Chapter Three

"Why was the fitbit on a horse?" Ty Lee softly asks.

She still sits in the living room by the woodstove. Azula is braving the elements in one of her grandfather's several trucks while the family barely conceals their dysfunctions beneath the light of the Christmas tree and the shadows of the fireplace.

Ilah replies, "I wasn't going to lose the competition, now was I?"

Ty Lee hopes Azula will get back soon, even if she is so angry.

"Did you win?" asks Ty Lee, attempting a smile.

"Of course. I always win," states Ilah, and Ty Lee sees Azula in her for the first time. "Now, do you keep yourself in shape? Since you do so very little for the world, do you at least take care of yourself or are you as much of a failure as my husband believes?"

Azula walks in and Zuko gives a sarcastic, Yaaay, that his daughter imitates in earnest.

"I succeeded at my mission, father," coldly says Azula with a signature smirk.

With her eyes wide, Ty Lee tries to telepathically communicate to her wife, "Rescue me, please!"

Azula understands, because, she says, "I will be kidnapping Ty Lee. She should help me repair the furnace."

No one protests.

[X]

An hour later, Bunny, Azula and Ty Lee emerge victorious from their furnace repair mission. The rest of the family is in the midst of a surprisingly calm poker game. Perhaps the ice around them managed to quell the fire that fuels the Shinohais.

Azulon stands and hands Bunny three hundred dollar bills. "Here, Mistsuko," he says. "As I promised this good little grandchild."

Azula waits for Bunny to victoriously count her reward and extends a hand.

"I expect two of those."

Bunny's eyebrows shoot up, bewildered, "What?"

"Well, I gave you the job and I deserve a cut," states Azula. "That is business, my love."

Zuko scoffs and remarks, "You sound like a pimp in a Lifetime movie."

"You sound like a crippling failure who doesn't know how to get rich on his own." Azula does not rescind the gesture and Bunny begrudgingly hands over the cash.

Ilah stands, turning to Katara, Azula and Ty Lee. She then glances at the others in the room and scowls. She gazes at her granddaughters, all three useless for various reasons.

"Now that the home is warming up, you two can help me make coffee and dinner," says the feminist who fought in a hundred rallies in the decades of revolution. "Hurry up."

Ty Lee swiftly scampers after her. Azula approves of the eagerness to please, and pursues her wife with Katara beside her. The two girls turn and Azula looks up at the most idiotic decoration in the history of purely family events.

And, Azula says, as Katara's eyes follow hers, "I would sooner burn this house to the ground, taking the mistletoe with it, than kiss you."

"The feeling is mutual." Katara smiles and faintly laughs.

Azula turns and enters the kitchen. She sits on her phone, doing valuable work for the family business, while Ty Lee does all of the work, Ilah observes her like a slave, and Katara attempts to clean out the pantry.

"This soup is from 1967," Katara incredulously exclaims, holding up the likely radioactive can.

"Then do your job and throw it out," prettily orders Ilah, and Katara sighs.

She does not know why she obeys. "Azula could help. Grab my phone for me?"

Azula looks over her shoulder and reaches towards it. Her fingertips graze it but she cannot reach. "It is too far away. You are on your own."

Ty Lee grins at Katara, trying to remain warm, and says, "No rest for the wicked."

Katara glares at Azula and mumbles, "Around here the wicked are always rested."

Azula's lip twists into a snarl. "I will go babysit Bunny, Valerie and Kya."

Everyone knows that means she will be flattering her grandfather under the pretense of being a caring parent, but they let her leave anyway.

As Azula walks in, she sees Bunny with a gift on an ancient scale.

"No peeking!" she orders in her scariest tone.

"I'm not peeking. I'm just weighing the package and then looking up the weight of the Xbox on Amazon. That's not peeking."

Azula smirks at an adopted child who might as well be her progeny.

[X]

Zuko sits, sickened by Azula's sweet words that grandfather laps up.

"Next year she does transfer to Catholic school. I wanted to keep her in place until fifth grade so that she could blossom socially. As we all know, that is very important," Azula purrs, her eyes wide and glittering. Zuko rolls her eyes; it is how she looks when she talks to Ozai. "Mistuko is much brighter than Ty Lee, who, truly, is cleaning your house and cooking for you. She's very dedicated to the wellness of the Shinohai Family."

Zuko at last cannot take it and scoffs. "Oh, will you shut up? Katara is the one who made that snide remark. Everyone knows Ty Lee is stupid and that's why people all love her. Grandfather isn't even actually religious, and you don't have any need to sweet talk him."

Azula glowers and Ozai looks up from Valerie.

A sister asks a brother, "Do you ever get invited anywhere on purpose?"

"Yes," growls Zuko.

[X]

"I only have four-hundred followers," cries Bunny to Katara. She sits in the kitchen after being banished by Ozai. She tried to put bells on Valerie's neck and he scared her to death and threatened to burn her face in the woodstove if she almost strangled his daughter again. Now Ilah, Ty Lee and Katara must listen to the ravings of a famous eight-year-old. "My mother has like a million. I'm really pretty and should have more like Kylie Jenner! I'm way cooler and prettier than Kylie Jenner but I don't have a make-up line!"

"Bunny," says her Aunt Katara, setting down the tenth garbage bag of expired food and striding to the girl sitting at the marble island, "Hitler had three million followers; Jesus had twelve."

"I hate you!" Bunny shrieks.

Katara does not know why she expected a different answer.

[X]

Azula joins the girls in the kitchen after Azulon enters a deep conversation with Mai. Azula hopes her father is right about using Mai to the advantage of their roses.

"Bunny, the Monster is very far away. Fetch me some, oh, and three cyclobenazpine and five benadryl while you're at it," Azula orders, and her unruly daughter surprisingly obeys. "I have this horrible aching in my back and side. What organ is here?" asks Azula, gesturing at her side and abdomen. She sets down her phone at last.

"Your kidney," immediately explains Katara. "You probably have kidney failure from your substance abuse issues."

"Oh, shut up," snaps Azula. Pause. Bunny spills a bottle of prescription pain medication all over the old wooden floor. "So, how much do I have to pay you to steal one of Zuko's and give it to me?"

"That's not…" murmurs Katara, somehow still stunned by Azula after all of this time.

Azula rolls her eyes. "Oh, please, no one would become a doctor for reasons other than getting rich. You must have as much lust for money as everyone else in this house. Valerie already prefers playing with coins over her toys."

"I actually really enjoy helping people," honestly states Zuko's wife. "What I was trying to say had nothing to do with money, but with the fact that I'm not a nephrologist."

"Oh, shut up." Azula means it this time.

She does gently touch the sector of her body that aches and hopes she does not need a new kidney.

[X]

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ting. Ting. Ting, ting, ting. Ring.

Azula smashes her fingertip down on the remote and turns to face her child. "Be quiet; I'm watching Lie to Me and trying to forget how much I hate all of you."

"But I'm putting bells on Kya," says Bunny, flashing a grin.

Azula snickers at the jingling collar meant for dogs and reindeer.

Maybe her little girl is not as awful as she sometimes thinks.