a ghost's endeavour
by mynameisvaleria

*Wow, has it been almost a year? I found new ways to give this a little kickstart and all that's missing is chapter nine and an epilogue! This may or may not get a sequel or idk yet. But yes, it is Christmas so expect quicker updates.

7.

"Hawkeye found me in your room."

"That's not why you're crying."

Steve was currently grilling a recovered Hayley. When he had found her on the floor, he had hoisted her back onto the bed and left only to come back with a box of tissues, and the promise to beat "that sorry son-of-a-bitch (sorry, Maria)" up afterwards. She cracked a small smile, but could not stop most of the tears that were coming from her eyes in a waterfall.

She stayed silent for a while, just looked at him, trying to find that certain something in his eyes that would convince her to just love him.

"It's something Stark said, wasn't it?"

Five more seconds of silence.

"He dug up my profile, and he found things that… I didn't want found. It fucked with me a little," she admitted, shaking her head, "I overreacted, and it's kind of his fault but… not really."

"You need to tell me things, Hayley," he said, obviously frustrated, "It's the only way I can help you."

Hayley shook her head. "I'm not ready, Steve, and Stark knew that. Please, understand. You know what it's like for people to drag your history out for the world to see—that's happened to me before and I don't want it to happen again."

"I think you still don't trust me. Even after I proved more so than Stark. Even though you know things about me that no one does," he said, slightly hurt, which Hayley had to admit, was very understandable. "What is it going to take for you to finally trust me, Hayes?"

Hayley played with her fingers. "Don't say it like that, because when you say it like that…"

"Stark knows, don't you think I deserve to know it too? Or do you think I'm going to leave?"

"Do you think I wanted to tell Stark?" she demanded, furiously wiping the tears from her eyes. "Stop pressuring me, Steve. I don't want to tell you and I won't tell you if I'm not ready. That's final."

Steve stood up, obviously offended and disappointed, said, "Maybe I should reconsider our relationship if I mean this little to you, Romana. We make sacrifices for the ones we care about."

Then he walked away, leaving her on his bed, in shock and betrayal and acceptance and just a tiny hint of respect for the way he walked out on her (just like she should have walked out on him). She didn't know who was wrong: her for refusing to admit her past, or him for pressuring her. In the end, she supposed it hadn't mattered—whether she told him of the truth or refused to tell him both will lead to his back growing smaller with the increasing distance he put between them.

Hayley realised, once more, that she had started to care too much. About Steve, about what was right, and… about Steve.

xxx

It had been a week, Hayley realised, since Steve had stormed out on her and she had walked out of the Avengers Tower with her dignity severely damaged. She was feverishly trying to finish the paper that she had started a week earlier, but no matter how much she tried to strengthen them, her arguments seemed to fall flat.

Pulling out her newly bought iPhone, she saw that Stark had called her at least five times this morning, but despite being as lonely as she was, she had no desire to fraternise with the one whom had brought the shitstorm on her (them).

Her phone rang again.

She glanced beside her and the screen lit up as Steve's name illuminated it. She hesitated for more than a few moments, but ultimately decided against her pride, and picked it up. Yet, despite that, she employed an irritated tone, "What?"

"He's mad at you."

She groaned, not believing that she had fallen for this kind of trickery. "I'm not fucking with you, Stark, and I'm going to hang up right now."

"No! No, wait, don't hang up! I'm sorry, okay? Just… Steve's fucked up right now. You have no idea."

"Maybe that's how it should be. The quicker he gets over me, the better, the easier it is," she answered dryly. "I don't know what you expect me to do about it. The only thing I can do right now is walk away or tell him the truth. I am not telling him the truth."

Stark groaned. "But can you watch him throw himself in danger like this? He's making the most reckless choices on missions, Song. Maybe he doesn't act like he's trashed, but I know he's trashed, and you did it to him."

Guilt wracked her body.

"Stark," she exclaimed, and then sighed. "I know. Do you think I don't know? But what can I say to him, just what can I say? I just have no idea—I've always been the one who loved less."

"Start by apologising."

"I've done that about ten thousand times since I've met him."

"You're hopeless," Stark deadpanned. For once, Hayley felt terrible at the fact that she was consistently shooting Stark down. For once, Hayley felt like perhaps there really was no hope for her at all, if even Tony Stark thought so.

Hayley laughed bitterly. "So I've heard."