a ghost's endeavour
by himynameisvaleria
*terribly sorry for the long wait, I fell off the track a little!
5.
"Mr Rogers is in the dining area, Miss Song."
"Thanks," she replied curtly, before putting on her best bitch face (which, to be very honest, was not hard to do) and heading to where the dining hall was (she remembered, because that was where she and Stark and started the hookup).
Steve was lounging on the sofa with a glass of orange juice, and barely looked up to acknowledge her existence—in fact, he looked up without noticing that it was her. Rolling her eyes, she barked, "Jarvis, turn the fucking TV off."
Her voice, as though flicking a switch within him, caused him to jump up in surprise. He looked at Hayley, whose lips were turned down at the corners, a threatening glare in her eyes, and felt just a tinge of guilt eating at him. "What are you doing here?"
"Well, seeing your failure to answer my phone calls, I took it upon myself to correct the lack of communication," she replied haughtily.
He crossed his arm in front of his chest, and she couldn't help but be drawn towards the area. "I was busy."
"I called an hour ago and you're currently halfway through the twelfth episode of Suits, so I'm pretty sure you weren't busy. And if watching Suits is actually above me on your priority list, then I apologise and I will leave now."
"To where? Stark's bedroom?" he asked, eyebrows pushed together in a frown.
Hayley sighed. "I'm not even going to ask you how you know. The truth is this is who I am, Steve. I've always been this way. You mean a lot to me, but I'm not ready for this."
"Because of the ex-lover."
"More than that. I don't trust people, but most of all I don't trust myself. I don't think I can give you what you need."
"I respect that you're not ready, but whether you are what I need is not your decision to make," he said, voice softer now.
She chuckled bitterly. "I know. That's what I had in mind when I chose to jump into it and that's how I learned that playing with fire is not good decision."
"Did you regret?" he asked pointedly.
Hayley, knowing she had lost, shook her head. "Even so, it doesn't change my readiness. I cannot, Steve. Tony was just there and he was attractive—hell, he's everything I'm attracted to and I know we will only be… sedentary. I can depend on him to still be able to look me in the eye afterwards and be there for each other in whichever way we need."
There was a pause, and he obviously was not convinced, so she continued, "But afterwards, I wouldn't want to leave it like that because I know you wouldn't be satisfied and I couldn't bear it as well. And damn it, we both know you deserve much better, Steve."
"We don't always get what we deserve."
A pang of hurt shot up her chest, and she shivered. That was exactly what she had told him.
With her blows significantly weakened, she could only sigh and apologise. "I can't get into something that's not fair to either of us, Steve. Damn, you're America's sweetheart—I'm not even a part of it."
"Rogers, give her time."
They turned to the new voice. Stark stood leaning on the door frame, and Steve had on a look of pure irritation and just a little of contempt. "For God's sake, stay out of this, Stark," she groaned, "You're going to make it worse."
He rolled his eyes. "You two are bickering like a pair of twelve year-old children. Someone has to break it up."
"And giving out empty promises to Steve helps? I might never get over the bastard—or whatever life put me through, so why promise that I will?" she almost yelled. The anger was rising off of her like steam, not only because of the pressure to succeed, but because of how horribly hopeless she was feeling. The tears were coming down and this time there was no stopping them.
"Fuck," Stark groaned at the sight of tears, but pushed on. "You're nineteen, kid. You think you'll never get through it? Welcome to reality. Sometimes you don't have a choice. We're all different degrees of fucked up here—that's why we in this building right now."
There was a pause. She couldn't argue with that. Stark was spot on. "I'm sorry. And I don't want to stop seeing you but that's selfish so if you think the best way to go about it is to stop seeing each other—"
"No."
Steve's voice was surprisingly strong, and the other two looked up surprisingly.
"That's not necessary," he said, eyes still hard, "But for the meantime, Stark, stay away."
Stark's eyebrows rose to the top of his forehead as the blonde man walked away from them. He stared at Hayley for a while, and then walked up to her. "He's in pretty deep—and I have no idea how that escalated in the span of a month, but if I were you I'd either give him a chance or leave."
Hayley sighed—for the fifth time in fifteen minutes. "I know. But what can I do? I'm a selfish girl."
"Likewise, Hayley Song," he declared, and then he patted her on the shoulder and walked away, leaving her to sit down silently for a moment, letting the gravity of the situation sink in.
"Damn, I still have that paper to write," she mumbled, and shook her head.
xxx
The sofa vibrated, and Hayley ignored it.
Her tapping got louder as she bit on her lower lip, trying to perfect her introductory paragraph, which always seemed to be one word away from satisfaction. The vibration stopped for a moment and then started again. Steve shifted underneath her weight, and glanced at the phone cautiously. "Your phone's ringing."
She scoffed, chuckling, "Yeah, I noticed, Steve. I'm busy—I don't have time to answer."
"What if it's important?" he asked, glancing yet again at the caller.
She chuckled again. "Yeahhh, it's not."
A small smile appeared on Steve's face. "You can say that again."
She shushed him, and then read aloud her paragraph one last time before deciding that she was done with it. It would have to do for tonight—she did not have either the patience of the mental capability to polish it any further.
With a loud snap, she closed her laptop and put it away on the table, sighing. "That was absolute shite—but how's the movie?" she asked, lowering herself so that she was now lying on his lap. She had forgotten, completely, that this could cause a certain amount of discomfort and longing for Steve.
In fact, she had only realised this after he had slung an arm over her, wrapping around her shoulder from the front. Yet, she did not pull away, maybe due to selfishness, or just because it made her feel warm inside (which was really the same thing).
Her phone vibrated from underneath her back, and Steve fished it out for her, laughing. "I think you should answer it, Hayes."
Hayley's eyes showed a hint of surprise at the new nickname, but otherwise just took the phone and answered without even checking the caller ID. "What, Stark?"
Steve looked a little smug as he held on just a little tighter to her, and Hayley couldn't help but smile at the possessiveness that he was showing. "Hey," Tony drawled, "is that really the way to treat someone who granted you—"
"Go fuck yourself, Stark," she interrupted before he could continue in fear of Steve overhearing. "What do you want, and make it quick because we're in the middle of a movie—well, Steve is, I'm just keeping him company."
She practically heard his eyebrows rise up his forehead. "I was just wondering if you wanted to come over but evidently not."
"Nah, I'm good, Tony," she laughed, glancing at Steve, who seemed a little conflicted between feeling satisfied and annoyed, "if there's nothing else, I'm going to go now."
Without waiting for him to answer, she cut the line, turning her phone on silent and throwing it over the far side of the sofa. Steve was staring at the television, burning hypothetical holes into the screen. "So, did Stark—"
"The old man was horny," she answered, rolling her eyes.
Steve chuckled uncomfortably, but changed the subject (substantially) to steer away from the potential awkwardness that threatened to invade. "If he's old, what am I?"
"Ancient," she grinned, turning from the television to look up at him, "Just the way I like 'em."
She winked, and Steve turned away to blush.