.
Paige was right, though, she decided. She really ought to find out what she really wanted – and then consider the consequences it would bring. For there would be consequences; for everybody involved, not just for her. If she really could free Cole – then what? Would they be right back to where they were four years ago? They had all been through so much heartache over this. Did any of them deserve whatever would aspire from one selfish, foolish wish? She had already hurt everyone – herself included – so much with her selfishness. What right did she have to set them up for another potential disaster? Could she really do this to her sisters? To herself? 'To Cole…?' That thought made her feel slightly uncomfortable. Had she ever really stopped to ask what he wanted, or how he felt about things? No, she had always gone ahead and done what she thought best; made it to be all about her; her feelings and fears.
Phoebe shivered a little where she sat, but it wasn't just because of the sudden winter chill, seeping through the glass of the window. 'How do I find out what I really, truly want?' she wondered, aching with the agonizing need to know.
Her sisters noted her dampened mood and worried a little, but Piper advised against any interventions. "It's Phoebe's decision to make. We can only support her when she has made it."
Outside the window, the snow was falling heavily, twirling bright and pure against the dusky sky, darkening quickly with the coming nightfall. Inside, Phoebe remained in her taciturn state. 'Where are you now?' she wondered. 'Are you around somewhere, watching me? Maybe standing outside the door, trying to peek through the keyhole?'
The half forgotten memory of a very unusual night made her smile a little, when the sound of someone on the porch stomping off the snow before opening the door, startled her badly. With pounding heart, she walked out into the foyer – and was almost run down by Chris and Wyatt as they scrambled past her to get to their dad. Full of snow on hair and shoulders, Leo laughed, scooped them both up and hoisted them high in the air, making them squeal with laughter.
"Daddy, it's snowing!" Wyatt giggled and tried to drag him out the door again.
"I know, little buddy." Leo lifted him up and tried to shake out of his coat at the same time. "Daddy has been out driving in it."
"Mommy made it snow. She made a wish."
"Did she now? Why am I not surprised? The hills are getting really tricky," he added for the benefit of Piper who had left her kitchen to greet her husband.
"Well, we have to take the good with the bad. Was everything okay at the club?"
"I've locked it up." He kissed her tenderly. "And we're not going to set a foot in it until after Christmas."
"Sounds good to me." She kissed him back. "Dinner is ready, everyone."
"Wait!" Paige said. "Could we light the tree first?" With a half proud, half embarrassed grin, she gestured at the conifer that was now a glittering gem in green, red, gold and silver. Colored glass globes hung from almost every bough, and silvery tinsel fell like frozen water from top to bottom. On the top an angel perched, its wings shimmering in gold.
"Wow." Leo gave the tree an admiring look. "How did you get the things up on the highest boughs?"
"With three half-Whitelighters in the house, do you really need to ask?" Piper quipped with a laugh.
"Wyatt and Chris wanted to save the honor for you," Paige declared, directing him to the wall-socket. "Just one more thing. Wyatt!"
Wriggling out of his dad's arms, Wyatt scampered over the floor to turn off the lights, submerging the hall in shadows. "Okay, you can light it now!" Paige said.
Leo plugged the contact into the socket and suddenly the decorated spruce was a sparkling Christmas tree. But it wasn't just the tree that had lit up. Tiny lights had been wrapped around the banister of the stairway, all the way to the top, and as Paige gently nudged them to turn and look out the windows, they could see more tiny lamps; colored ones that twinkled, in the snow-covered garden bushes.
They stood around for a while, just admiring and enjoying the splendor in silence. Leo had Chris on one arm and the other around Piper's shoulders.
"It's beautiful," Piper sighed happily.
"It's perfect," Paige stated, a happy blush on her cheeks.
Phoebe took her snow crystal and placed it on a prickly bough to let it glitter and twinkle in the lights. "Now it is."
"Are you going to make your wish?"
Cringing a little, Phoebe sighed and rolled back on the balls of her feet, her hands finding their way into her back pockets. "No, I think I'll wait."
Piper gave her a close look. "Don't wait too long. You only have until Christmas morning to make it."
"I know…" Ducking her head, she hoped her sister wouldn't see her fear of making the wrong wish.
"Twinkle, twinkle little star…"
It was Wyatt, singing in a thin but clear voice and everyone's attention shifted. Surprised looks were shared, and because Wyatt had broken off, embarrassed by the effect, Piper chimed in. "How I wonder where you are."
With a happy smile, Wyatt resumed his singing, and they all sang along to the old lullaby, going on to sing 'Oh, Tannenbaum' and 'Silent Night' while they were at it.
"If this isn't Christmas, I don't know what is," Phoebe said, a little mushy after singing another couple of Christmas songs.
"Okay," Paige stepped up to the tree. "I know what to wish for now." Locating her snow-crystal in the tree, she took a deep breath. "I wish I will always find a way to spend every Christmas with the people I love the most."
The crystal twirled and twinkled brightly before it winked out, just like Piper's had.
"That was some wish." Leo gave her an impressed look.
"Thank you. I think so too."
"Wait a minute!" Phoebe squinted at her. "Does that mean you are spending Christmas with us, or…?"
"Mm, I'll think about it," Paige promised airily making them all laugh.
"Okay, dinner's on the table," Piper said, heading for the kitchen with her hungry family in tow.
They had popcorn that evening, and roasted chestnuts on the open fire just for fun. They also went for a stroll through the neighborhood to look at the garden Christmas decorations – and found that almost all their neighbors had had the same idea, and everyone was smiling and greeting each other with wishes of a merry Christmas in a jolly mood.
Everyone, except Phoebe. Having remained unusually quiet all evening, she disappeared like a shadow upstairs once they were back home again.
"Now do you understand why I didn't want to tell her about Cole?" Piper said to Leo, who nodded.
"You're not blaming Cole, are you?"
"No. It's nobody's fault. It's just… I know how close I was to going mad when you were trapped with the Amazons, and then when They took you away for some stupid incentive. Phoebe's true power isn't premonitions, it's that of her love. And Cole…. She loved him so incredibly much – well, you saw them together – it's no different from what you and I have."
"Except Cole was half demon and you had to vanquish him."
"Yes, I can't even imagine what it would be like to have to kill you, Leo, and then find a way to move on; find love again and believe in it. I can't even begin to know how Phoebe felt when she had to watch Cole die. How do you live with that? And now…" She gestured after her sister. "She will drive herself insane, trying to go back to living without him again."
"Do you want me to talk to her?"
"I wish Cole was here to talk to her, but I can't bring him back this time." She sighed. "I really hope she finds a way to use her wish in a way that will help her deal with it."
It wasn't until later, when Piper was putting Wyatt – who had been allowed to stay up late – to bed, and he insisted on getting a goodnight hug from his Auntie Phoebe, that she realized that her sister was still missing.
"Sweetie, I think she's already sleeping," she tried, but Wyatt just pouted.
"Actually," Paige said, a look of concern in her eyes, "I think she's in the attic."
"The attic? What is she doing there?"
"Want me to find out?"
"We'll both go," Piper decided, picking up Wyatt to use as an excuse for their intrusion.
The attic was dimly lit by a couple of candles, making it hard to discern Phoebe where she poured over the Book of Shadows. When Piper hit the lights, she started, and swung around to stare bleary eyed at them before quickly turning her back again. But her sisters had already noted her tear-smudged face and the mortar in her hands.
"Pheebs, what are you doing?" Piper asked carefully.
"Just looking up a spell," came the muffled answer as she was trying to wipe at her face on her sleeve at the same time.
"Is Auntie Phoebe going to turn into a Banshee now?" Wyatt asked, half in awe, half hopeful.
"Oh, sweetie, no," Piper handed him over to Paige. "At least I don't hope so," she added under her breath, giving her youngest sister a concerned glance.
"We'll just…" Paige nodded toward the door. "C'mon, Wyatt, I'll read you a good story, okay?"
As soon as Paige had left the room, Piper pushed the door closed and inched up to Phoebe. "Need any help with that?"
"Uh, no… I'm just…" Almost dropping the mortar in her haste, Phoebe quickly flipped over a couple of pages in an excessively conspicuous way.
"…trying to hide something?" Piper filled in, keeping her voice level. "Phoebe, I thought we agreed that wasn't the way to go about things – especially not…" Extending a finger, she flipped back the pages to reveal the one she had been looking at. "Cole."
Taking a deep breath, Phoebe squeezed the mortar in her hands in a futile effort to stop more tears from running. "I have to do something, Piper. I'm going out of my mind."
"Cole does have that effect on people." Piper smiled thinly as her effort to joke derived a small smile from her sister.
"Yeah, he does," she admitted, sniffing a little. When she spoke again, it was so quiet Piper had to strain to hear her. "I tried not to think about him, ever. Because if I did, I might start wondering what would have happened if I hadn't ran away. If I had stopped to talk to him, tried to help him…" Picking up the loose photo of him, she wandered over to the couch, and slumped down on it.
Sitting down beside her, Piper squeezed her sister's arm. "You can't think like that, Phoebe. You did what you thought was the right thing to do at the time."
"No, I was just trying to get as far away from him as I could… I got scared and I ran."
"That was Barbas' work, remember? He affected us all."
"Yeah, but after his vanquish, I kept running. I watched Cole standing there…looking so utterly helpless even though he had all those powers…powers he took back only to save us – save me – and… I was so afraid. Part of me wanted to go to him, but I was so afraid of what would happen if I gave in to him again; to love that much again and maybe lose him again... It scared the hell out of me… and I ran." She drew a shivering breath. "If I had gone to him, maybe he wouldn't have gone mad. Maybe he wouldn't be in limbo right now. I never wanted that for him, Piper," she whispered. "He saved our lives and I literally sent him through living Hell for it."
"You don't know he wouldn't have gone mad anyway." Biting her lip, Piper caressed Phoebe's long, dark hair. "But it's not like you killed him…"
"Didn't I?" She glanced up, a stern look in her red rimmed eyes "What did I do to help him? What's wrong with me?" she whispered.
"Phoebe, there's nothing wrong with you."
"There must be. Every man I've ever loved has left me. Jason, Dex, Drake…"
"I don't think you can count Drake," Piper pointed out soberly. "He had already made a deal with Cole."
"The others hadn't." She stayed silent for almost half a minute. "I drove them away, subconsciously, because in my heart I didn't think I deserved their love…"
"Hush now," Piper scolded gently. "Don't talk like that! They just couldn't handle that you are very special."
"Worse," Phoebe went on as if she hadn't heard her. "I made sure I couldn't have the only man who wouldn't leave me of his own accord. You see how this works? I'm doomed not to have love – it's the Halliwell curse."
"Phoebe, don't do this to yourself. They might not deserve you, but I don't know anyone who deserves love more than you do, and you can have any man."
"I don't want any man. I just want…" Phoebe wiped at her cheek where an annoying tear had escaped, and took a shivering breath. Absentmindedly, her hand returned to the photos, tracing the outline of his jaw and mouth. "He tried so hard… Was I wrong about him, Piper?"
"I don't know, sweetie. Maybe we all were."
"You know, I could always tell when Cole was really angry, because he got these two wrinkles on his brow on each side of his nose. But when he was distressed or… or hurting…it was this…" She traced a line from the root of his nose up to his hairline. "…one, long wrinkle across his forehead…"
Piper put a hand on her arm. "Pheebs, you're rambling."
"I'm sorry…it's just that I was forced to take a long good look at myself yesterday – or was it today? This turning back time is so confusing. Anyway, I really didn't like what I saw, Piper." The contents of the mortar got a long, hopeless look and then she sighed. "Piper, if I do something crazy, will you be able to forgive me?"
Piper shook her head a little. "Pheebs, sweetie…" Pulling her close, she gave her sister a reassuring hug. "You've done so many crazy things where Cole has been concerned. And I have forgiven you for every single one of them."
"Even if I want to break the curse on him?"
Piper digested that. "Under the circumstances I can't say that comes as a shock. Do you?"
"I don't know yet, but I mean to find out."
"Okay. How?" Seeing Phoebe's glance flicker to the mortar, Piper felt her eyes narrow with suspicion. "What is it?"
"A potion."
"I can see that. What does it do?" At Phoebe's reluctant look, she simply took it away from her and smelled it. "Hemlock?" Pale with sudden fear for what her sister was planing, she surged to her feet, waving the pestle. "Phoebe, what the hell do you think you're doing?"
Phoebe cowered a little were she sat. "I have to see him. I have to talk to him," she insisted. "I need to find out what my heart's true desire is."
"And you think putting yourself into a coma is the way to do it?" Piper snapped.
"Well, if I can't get him out of limbo, I will have to join him there!"
"For good?!" She shoved the pestle back into the mortar with a clonk. "Damn it, Phoebe! Cole gave up his life and freedom so you can live. Do you really think he would appreciate it if you went and committed suicide?"
"I wasn't going to!" Phoebe shouted back, also back on her feet now. "Paige or Wyatt could bring me back, like he brought you back."
"Oh, and I suppose you planned to leave us a note so we would find you in time? Phoebe, this is worse than when you had us sending you to the Underworld to bring him back. Then at least Cole had the means to get you both out."
Phoebe flushed hotly. "And I have a wish that might help to get him out, but I need to talk to him first," she maintained stubbornly, but in a lot more subdued voice.
"I understand that." Piper lowered her voice as well. "But there has to be a better way of doing it."
Out of energy, Phoebe sank back down on the old couch. "I'm out of ideas," she sighed. "And time to think up new ones too."
Piper watched her silently, and then she rubbed at her face and took a deep breath. "You really want to break the curse on him, don't you?"
Eyes downcast, Phoebe nodded in mute response. "Is that such a bad thing? He saved us today; he saved Christmas. Whatever else he did as Belthazor, he doesn't deserve to spend eternity in limbo. No one does. Besides, how will he be able to make amends if he's stuck in there?"
"He seems to find his ways." Piper smiled thinly. "But…I guess Cole isn't evil anymore."
A bit baffled, she looked up. "Are you the same girl, who four years ago repeatedly told me he was?"
"I was just looking out for you. I still am. Do you really know what you are doing?"
"No, but I think it is time I stop expecting Cole to be something he can't be, and start having a bit more faith in his efforts to be as good as he can be. I mean, God knows I'm no angel myself and I think he's proven he can be evil and good at the same time – if that makes sense. As Prue once told me…" She swallowed and took a deep breath. "There is a little bad in all of us, and it isn't such a bad thing as long as we stay on the right side."
"As long as you remember what he is."
Phoebe smiled at that. "Funny, that's what Cole told me too. I took a while before I understood what he meant, but now I do."
Piper sat down beside her again. "He's a man madly in love with you, Phoebe," she pressed softly. "And I want to stress madly. Do you realize the consequences for both of you if you bring him back? Do you even know if breaking the curse brings him back here? He may end up somewhere completely different."
"In the Wasteland? Well, at least that gives him a choice."
"As I said; consequences."
"I know, Piper." Phoebe reached out to take her sister's hand in hers. "That's why I need to see him before I do anything. I am just playing this by heart, because if I stop to think, I might ruin everything."
"Well, some thought better go into it," Piper decided and pushed to her feet. "Let's see what's in that book."
Phoebe lit up instantly. "You'll help me?"
"Of course I will." Smiling, she dusted off her hands on her jeans, and started flipping through the Book of Shadows. "You backed me up when the Avatars screwed up Leo." Piper frowned and shivered a little at the horrible memory of how Leo had killed an Elder – not that she hadn't entertained that idea herself a couple of times, but… Shaking it off, she grinned at Phoebe. "Besides, I can't have you mope over Cole all Christmas again. It was bad enough the first time." Then she had to hold on to the lectern to avoid falling over as her sister flung herself around her neck in a big hug.
"Are you guys okay?" Paige stuck her head carefully through a crack in the door. "We heard you shouting."
"Depends on what you mean by 'okay'," Piper quipped stoically. "If severe mental illness doesn't count, then, yes, we're quite okay."
It took some explaining – less than Phoebe had expected – and then Paige offered to help as well. Or, as she put it: "I'd rather know I might run into Cole around the corner, than having him invisible and fretting about him looking over my shoulder at all and any time of the day."
It was actually Paige who came up with the solution after over an hour of discarded suggestions, and fruitless browsing of all the books they had in the attic.
"Do you guys know what the '25:th hour' is?"
Phoebe looked up. "Yes, it's the gap at midnight where all sorts of bad things moves and nightmares are born. Cole once said he was born at midnight and that made it possible for him to exist inside that hour."
"Well, that's it then." Paige beamed. "Being witches, so can we, so if we send you in there, you could meet him."
"Except limbo probably isn't connected to it," Piper pointed out.
"No, it probably isn't," Phoebe agreed. "But do you know what else it is? It's a 'tween."
"Tween?" Paige raised a couple of questioning eyebrows.
Seeing where Phoebe was going, Piper lit up. "The 'In-betweens'; where the trolls and fairies live," she clarified. "Shadows, doorposts, midnight; the ''tweens'. But midnight isn't the biggest in-between, as we once thought; because there is an even bigger one."
"Limbo!" Paige exclaimed. "So we can use it!" Then she grew serious again. "But how do we get you there?"
"We could ask some fairies," Piper suggested.
"It would take too long just getting hold of them. Besides, they're fickle creatures – we can't trust they will actually help us. I will need to either drink a potion or say some spell."
"Says here about the 25:th hour, that unless you are born at midnight, you need to be asleep," Paige read. "Asleep and dreaming."
"Sounds logical. Is there a spell or something?"
Paige flicked the page back and forth. "It's referring to one, but I can't find it. It looks like it has been erased."
"That's odd." Piper stepped up to it. "The only spell we've erased was the one that takes our powers away. Let me… Ah…Look here!"
As they stared at the page Piper was pointing at, they saw how letters formed as she drew her finger over the empty page. They glowed temporarily while she passed them, then faded away into the page again.
"Warning! This is very dangerous," they read. "This potion will put its user to sleep, but not into a normal sleep. You will dream, but the dream will be real. If you get hurt, your sleeping body will also get hurt. Use it with greatest caution, for there is no telling when you will wake up. There are cases where foolish witches have stayed asleep for decades."
"Phoebe, are you still sure about this?" Piper asked once they had read it through.
Her sister took a deep breath and bit her lip. "I'm not going to be a coward for him," she stated quietly but firmly. "Not anymore."
They got the recipe down, and prepared it in silence, because there really wasn't anything more they could say. Some of the hemlock Phoebe had already been preparing, came to use, which had Piper's set face look even more stony and set, but she didn't ask again if Phoebe was sure – something Phoebe appreciated very much.
"It's done," Paige declared, wiping some stray hair off her forehead.
"It's almost midnight too," Piper observed. "Phoebe…"
"Piper, don't…"
"Just be careful, okay."
"I will. Thank you." Hugging them hard, Phoebe carefully carried the cup with its strange brew down the stairs and to her bedroom. Settling under the comforting warmth of her duvet, Phoebe prepared herself. 'I must be crazy', she thought. 'Piper's right; this is worse than when I went to the Underworld.' But just like then, she had made her mind up, and once her mind was made up, there was precious little to stop her from doing what she had set out to do.
"Cole," she began, more than a little breathless, and hesitated. Could he even hear her, even if she screamed? "If you can hear me," she went on in low tones. "I really, really need to talk to you, and I've figured out how. You are in a cosmic void, a world between worlds; it's the biggest 'tween there is – except for the 25:th hour, so…" She reached for the cup on the bedstead. "This will make me dream real dreams, and you can come to me in my dreams, right?" She glanced about, and felt fairly foolish. But there was only one way to find out if she was right. Emptying the potion, she lay back on her pillows and closed her eyes.
And opened them again – wide awake.